Welcome to my first stab at a Psych fic! Just in case you're wondering, there will be a slight crossover with CSI Miami, but in a very comedic way. You'll see soon enough.
Disclaimer: I do not own Psych, and I wouldn't want to, because I'd probably screw it up
Chapter 1 – A Case and a Vacation
It was business as usual in the headquarters of the Santa Barbara police department. The chief of police was in her office, on the phone, Head Detective Carlton Lassiter was doing paperwork and attempting to resist the urge to go get himself a cup of coffee, and almost every other cop in the station was avoiding Detective Lassiter's desk, because they knew if they approached it, the irate detective would demand they get a cup of coffee for him.
Detective Lassiter had been without coffee for thirty minutes now, and everyone knew that eventually, someone would get him coffee, because without it, he would likely explode. The last time that happened, three rookie cops needed psychological counseling for a month.
But as much as he needed coffee, Detective Lassiter would not get his own coffee. This was because if he did, he would run into his third least favorite person in the world, Shawn Spencer. He had some time though, his partner, Juliet O'Hara, had seen Spencer walk into the station and had headed him off to distract him. It was working for now, but it would only be a matter of time before the psychic noticed his agitation. He leaned out to see if the junior detective was still talking to him, but found that neither was in his field of vision. Lassiter sighed in relief; perhaps the higher powers had answered his prayers and made Shawn Spencer go away. But Gus was still there, and since Gus usually drove Shawn around, so Shawn must still be in the building.
Before Lassiter could search for Spencer, the Chief called him into her office with his partner. After they went inside, the Chief closed the blinds and began to discuss an important case. Shawn Spencer then came out of his hiding place, from underneath his favorite junior detective's desk, and pondered how he could get in on that meeting.
But as much as he wanted to do that, he was alone, which meant that there wasn't anyone there to hold him on his train of thought. So, within fifteen seconds he had redirected to rummaging through Juliet's desk. He had noticed that she had been anxious about something for the last few weeks, and despite how many times he tried to 'psychically' discover her problem, prompting her to explain, she wouldn't budge.
Well, clearly she didn't know just how dedicated Shawn could be when he tried. In fact, if she knew all of the effort it took him and Gus to 'psychically' find clues and encrypt them in pop culture references disguised as psychic visions, Shawn would bet that she would be very impressed. But there was no time to praise himself at the moment, he had to go through her mail. There was an unopened letter with a return address from Miami, a credit card application, a past due doctor bill, an opened letter from Miami which was from her parents, a pamphlet from a travel agency and four more credit card applications, but they were opened. On a guess, he looked inside the first opened application. As he expected, there was no credit card application in there, but a letter from someone called Richard Meotin. He checked the next two envelopes, and they were letters from the same person. Not wanting to read personal letters to Juliet, he put those back. Then he looked in the fourth envelope, which had an invitation to her high school reunion. It was wrinkled, meaning than she had read it many times.
Shawn smiled, happy that he had found his answer, but then he heard the cracking of the door from across the hall. The chief's meeting was getting out, and he was going through Juliet's mail, which would definitely not score him points with…, anyone. So he needed a place to hide from them, in order to find out what went on in the meeting.
For reasons he would never understand, Shawn dove under Lassiter's desk. Even as he did it, he knew that it would be a bad idea. Gus even saw him dive under the desk, and stared at him with a shocked face. Lassiter, Juliet, and Chief Vick left the Chief's office with three different expressions on their faces. Lassiter was excited, Chief Vick looked confused, and Juliet looked miserable. Gus ran off, trying to find some way to distract them before they discovered Shawn's ill-advised hiding place.
"Miami," Lassiter said, sounding the happiest anyone had ever heard him. "Do you know who works in Miami?"
"Yes I do," Juliet sighed, utterly deflated.
"Horatio Caine works in Miami. He's like, my hero!"
