I can't believe that, after seven months, I actually just wrote more fanfiction. Harry Potter fanfiction, which just makes it all the more worse (I promised myself I'd never write HP ff). At any rate, here you are, a RemusTonks story that makes me want to bury my head in shame.
After a five story walk-up, the least that Tonks was expecting was to be let into Remus' apartment immediately; however, after three minutes of knocking at random intervals, she decided to try a different approach.
"Expecto Patronum," she muttered, and was shocked to see a different patronus from usual emerge from her wand– a wolf. Hoping Remus wouldn't realize what it meant, she sent her patronus through the door and into his apartment. Seconds later, the door opened, revealing Remus with a worried expression on his face.
"Tonks– why're you– what's the matter– has someone been–" he seemed unable to finish his sentence.
"Oh– no, nothing like that, I just wanted to…can I come in?" Tonks hoped that he wouldn't hear how hear how hard her heart was thudding as he stood back and let her into his apartment. Once inside, he closed the door and, with a wave of his wand; they both heard the lock click.
They both stood facing each other, awkwardly, until Tonks realized that he was waiting for her to say something. "So…um…how've you been?" she asked him lamely, realizing immediately what an awful question it was. Remus' best friend had just been killed a week before; of course he wasn't doing well.
"I've been…alright," Lupin answered after a moment.
"I'm sorry," Tonks said quickly. "That was stupid– I mean, obviously you can't be doing too great– well, I mean, of course you could, but, well, considering the…circumstances, I wouldn't– no one would– expect you to– um, is that tea you were having?" she asked, gesturing to the table, where a single mug sat, steaming slightly.
Lupin stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Would you like some?"
"Yeah– please, that would be great," Tonks said, trying her best not to show how grateful she was that he hadn't commented on her awkward comments.
Lupin turned around, opened the kettle and muttered "aguamenti" before turning on the stove. While his back was turned, Tonks looked around the room. His apartment appeared to be very small. They were both in the kitchen, which contained a few cabinets, a stove, and an oven that were on the wall opposite from the door that she had come in. A small wooden table with two chairs next to it stood to the right of the door, and on the wall that stood perpendicular to the stove was a door which Tonks assumed led to Lupin's bedroom.
"I'm sorry it took so long for me to answer," Lupin said, still facing away from her as he opened up a cabinet and took out another mug. "I thought that you might be the landlord, and…well, I'm really not looking forward to confunding him later on when he asks for the rent…not that he's done that yet, and I don't think I'll have to confund him for a little while but– what with Sirius' house being evacuated– it's only a matter of time until I don't have…well, you see my point," he finished, turning around and giving Tonks a small smile.
"That's really– I mean, there are plenty of people working at the Ministry who shouldn't be…I still can't see why you can't…it's just not–" the kettle began to whistle, cutting her off. Lupin turned the stove off and poured the boiling water into her mug, added a tea bag, and walked the few steps over to the table.
"Fair?" he finished with a small question, smiling sadly. He gestured for her to sit, and the two of them sat down and began to drink their tea in silence.
It occurred to Tonks, yet again, that she had been the one that had come to Remus' door, and therefore he was, yet again, waiting for her to speak. She put down her mug and began to drum her fingers on the table, a nervous habit.
"So I…um…came here to tell you something," she said nervously, still tapping her fingers.
In response, Remus only raised his eyebrows slightly, still looking at her interestedly as he sipped his tea.
His relaxed nature did nothing to soothe Tonks' nerves– instead, she grew more anxious and began drumming the table with her hands instead of fingers.
"I…um…Remus…" Tonks tried to calm down by taking another sip of tea, but to her dismay the cup never made in to her lips. Her hands were shaking and sweating so badly that she dropped the cup and in smashed as tea ran everywhere over the floor.
"Damn," Tonks muttered as she pulled out her wand. "Reparo," she said, waving it over the broken mug. It fit back together instantly, but the tea still sat in puddles. "Scourgify," she whispered, but only a few drops of the tea vanished. She looked up sheepishly at Lupin, who was already pulling out his own wand. "I never was very good at cleaning spells…" she said apologetically.
He smiled. "It's fine," he answered, waving his own wand over the tea, which disappeared entirely. "Would you like some more?" Lupin asked.
"Oh– um, yeah, sure, thanks," Tonks said, trying not to let her relief show. Even though she knew that the thought of Remus getting mad over something as trivial as spilled tea sounded silly in her head, the thought had still worried her. Lupin stood up, picked the mug off the floor, and began to boil water again.
