Warning: Kakashi playing cupid, Love-beams. Need I say more?
An here's a picture of the Sharingan Love Beam to help you visualize it! XD : (er, since urls don't work, it called: 'Sharingan Love Beam', by: ensatsu-kokuryuha)
It's also my Valentines Card for all of you readers! :D
On another note, in order to get this fic submitted on time for today, it's not as proof-edited as much as I normally do. So if you see any glaring problems, feel free to tell me about it.
Sharingan Love-Beam
Feburary 14th; Valentine's Day:
The thing about the Sharingan, Kakashi realised one day, was that its abilities seemed to be endless. Completely unexpecting it, Kakashi managed to unlock yet another skill for his Sharingan. The Pinwheel Eyes, it seemed, did just about anything and everything. Kakashi didn't want to know what the Uchihas (when they were all alive) actually did with this particular technique of theirs, but Kakashi knew he had some ideas for it in the present.
And talk about timing; it was just in time for Valentine's Day too!
And what kind of teacher would he be if he didn't spend the day helping his precious students' love lives with this new technique? Besides, it sure was going to be fun!
x-x-x
Naruto was slurping up ramen at Ichiraku's when Kakashi popped in. "Ahh, Naruto, just the person I wanted to see," the man said happily as soon and he arrived. From the corner of his eye, he saw an indigo-haired girl nervously spying on the blond he was talking to. And was that chocolate he smelled?
"What are you planning, Sensei?" Naruto asked immediately, suspicion dripping off each word. Despite having sensed his teacher plotting immediately, he was completely oblivious to his stalker. Ahh, young love~
Nevertheless, Kakashi gave a small sulk from under the mask. "Do I look like the type with so much free time on my hands?"
Naruto's stare was all the answer Kakashi needed. "Fine," the silver-haired man huffed, "I go see if Sasuke wants to be my favourite student instead." The Jounin turned to leave, only have Naruto's frantic cry call him back.
"Wait! I'm sorry sensei!" the blond yelled.
Kakashi nodded seriously, "Good. You should be."
With a small pout on his lips, Naruto turned to his teacher. "So," he began, "If you're not planning anything, why are you here?" the boy asked curiously. There was still suspicion in his voice, but at least for now, it was toned down.
The Jounin shrugged. "You wouldn't happen to know the date, would you, Naruto?" Kakashi asked as nonchalant as he could. He grinned happily at his student, hoping the kid would get a clue.
All he got was confusion. "Did you hit your head, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked concernedly.
A lone grey-blue eye creased into an exasperate, closed smile, "The date?" Kakashi prompted again, undeterred. Was it any wonder Kakashi had to plot behind his students' backs?
"Oh, uhh, the fourteen," the blond answered slowly.
"Of?"
"February."
"And?" Kakashi nodded encouragingly.
"… Monday?"
"Aaannd?"
" … sunny with partial clouds?"
The Jounin groaned loudly into his gloved hands, "Naruto, tell me about the February fourteenth," Kakashi tried again, in a demanding voice.
The boy didn't look any better than he did a second ago, "It's … uhh … the day after the thirteenth?"
Kakashi let out a sigh. "Close enough," he muttered, patting the boy's back consolingly. "It's Valentine's Day. It's a time for sharing love and giving chocolates," he said in a slightly louder voice, emphasising certain words. There was a small, nervous 'meep' from behind a tree Kakashi pretended he didn't hear, lest he scared the girl away. Where was all the Valentines love in this village?
Revelation (finally) lit in Naruto's eyes. "Oooohh," he cried. There was a pause. "I'm not giving you any," the boy stated seriously.
Kakashi rolled his eye, "I don't want any from you."
"Oh, okay then … I guess," Naruto said uncertainly, " … so why are you here again?"
The man let out a defeated sigh into his hands. "You're hopeless," he grumbled out. "And you call yourself my student."
"It's not like I had a choice!" Naruto shot back at him.
