Hi everyone! So this is my first fanfiction in a long time. I'm planning to continue my other fic, "Weightless" soon, after over two years. I just need to look through my old notes for it. My writing has improved so much since then, and I hope you guys enjoy this fic I have to share. I don't know where the idea came from other than my own struggle with mental illness, but I became very excited to start writing straight away.
This story is set around season 13, so episode 200 has happened, JJ has already had Michael, and Mr. Scratch has been caught. However for my own comfort, the team is still Hotch, Morgan, Emily, Reid, Rossi, JJ and Garcia. I love Tara, Matt and Luke, but you can't beat the old team!
Trigger Warnings – mentions of various mental illnesses – including eating disorders and their thought processes (anorexia), substance abuse, very brief mentions of child abuse, very strong language in later chapters. I will try to update the trigger warnings as I get further along with writing. Please do not continue reading past this chapter especially if you are triggered by detailed descriptions of eating disorders.
Please favourite, follow and review! It means so much to me and motivates me to keep writing!
The dimly-lit room was quiet apart from the sound of the thundering rain outside, and the occasional breath that escaped a team member's mouth.
No one was brave enough to take a step forward – to utter a word to the person who held a gun to their blonde friend's temple. They knew what their duty was; to talk the Unsub down – convince them that what they were doing would not help the current situation. For God's sake, they had done it thousands of times before. But all they did was stare.
JJ didn't seem present despite her life being at immediate risk. Her pale, frail figure slumped against the broad body of the man behind her. Beads of sweat rolled down her flushed cheeks and her once bright blue eyes appeared glazed over, her mind elsewhere. The only thing keeping her eyes alight was the reflection of the hanging lightbulb above her, swaying back and forth...back and forth. The team sweared it was taunting them.
The eyes of the man responsible for the entire scene darted around the room, analysing the faces of each of the armed agents in front of him. He smiled cruelly when his eyes met those of the brown-haired female agent. Her dark eyes seemed to encompass only anger and hatred when compared to the concerned, fearful eyes of the strongly built, dark-skinned agent and the younger man with unruly mousy-brown hair. She subconsciously shifted her stance when she noticed his eyes flicker towards her. She moved her fingers to grasp her gun tighter, her knuckles turning white.
Emily took in the scene in front of her. One of the man's strong arms was casually slung over his hostage's shoulder, while the other aggressively reinforced the pressure of the shotgun held against her temple. They had been after this guy for over two months. On agreeing to work this case, the team never suspected that it would take such a dark, twisted turn – that one of their very own was the Unsub's endgame. Her eyes gravitated to her friend and her heart ached at how sick she looked. The last time she had seen her, JJ had been on her A-game. She had recently started studying in order to specialise in crimes relating to mental illness. The team had guessed that it was her sister, Rosaline, that had inspired her to choose such a topic, but were happy for their friend that she had found something she felt so passionately about. She had also taken the initiative to begin coaching Henry's soccer team and was always gushing over how proud she was that her little man was "following in his Mama's footsteps."
Emily bit her lip as she recalled a moment just a few days prior to her blonde friend's abduction.
Her and JJ had been sharing a room at a small hotel in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania while they investigated the case involving the murders of six people. JJ had been on edge the moment the jet landed, and the team knew very well why. Their friend and fellow co-worker hated being near her hometown. It only served as a key to bring back the bad memories regarding her childhood and adolescence that had been locked away long ago. The team guessed that it was only to do with her sister, and the apparent strained relationship between JJ and her mother, Sandy. However, It was clear to some members of the team that there were elements of the story that were missing, but they were never in the position to ask for more information. JJ had always been secretive, and they knew that questioning her would only serve to push her away.
Emily pictured herself and JJ, sitting on the double bed that that they had to share due to a shortage of available twin rooms. She recalled how tired everyone was – especially JJ. They had been working the case for over three weeks and had made little progress. All they had was an understanding of the Unsub's victim profile. This guy – whoever he was – was good at keeping evidence to a minimum. After another long day working from the local police station, they tucked into a takeaway margarita pizza as they childishly played a game of truth or dare. The brunette had suggested it in hopes that it would take JJ's mind off of everything, even if it was just for a few moments. Emily had started off easily by asking the blonde to tell her something that she didn't already know about her.
JJ had sat there, silently eating her slice of pizza and thinking of something suitable to confess to Emily. She tucked her long hair behind her ear as a grin appeared on her face.
