TITLE: Misconceptions About Logistics

AUTHOR: Cherrymelle

FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist

PAIRING: Ed/Al

GENRE: Crack Porn

RATING: NC-17

WARNING: slash, porn, incest, language, general insanity, screwy timeline

DISCLAIMER: Full Metal Alchemist and its characters aren't mine, but the following fic is. Anyway, it's not like I was making money out of either of them.

SUMMARY: "That may be because you can't manage enough depth or the angle could be off. Try elevating my pelvis a little. No. Not like that! Put a hand below, my back.... Ah! Not the automail one! It's cold Brother."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Brother?"

There was no answer except for some more panting.

"Brother...?"

Still nothing. That was annoying. Surely, Ed could at least answer him.

"BROTHER!"

Ah there! That granted a reaction. Ed froze entirely, and yes Al was in a position where he was able to know his brother had frozen entirely. The older boy gave him an inquiring look, rather worried, if somewhat glazed.

"What is it Al? Am I hurting you?"

"Well no. As a matter of fact I don't feel anything."

"I beg your pardon? What do you mean you don't feel a thing?"

Edward's face flushed an interesting color and he now looked painfully constipated, as if he was the one with the unmovable object stuck up his ass. Alphonse was not admittedly at his most diplomatic but one had every right to be annoyed when being ignored for five minutes of whining.

"I mean I feel that of course, but it is not overly pleasant."

"Huh?"

Edward looked suitably puzzled and kinda apologetic. He back tracked a little, not enough to slip out, but granting himself enough leeway to stare at Alphonse in wonderment.

"In the books, it reads that by this point it is supposed to feel mind-blowing. And... Well, you must do something wrong because it's only... uncomfortable."

There. He'd said it. His brother looked funny with his face all pinched. Better not to tell him that, still. He was already annoyed as it was, it wouldn't do to have him all out pissed off.

"I am sorry if I am not up to your standards. And how would you know how it should feel like anyway? You're old enough not to believe anymore in everything you read."

Ed appeared all but sorry. Vexed was more like it. Now, it was Alphonse's turn to be annoyed, seriously so. Of course Edward had been enjoying himself, but he should be considerate enough to inquire as to the well-being of his little brother. That was the least he could do. Al knew however that getting angry with him wouldn't solve anything, so he let out an aggravated sigh and attempted to explain further what the problem was. Past experiences had taught him that, when supplied with accurate information, Edward was able to do wonders in everything. He wasn't called a genius for nothing. Hopefully, this would also be added to his domains of expertise.

"It's not that Brother. It's just that there is a special gland in the male body... somewhere in there... It's called the prostate."

"Thank you Al, I know what it is, I am well versed in human Anatomy. Can I know why you are lecturing me at a time like this?"

"If you just let me finish... You can be so impatient at times!"

The look Ed gave him at that convinced him he should go to the good part real fast or the other would do something crass which, considering the position Alphonse was actually in, couldn't bode too well for him.

"...hum, yeah. I was saying that this gland, the prostate, when stimulated right can provide amazing pleasure. That is the main reason why anal sex is known to be enjoyable. So, it would be good if you could touch it with your... you know."

Ed harbored mixed feelings on his youthful face, but the frown had mostly been smoothed away. Alphonse recognized scientific curiosity, some remaining traces of annoyance and a little concerned surprise on the beautiful features of his brother.

"I don't know what you have been reading, but I am not sure Mom would approve."

Al was pretty sure their mother wouldn't approve of what they were presently doing either, so that was a moot point. He wisely didn't mention it as he really didn't want to face an angsting Ed right now and gave him a sweet smile. The older boy snorted, not buying in the slightest the innocent act. That takes one to know one and they weren't brothers for nothing after all.

"Okay and where might that gland be Oh Wise One?"

"I don't know exactly. It is slightly different in everyone. Somewhere on the front, behind the pubic bone. There should be a little bump and a different texture."

"Right! You know I can't exactly see with my... hum... and well it sure is sensitive, but not that sensitive. I am also a little constricted so I can't move however I like."

Edward still gave some half-hearted thrusts. It was amazing in itself that he hadn't yet lost his erection with all the talking they had done. Although, teenagers were excited by mostly everything, 24/7, so that was normal in a way. Alphonse couldn't relate on the sensations his brother was feeling while being in him, never having experienced them himself, but they were probably very pleasant for Ed's penis to remain completely hard through the argument.

