((Redonix Note: Heya all, I'm back again after like... two years? Sorry about that. I was in a bad place for awhile and couldn't convince myself to write much of anything anymore, and then after awhile I just moved to a different account. But recently, after discovering that Haikyu! was getting a fourth season then I found myself with a bunch of hype that I didn't know what to do with. So because I still didn't want to entirely give this story up, I revisited it and decided to just rewrite the whole thing! I hope you'll enjoy this remastered version as much as you enjoyed the other!
Edited: 1/23/19))
1. A Confession
" 'That's alright,' she says, and I have to wonder how many times in her life she's said that to the people who screwed her over somehow..." ― Unknown
"And all I loved, I loved alone." ― Edgar Allen Poe
'There is no way I'm going to be able to eat all of this candy.'
Oikawa stared at his tiny locker while trying to keep his expression neutral. The thing was filled to the max with chocolates, cookies, and cards containing confessions of love― all just for him. As he tried to remove his school shoes, a rain of the goodies came pouring out at his feet.
He resisted the urge to sigh out loud. As much as he loved that all these girls loved him, one could only stomach so much sugar at once without getting sick and resentful of it. But he couldn't just throw it away and risk hurting anyone's feelings . After all, these things had either been made or chosen with love and care. Perhaps sometime during practice he could slip a few of these packages to his teammates, though. That counted as sharing the love, right?
"Looks like another successful start to Valentine's Day to fuel your ego." Oikawa looked away from his stash and towards a bored looking Iwaizumi, who added with a scoff, "As if you weren't annoying enough."
He grinned. "Aw, is Iwa-chan jealous? If you're nice then I'll share some candy with you~"
Grabbing a tastefully wrapped package, Oikawa waved it in his friend's face temptingly. The doleful glare he received only made his grin grow wider.
"Just hurry up will you? I don't wanna be standing around here all day waiting for your slow ass."
Oikawa stuck his tongue out and returned to the task of carefully prying out his shoes. "You act like I'm the only popular one around here Iwa-chan. I bet your locker was just as bad as mine."
"The you're severely overestimating the amount of influence I actually have in this school." Hajime huffed, folding his arms as he leaned against the lockers.
"Ah, right," the setter said sagely, shooting him a devious look. "You're the kind of guy that attracts the meek folk. What with your niceness and strong looks, you'll have quite a crowd later on, same as last year. I predict you'll be pretty busy during lunch."
"I'll be busy with my math homework, and so will you."
Ever so slowly he inched his shoes out, tuning out Iwa-chan's spluttering with a triumphant grin. The mountain on top continuously threatened to shift and dump everything onto the floor.
Once he heard Iwa-chan's huff of impatience, then he began to pick up the speed. Sometimes, there would be warnings from his friend about the lines he was crossing, like that for instance. Other times Iwa-chan would tap his foot, or burn holes through the back of his head. Sometimes if he was unfortunate enough then he'd witness all three at once― a sure sign that if he didn't stop whatever he was doing then he was going to wind up with a new lump on his head. Most of the time, though, he was rather unlucky and received no warning at all. But being the best kind of friend there was Oikawa just didn't know when to quit. After all, if he was going to hit it then he should hit it until it breaks.
Giving up on the delicacy, Oikawa yanked the shoes out and watched as the confectioneries tumbled onto the floor. Deciding it would just be better to empty out his locker completely, he swiped the rest out before switching his sneakers for the dull brown school shoes. Finally, he knelt to the floor, swinging his backpack off his shoulders and opened it up to scoop all the Valentine goodies away.
After a minute of watching, him Iwa-chan knelt down and began to help hurry things along.
"Did you even understand any of the math homework?" he asked, nonchalant, to help ease away the lull of awkward silence. "I think I did okay, but some of those problems just didn't make any sense."
"I got most of it done yesterday thanks to Nakano-san's help, but he had to leave before we could finish." Iwa-chan shoved the last of the candy into the setter's backpack and stood up. "If we hurry then maybe we can catch him before the bell rings."
Oikawa stood up as well, swinging the bag back over his shoulder. "Who's this Nakano guy again?"
Iwaizumi stared at him long and hard before rolling his eyes and walking away. "He's that peer tutor I told you about. You know, ginger hair, sometimes stops by to talk during lunch?"
