Sum: Prequel to: Bear Please!: Fix It! & Really...A Splinter?

A/N: Enjoy!

Max sends Larry the hamster flying instead of supposedly killing David. David is livid by this but remains calm. Gwen on the other hand doesn't bother to leave her cabin for something as stupid as dealing with redheads dumb plan to find a new mascot. Honestly, it was the stupidest idea the ember headed counselor ever came up with. And she was not going to subject herself to this crazy nature lovers ideals. "No." Gwen grouses, so with that one word out of her mouth she just slams the door in the campman's face.

David frowns, but puts a smile right back on his face as he calls all the campers over to the dock. "Since Gwen is a little under the weather, she can't help with our activities. And since this is the only thing I can do without her help, lets go find us a new camp mascot instead!"

"Fuck that shit, why do we have to do it?!"

"Well, we were supposed to make homemade ice cream as a activity, but someone ruined that by trying to pull a prank on me. So to make up for losing our only mascot we're going to look for one, because...Every. Camp. Has a mascot, Max!" David says through clenched teeth as he smiles and walks away to go help out the other campers on their search.

Max groans in agitation, why did David think this was a good idea?! 'Fuck, I should have known this would happen. Why did my catapult miss? I was so goddamn close!'

Max pinches the bridge of his nose before massaging his temples and running his hands over his face. "Fuck, I need a damn break from David. One damn day, just one that's all I fucking need." He sighs and puts his hand back in his hoodie pockets. Looking around he notices the Quartermaster and grins. The imagery gears seem to churn in his head.

Finally, an opportunity to get away from the forest loving David!

"Oh, Davey!"

"Yes, Max?" David smiles as he focuses all his attention on Max. Like he always does. Eyes wide with no chance of blinking and mouth set in a too wide smile. The perfect combination of freaky with a dash or "what the fuck is wrong with this man!".

Ugh, that creepy forest loving fuck.

"Why don't you let half of us go with the Quartermaster?" Max asks in sickly sweet tone almost making himself gag as the words left his mouth. However, he keeps himself composed in order for the plan to work. He needs this day away from this man's ADHD for loving the outdoors. And if he has to 'play nice' then he'll do it. "I'm sure he'll teach us a new view of the forest around here~!"

David's smile widens even more (if that where possible). "Oh, Max! That is a marvelous idea! You can learn all you need to know from our beloved Quartermaster! Heck, he's practically family." The redheads eyes begin to sparkle albeit dramatically. "Once you get to know him you'll surely love him too!"

Max false smiles as he says, "Sure David, I for one... would love to get to know him better if you'll let me. I mean who wouldn't like to learn new things from their elders?"

Neil quietly snorts, "Bullshit."

"Shut up!" Blue hooded brunette discreetly grumbles back just as quietly.

Nikki giggles and whispers, "Good luck with that Max, you'll need it if he decides to wear your skin!"

"Oh, gosh this is beautiful!" Briefly fanning himself David steps in again like a ball of overzealous enthusiasm. "Alright kids! Who would like to explore the forest with our dear Quartermaster?" The only ones that raise their hands are Max and Kit. Everyone else takes a step back even Nikki and Neil. "Guess everyone else is all for team David, see ya later Max!"

'Traitors!' Max inwardly seethes before wondering why Kit decided to go. 'You know what, I'm not gonna question it.'

20 minutes later...

"So...why are you coming with me and the quartermaster?" Max asked as they walk through the dark dank woods. They've been following said creepy old man for twenty minutes now and can barely see anything close to civilization.

Hell! It was just trees, bushes, dirt, rocks, animal shit and more goddamn trees!

The taller shrugs as he replies, "I wanna see your face when you find out how much of a waste of time this'll be."

"Fuck you."

Kit merely grins the tiniest bit almost none existent. "Careful how you phrase that someone might take you seriously."

Max makes a face that pretty close to surprise slash confusion. "What the fu-"

"Nah, I'm not interested." The older boy laughs in a bland manner. "Your too short anyway, must be all the coffee you're drinking."

"You hypocritical bas-"

"Must be nice being so low to the ground. Bet you can practically see every blade of grass you come into contact with, huh?"

"Fuck you!"

"Hah, sorry. Don't swing that way or that low."

Max is livid by the time the quartermaster takes them to a bush blocking a clearing.

"Listen here ya brats, shut it up! We're here." Quartermaster says slicing the bush apart to show a squirrel seated on a thrown. It was surrounded by flowers, light fluffy green grass, and singing birds plus other animals. All in all it was the most beautiful clearing, fit for a king. So beautiful that Max starts to give a actual shit. That is... until that old fuck stabs the squirrel king effectively murdering it. "There a mascot."

Max jumps back. "WHAT THE FUCK! YOU KILLED IT!"

"Oh...", the quartermaster shrugs.

Kit puts a hand on Max's head patting his hair in a condescending way. "I told this was a waste of time."

Kit is chuckling dryly as they walk back to the pear. Max looks even more fed up with the camp and the quartermaster is being carried by his royal animal subjects.

"I told you~!"

"Again. Fuck you, smartass."

"Again, no thanks, shorty. It's a cute thought but I'm not really interested in a runt like you."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, Max." Kit says ruffling the shorter boys hair as he walks over to where David and the other kids are. Max flushes and scowls deeply at the ground, touching the place Kit had. Feeling his face get even warmer the brunette goes to the campers tents. He's basically stomping away from the campers at the dock making up names for their new camp mascot. All screaming: Pussies, pussies, pussies!

Back in his tent, Max groans as he hugs Mr. Honey-nuts close. "Why'd he have to be... so, ugh! I'm fucked."