Kakashi pretended not to hear the boy's retort. "You're hopeless." he repeated. Not a second later, the man brightened up, eyes gleaming, "But that's why I have this!" Kakashi cheered. He shoved his slated hitai-ate up revealing his sharingan, fully spinning.
Naruto looked startled, "Wha-" he started.
"Sharingan Love-Beam!" Kakashi practically sang.
A beam of pink light (eerily looking like a beam of a heart) erupted from Kakashi's Sharingan, hitting the boy square in the face. Naruto blinked rapidly clearing the pink from his sight. "Uhh …" he groaned out clutching his head.
"Yes, my darling student?" Kakashi urged, grinning eagerly.
Naruto blinked blearily, "What am I doing here, Sensei?" he asked looking around, suddenly confused.
"Eating," the silver-haired man answered.
"Alone?" The boy sounded horrified, and Kakashi sure didn't blame him.
Kakashi nodded solemnly, "I know; sad, isn't it?"
Naruto slammed his hands onto the countertop, jumping off his stool. "I'll see you around, sensei!" he cried over, "I'm not going to spend today all alone! Where's –" Frantic scrambling sounded from behind a tree as Naruto approached it. The sound definitely caught Kakashi's attention, and Naruto too, this time. The blond peeked behind the trunk, cerulean eyes brightening up immediately, "Hey, Hinata, just the person I wanted to see! Why are you behind a tree?" Naruto asked in boisterous cheeriness.
"Uh, uh, N-Naruto … " the girl stuttered out, face red at the boy's sudden attention.
Naruto didn't seem to notice at thing, "Well, this saves me the trouble of finding you! Want to hang out?" he asked happily.
"U-uh –"
"Oh, hey, are those chocolate?"
A bright blush lit the girl's face, but the girl was determined not to faint. "Th-they're f-for you." Hinata managed out, staring on the ground. Daring to take a peek from under her eyelashes, she got a face full of the brightest smile in the world. It took wonders for her not to faint this time.
"Oh! You're so nice, Hinata! It's Valentine's Day, isn't it?" The boy grinned delightedly as a sudden thought occurred to him. "Hey, if I buy you ramen, will you be mine?" he asked sweetly.
"I thought you weren't giving anyone anything?" Kakashi called gleefully over from the ramen stool.
Naruto frowned at his teacher, "I'm not giving anything to you! Hinata's special."
"Special?" The indiogo-haired girl whispered out.
Naruto nodded, "Yeah! You're my date!"
As the Hyuuga fell forwards in a faint, Naruto reached out to grab her, hugging the girl tight. Kakashi grinned to himself, knowing the girl wouldn't stand a chance of staying awake if she woke up at that moment.
Naruto looked frantic. "Kakashi-sensei! What do I do?" he cried, horrified.
The silver-haired man tried not to show his sly grin, "Oh, Naruto," he said nonchalantly, "Just take her somewhere quiet and watch over her. Maybe bring some food … and some candles and blankets…" The blond ran off without a thanks even before Kakashi was finished talking, not that the Jounin minded.
Left alone, Kakashi allowed himself a wide scheming grin, as his low sadistic chuckle echoed in the empty ramen bar. It seemed like the love-beam brought out the latent love in the clueless, dense masses. "This is fun."
And around the village, Kakashi's next victims all shivered at the premonition of something evil coming their way.
x-x-x
Kakashi was on his way to 'accidently' bump into to his other two students when he heard quiet grumbling from a twin-bunned girl sharpening her kunais beneath a tree. "Hello," Kakashi greeted. Never say he had no manners. "You're Gai's student," the man stated, "Tenten, right?"
Tenten looked up, "Oh, good morning, Kakashi-sensei," the girl greeted. "Umm," the girl looked around, "Gai-sensei isn't here right now …"
Kakashi tried not to shudder, "Good."
"You're not looking for him?"
"Do I look like someone who'd voluntarily look for torture?" the man deadpanned.
Tenten shrugged, obviously used to such things being said about her sensei. "So can I help you with anything, then?" the girl asked instead.