"Still nothing. That may be because you can't manage enough depth..."

Oh... wrong move! Never ever make size comments in Ed's vicinity! Alphonse gave a little wince while letting the expected rant pass him by. Put upon as he was, he was still amazed that Ed managed such a colorful outburst in such a situation. When the steam came down, he gave a pointed look to his big brother who offered him a slightly apologetic smile.

"...or the angle could be off. Try elevating my pelvis a little. No. Not like that! Put a hand below my back.... Ah! Not the automail one! It's cold Brother."

"Sorry Al."

There was yet more shuffling around, minute calculations being made on angles and pressure, legs being rearranged right and left, in the hollow of arms, then on shoulders --the latter proving quite painful as Al wasn't that limber-- but the prostate kept being elusive.

The younger boy was getting fed up. He had gotten used to the sensation which wasn't really uncomfortable anymore. He was even able to appreciate some sensitive nerves being stroked, yet he was generally dissatisfied with the entire experiment. Ed himself was becoming more and more frustrated with his little brother's demands. They had been at it for a while now and he would really appreciate if they could finish: his balls were turning blue. He was sixteen for God's sake! Nobody should expect this level of endurance from him.

"Al? You said it was on the front, didn't you? Maybe it would be easier if you were on your knees and I took you... you know... from behind."

"NO! That's degrading and I don't want to. Anyway, you should be able to reach from the front. Other people manage, so..."

"As if you could do better..."

"And why not? At least I have an idea of what I am looking for and where it is. I have done some research, I'm sure I would do better. Let me try."

Ed seemed to recoil at the idea. Interesting. He stared at Alphonse as if he had grown a second head and upon seeing the level glare he was receiving, shook his head in firm refusal.

"Nuh huh! I am the older brother, I should be the one fuc... making love to you."

"That is ridiculous! There is no such rule! It is not because Mustang managed to convince you that the older one has to be the one on top that it's true."

"I never slept with the bastard! How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me?"

"I don't know. Maybe until it's true, which will be hard as it would imply going back in time before that happened..."

"I can't believe you. You're so... infuriating!"

Ed had completely withdrawn this time and was getting on his knees looking angry. That was good! Al was angry too!

"Okay we're not talking about the Colonel anymore. Still, I have a point! I may be infuriating but you are too. There is no valid reason why you should be the one on top. Even if the age was of any consideration, you've only one year over me: that's not a whole lot. And I am taller than you and broader in the shoulders. I am sure that it would be better with me on top as I could manhandle you better, especially since you're more limber."

Alphonse had sat during his tirade and was now staring at his older brother, arms crossed against his chest and expression defiant. Ed's features all scrunched up in a familiar frown showed the same stubborn will. Stubbornness was a distinctive Elric trait and it was not the first time, by far, that the two teenagers found themselves in such a stand-off. Therefore, both knew perfectly how that would go: Edward would yield in front of his little brother's obstinacy. He couldn't ever deny him anything. It was just a matter of time.

Given the urgency of the situation or more accurately the level of his mounting frustration, the older boy was unusually prompt in relenting. He needed action... fast. Whatever the way or the position, he wanted to come, so he breathed warily in acceptance and lay on his back, offering himself to his little brother's ministrations. They would have to start again from the beginning as Ed's body hadn't been prepared for penetration. It was however a set back the Fullmetal Alchemist was willing to bear as, by this point, it was that or stopping altogether and his balls wouldn't have ever forgiven him.

"I put the oil on the nightstand."

"Huh? You want me to prep you?"

"Yes! And some time in the foreseeable future would be good."

Ed closed his eyes tightly calling on all his patience which wasn't much to begin with and waited... and waited... A full minute later he opened his eyelids with an obviously annoyed growl.

"What is it now? You know how to do it; I did it to you not too long ago."

"You want me to put my fingers... down there?"

"Well, yes!"

"But it's dirty!"

Ed gave his little brother a particularly nasty glare and bared his teeth.

"I put my fingers in your ass! You are going to put your cock in mine and you're being finicky now?"

"I know it's silly, but..."

"Oh for fuck's sake! Give me the oil!"

