THE OC FANFICTION: LET HER GO (FOR NOW)
Info: This is a Ryan/Marissa one-shot taking place sometime in the time after Ryan finds out that Marissa is leaving for Hawaii and before their car accident. I own nothing. If I did, Marissa would be alive and happily together with Ryan and the OC would still be on tv. Read & Review!
"Nothing beats the pain of knowing you're right for each other, but not right now."
Ryan knows that getting away will be best for her. He knows she will do great things and will do incredibly at Berkeley, whenever she is ready to go. And he knows, if he is honest with himself, that she is just not ready for it yet. But still he wishes that he could have her by his side when he steps onto campus for the firt time as a freshman. Because Ryan is nervous and excited and happy and all of those things that a rising college freshman should be when he thinks about where he'll be next fall- but he's also scared. Ryan had never thought seriously about college before the Cohens. Well, maybe he thought about it in passing, but as he had told Sandy the first time he met him in juvie, "Where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true does." Ryan will be the first person in his family to go to college, and so there's pressure. There's pressure that he gets through it from Dawn because she wants better for him than she did. There's pressure from Sandy and Kirsten because it was their school and he wants to do well and not disappoint them, because as much as he knows he's a part of their family now, sometimes, in the back of his mind, he still worries (rather irrationally) that if he doesn't do well, they'll kick him out. Stop paying for it. Stupid, he knows, because Sandy and Kirsten would never do that to him. But our fears aren't always rational, are they? So Ryan wishes more than anything that he could have that beautiful face which has meant so much to him these last few years next to him, encouraging him on.
Ryan loves Marissa. Always has, always will. Marissa loves Ryan. Always has, always will. There are certain things you know you can count on in life, and those facts are definitely part of that list- because their love has never changed, or stopped, or lessened in the slightest. He knows she loves him from the way she looks at him. He knows, that as he will never stop loving her, she will never stop loving him. He knows from the way that she shot somebody to save his life (his brother, no less). He knows from the way she got expelled and said that she would gladly do it over again because it meant that Ryan was still by her side. And he knows that he loves her by the way that after all they've been through, he still dreams of her, falling asleep to her face, and would do anything to save her. He knows from the way that, after all this time of learning to restrain himself, all somebody needs to do is touch Marissa and he can't control himself as his fists fly through the air before a thought crosses his mind. He knows that they love each other. And they always will. Because they've been through so much, they can surely get through anything else life tosses at them, and that gives him confidence that they will get their happy ending someday.
Luke. Oliver. DJ. Alex. Trey. Johnny. Sadie. Volchok. All distractions. Even while they were with others, or messed up over some issue with Oliver, or Trey, or Johnny, they loved each other passionately. Nobody could replace either of them in the other's heart. They were just distractions.
They are one of those rare pairs of people who truly are meant to be together. Star-crossed lovers. But they just can't seem to get it right. And so, as much as it hurts and regardless of how hard it is, they need to try and take some time so that when they get back together (which of course, they always will), they can move foward and be happy.
And so Ryan knows that (for now!) he has to let her go. He knows that they were meant to be, and that means that she will always come back to him. And because as much as it kills him now to think about her leaving, he knows that its best for her. For them. So Ryan accepts Marissa's impending departure, and realizes that he has to let her go. But nothing is worse that the agony that Ryan's feeling, knowing that they're right for each other- just not right now.