A/N Enjoy! Also, all constructive criticism is welcome but, please be gentle, this is my first ever fanfiction I published :)
I keep seeing your eyes. You're calling my name.
I'm running. Running after you. Always. Always running after you.
This is me going insane. I'm two double shots of firewhiskey in and I can't sleep. Your eyes keep calling. I'm in hell.
I can't search for you, I can't help you, I can't hide you. I can't love you. The best thing I can do for you is forget you. Make you leave my thoughts. That way he won't know.
But everything reminds me of you. This room, the books around me, hell, you've never even been here, and I can swear I can smell your perfume in this room. In every room I enter.
I pray to every God there is to keep you safe.
After all, a God must exist, because how else would anyone explain you loving me. You were a gift from some God to me. I never deserved it. I still don't. I never will.
And now I'm not sure I'll ever see your eyes again. Your smile.
He's after Potter and you had to befriend him all those years ago. Of course, you had. You've never done anything the easy way.
This war has been going on for far too long. I want it to end. I just don't know how. I should be wanting him to win, but how can I. How can I want that if that would mean Potter dead and you in pain, or worse...?
Do I want your side to win? Hell, yes, they can even lock me away for all my sins, I wouldn't care. A lifetime in Azkaban wouldn't be half as bad as seeing you tortured on my drawing room floor.
I wanted to die that day. I couldn't help you. I never got to say I'm sorry. I'm just glad you managed to escape.
I'm the biggest coward there is. I knew Potter used to say it behind my back. Who would've thought I'd admit that he was right. I couldn't even look at you that day. I would've broken down right there next to you.
„Ah, young Malfoy, I see you are not sleeping. Any interesting thoughts on your mind?", Dolohov entered the library. He just loves that my father has lost his standing with Voldemort. After all, now he was the highest regarded Death Eater. Well, after Bella, but she is crazy, and Voldemort keeps her close because of her blind loyalty. I mean, why not keep the one person who'd take a death curse for you always near.
„Nothing that concerns you." I answered curtly, „what are you doing here, I do believe you know how to read a calendar and the next meeting is tomorrow." There goes my attempt at hiding my foul mood.
His face twitched ever so slightly showing that he hated the way I talked to him, but he schooled his face quickly into indifference, someone less trained would have missed it, but growing up a Malfoy trains you better than anything. Well, he can't kill the last Malfoy heir, what a monumental shame. But that wouldn't stop him from aiming a nasty curse at me as soon as we were outside the wards of the house. Inside, he can't touch me.
„Careful there, Draco" he spat out coldly, „you wouldn't want me as your enemy, especially in a scenario where I would have to watch your back." He paused. He knew something. I was never on a mission with him. But it seems like that would change soon. „I am here to see the Dark Lord. Important business, not that you would know. After the last debacle I'm surprised he even lets you leave the house to go mudblood hunting."
I don't even care for his insults. Words can't hurt me. After being tortured for days from Voldemort, words have no impact on me. But the important business part caught my attention. No one knew what Voldemort did in the north part of the manor which he had commandeered for himself as his private quarters. What I do know is that no one could enter, and it radiated dark magic. I don't even want to find out what Voldemort was doing there, but I can't imagine him doing anything less than disturbing.
„Well, go boy. I haven't got all night. Alert the Lord right now." Dolohov barked at me.
I hate sending Prissy to Voldemort, but that was the only way. I called for her and gave her the order to alert Voldemort that Dolohov has arrived.
Prissy went and Dolohov turned to leave, he knew that Voldemort used the drawing room as a place to conduct „business" and he knew it would be unwise to not be already waiting for him there.
Before he left the room he turned around " Malfoy, you could be going on a mudblood hunt tonight, I suggest leaving the firewhiskey if you want to keep your wand straight...or something else. Wouldn't want to have another debacle to your name." He cackled.
I have heard those words a lot of times, but tonight they were more scary, darker. I just looked at Dolohov as he left not saying anything.
Something was wrong. No muggle born would ever be of interest to Voldemort, unless...
No. I can't even think it. It couldn't be. Stupid Potter. They can't have gotten themselves caught or betrayed. How stupid were they? And what were they even doing? They were supposed to be in hiding. What had they done?
Chills went down my spine. I can't let something happen to her. Gods, Hermione what have you done?