He thought about it as they walked, putting his hand to his chin and squinting at the ceiling. Now that he thought about it the name did ring a bell. But being surrounded by so many faces day in and day out made it hard to put names to them. Since Iwa-chan said that he was a ginger that stopped by from time to time during lunch, then that should make it a little easier...
"Oh!" He loosened his grip on his chin and snapped his fingers. "You mean the nerd with the all those chibi anime keychains on his bag, right?"
"I swear, sometimes it's like each word that comes out of your mouth shaves another year off of my life," Iwa-chan muttered. "But yeah, that's him. Nakano Kazuo."
Oikawa snickered and threw his arm around Iwaizumi's shoulders. The duo rounded a corner, only to double back quickly.
The hallway, a normal shortcut that would have taken them to the stairs which went up to the second floor, was empty, save for two people. If it had been any other day then a scene like that wouldn't have phased them, but with today's holiday, this was a moment that demanded privacy.
Oikawa and Iwaizumi peeked around the corner again to make sure that they hadn't disturbed them. When it became apparent that they hadn't been noticed, Hajime attempted to turn back, muttering about how they should go the other way. He grabbed his friend by the coat and kept him in place, his dark eyes riveted to the scene playing out before him.
Although witnessing (or participating in) confessions, especially on such a cliché day such as this one, wasn't uncommon, Oikawa was always fascinated by the act. Call him a soap opera hound, but he couldn't ever fully stem his interest in the matter. And, despite Iwaizumi's hushed insistence that they leave, he remained rooted to the spot.
In that moment, he was grateful the hallway was quiet. Voices carried easier that way.
The girl, a first year if he were to guess by her height, softly cleared out her throat and began to utter the beginning of what sounded like one very practiced speech.
"I uh, I know this is pretty unoriginal, being Valentine's and all, but I― but if I don't do it now, th-then I doubt I ever will. So, um…"
Oikawa leaned a little further away from the wall and strained his ears to hear. For a few heartbeats longer, everything felt oppressively quiet. The girl anxiously pulled at some of her long, sandy hair, visibly trembling. The one receiving the confession, a lean and tall guy that looked like he could very well be a third year, stood in front of her and quietly waited for her to gather herself.
"I know that we haven't really talked much," She started again, even quieter than before, "b-but I see you in class every day working so hard. I really admire you for that, and I like your smile, and you're really funny. I've liked for awhile, Ueno-san. S-so I was wondering if you… if you would…"
She trailed off, taking a deep breath to steady herself. "I-I was wondering if you'd go out on at least one date with m-me, even if it's j-just as friends!"
Oikawa held his breath. The silence ate at everything; the intense atmosphere, the controlled breathing, even his own thoughts. He couldn't bear it. Not once had he witnessed, nor participated in, such a serious confession. It was stressful, to say the least.
The guy, Ueno-san, raised his hand and pushed back his dark hair. Even from this far away, Oikawa could tell that his answer wasn't going to be good. Iwa-chan murmured something, too quiet for him to understand, and turned away.
"I'm sorry."
The girl stiffened a little, but said nothing. Something about her shrunken posture said she had been expecting an answer like this.
"You deserve someone better than me. And I know this might sound selfish, but I'd like to focus on school right now. If I can't graduate then it's all over for me."
She nodded solemnly. Ueno-san returned the gesture and made a partial move to walk away. He stopped half a step into the idea, thinking about something, before turning back again and softly saying, "By the way, it was really brave of you to do this. I'm sorry, again, but we can still be friends."
"R-right…," She sounded so weak right then, as if she were going to crumple in on herself and disappear. Yet her form was too rigid to suggest such a thing. It was painfully obvious that she was forcing herself to keep holding herself together, beyond what she was capable of handling.
"See you in class, Maki-san." He nodded and walked away then, hands shoved deep into his pockets.
Maki-san remained grounded to her spot even long after Ueno-san had disappeared from the hallway. Oikawa couldn't tell if it was from shock, or if it was because she was crying. After another minute, however, she shook her head and walked away, as if nothing had happened. Only when she, too, was gone did he and Iwaizumi come out from behind the wall.