While his back was turned, Tonks realized how dumb this whole visit must seem. She had scared him, first by having him think that she was the landlord, then into thinking that someone in the Order had been hurt, and then she had forced him to make two cups of tea for an unwanted visitor who couldn't even seem to form a single sentence without stuttering or breaking something. She took a deep breath.
"Remus?" Tonks asked tentatively as he took out another tea bag, still not facing her.
"Yes?" he answered politely.
"I– I like you," she told him lamely. "I– I really, really like you."
A long silence followed these words, broken finally by the kettle whistling. "Remus?" Tonks asked nervously after he'd turned off the stove and began to pour water into her mug. "I–"
"I heard you, Tonks," he answered quietly, turning around to face her while holding her mug, which was now filled with tea. The two of them stared at each other for a long moment.
"I– I should go," Tonks said finally, standing up and walking over to the door. "I'll just…um…" her stomach was flipping rapidly, and she felt as if tea was really the only thing that might calm her down. "Could I…um…just have a sip of that…?" she asked, determinedly not looking Lupin in the eyes as she gestured toward the tea he was holding.
He wordlessly held the tea out to her as she crossed the room to take it from him. Still not looking him in the eyes and being careful not to let her fingers touch his, Tonks took the mug from Lupin and took a sip, swallowing slowly to calm herself down. She was hugely aware of how close they were standing now, and how awkward it was for both of them.
"I'm sorry, Tonks," Lupin said suddenly in his hoarse voice.
"No– it's not– I really do have to go…"
"It's not your fault," he whispered, and against her better judgment, Tonks turned to look Lupin in the eyes.
"No– I mean, yes, it is…I wouldn't expect you to…" Once again, Tonks was aware of how stupid she must look, unable to form a sentence.
"No, it's not," Lupin said again, still looking directly into her eyes. "Don't you realize how dangerous it would be?" he asked her softly.
Tonks breathed a sigh of relief. There were many, many answers that she had anticipated him to say, but none of them had involved this…of course, what did it matter to her what Remus turned into once a month? "That– that wouldn't matter to me," she said quickly. "Why would it? I mean, as long as we stay inside, and close the blinds, and I can make the Wolfsbane Potion…I don't mind at all…" Tonks voice trailed off as Lupin gave her another smile, one that almost seemed to look pitying.
"No…no," he said firmly, but…sadly? Tonks hoped. "It wouldn't…we could never be sure…anything could happen…"
"But I don't care!" Tonks answered, louder than she'd meant to. "I'm willing to risk it…and who's to say that it would even…you know, work out…not that I'm saying it wouldn't– or couldn't– I mean, of course I'd like it to…and so would you…I mean– not to say–"
"There are…other reasons…" Lupin answered softly, now not looking precisely into Tonks' eyes. "I'm too old…and I have no money…it wouldn't be…"
"Fair?" Tonks answered for him with an exasperated look. "I thought we already decided that a lot of things weren't fair."
He laughed sadly, looking at her directly in the eye again. "It's different," Remus said after a moment. "You have a choice."
"I– I know," Tonks told him. She placed her mug on the counter and took a step towards him. They were still looking directly at each other, and Tonks knew that Remus could tell what was she was about to do– but he didn't take a step back, or turn away.
Slowly Tonks leaned up and kissed him on the lips, and, after a moment, realizing that he wasn't pulling away, she put her arms around his neck.
He even began to kiss her back– wrapping his arms around her waist– and she may have imagined it, but he might have even pulled her closer to him– but suddenly Remus pulled away, looking startled, removing her arms from his neck.
As hard as she tried not to, Tonks could tell that her face showed how hurt she was feeling.
"I'm sorry," Remus whispered softly. "I– I'm so, so sorry."
It seemed to take a monumental amount of effort, but Tonks finally managed to wrench her gaze from his. Without speaking, she walked over to the door, unlocked it, and walked out, closing the door quietly.
As she began to walk down the stairs, she was suddenly aware that he hair was growing rapidly. It finally stopped near around her neck, falling into her eyes. Tonks stopped walking. She felt as if a brick had dropped into her stomach when she realized that her hair was not, as it usually was, hot pink– but a dreary mousy brown. She screwed up her face and tried to change it, but she couldn't seem to concentrate hard enough. She began to walk down the stairs again, and realized that tears were silently streaming down her face– whether it was because of her hair or Remus, she had no idea.
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