"Yeah." Juliet said. Lassiter didn't even notice her lack of enthusiasm, and Chief Vick knew it was a stupid idea to bring it up, after all she had chosen these two for the Miami investigation because Detective O'Hara transferred to Santa Barbara from Miami, and she would already know the lay of the land. But now it seemed that she had inadvertently pricked at an old wound of hers, and Lassiter's excitement certainly wasn't helping.
"You understand we'll be working with the best of the best in detective work. Wow, this is exciting, Horatio Caine is a legend!" At that moment, Lassiter was approaching his desk. Gus took that moment to enact his distraction, which was to reposition a cart overstuffed with filing folders so that when the restroom door was opened, they would scatter everywhere. It did not take long for someone to knock the cart over, sending everyone in the station looking towards the restroom. While they were distracted, Shawn escaped.
Chief Vick was the only one who had seen Shawn escape during the calamity that attracted everyone's attention. While she did not know what Spencer had been doing under Detective Lassiter's desk, she could assume that he overheard the conversation they were having as they had exited her office. As Lassiter practically skipped over to the coffee machine and O'Hara dropped back into her chair, looking like someone had killed her pets, the chief of police drafted a very cunning plan in her head. Lassiter could not be allowed to remain happy, it was unnatural, very scary, and probably a prelude to Armageddon. And despite the fact that Vick couldn't say so, O'Hara's normally bright and cheery face turned into a gloomy wreck wasn't something she could stand either. And Vick herself could not interfere, because Miami-Dade police had specifically requested that O'Hara be one of the two officers she sent there.
But Vick did know someone who would interfere, and do it with more glee and enthusiasm than anyone should ever get out of a murder investigation.
As soon as they were out of the police station and back Gus' blue car, Shawn was assaulted with questions.
"Shawn!" Gus began, as he was usually forced to do. "Why did you hide under Lassiter's desk? Do you have any idea what would have happened if he found you?"
"No, but it would have probably involved a fair amount of me screaming in pain and running away, followed by a bizarre sit-down dinner with my dad who would have lectured me for three hours about invasion of personal space and trespassing. Actually, that reminds me, I haven't seen my father in a while, where do you think he is?" Shawn blurted out.
"Do not try to change the subject Shawn!" Gus exclaimed. "You put my second job in perilous danger, and I want to know why."
"Alright, I was going through Juliet's mail."
"No Shawn, I do not want your phony answers designed to misdi—" Gus cut himself off in the middle of a word. "Did you just give me a straight answer?"
"Yes, I did Gus." Shawn answered plainly. "I was going through Juliet's mail." Gus only chuckled. "What?" Shawn demanded.
"You were going through someone else's mail, which is a crime, in a police station."
"Well, when you put it that way… yeah, I was." Gus chuckled again.
"You know why this is funny Shawn?"
"No, actually, you're creeping me out right now."
"It's funny because this isn't even nearly the most criminal thing we've done!" Gus exploded. "We've harbored a fugitive, impersonated priests, pretended to be agents of Interpol, and about fifty counts of breaking and entering." Gus was on a roll, and this time, Shawn had no idea how to get his best friend off of it. Well, actually, now that he thought about it…
"We should go on vacation." Shawn said.
"Do not interrupt me Shawn; you know I once added up the entire minimum…" Gus trailed off. "Did you just say we should go on vacation?"
"Yes I did Gus. You know it's been three years, and Psych has never had an official vacation? I think it's high time that we took some time off!"
Gus worked this idea around in his head. He already knew that Shawn had an ulterior motive for suggesting a vacation, because he always had an innocent sounding plan that never failed to get them in trouble. However, he was suggesting a vacation, so at least they would be somewhere other than Santa Barbara, which meant that there would be no difficult investigation work.
"Where are we going?" Gus asked. "And when are we going? Because I need to pack and schedule days off of my real job."
"We're going to Miami." Shawn said, the excitement returning to his normally jubilant face.
If you are so inclined, any reviews would be helpful, since this is my first Psych fic, any OOCness is merely accidental. I hope you enjoyed!