Iwa-chan sighed like he'd been holding his breath for awhile. "That was…" He struggled to find the right word.
"I kind of feel bad for her," Oikawa said. They walked slowly down the hall. "But I don't think it would have worked out for them anyway. They looked like they were in different years. A gap like that wouldn't have been fun to bridge once he went off to college."
His friend hummed distantly in agreement. "Hopefully that girl doesn't get too down on herself. There's always a chance she could find someone else in that time."
Oikawa grinned and pointed to himself. "Like me!"
The look Iwa-chan gave him suggested that someone had just shoved a bowl of curdled milk under his nose, and he was less than amused. Oikawa feigned offense and bumped into his friend.
"I honestly don't know if you would be a better option for her, considering that you're more or less in the same boat as that guy. The only thing that separates you from him is what you want to focus on."
Hajime was right, of course. Whereas that Ueno guy just wanted to focus on school, he wanted to remain focused on volleyball. There was so much he wanted to achieve, and as he neared the end of his second year, there also became that much less time to achieve it in. He couldn't afford to become emotionally invested in a relationship. And after how his last attempt at one had ended, he wasn't sure he wanted to anyway. At least, not for a long, long time.
"Still," he gave a chipper smile, "I could take her on a date. After all, she struck me as having gone into that not expecting much to go her way, and that was all she asked for."
Iwa-chan shook his head. "Well, that wouldn't stray from the normal with your track record. If you don't outright reject a fan, then the rest only make it to the first date or second date."
"You make me sound so cold-hearted. Somewhat generous, but mostly cold-hearted."
"Not my problem that's how you perceive the truth." Iwaizumi shrugged and they rounded the corner, now bickering about the true meanings of what Iwa-chan had claimed as the truth.
It was only when they were in their seats and after bell rang that they remembered their unfinished math homework, and that they still hadn't asked Nakano for help.
The bell rang for lunch, causing Chiruka to start at the sound. She blinked slowly in an attempt to clear the time stealing fog from her mind, but it was pointless. The young woman dared to look up and watch people shuffle out of the classroom.
Slowly, as he usually did, Ueno Yuuta came into view. As he passed her desk, the two avoided looking at each other. The moment he'd left, though, then her gaze flickered onto the boy's receding figure. For a moment, Chiruka stopped breathing. For a moment, she forgot that anything had even happened this morning.
But the moment hardly lasted. Reality returned with its biting claws and harsh light; her chest burned. The feeling of being so small and unworthy to stand in front of him, of being so powerless to keep herself from shaking, of being nothing but a coward― it was smothering her. She had put off this confrontation for so long, bracing herself day in and day out for only the worst outcome despite the continuous reassurance her friends had piled upon her. Everything she had done had been done knowing full well that she wasn't going to win this. That this wouldn't end with success like something from a manga.
And yet, despite knowing all of this, it still hurt so much.
Her chest tightened, leaving her breathless. Tears pricked along the corners of her eyes. Everything stung. Chiruka tried relentlessly to not think of Ueno Yuuta, or his sad expression as he apologized and turned her down. She tried, and tried, and tried, but her thoughts were flooded with nothing but repeats of what happened earlier that morning.
"Chi! Hello, Earth to Chi, come in!" Knuckles rapped lightly against the side of her head, causing the thickening fog to dispel. But only just barely.
Chiruka looked up at her friends― her wonderful, wonderful friends ―Rei and Kazuo. The former of the two sat down in a vacated seat, resting her head on top of her fist. Cool, smokey grey eyes studied her critically, the light highlighting the worry in her gaze. The latter carefully placed himself on the edge of her desk, his hand only inches away in preparation to lend her comfort. Both studied her carefully, waiting in apprehension for her to speak. To tell them news of some sort.
"So… So I talked to him this morning." Her voice quivered, and with a visibly shaking hand, she tucked a lock of her bright hair behind an ear. "And, um… I… He― He said…"
She inhaled sharply, trying so hard not to think about it even as she tried to tell her best friends what happened. Her lower lip, already raw from her excessive picking and chewing, trembled. The world around her, the people in front of her― all of it became an unfocused photograph. Her heart screamed in her ears; screamed and cried, simply making a mess out of her whole mind. Desperately, Chiruka tried in vain to make her thoughts go blank. But trying not to think about it only made it more prominent in her mind. She couldn't breathe. Couldn't focus. She wanted to cry, oh god she wanted to cry, but not here. Not where people could see her.
