Everyone calls him a monster. They tell me I should too. After all, I was his slave, his property, his mistress. For all that, they tell me I should hate him, despise his memory. Like everyone else.
I find I cannot. They say it is Stakara Syndrome. That I identify with my captors. The counsellors and psydocs say this happens, that I must recognise that I was a victim. They say he did not love me, that I was just a tool to him. Someone to abuse for his pleasure and to hurt his wife. That last part is true. They hated each other.
Is that what you want to hear? That every aspect of his life was one of absolute villainy? That he was cruel and manipulative in every dealing?
I guess you do not want to hear how he taught me to read. Of why he ordered the Antoroine Massacre.
He was appalled when he discovered I was illiterate. He asked why. I told him. Women from my world are not allowed to do so. It is one of many things we are not permitted to do.
I had never seen him so angry. It was if it was a personal affront to him. That such barbarism, that was the word he used, could exist.
Yes, I am aware I was his slave. That slavery too is barbaric. I am not sure why he bought me. I suspect it was the done thing for such as him to have a mistress. So he ordered a functionary to purchase a pretty slave to look the part. Does that change things? Probably not. You will see it as more proof of his callousness, his indifference to those beneath him. It is most likely you are right.
He taught me to read. What do you want to hear? Unfortunately, he was kind and patient. He would take several hours every day to tutor me when in system. He also taught me logic and reason. I suppose that was so he could explain his vision, his desire for what the New Order should become.
He hated war and conflict. He saw it as wasteful, inefficient. He wanted to make war so terrible, so horrific that it would be unthinkable.
Yes, he was mad. On that you are correct. Making war terrible has never prevented it.
He took me to plays, to operas and concerts. Mainly to share his love of what he saw as the height of civilisation. I suppose that will be seen as decadence and encouraging such. It became the fashion for officials to patronise the arts.
Why is that no longer the case? Is it because you cannot bear to be associated with anything of your enemies?
He also took me home.
I stood beside him on the bridge of the Conqueror as he gave the order to bombard Antoroine.
You say it was an atrocity. Another horror inflicted upon the Galaxy. All I know is that their holy words, catechism and teachings were no proof against the weapons of the New Order. That I smiled when the firing squad executed the Grand Hierophant and his council.
Antoroine was not a theocracy under the Empire. Half the population were considered to be more than chattels. Beautiful and headstrong young women were not sold into slavery offworld, lest they tempt the faithful. They never mention that, why?
I hear you restored their government in reward for the many who flocked to your cause. That his death is a holy day, celebrated with burning effigies and fireworks. I wonder what they do with women like me? Do you know? Will you check?
Anyways, you want me to denounce him. To call him a monster, a villain for the ages. I guess he was. His final order was monstrous, even I acknowledge that. Still I will not. I owe him that much.
Did I love him? Maybe. Did he love me? I do not think so. His first, and only love was our civilisation. Which you will say he did not.
I will never hate Tarkin.