"You still here Liv?" Cragen asked coming out of his office, noticing everyone gone but Olivia still sitting at her desk.
"Yeah, just finishing up this 5." she replied not looking up.
"Your partner leave?" he asked referring to Amaro.
She turned quickly to him, her first time looking up, "He's not my partner."
Cragen sighed, he knew Olivia was having a hard time since Elliot left and he knew she hasn't made an effort to get to know the new detectives, especially Nick Amaro. "It's been a month Liv. Elliot is gone, you should try to give Amaro a chance." she shook her head and turned her attention back to her paperwork. Cragen walked over to Amaro's desk, grabbed his chair and slid it right next to Olivia. "Liv? What happened between you an Elliot?"
"Nothing."
"Were you fighting? I know how intense your fights could get, did this one maybe get out of hand?" he asked.
She stopped typing and looked up at him, "We weren't fighting."
"So something else happened then?"
She was starting to get upset, the last thing she wanted to talk about was Elliot, "Are you saying that whatever caused Elliot to leave was because of me?"
He shook his head, "No. Have you talked to him?" she shook her head 'no'. "Not even after the divorce?"
"He's divorced?"
Cragen nodded, "Yeah it was finalized a little after he left. He didn't tell you?"
"No." she then turned back to her work, hoping her captain would get the hint and leave her alone.
But he stayed, "What happened Liv? You weren't fighting so did something else happen between you two?" she remained silent, trying to ignore him as she was typing. "There's been rumors and if something did happen, I think you should tell me." she turned her chair to fully face him but still didn't say a word. "Liv did you and Elliot-" he trailed off.
"Are you asking me if I slept with my partner?" he looked down at his hands twiddling in his lap. "Seriously Captain?"
"Did you?" he asked, his eyes reaching hers again.
She chuckled in disbelief, "Wow. You too huh?" she closed her laptop, stood from her chair and grabbed her things, "I'm leaving."
It was getting late, a little after 10pm.
He sat watching a Knicks vs Celtics game with a beer in one hand and a bag of chips sitting on the couch next to him. The game was close. 138 to 136 with the Knicks up in double overtime. There was about 9 seconds left on the shot clock and the Celtics had the ball. Go for the win or force a triple overtime? Rajon Rondo had the ball, dribbling, looking for an open teammate to past the ball to. 4 seconds left and with the Knicks defense taking over the court, he had no choice but to shoot. About two feet inside the arc, Rondo threw it up and-
-KNOCK, KNOCK-
Looking towards the door, Elliot cursed having missed rondo's perfect jumper, forcing the game into a triple overtime. Elliot set his beer on the coffee table and stood up to retrieve the door. He opened it and was surprised to see who was on the other side, "Olivia?"
"Well it's good to see that you're still alive." she stated but he said nothing, just stared. "I heard about the divorce, thanks for telling me." she said sarcastically, pushing around him and entering the apartment. He closed the door behind her, "Nice place." she said with no emotion in her voice.
"Liv I'm sorry I didn't return your calls."
"Yeah, me too." she stared at him for a while and he stared back, "What did I do Elliot?"
"What, what do you mean?"
"What did I do that was so bad that you left me, huh? I mean leaving SVU, I get that. But me?" she took a step closer to him. "You were my best friend Elliot, the only person in my life that I could trust. Trust to be there for me and to have my back. You were my partner. What happened to that 'we're partners, for better or for worse?' crap Elliot?" she was getting angrier and angrier by the second. "What kind of partner, what kind of best friend leaves without so much as a goodbye?"
"Liv I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I needed space."
"Space from me?" she scoffed, "What did I do that caused you to need space?"
He reached out to grab her hand, "You didn't do anything Liv, I just needed a break, a new start."
"Why?"
He shook his head, "I don't know."
She dropped her hands, "That's bull."
"I know. God I know and I'm sorry Liv but I would've came back to you. Maybe not SVU but I would've came back to you." he ran his hand down his face. "There was just so much going on, with Jenna, with the divorce, everything. I just needed space. Some time to work through it all."
She nodded, "I get that Elliot, I do. But why shut me out? You know I would've been there for you. Every step of the way."
"I know. That's why I needed space from you. I didn't want to affect your life by dragging you down in mine."
"You know that's not true Elliot. You're my partner, my best friend. I would've been there." he nodded and sat down on the couch, looking towards the tv. He noticed that the Knicks won in triple overtime.
He looked up at her, "I'm sorry."
She took a deep breath and exhaled, "I know."
"You're my best friend too."
"Then next time you're going through something like this, come to me. Don't shut me out." he nodded as she took a seat next to him. "I'm still mad at you though."
He smiled, and grabbed her hand, "How are the guys?"
"They're good. They talk about you a lot. I know they miss you." he smiled again, "We got two new detectives."
"Are they as good as me?"
She laughed, "Not a chance. But they're good cops." he nodded and faced her.
"The Captain?"
"He's fine." she turned to look at him too, "He's part of the reason I showed up her tonight. He was pressuring me to tell him what happened between us, then he asked if we slept together and if that was the reason why you left."
"He did?" she nodded, "What did you say?"
"Nothing. I was just so pissed at him. One for bringing you up in the first place and two for accusing me of sleeping with you and causing you to leave."
He pushed a stray hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear, "I'm sure he didn't mean anything like that Liv."
She shrugged and stood up, "I should go." he nodded and got up too, walking her to the door.
"Thanks for stopping by Liv."
"Thanks for letting me in." she smiled and turned to leaved but quickly turned back around as he was closing the door, "El?"
"Yeah?"
"If I hadn't came here tonight, would you have ever reached out to me?"
