House Of Taboo
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Multiple
Author's Note: This is a TOTAL crack fic! It is not meant to be taken seriously. I was complaining to a fellow House MD fan that every popular TV show seems to have a porn parody made of it BUT House and she said that I should write a crack fic as if House happened in some kind of porn universe. So here it is, chockfull of cheesy innuendo and every porn stereotype you can imagine. Most likely only a one shot unless there is a stupidly high demand for more. There will be some cheesy kink as the title of this fic is also a porn site online for BDSM stuff, I know this because I like BDSM stuff. Anyway, ENJOY!
[House enters Cuddy's office wearing jeans that unreasonably show off the bulge in his pants and a tight black t-shirt that accentuates his muscular frame]
House: Hey Cuddy, you look under the weather today, maybe I need to give you a full workup.
Cuddy: Knock it off House, you have clinic duty and you know it. [Cuddy is dressed in a very dominatrix type leather dress and knee high stiletto boots with thigh high black fishnets, for no reason she is holding a riding crop] [House leans on his cane suggestively jutting his hips towards her]
House: You are such an ice queen, you know that. I bet a good fuck would loosen you up...although rumor has it you are pretty loose already.
Cuddy: Well, you'll never be in my cunt to find out. Unless you are a good boy.
[House rolls his eyes]
House: You know that's not possible, Lisa, as I submit to no woman...even if her tits are as perky as yours.
[Just then, Thirteen bursts into the room, she is dressed as a sexy nurse despite the fact that she is a doctor. Her latex red and white dress hugs her skinny frame and pushes her tits up obscenely]
Thirteen: Doctor House! Mistress Cuddy! There seems to be a huge problem! Someone dropped a vial of Spanish Fly in the employee lounge while transporting it to that lady we are treating for a case of icequeenism! Foreman, Cameron, Chase, and Wilson have been quarantined in the lounge! We have to go help them!
[She is breathing really hard so her chest heaves up and down]
House: What makes you think I can or even want to help them?
Thirteen: House! You have the biggest cock here! You have to satisfy all the women!
[Thirteen whines]
Cuddy: Where do I come in then?
Thirteen: We need your expertise in keeping the men in order as well as the women while they wait their turn! Only you know how to dominate the best in this hospital Mistress!
[House and Cuddy give each other a serious, but annoyed look, like they hate each other but still want to fuck each other's brains out]
House: Then lets do it! My best doctors are in that lounge and they need our help!
Cuddy: But won't we succumb to the Spanish Fly as well?
House: That's a risk we have to take, besides with my massive cock and your ice queen persona, we can definitely get through this.
[The interior of the employee lounge is shown] [Cameron is on the couch panting and for some insanely stupid reason she is also in a nurses uniform except this one is basically just a bikini top with a red cross on it and a very short white skirt that is trimmed with red. On her feet she wears come fuck me pumps, also red] [Foreman is pacing back and fourth nervously. His shirt is off for reasons that will become apparent and he is in black slacks and fashionable matching shoes] [Chase is sitting next to Cameron looking at her and also looking confused as if he's never had a boner before. He is just in his boxers, yeah trust me I will explain in a moment] [Wilson looks nervous and impatient and is sitting in a chair across from Cameron staring at her tits which shine with a layer of sweat, although he's in a full suit and lab coat, his tie is askew] [The door opens and House, Thirteen, Cuddy, and a nameless blonde big tittied nurse enter]
House: Looks like we arrived just in time, the Spanish fly has already overheated Foreman and Chase to the point of undressing!
Cuddy: Nurse Cox! Perform fellatio in Doctor Foreman! STAT!
Nurse: Yes Mistress Cuddy. [Nurse Cox is dressed in a nurse dress identical to Thirteen's except her's is black and red instead of white and red]
Cameron: Oh thank God you are here House! Wilson's cock just couldn't do it for me! And poor Chase is a virgin!
Cuddy: Virgin? [She looks intrigued by this prospect. Nurse Cox is meanwhile giving Foreman a blow job in the background, it's quite loud an obscene but of course this is porn so no one is bothered by this]
Chase: I spent so much time learning how to be a doctor in med school I never had time to get pussy! When you are this pretty you aren't smart, and I had to spend all my time studying.
