Disclaimer: I don't own Zoey 101
A/N: so I've decided that Rascall flatt's has some great break up songs, and I keep getting stories in my head from them, so here is another one. For those of you wondering, I am not going to be writing any chapter stories anytime soon, but I will probably do some more song fics, I have a fair few songs in mind. I liked doing those and these help me unwind from studying for finals, which suck.
This one is depressing but I like it.
Enjoy!
I Feel Bad
I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my face
Quinn sat on the couch watching Logan's bags by the door. He had so many, there was more then she knew even existed. She just watched silently as he placed the last one down and turned towards her. She looked away. He sighed.
A knock sounded on the door, she didn't move. Logan opened the door, Chase and Michael stood on the doorstep, solemn face. Logan pointed at his bags; they each grabbed a few and walked out the door.
Quinn followed and stood in the doorway watching them load the bags into Chase's trunk. Not a tear slid down her cheek.
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bed
Logan lifted the last bag into the car and slammed the hood. He hung his head, she saw him take a deep breath and then look up into her eyes.She stared back, standing cross armed and held his gaze. All he saw there was emptiness, no feeling, no hurt, not sorrow, nothing. Logan didn't get it, why wasn't she breaking down?
Quinn watched Logan move to the side door, after one last glance at her, he slid inside. She watched the car back to the end of the driveway, wondering why she wasn't in tears, why this wasn't hurting. What was wrong with her?
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, seems so wrong
I can't explain it
The car made it to the end of the driveway and backed into the street and then pulled away, for forever.
Quinn watched solemnly, as it started to rain, to pour. Yet she stood staring at the driveway. She wasn't crying, not a tear, and that seemed wrong. Her husband had just left her, forever, yet she felt nothing. It was wrong, unnatural, but she had not emotion left.
The rain continued to pour, harder and harder, as if trying to show her what she should be doing, her tears should be cascading like the raindrops, but they weren't and wouldn't ever. She turned and went back inside.
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I 'm numb, baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
She shut the door and headed toward the kitchen, her mind reeling.
Flashback
She lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She sighed heavily, and glanced at the clock beside her bed. The numbers glowed read, reading 3:30. Where the hell was he?
Just as she turned to her side, deciding that maybe she would call him. She heard the bedroom door open. Her brain screamed with anger and she decided she wasn't going to let it go this time.
"Where the hell have you been!?" she screamed sitting up in bed and staring at him.
Logan halted, clearly hoping he would have made it in without being caught. "Party got out of hand." He said simply. "Sorry."
"Sorry!? Sorry!? Are you kidding me!?" Quinn got out of bed and walked over to him. "I've been up all night, wondering if you were dead in a ditch or with someone else!" she was screaming, anger taking over the hurt.
"Babe, don't over react, it was nothing." Logan went to brush past her, but Quinn stood still, solid, not letting him by.
"No, it's not nothing! This is the third time this week!" She was seething. "I can't do this all the time." Her voice broke.
"Then don't, I'm fine." He replied.
"You're not dead sure, but what about something else?" she faltered, she had to know, even if it crushed her, she had to know if he was cheating.
"You know me better than that." He said slowly.
"Yeah, I thought I did," her voice broke again and she felt tears in her eyes.
"What do you mean? You don't trust me!?" He barked, not believing she was serious.
"I don't know if I can." Her voice was wobbling form the sobs she was trying to hold back.
"But…" Logan stopped, he had no idea what to say. "You can trust me!" were the only words he could find, they weren't the right ones, but he didn't have those.
"No, I can't!" He never denied it; he wasn't begging her to believe him. This was wrong. "Go sleep on the couch, I don't want to be near you!"
"But babe…" he pleaded.
"No, go!" she screamed pointing to the door. He gave her one more pleading look, before he left. She slept alone that night and cried herself to sleep. It was the beginning of the end.
End Flashback.
I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about throwing love away
She walked to the kitchen and leaned on the counter and scanned the room, there was no trace of him left. Not a shoe, not a paper, nothing. They had been married five years and dated for three years before that. That was eight years that she had devoted to him. Eight years she never could get back. She
should be seething, screaming about him to Lola and Zoey but she wasn't. She was standing strong, here in her kitchen, not hurting.
Yeah, maybe they could have worked things out, but she didn't know if it was worth it. Their love hadn't been real, they had wanted it to be, and they had pretended it was. Both believed they were mean to be. But both were too scared to say it, maybe they weren't mean to be. Maybe it was really nothing but an attraction between them, nothing more.
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking.
But I won't lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel bad
Maybe that was why her heart didn't feel broken. Maybe because it was never really touched by him, if he hadn't touched it, he couldn't really break it, right?
Sure, she would let that be the reason. Make herself feel better. She had seen his eyes, seen the pain and hurt in them. She had touched and broken his heart, yet he hadn't done the same to hers. That made her feel guilty, almost.
She slapped the counter, startling herself. She wasn't going to do this, she was done with him and the lies and the broken promises. She was starting fresh. Today was the first day of the rest of her life.
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, seems so wrong
I can't explain it
She turned and went to the living room and opened her computer and started it up. While it booted she went to grab some snacks. Yeah, they might say her heart was ice or hard as stone, but she didn't care. She was done being crushed, she was moving on.
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb, Baby I hate it
I feel bad
She hated that she couldn't cry but she had no tears left, he took all those with him.
Flashback
"Are you having an affair?" Quinn asked bluntly at dinner one night.
Logan dropped his fork and stared at her, confused. "Excuse me?" he asked.
"You heard me." She spat
"No," he said. "Why the hell do you ask?" he was stunned but angry that she would think something like that.
"The late night parties, various 'dinners' with female actors, the mysterious calls. It all adds up." Quinn said staring him straight in the eye.
"Well re-check your adding, cause it's not true. I'm insulted and hurt you would say that!" he continued.
"Well I'm hurt and insulted that would lie to me. I don't and can't trust you." She spat standing up.
"Are you saying you don't believe me!?" he asked, confused and slightly pissed.
"That's right. I saw your eyes shift like they do when you lying. You're lying and I'm done." She seethed slamming her chair into the table, and pulled off her ring and threw it at him, then she turned and left the room.
Logan was stunned, shocked and utterly confused. Had she just left him? "What!?" he cried, his voice breaking as he held her ring between his fingers.
"You heard me!" her voice rang down the hall, and he heard a slight sob, then a door slam.
Quinn collapsed on the bed and sobbed, more than she ever had before.
That I don't feel bitter, lone
I just feel its time, it's time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on
She grabbed the popcorn from the microwave and collapsed on the couch, computer propped upon her stomach. She was done crying over Logan Reese, she had no more tears and al she wanted was to move on. And move one, she would do.
Yeah.
Baby, it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb, baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad
Yeah she had no more tears to spare, no more sorrow left. Sure she felt bad, but she also felt relieved and glad to be done with it all.
A/N: I know depressing. But I think I am going to make this into a two-shot with a look at Logan and another take on what Quinn is really feeling. If I do what I plan on doing, it's going to get really sad, but we'll see. Review and let me know what you thought. Thanks!