Edward had literally barked the words and who would have begrudged him for this? He was seething and at the same time beyond caring for Alphonse inane hang-ups. He grabbed the oil jerkily and prepped himself in record time. He had had more than his dose of this insanity, someone was going to get fucked one way or another and it was going to be soon or he wouldn't be held accountable for his actions. When he was ready, he threw his best come-hither look to the other boy. It was past time to be proud, angry or whatever.

"There! I am ready, now come and go gently please."

Alphonse appeared stunned and a little bit scared by Ed's intensity, but one glance at his middle confirmed that despite those mixed feelings, he was also very aroused by the prospect of fucking his older brother. Good! There would finally be some fucking going on around here! Preferably now!

The younger blond gathered his wits soon enough and advanced on Ed. He placed himself between the muscular thighs that parted in welcome. He put his left hand on his brother's hip and the other on his erection, using it to guide it toward the small entrance slightly loosened by the hasty preparation. Soon enough, the length of his penis began to disappear in the searing heat that was Ed. The latter gasped at the sensation, Alphonse was big and it was painful. Yet, he could take it. He forced himself to relax and adjust to the feeling. When he felt the silky balls brushing against his ass, he knew all of it was inside. He let out a shuddering breath. He felt widely stretched, but it was bearable and he knew that the worst was past. Now to the good part! Let's see if Al could find his prostate like he said he could!

"I'm good, you can move now."

The younger boy's face was hidden in the juncture between Ed's neck and shoulder and he was breathing slowly. At his big brother's words, he mewed piteously and began trembling. Somewhat worried, Ed trailed a soothing hand on his back in silent inquiry.

"I can't move Brother."

"Why can't you?"

Alphonse buried tighter in his brother's neck and the next sentence was almost inaudible.

"Didn't you feel?"

"Feel what?"

"I'm done. You are so tight and it is my first time and I am only fifteen."

"You're done?"

There was incomprehension in Edward's tone and he mechanically continued to soothe Al who was now sniffling in his shoulder. When the meaning of his little brother's words finally reached him, he gasped in dismay then grasped Alphonse under the armpits and lifted him far enough to give him a disbelieving look.

"You mean you just came?"

"I'm sorry, Brother."

The young boy wailed loudly. Ed sat up and pushed Alphonse as calmly as he could, considering the circumstances, the waning erection of his little brother slipping away without a fight. There was a weird smile creeping up on Ed's face. Al was looking at him, worried and uneasy with big eyes full of tears. His lips were trembling but he managed to coax them into talking guiltily.

"I am really sorry Brother. I'll make it up to you. I could... give you a b... blo... blow job."

That surprised a bark of laughter from Edward. If the reluctance wasn't plain enough in the stuttering, the disgusted twist of the face would have been a dead give-away. Anyway, seeing the way the previous experiments had gone, Ed really didn't feel up to try that; with his luck, Alphonse would bite him. Instead, he stood in silence and walked away on shaky legs.

"Brother...?"

"Thanks, but no thanks. I think I'm going to take a shower."

Yeah, he would take a shower, not a cold one mind you. He had had more than enough suffering for one night to satisfy all his eventual masochistic tendencies. No, he would take a hot shower. A really hot and really long one. And he would spice it up with a good round of frantic masturbation. Because his hand didn't make running commentary while he was trying to reach orgasm. Because his hand didn't need a perfect position. Because his hand didn't reach orgasm before he did. Because his hand never left him hanging.

The worst was probably that right now he was reconsidering an old proposition the Shit Colonel had made some time ago. --No he had never slept with the bastard, weren't you listening earlier?-- Sure he hated the guy, but in the same time he loved Alphonse and that didn't prevent the sex from being awful, so, maybe with someone he hated the sex would be good... hopefully. Hell, it couldn't be worse anyway, he was pretty sure the bout with Al was worthy of figuring in the records as the worst sex ever.

Yes! While finally reaching his well deserved orgasm --after a total of ten strokes from his beloved hand-- the thought of seeking out Mustang to relieve him of his frustrations seemed all the more appealing. That would be lust not love like with Alphonse, but whatever! He was sixteen, he was entitled to value lust above love and, when he would have his hormones under control once more, it would be time still to go back to Al to teach him what he had learned. Moreover, if the man on top wasn't inevitably the older one, he might have a chance to see the bastard on his knees. That was something to look forward to...

Afterword: First instalment in the Bad Sex series which is a sub-part of my Misconceptions as I generally find hilarious the way that in most sex scenes, including those I write myself, the sex is going so well it is eerie.