Kakashi pondered the question, as a slow, gradual grin built on his face, "Well, now that you mention it …" he began. Tenten tried not to flinch, seeing the sly smirk on the man's face. "What is a lovely girl like you doing alone on a special day like today?" Tenten tried not to remember all the perverted things Naruto had to say about his teacher either.
"I'm, er, training with Neji," the girl answered honestly, eyes flickering in distraught.
"On Valentine's Day?"
The girl chewed on her bottom lip uneasily. Suddenly, she looked more annoyed than nervous. "I asked Neji if he was busy today, and he thought I wanted to train together," the girl muttered moodily under her breath. "Stupid, ignorant, oblivious Neji."
Clearly her words were for herself, but Kakashi heard her anyways. His grey-blue eye, if possible looked even more thrilled at the statement. "You want a date?" the man sang gleefully, "Leave it to me!" A disturbingly mischievous undertone nearly overpowered his sentence.
Tenten looked scared. "Oh, er, I - okay … ?" she answered meekly.
"Great!"
And as luck would have it, not a second after, Neji came into view. The boy was bruised as though he had been training beforehand already. But frankly, that wasn't important. "Yo." Kakashi greeted as soon as the boy saw him.
"Kakashi-sensei. May I help you?" The Hyuuga greeted formally.
"Oh yes," Kakashi said seriously, "Let's see how you par with Naruto; do you know what today is?"
Neji frowned thoughtfully at Kakashi's words, "I suppose," the boy began slowly, "the answer you are looking for is 'Valentine's Day'?"
"Precisely," Kakashi nodded.
"Another day for civilians to make profit," the white-eyed boy continued.
His statement earned a frown from Kakashi, "It is a time for love!" the Jounin declared. "There is a lovely girl sitting just meters from us, free for a Valentines date. What a better way to share love than for a day specifically designed for it?"
"You sound like Gai-sensei right now," Neji deadpanned.
Kakashi cringed. "Right," he cut himself off, "Enough talking." The man reached to pull off this headband.
Neji immediately slipped into his juuken at the Jounin's actions. "You wish to spar?" the boy stated.
Kakashi snorted. "Don't be ridiculous."
The Hyuuga was undoubtly confused. "Then … ?" Neji prompted. Why else would Kakashi pull off his hitai-ate? Neji tried to fool himself into thinking that it was the wind, but the boy couldn't help but shiver as the silver-haired man suddenly grinned at him. There was something about that grin…
Kakashi waved his hand idly in the air, "I just thought you'd want to hear about something new about the Sharingan I found out."
Despite himself, Neji leaned forwards, "Yes?" he urged.
Kakashi smirked, "It's the ..." Kakashi gave a dramatic pause, "Sharingan Love-Beam!"
Too close to the attack, Neji couldn't dodge, as the boy fell into a daze as the love beam hit. For a second, nothing seemed to happen as Neji stood on the field blinking into the distance. A second later, the boy's white eyes focused, snapping out of his stupor, staring back into Kakashi's eager face.
The boy inclined his head. "I apologise, Kakashi-sensei," Neji said abruptly, "I just remembered I have prior engagements to attend to."
"Oh?" Kakashi hummed. His eyes creased into a smile. "Is that so? Go right ahead."
Neji dropped into a short bow before turning away to his teammate. Kakashi grinned as the boy approached the twin-bunned girl. Said girl looked completely confused at the halted battle.
"Neji?" Tenten questioned curiously.
"What do you think about The Blue Petunia?"
Tenten arched her eyebrow, "It's … er, a nice restaurant?"
"Excellent. I am able to get a table there for today without reservations. The owner owes me a favour."
The girl's eyes narrowed into a confused frown at her teammate's words. "Good for you?" she tried, not sure why Neji was telling her this.
The boy's head tilted ever-so slightly to the side, "Do you not wish to go?"
"I – what?" she shot a look over at Kakashi, who merely grinned innocently back at the girl.
Neji pursed his lips, "Do you not want to spend Valentines Day with me?" he clarified, with what suspiciously sounding like disappointment in his voice.