He cupped her cheek, "Maybe not right away but as I told you before, I would've found my way back to you." she nodded staring deeply into his eyes, he leaned in and kissed her forehead, "Text me when you get home okay."
"Will you reply?"
"Yeah. I will."
The next morning Olivia arrived a little early to finish up her work that she didn't complete last night. One by one, each of her fellow detectives came in after her. Her new partner, Nick, dropped a coffee off at her desk. She thanked him and took a sip, frowning at the taste. "Is that how you like it?" he asked her as he sat down at his desk.
"It's fine." she smiled weakly at him.
Cragen came out of his office and approached her, "Liv, my office please."
She sighed, not looking up. She was still upset with him, "No thank you." she replied, causing her peers to look up at her.
"I wasn't asking." He left and began walking back to his office. "Now Detective." he called back.
Reluctantly she stood up, "Everything okay Baby-girl?" Fin asked her.
She looked at him but didn't respond. After entering the office, she closed the door and crossed her arms. "Have a seat. Please." She shook her head and told her she'd rather stand. He knew she was still mad at him and was being stubborn. "Elliot called."
"And?"
"He said you went to see him last night and that he felt like he needed to talk to me." he waited for her to say something but she just stared at him. "He wants you to be here to."
"He's coming here?" Cragen nodded. "Okay, but I'm not sitting in. Whatever he needs to say to you he can, but I've got work to do."
"Liv I think you should be in here when he comes."
"No thanks." She grabbed the handle on the door. "Can I go now?"
Cragen nodded at her before he spoke up, "He'll be here at 11 if you change your mind."
The next few hours dragged on. Each minute she expected him to walk through those double doors, but he didn't. She decided it was time for another cup of coffee, and excused herself to make her a cup. As she was pouring, she heard Fin greeting someone. She turned around and saw him hugging her former partner then moving out of the way so that Munch had a turn. After the hugs, he scanned the room, obviously looking for her. When their eyes met, his lit up. He smiled and walked to her, "Hello detective." He said quietly and wiggled his eyebrows at her.
She couldn't help but smile as she set her coffee down and he pulled her into a hug. "Hi Elliot."
"Since when are they talking again?" Munch asked Fin, causing him to shrug.
The hug lingered as he inhaled her scent. She began to pull away, but he held her tighter, "Not yet. God I've missed you so much."
"Your fault." she told him as she pulled away. "Don't you need to see the Captain?"
He nodded, "Yeah, you're coming in right?"
She shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. "No. You should talk to him alone." She looked over to his office and saw him standing at the door. "Looks like he's waiting for you."
"It's good to see you Elliot." Cragen took his seat and motioned for Elliot to sit across from him. "How have you been."
"I've been better, but it does feel good to be away from this place. No offense."
His former captain smiled, "I get it. What are your plans for work?"
"Uh- right now, I think I'm just going to take a while off. I don't want to come back to SVU but maybe something else would be a better fit for me."
"I agree. I can help you, you know when you start looking again and need any recommendations."
Elliot smiled, "Thanks Captain."
"Don. I'm not your captain anymore Elliot." Cragen reached into the bottom of his desk and pulled out a bottle of scotch and a glass. He filled it a quarter of the way up and slid it across his desk to Elliot. Elliot took a sip, grimacing as the liquor slid down his throat. "You want to tell me what happened? Between you and Liv?"
"We're good now."
"Then tell me what made you leave here."
He took another sip, "I shot a kid. I killed her."
"It was a good shooting Elliot."
Elliot nodded, "For everyone else, it seemed like a good shooting. But it wasn't" He took another sip and Cragen reached out his hand for the cup. Elliot slid it to him and watched as he poured some more of the brown liquid in his glass before giving it back to him.
"What do you mean it wasn't? She shot up the squad room. Innocent people died because of her."
Elliot nodded, sipping again. He then set the cup of the desk, not wanting to drink too much too fast. "And yet, I didn't care about them." he noticed the confused look on Cragen's face and continued, "I promised myself that I wouldn't choose her over the job again but I did." Cragen sighed finally understanding what he meant. "And I knew that I would do it again in a heartbeat, that's why I had to leave."
"Elliot it's no doubt that you were close-" Cragen started.
"You don't understand. That day, when Jenna came in and started shooting, the only person I could think of was Liv. What if she had got shot? Captain when I tell you that she was the only life I cared about saving-" he trailed off. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her knowing that I could stop it."
"Son, even if she was who you thought of first, you still saved a lot of people in that room."
"I know. But I didn't care. I needed her down, I couldn't let her hurt Liv." He spoke softer, "She was a kid Don and I killed her." He let a single tear fall from his eyes and whispered, "I killed her."
"Elliot-"
He shook his head silencing him, "This past month, I've thought about that day. I've thought about Liv. I've thought about my kids. What if I had to choose between one of them and Liv? What if one of my kids would have been in that squad room that day too? Would I have shot Jenna to protect them or Olivia? When I couldn't answer that, it scared me." He stood up and began pacing, staring at the floor. "I love my kids, I do more than anything but I couldn't answer that question. If it came down to it, who would I save?"
"Elliot you shouldn't be thinking about that."
"I know but I couldn't help it. I've been with Liv for 13 years, she means a lot to me. So much. I'd do anything for her."
"Elliot look at me." Elliot stopped and stared at him. "What do you think that means son?"
"I don't know- I- when I'm with her I feel- , But when I'm away from her I-" Elliot shook his head and sat back down. "Don I-" he trailed off again.
"Elliot, finish your sentence."
"I'm- dammit Captain, I'm in love with her."
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