She couldn't break down here. She wouldn't.
Standing up so suddenly, hand flying to her mouth to stifle sobs threatening to crack the relatively quiet environment, Chiruka bolted as quickly as she could while still trying to look as dignified as possible. Rei and Kazuo called out to her, but she was beyond reasoning with at that particular moment. She needed a private outlet, and fast.
With her head down to hide her face from possible prying eyes, she didn't notice the students coming into the classroom at the same time she was trying to leave.
Her forehead came into contact with something warm but hard. A pair of large and rather strong hands gripped her tiny shoulders to her from falling. Chiruka's head snapped up and her bright, burning blue eyes made contact with surprised oakwood brown. For a split second she forgot herself, her panic, and remained in that bliss. But it was soon torn away by her own traveling gaze, piecing together the rest of his face, his perfectly curled brown hair. Her heart leapt to her throat and she quickly bowed her apology, wrenching out of his grasp to push past him and his friend.
Of all the people she had to have run into, it had to be the Prince of Seijoh, Oikawa Tooru. The most popular, most sought after boy in his second year. A heartthrob. A player. A mockery of what she couldn't have, even if it was only for a moment.
She was crying long before she even reached the girl's bathroom.
Oikawa had seen past the blonde bangs into eyes that burned brightly with such heartfelt pain. And for that moment, as his eyes locked onto hers, he had almost felt what she felt. He was stunned, incapable of doing nothing as she pulled herself out of his grasp and ran down the hallway. That blind hopelessness had left him powerless.
"Chiruka!" Another girl shot past him, midnight black hair streaming behind her like the tails of a kite. He pressed himself against the door as a young man followed after her, calling for his fleeing friend.
"Oi, Nakano!" Iwaizumi called out suddenly, and the running boy looked over his shoulder.
"Sorry Iwaizumi! Can't stop, notes are in my bag!" He waved briefly, flicking his auburn bangs in the process. And then the guy that they had come to see disappeared down the hall. Oikawa frowned and glanced at Iwa-chan, who returned the look with a troubled one of his own.
"I think that was the girl we saw earlier," he murmured.
Turning his head back to the now peaceful hall, Oikawa did nothing except stare. There was something so strange about witnessing things like this. Usually high school was a time to be superficial in both appearance and feelings, a way to actually figure out who and what you wanted to become. That's what he believed anyways. But to see something so genuine unfold in their frivolous setting… It was, well, rather unsettling. He felt uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"We should probably go get the notes." He sounded distant, even to himself. Slowly, Oikawa turned around and walked into the classroom with Iwaizumi.
While he waited for his friend to get the notes, a trio of lovely ladies approached him with their hands behind their backs.
"Oikawa-san~!" He looked up and plastered an interested smile across his face. Perhaps this splash of normality would cheer him up again. After all, being showered in affections of the many was better than pondering someone else's loss.
'If it was me that she'd fallen for instead then she'd at least have gotten a date out of it, even if it were only as friends.' The surprisingly resentful thought crossed his mind. He was really letting this get to him a little too much. There had to be a way to put his conscience at ease somehow.
"Happy Valentine's Day!" The girls brought their hands forward suddenly, offering their holiday tributes to him. They all tittered amongst themselves, ears and cheeks turning a pleasant shade of pink as they explained away why everything came in the same clear wrapping that was tied off with red ribbons. "None of us are good at cooking―
"So we went to this cute little candy shop in the next town over and―"
"And we got matching chocolates for you!" The third girl finished triumphantly. Her pretty grey eyes sparkled with a child like sense of pride. It was adorable, honestly. All three of the girls seemed to be happy that they'd gone to such lengths to get him this special gift, and he was touched, but oh was he going to be so sick if he kept accepting all these sweets. (And he didn't know that many people which he could regift it too either.) Still, if he didn't take the candy then he'd make these girls upset― something he'd had enough of today.
That's when a light bulb flickered on in the back of his mind.
Oikawa leaned in a little and grasped the first girl's hands firmly between his own. He looked her directly in the eye, ignoring her blush, and smiled sweetly.