"What? No!" Tenten exclaimed. "I just …" The girl shot another glance at the grinning silver-haired Jounin, "- just didn't think you'd want to have a Valentines Dinner with me."
"There is no one else I'd rather spend it with," Neji said succinctly, before holding out his hand. "Shall we?"
Tenten blushed and hooked her arm around the offered hand. As the two strolled away, Tenten turned to the Hyuuga, "So what changed your mind anyways? What did Kakashi say?"
"Kakashi?" Neji frowned. "He didn't say anything … ?" he said, voice conveying his confusion at Tenten's words.
The girl looked suspicious but didn't say anymore on the topic, much to Kakashi's relief. It wouldn't do to have the boy snap out of his love-hazed mind and remembered about his desire to train today. Making sure the two were well on their way towards a nice restaurant, Kakashi nodded gleefully to himself.
Another happy couple, Kakashi thought happily. And onwards!
x-x-x
Kakashi's trek from the training grounds led him towards two young boys sitting on a grassy hill, relaxing. And, essentially wasting away a wonderful holiday, Kakashi added to himself. That gave him more than enough reason to approach the two.
Chouji was the first to notice him arriving, being the one with his eyes towards the ground rather than up in the skies, unlike his friend.
Kakashi silently thanked his chattering loudmouthed student, as he recalled the Akimichi's name immediately. "Yo, Chouji, want to see something interesting?" Kakashi asked cheerfully as soon as he arrived.
"Sure," the boy answered immediately, crunching on a chip.
"Great; look at this." The boy's eyes looked up, focusing on Kakashi's revealed eye when the older man gestured up to it. "Sharingan Love-Beam!"
From the corner of his eyes, Kakashi saw Shikamaru flicker his eyes over at him as a pink hue casted over their spot. Chouji froze in place, blinking rapidly, but otherwise looked fine. There was a questioning look in the genius's eyes, clearly thinking whatever Kakashi did had no effect on Chouji.
And then the Akimichi dropped his bag of chips.
Shikamaru sat up, attention focused completely on the larger boy beside him. Said boy lolled his head to the side, before a dopey grin appeared on the Akimichi's face. "What do you think about chocolate?" Chouji asked suddenly, in a dazed voice.
Shikamaru frowned, "With the barbecue chips you have? Disgusting." he said tensely.
"No, for Ino," the boy replied, making no move to pick up the aforementioned chips. He didn't even seem to notice the surprised look his friend was giving him. "Maybe she'd want flowers instead?"
"What would she want flowers for?"
Clearly not detecting his friend's tone, Chouji nodded to himself, "Yeah, you're right; Ino owns a flower shop. She doesn't need anymore." The boy moved to get up, shuffling away while talking to himself, "Maybe she'd like to go to a nice restaurant? Or maybe ..."
Shikamaru knew something was definitely wrong when his friend didn't even bother bidding him goodbye. The lazy genius fixed a glared over at the chuckling Jounin standing beside him. "What did you do to Chouji?" he demanded.
Kakashi didn't seem to notice his mood at all. "Hmmm?"
"He would never drop a bag of half-eaten chips and walk away from them." Shikamaru stressed. "What did you do?"
There was an idle shrug. "I spread the love," Kakashi told the boy with a smile. "Did you know they call me the Love Guru?" Kakashi said instead.
Shikamaru paused thoughtfully. "No," he replied. "No they don't."
"Yeah, but they should. Hey Shikamaru, want to see something interesting?" Kakashi continued with a happy smile.
Shikamaru arched an eyebrow at the man. "I don't have to be a genius to not fall for that." the boy deadpanned. "Especially after you just used that on Chouji."
Kakashi just shrugged again, undaunted. "Shame. Now I have to be creative." The man tapped his chin thoughtfully, looking around. "Oh look!" he exclaimed suddenly, pointing behind the boy, widening his eyes, "A deer's on the loose!"
Shikarmau stared blankly at him.
Kakashi frown, "Oh, fine," he muttered in a pouting tone, "Don't believe me."
"What did you do to Chouji?" Shikamaru asked again.