"Yah know Emily," she took another bite of the pizza, "you might become a Godmother after all." Her blue eyes looked up to meet the shocked look of her best friend.
The brunette quickly launched herself at JJ, nearly crushing her in a bear-hug. Emily pulled back.
"Are you serious Jayje? Because I might just cry if you lied to me!" she shrieked, clearly joking about the latter.
The blonde nodded, as she resumed to eating the slice of pizza that had been catapulted across to the opposite side of the bed.
"Will and I talked about it, and we agreed that we both want one more child – we're just trying now so it's not official...but yeah, I want you to be the Godmother if things work out." A cheeky grin appeared on her face, "so long as you're okay with Aaron being the Godfather."
Emily lightly hit JJ's arm. Her face began to flush bright red,"o-of course that's okay with me! We'll just argue about who gets to take our Goddaughter or Godson on day trips on our weekends off, or who they love more – and it'll obviously be me!"
JJ laughed at her friend, "yeah, yeah, you and I both know that you looooooove Hotch!"
Before JJ knew it, a pillow was thrown in her direction and narrowly missed her face. Though it did send the crust of her slice of pizza flying across the bed once again. She raised an eyebrow at a clearly embarrassed Emily, before quickly reciprocating with the throw of another pillow with such strength that Emily nearly fell backwards off the bed. The blonde burst into a fit of laughter.
"Do you really think you're going to win a pillow fight Em'?" She dramatically winked at the brunette, her face showing nothing but mischief. "Another thing that you and I both know is that I never back down from a fight!"
However, now JJ was too weak to put up a fight. Her instincts screamed at her to elbow her captor where it would really hurt, but for some reason she couldn't make her body move. All she could think about was how cold she felt. Shivers travelled up her spine causing her to visibly shake and her teeth continued chattering, just like they had for what felt like forever and a day at this stage. All she had to provide her with warmth was the rough, scratchy material of a white nightgown, which was adorned with mint green polka dots. It reminded JJ of an all-too-familiar hospital gown.
Hotch was the first agent to speak. He took a step forward, holstered his weapon and raised his hands.
"Patrick, I know what happened with your brother Seán." His voice masked just how nervous he was. He face remained stoic but nothing could hide the slight shake of his hands.
Patrick's smile was quickly replaced with a look of anger and disbelief.
"You don't know anything!" JJ whimpered as the barrel of the gun was pushed harder against her head.
Hotch nodded curtly, "I know how much he tore your family apart. He would disappear for days on end, making you and your parents worried sick, and would eventually return to your doorstep clearly high on heroine. Your parents were forced to sell the house in order to continue paying for his third admission to rehab, and you were forced to move to a public school because they could no longer afford to pay for private tuition."
Patrick's eyes narrowed as he recalled his twin brother. Hotch continued, "You were bullied in your new school. Your parents divorced after your brother was found dead outside the local hospital. He had overdosed on heroine and his death was ruled a suicide."
The Unit Chief's stomach churned when he didn't fail to observe the brief look of joy that flashed across the face of the man in front of him. "You and I both know Patrick that Seán did not end his own life."
Patrick's green eyes closed and he began to shake his head in anger as images appeared in his head of his brother, begging him not to inject him with a lethal dose of the drug. His feet shifted beneath him and Hotch noticed that he loosened his hold on JJ slightly.
"He ruined my life! Just like she -" he roughly pulled JJ even closer to him and readjusted his hold of the gun he was holding. "Just like she ruined her family's life! They didn't deserve anything she did to them! I'm sure they'd agree that she brings nothing but misery into their lives. She. Deserves. To. Die!"
Hotch shook his head, his harsh gaze never faltered, "Killing Seán didn't help your family Patrick. Your parents divorced, your father was found dead in his new apartment three months later – he drank himself to death. And your mother – she attended weekly therapy sessions for years after their deaths. Killing Agent Jareau will not help her family, just like it did not help yours. If anything, it will only cause more pain and suffering. You don't want to be the cause of that, do you?"
"No. No. No," Patrick began to quickly shake his head, the black hood of his sweater falling down to reveal his head of messy red hair. "I didn't cause any suffering! I was trying to help those people! I wanted to help those families! They should thank me for what I did for them!"
Suddenly, his brow furrowed and his fore-finger quickly moved to land on the trigger of the shotgun.
The sound of a two gunshots echoed around the room.
Two bodies fell to the floor.
The remaining four agents behind Hotch lowered their guns in disbelief.
It was over.