"Thank you, really. I'm touched that you guys would go out of your way to get me something, but…," She stiffened a little and he hurried to finish his thought. "But I think someone else could really use this to cheer up right now. Do you know that girl that ran out just little while ago?"
All three nodded simultaneously.
"That was Maki Chiruka," the girl on the left supplied. "From what I gathered, she's had this big crush on Ueno-san for a while, but I guess things didn't work out in her favor."
They cast pitying glances between themselves. Oikawa nodded and automatically tucked that bit of information away for later, though he didn't think he'd need it later. The girls looked back at him, silently questioning why he was bringing this up.
"Don't you think that everyone should be happy today?" he asked. "If you could give these to her instead, then she might cheer up, even if it's just a little. Doing this would mean so much to me and I'd be very grateful towards you guys forever!"
And his conscience would be cleared. After all, he'd stuck around to watch something personal when he shouldn't have. Knowing what had happened, especially after running into that same girl once again, left him feeling rather guilty.
As if his words were a magic spell, the girls began to nod exuberantly, though whether it was because they were eager to serve or please him was beyond his knowledge. Regardless, Oikawa gave them his most charming smile and turned them to putty. Of course, there was always a chance that could take this opportunity to bully poor Chiruka for earning his favor, but he had a feeling that they wouldn't bother her after this. So, now that he had put his plan into action, he convinced himself he would be back to feeling normal once again, purposefully ignoring the lingering negative doubts.
"Hey, Trashykawa," Iwa-chan walked around the girls, holding an orange notebook up with a flash of irritation. "I got the notes, let's go."
Oikawa spun on his heel, waving enthusiastically at the girls before bouncing out after Iwa-chan.
The day only seemed to go from bad to worse. Chiruka was completely and utterly exhausted. She hadn't been quick enough; unable to succeed in even the simplest of things, no thanks to Rei for intervening, Chiruka couldn't even properly cry her eyes out. The moment her friends had caught up to her she had slammed a wall down on her rampant emotions and forced herself to remain calm.
It was hard to pinpoint when she had started shutting herself down like that, but she knew it had been happening for many years now; a defense mechanism which kept her from revealing how vulnerable she really was to others, even if they were close friends or family. Sure, it may have been a deep, dark rabbit hole in which she stuck herself, but she was fairly used to solving her problems all on her own anyhow. Dragging others into it just made things more complicated.
But now that her flow had been stemmed, shoved back into its tiny jar with the lid oh so tightly sealed, she was unable to climb out of that rabbit hole.
Stuck.
Drained.
Sick.
It took too much effort to keep up this façade.
Everyone around her always said she looked apathetic, as if nothing in this world could please her. But that was true at all. If anything, Chiruka cared too much. It was a trap made for herself, by herself.
'Pathetic.'
Chiruka had no intention of falling in love during her high school career, especially not with someone she knew she had no chance with from the start.
'Unbelievable.'
If she had realized just how much she'd be hurting after getting those restless feelings out into the open then she would have just continued to suffer by keeping them to herself. Being smothered silently seemed more preferable in the moment to the state of agony her mind was in now.
'So naïve.'
It shouldn't have bothered her. Chiruka had known what his answer was going to be long before he even knew how she felt. She had accepted it. Had even rehearsed how she'd react when she finally heard his response with her own ears. Sometimes, she would even dream about Yuuta telling her to leave him alone, or that he had someone else dear to his heart. And yet… Somehow… Her heart had been pierced and left to bleed in her own trembling hands.
'Fool.'
Chiruka clutched her chest, nails digging in deep, as if to rip the pain out by force.
"Chi."
She couldn't breathe.
"Chi."
Her heart was hurting her mind. Two organs that didn't actually have anything to do with each other, aside from keeping her alive, were warring away inside. Logic versus empathy; a battle that was sorely being lost by both sides, slowly killing her.
"Chiruka!"
Her head snapped up and she stared at her friends with blurred vision. Blinking, Chiruka looked around and saw that the class was empty aside from them. Robotically, she turned back to her friends and stood up, grabbing her bag. The heavy beating in her chest didn't go away, but it smoothed out to a steady, bearable tempo. Rei and Kazuo let her pass between them without a word, and once she was out the door then they took up their places on either side of her, entwining their hands with hers. Even if she would rather deal with this heartache alone, their presence was truly one to be grateful for.