Tapping his chin thoughtfully, Kakashi suddenly grinned once more as the turned towards the boy. "The same thing I'm going to do to you," Kakashi murmured quietly. The silver-haired man made to step forwards towards the sitting boy only to find himself unable to do so. Flickering his eyes down to the shadow under him told him exactly why.
Shikamaru looked up at the man carefully avoiding the man's visible spinning red eye, "I've caught you in my Kagemane no Jutsu," he stated, "If you don't tell your purpose, I will walk you up to the holding cells," the lazy boy threatened.
Kakashi hummed nonchalantly under his breath and tried to shrug, "I didn't do anything the kid would regret," he said idly. "Anyways, be a good Nara and stare defensively up into the clouds, will you?"
"Umm, no."
"I won't even move from this spot."
"Obviously, considering you can't," they boy countered in a drone. His voice, however, was definitely wearier that before.
Kakashi took his statement as a challenge. "Oh ho, Shikamaru, do you really think a Chuunin like you could overpower a Jounin?" Kakashi asked with a grin. The Nara kept quiet at that, and Kakashi knew the boy had realised already. "And besides," Kakashi continued, "I think you failed to realise one more crucial point." he said happily. Without a warning, Kakashi shot another Sharingan Love-Beam, grinning as they boy dropped his jutsu the moment the beam hit. "I don't need eye-contact to hit you with it," he crooned cheerfully.
Barely a second later, Shikamaru was plotting to himself of all possible last-minute plans for Valentines.
Kakashi left as the boy was muttering under his breath about how troublesome it was to carry roses all the way to Suna to surprise his special lady. It was troublesome, but the lazy boy got up to do it anyways. Kakashi gave a sly grin from under the mask. It seemed like the Nara was secretly a romanticist when he wasn't too busy being lazy.
Chuckling under his breath, Kakashi hopped away, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. There was still one more person on his list. Kakashi rubbed his hands together in a decidedly scheming manner, stifling a perverse giggle.
Ahh, time to go seek out his last victim – er – precious, love-ignorant student. Yes, that's what he meant to say. …yeah.
x-x-x
Kakashi found the lonely raven-haired victim on his first try. It was no surprise Sasuke was out in the training area sparring by himself as he always did. It was a crime that he was doing it alone on Valentine's Day (Oh God, Kakashi was starting to love this holiday) of all days!
"Hello, my darling, lovely student!" Kakashi greeted as soon as he dropped down in front of the Uchiha.
"Kakashi."
Kakashi smiled, his grin stretching his dark mask, "So, what are your plans for today?" the man asked, voice curling into a sickly-sweet croon.
Onyx eyes snapped up at the man's tone, "What do you want?" Sasuke asked cautiously.
"Aww," the scheming Jounin mock-sulked. "Can't I simply stop by to greet my diligently training student like a good teacher?"
Sasuke backed up indiscreetly, "No."
Kakashi let out a huff; that wouldn't do. "Well I am." he said stubbornly.
"Really?"
"Of course not." Long pale fingers reached at Kakashi's headband before Sasuke could even blink, "Sharingan Love-Beam~!"
"WHAT THE HELL?" Sasuke yelled, dark pupils dilated as he braced himself on all fours where he had managed to fling himself from Kakashi's beam at last second.
The Jounin just frowned at the Uchiha. "You're not supposed to dodge that, you know," he pointed out good-naturedly.
"The hell I'm not. You think I'd just stand here and let you attack me?" Sasuke snarled back.
Kakashi nodded patiently, "It's for your own good."
"And since when could the Sharingan shoot out beams?" the boy continued ranting.
"Since today." The Jounin paused, "Well, for me, at least."
"Teach me."
For a second, Kakashi wondered why his sexually obtuse student would want to learn a love-spreading technique of all things, before he realised that Sasuke, in fact, had no idea what the Sharingan Love-Beam did at all. But honestly, wasn't its technique name clue enough? Kakashi shook his head sadly at the boy, "Unfortunately, you are too ignorant in the ways of love to learn this technique," Kakashi said solemnly.