„Prissy!" the house elf appeared shaking. She never liked to be fetching Voldemort, and he was never nice to house elves. „Prissy, remember what we talked about two months ago? The very important thing that I told you that you can't ever repeat to anyone?" the house elf nodded, she must have been really shaken from alerting Voldemort. „Go do that, and as soon as you hear the name and location or anything of importance come back to my room. You must be very silent...And never utter a word of this to anyone. Even if I..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I could die tonight. I am about to betray Voldemort. I am about to interfere with his plans. I am signing my death sentence.
In any other situation Prissy would be crying right now, but she knew how important it was and with a barely audible pop she was gone.
I wanted to run to my room, but I couldn't. Even some of the portraits in the house would tell Voldemort if something was wrong, not to mention any death eaters I might encounter. I walked as fast as I could to my room.
I took my death eater cloak, but not my mask. Everyone had a different mask and I would be recognized by it. I charmed my face to have a dark mask over it and gripped my wand in my right hand.
Now I had to wait. Waiting is always the worst part. The manor was so quiet I could hear the grandfather clock from the hallway outside my room. Every second was painful to me. With every second she was in more danger. Every second was life or death.
Finally, Prissy popped into my room. I looked at her and nodded.
„Blackwood forest, master." I recognized the forest name, I used to play quidditch there with Blaise during the summers. It was close to his mother's house. If I only had known earlier.
„M-m-master, they is going to kill... h-h-he is going. He said not to call you, h-h-he .." Prissy was talking, but I can't wait anymore.
„It's ok Prissy. Remember what you have to do now? Go. I have to leave. And if I don't return I hereby free you of serving anyone named Malfoy ever again. Your new master is to be Theodore Nott. You heard me?" by now the house elf was silently crying, but she nodded and after a second an identical copy of myself was staring at me. Did I really look so tired and defeated? My copy went to lie in my bed, and I closed my eyes and focused on Blackwood forest.
I opened my eyes and looked at the forest in front of me. I will never find them just wandering around. And I have to be quick. Casting a silencing charm on myself I went into the forest. If Granger had any say in choosing their camping location, they would probably be at the west end of the forest where the terrain went from slight uphill to cliffs and rocks. It would be strategic for her to choose that place as their camp site.
I checked the time and realized that I would never make it by foot. I had to apparate. Although I didn't know that part of the forest that well. I had to risk it.
For the second time tonight, I closed my eyes and begged to be closer to her after I opened them.
I opened them to see a few meters away wards breaking and a tent becoming visible.
Three people ran out and my heart stopped.
It was her. She was there. So close to me. After so long.
I chastised myself for waiting and went to approach them. They were fighting. Weasel was yelling.
Potter was the first one to notice me and soon hexes were flying my way. I couldn't seem to catch a breath to tell them I was not an enemy. Then I was hit with a binding curse and they came up to me, disarming me in the process.
„Idiots, I am here to warn you. Let me go. He is coming and I will be the least of your problems then." I said as loudly as I dared to. They stopped and stared. But not she. She looked me in the eyes and in the next moment was running to me. Suddenly she stopped. Vary.
„What is my most prized possession?" she asked me. What in the name of Merin was she doing? She was wasting time. Then it hit me. She had to make sure I was really myself. „The necklace your parents gave you on your sixteenth birthday." I whispered. Potter and Weasel were staring as if petrified. Not doing anything. Seriously, were they brain-dead? How did Potter survive all these years?
But in the next moment, nothing more mattered. I could've died then and there as a happy man. She was hugging me, arms wrapped tightly around me, almost suffocating me and once again I could smell her. Only this time it wasn't my imagination, it was real. She was real. She was warm and she was holding me like I would disappear at any moment.
„Gran...Hermione, as glad as I am to see you, please take the curse off me. And you two. You need to move. All of you. He is coming. Any second now. And give me my wand." The last sentence was aimed at the two dumbstruck Gryffindors. Finally, they moved. But not soon enough. As soon as Potter threw me my wand there was a chill and dementors circled us.
Potter yelled something and a stag erupted from his wand to fend them off. I rose to my feet, keeping her close to me and looked at her.
„You need to go. We all need to go, but you. You especially need to go. You need to go and hide. Be safe." As soon as the last word left my mouth curses started to fly.