Together they walked through the school in silence. Chiruka knew that, eventually, they'd want to try talking to her, but for now, this was enough.
When they reached the locker area then they split. Her mind fell into autopilot mode, following the after school routine like clockwork. Slipping off school shoes, pulling out her scuffed pink sneakers, putting those on.
If it weren't for someone touching her shoulder then she would have continued on in that blank state all the way home, avoiding all other people and obligations as she went. But, in the time that it took for her turn around, she had one thought―a stupid little thing she wished she'd never had ―a little hope that maybe Yuuta had seen her and wanted to spare her a little comfort. That was something friend's did for one another, after all.
A stupid, selfish little thing to ask for.
Instead, she was greeted by the same boy she had run into during lunch.
"Hello Chi-chan!" Oikawa gave a little wave and smiled.
Her stomach coiled at the sight of him. Seeing his smile now, with fresh eyes, it was so fake that it was blinding. That thing he probably would have called charm was nothing more than a cheap hat trick made to look like real magic all because he had a pretty face. He probably thought that his act earlier was one of generosity. If she had been in a better state of mind when those girls told her that Oikawa was the one who asked them to give their candy to her, then she might have actually been touched by his sentiments. Instead, it had only worsened her mood.
But Oikawa Tooru wasn't a guy who could empathize with her. He wore a mask that said he could feel everything, but underneath it he was nothing but a superficial little worm.
"Hello, Oikawa-san," she mumbled tiredly. He frowned a little at her formality, but quickly slid back into his normal, satisfied-with-life appearance.
"You looked pretty upset when we ran into each other earlier, so I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I don't really know what happened―," Lie. Everyone knew what had happened at this point. Gossip spread like wildfire, and no doubt he'd been listening to every word of it, "but I hope that you're feeling a little better now. I have something for you."
'Oh god, please don't let it be more candy.' She knew his popularity gave him access to an unhealthy amount confectioneries, but she didn't want to be subjected to another case of regifted food. And why was he bothering to try this again? Surely those fans of his told him that she had rejected his 'present'.
Chiruka had to repress a heavy sigh as Oikawa swung his backpack around, revealing the plethora of sweets and love confessions he had received. Of course it was more candy.
The girl wrinkled her nose a little. Before long she'd end up absorbing all the salt that was being poured into her open wounds and become a great, salty deity. Perhaps then she could slap the smug little volleyball prince across the face and he'd finally get the message to stop trying to 'help'.
Oikawa let out an easy laugh, breaking her concentration. "I know this probably looks really bad, especially since these are from other people to myself, but I honestly can't eat all of this on my own. And I read somewhere that chocolate increases endorphins and makes you happier."
She couldn't quite figure out his game. Calling her by name in such a familiar way, offering his candy, trying to make her happy. Did he think he was performing some kind of charity for her? Somehow, it wasn't surprising that he knew her name. All Oikawa had to do was smile and he'd have girls telling him anything he wanted to know. But to refer to her by a nickname only those close to her used… It kind of ticked her off― an amazing feat considering how she also felt like she couldn't give a damn.
"Ah, here we go."
Chiruka stared at the neatly wrapped package being forced into her hands. Just imagining whatever sugar loaded confectionery lay beneath the shiny paper made her want to be sick. When her classmates had tried to offer their Oikawa-directed gifts to her she turned them down for more reasons than to spite the prince. Unless it was a select few items, Chiruka downright refused to eat candy. Lately it had been making her sick, and she was already feeling bad enough as it was.
But it wasn't just the sugar making her feel queasy as she looked up and met Oikawa's gaze. No, that look in his eyes was far worse than an abundance of sugar. So fake. So patronizing.
She shoved the candy into his chest, straightening her back. The hard thump of her heart was brought back into the limelight, and she was reminded just how much she hated catching someone's attention in a place like this.
"I don't need your pity." She allowed the familiar apathetic shell close in around her, shutting out the people on the outside, and locking herself in. Stiffly, robotically, she turned and walked away.
And Oikawa let her go.