Neurosis of a Caffeinated Archaeologist, by DrGemini86 (DrGemini24)

Summary: Daniel's neurosis gets the better of him and he wonders about why there isn't an 'us' for him and Sam. Set in around season 8 and written from Daniel's point of view, and it's an AU with no Pete.

Pairing: DanielSha're (memories), SamDaniel, SamJack (a little), a little Teal'cIsh'ta

Rating: T

Category: New Romance

Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Post-Meridian Angst, Romance-focussed, Thoughts

A/N: I've wanted to write something directly from Daniel's perspective for so long, because he comes across as neurotic in well-written fics, and I can do neurotic (I do it all the time lol), although I can't guarantee whether this will be well-written or even make an inkling of sense. lol

--------------------

Things haven't been too easy since I descended. It's been a year now. A year since I came back from what Jack refers to as 'Oma-land'. I did explain to him that there were other Ancients, not just Oma, on that whole other plain of existence but he insists. Well… if he insists…

God, since when did I listen to authority figures, military authority figures in particular? I used to be so young and idealistic, naïve to a certain point, but downright 'against the man', in my own way of course. I suppose being in this military environment has changed me, as well as my year away…

Most definitely my year away. I still don't know what happened. I think I may have got a few Ancients pissy, or maybe Oma had just had enough of me. Those inhabitants of that other plain of existence are prone to delusions of grandeur just as the rest of us. Well, I got my memory back eventually, so maybe Oma saved me… with some crazy Ancient frat boy prank.

Boy, was that embarrassing in hindsight… along with something else that I don't want to think about right now… if I only had a choice.

Anyway, moving swiftly on, I'm sitting here in the Commissary with a plate of goodness-knows-what accompanied by reconstituted potatoes that look as though they have seen better days... when Nick was a young man. I wonder if he knew them. It's rather ironic seeing as European travellers took potatoes from the Colonies, only to sell them back, three hundred odd years later, and for us to make foodstuffs out of them that could make my stomach turn… and I'm an Anthropologist, for crying out loud.

There, Jack's influenced me so much that I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere, somehow, we were a couple. Mind you, I'd probably beat him over the head with Homer or Tolstoy within a day. I love the man like a brother, but he sure as hell knows how to get on a man's nerves. Maybe I should ask Sam about the probabilities of any of us being gay in another Universe.

Maybe I shouldn't, because she'd probably think that I was gay, and that really isn't something that I want her to think about me… it's a pride thing… really. I mean, come on, what chances do I have with her? It's always been Jack. Well, I wish her all the best… if she wants a life of hockey, beer and…

Oh, who am I kidding? One: I should be happy for my friends, finding love or whatever they may call it, in the darkness that surrounds us on an almost day to day basis. Two: It's nothing to do with me how they live their lives and organise their scintillating conversations… Maybe Jack's saved up his intelligent conversation for her. I could just imagine them talking about Plato's Analogy of the Cave, and the ideas of… That is pushing it.

Really… what does Jack have that I don't? Is it the flying planes thing? Is it the fact that he isn't afraid of heights? Well, I think I'm over that by now after jumping out planes and whatnot.

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm in love with her. I told you being an ascended being helped me somehow. Well, I think it saved my soul. I remember how bad it was before. I couldn't save Sha're. I know I can't save everyone, but come on, when it comes down to your own damn wife. I still dream about her… little snatches of our life together on Abydos. Sometimes I dream about how she would react to things happening in my life right now, like Jack being a total ass. He never really got to know her that well, but she had fire and would have told him straight away what was on her mind.

I don't think I'll ever be over her. I miss her, even now, but I feel more at peace now. It's not like she doesn't matter, because she does, and right now, if there was anyway that I could get her back… I don't know. What would I do if she walked through the Stargate and went,

"Honey! I'm home!"

Ok… one: I had a hard time explaining Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez to her in the first place because it involved explaining cinemas, which in turn, involved explaining to her what a television was, which in turn involved explaining to her that we weren't all sorcerers. Two: she wasn't the Jack-type, who would come out with something like that despite being through hell and half of Georgia beforehand.

I miss her everyday, but it's like I can put her into perspective, our time together too. I will always be thankful for that time we had together. It was the most beautiful of my life. Now, I don't feel the guilt that I would have usually felt had I looked at another woman twice, like I had before I ascended.

Like I had with Sam.

Oh, it was hard not to notice her, and not in the… uh, physically embarrassing way. Samantha Carter is one multi-faceted woman. She could blow you away wearing just about anything… kick your ass in thirty different ways before you hit the ground, and still talk a mile a minute, quite passionately, about things that go way over my head most of the time.

I bet she feels the same way about Archaeology and Linguistics. I mean, I have trouble with them sometimes, and they're my majors. Well, I've been saying for years that Teal'c should not only take over my Goa'uld translations, but should get paid for it as well, but the man wouldn't have any of it… either because of the fact that he's an alien (well spotted guys… I was wondering about the now healing scar on his stomach and the funny tattoo on his forehead…), or because of his skin colour (Eurondans should be neutered at birth).

So anyway, my mind's turning to mush just thinking about Sam right now. It shouldn't. I shouldn't. I mean, come on, friend, colleague, team-mate, fellow scientist, coffee buddy… the list is long enough without adding the exciting word 'lover' to it. Yes, I freely admit to myself that I found that word exciting, or rather the prospect… which means that I more than likely need a girlfriend. It's been a long, long time since I even kissed a girl. God, does that make me sad?

Ok, mind bleach. Terrible, terrible images that, if known about, would ruin my friendship with my dearest, best friend for all eternity, run through my head. To be honest, it's not the first time. I may be involuntarily celibate right now, but I'm not blind… or, ahem, numb for that matter.

Sam really is beautiful, inside and out. She has this aura of… well, someone who wants to protect you but then you know that you wouldn't mind protecting her, keeping her safe from the storms and the darkness, even though she does a hell of a better job of doing the protecting than I ever could… still, it's the thought that counts, I suppose. I still remember all those years ago when she argued with me about 'gate addresses. She challenged me, which was… oh, that sort of thing to geeks like us, is like sex to… non-celibate people. That has to have been one of our best and most fruitful debates. It started off so much… like a butterfly effect.

Maybe if those first realities had a 'me' there, and an 'us', she'd see me in a different light. But Jack got lucky. Why doesn't she see me that way? It can't be just because of those Universes, or because of the fact that Jack wouldn't leave her on that damned ship because he cared for her 'more than he was supposed to'. Yah, sure. I care for her a lot more than I'm supposed to as her team-mate, but you don't hear me making a fuss. Well, to be honest, we all care for each other a lot more than we're supposed to – that's what makes us so damn good at what we do.

If she'd just give me a chance though…

Ok, she would never give me a chance because she doesn't see me that way. She likes smelly, farty Jack O'Neill. Oh yeah, don't think I don't know… the smells are a big giveaway. I'm tempted to request Sergeant Bueller to stop serving up Chilli on Thursdays… but then Jack would find out, and kill me. He loves that stuff… and… well… let's leave it at ewww…