"Like you're any better at love," the boy spat back at the older man.
Kakashi sucked in a gasping breath, holding his hands to his heart, eyes wide. "How could you say that, Sasuke?" he asked. "After all I've done today in the name of love?"
"What have you been doing?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.
Kakashi gave a happy grin, "Oh, you know, this and that. You show worry more about your own love life before – Sharingan Love-Beam! – asking about others'."
"KAKASHI!" Sasuke snapped, "Stop trying to hit me with that!"
The silver-haired man looked where the Uchiha leaped off to this time, slowly shaking his head, "Sasuke, Sasuke; when will you learn not to dodge?"
"When you stop trying to kill me."
The man tsked at his student disappointedly, "It won't kill you. It'll make your life happy and filled with – Sharingan Love-Beam! – love."
Sasuke skidded to the side of a tree, glaring at Kakashi. "I said stop it."
"Well, if – Sharingan Love-Beam! – you'd stop – Sharingan Love-Beam! – running away, then I'd –Sharingan Love-Beam! – stop." Kakashi said patiently.
"I'm not –"
"Aah, your fangirls," Kakashi noted, staring behind the boy with an amused expression.
Sasuke tensed and swore under his breath, whipping around, "How did they find –" he blinked, "Kaka-"
"Sharingan Love-Beam!" Kakashi cried gleefully.
Half turned, Sasuke stood no chance dodging his teacher's attack this time. The love-beam hit the boy squarely on his back, as the boy tipped forwards. A second later, Sasuke sat back up, dark eyes staring unfocused out into the distance.
The boy rubbed his temples, face scrunching into a scowl as he tried to think properly. "What was I doing a minute ago? I feel weird," the boy said, looking around, trying to get a hint of what was going on. "Something doesn't seem right-"
"What do you think about spending the day with Sakura?" Kakashi intervened quickly. How emotionally stunted was the avenger if feelings of love felt weird to him?
The Uchiha scowled in a confused manner, "I suppose that's –" he began sluggishly, struggling for the right words.
"An excellent idea?" the silver-haired Jounin interrupted in a voice that left no room for arguments.
"… yes?" Sasuke agreed hesitantly.
"Yes," Kakashi confirmed.
Sasuke shook his head softly, seemingly building up confidence in his words. "Yes. Yes, a date," he repeated, as though testing out the words. "A date is an excellent idea." The boy nodded shortly at his Jounin teacher, suddenly turning away. "I have things to do today," he told Kakashi, slowly growing to those foreign feelings bubbling inside of him.
The silver-haired man grinned. "Of course," he cheered, "And I suggest candle-light dinner!" Kakashi called behind Sasuke. The boy seemed to nod slightly before quickening up his pace, leaving Kakashi alone in the training ground, grinning like a maniac at the boy's back.
Kakashi smirked with a low chuckle bubbling off his lips.
He raised his arms above his head in a satisfied stretch. "Five happy couples on Valentines. All in a day's work!" Kakashi grinned to himself. "I make such a great cupid."
He almost wished the day wouldn't end.
Same day; Somewhere unknown:
Kisame nervously twitched as he watched his partner act … happy. In that evil-happy kind of way, of course. In front of him, Itachi rubbed his hands together, a dreadful grin stretched across his face, unfitting for an Uchiha. The raven-haired man ignored his partner's nervousness, too busy enjoying his favourite holiday.
Because, quite frankly, if Kakashi was considered a love cupid, Itachi himself would've been a love God, with his two brightly spinning Sharingan Love-beams just waiting for that perfect unsuspecting victim to assault.
Don't you just love Valentine's Day?
A/N: Crack!Kakashi is a menace to society. And I hope you guys don't mind the couples. I didn't know who to pair with who, so I just found the most common ones. (and no, no, that one reviewer, Kakashi is not forcing anyone against their will. In my mind for this fic, everyone one subconsciously actually loves the other party but is too clueless/troublesome/ignorant/stubborn to act on it in normal cases.)
Sharingan Love-Beam ftw! And happy Valentine's Day to all of you!