[Thirteen suddenly stumbles and falls to her knees, like she is being effected by the Spanish Fly, of course she lands right in front of where Wilson is sitting]
Thirteen: Oh no! I think it's starting to effect me! My head is all fuzzy and my pussy is getting too wet!
Wilson: I think I can help with a nice protein shot Thirteen! [He takes out his hard cock, despite the fact that Cameron indicated he had tried to fuck her but everyone is always hard in porn] [Thirteen takes Wilson into her mouth, deep throating him right away] [Wilson puts his hand on Thirteen's head and starts to move her up and down on him]
Cuddy: Alright, to execute this properly we are going to need some supplies! [Cuddy goes over to a cabinet and takes out a strap on] [She turns to Cameron]
Cuddy: Put this on slut.
Cameron: But I need to cum Mistress! How is me fucking someone else going to help me cum? [Cameron takes a strand of blond hair and wraps it around her finger nervously]
Cuddy: Thirteen needs to be fucked while she's getting her protein injection, House is going to take you in the ass while you fuck Thirteen.
Chase: But what about me?
Cuddy: I have special plans for you my virgin wombat.
[Meanwhile, in the background Nurse Cox and Foreman are fucking, Nurse Cox is against the wall as Foreman plows into her, seriously do we have to focus on them at all? I hate Foreman and only included him cause he's part of the original team. Alright moving on] [Cameron strips and puts on the strap on quickly but of course she leaves the shoes on]
Cameron: I've never had it in the ass before!
House: There's no better time to lose your buttginity than during a Spanish Fly contamination. [Cameron gets behind Thirteen who is now licking Wilson's cock] [Wilson still has his hand on her head and is stroking her hair while he moans]
Wilson: I never knew how good you were at this Thirteen. [She just moans and continues] [Cameron pulls Thirteen onto all fours and pushes up her dress to reveal her ass and she is not wearing panties] [She quickly thrusts into Thirteen and starts to fuck her like a pro causing Thirteen to start moaning]
House: Cuddy! I need 50cc of lube!
Cuddy: I am not your nurse! I am Mistress of this hospital you know! [She grabs a bottle of lube and tosses it at him] [He catches it, unzips his pants, lubes up and starts to plow into Cameron's ass causing her to scream with pain and pleasure] [Oh yeah lets ignore the fact that if she really was a butt virgin this would probably injure her but this is a porn]
House: Mmm that's right you little blond bitch! You like my cock in your ass?
Cameron: Oh God it's so big!
Thirteen: Fuck me harder Cameron! I need to cum!
Wilson: You need to pay more attention to the procedure you are executing! [He grabs Thirteen's head and forces her mouth back onto him] [Cuddy walks over to Chase and grabs him by his shaggy hair] [She forces him onto his knees and pushes her skirt up to reveal she isn't wearing panties either]
Cuddy: In order to get pleasure, my sweet Tasmanian devil, you have to give it first. [Before Chase can say anything, Cuddy shoves his face into her crotch] [Cuddy starts moaning obscenely loud, along with House and Cameron] [Thirteen is gagging but also moaning and Wilson is grunting loudly]
Wilson: That's right you stupid slut! Suck that cock like you majored in it!
[Thirteen pulls her head away]
Thirteen: Mmmm I did! My specialty is fellatio doctor Wilson! [She then dives back down to take Wilson's cock in her mouth]
Cuddy: Oh God! That's right! Eat my pussy pretty boy!
House: Fuck this ass is tight! You really were a virgin! [House pulls his hand back and slaps Cameron's ass, she screams out and starts to fuck Thirteen harder]
Cameron: Oh it's so big! I think you are going to rip me open!
House: Don't worry, Cameron! This happens to be MY specialty!
Cuddy: Well then Chase here must've specialized in oral...Fuck that's good! [She moans, her eyes rolling back in her head] [So there's basically a montage of this for an unreasonable amount of time] [Somewhere in the middle of it, Cuddy pushes Chase down and starts to ride his cock] [Lots of moans and dirty talk can be heard] [Wilson climaxes, setting off a chain reaction of climaxes] [Of course House, being who he is, pulls out and cums all over Cameron's back and Thirteen is soon forced to lick it up just as Cuddy and Chase cum]
Cameron: Thank you so much, House! Your meat thermometer is exactly what I needed to get through this!
House: No problem Cameron! [House gets up and tucks his dick back into his pants] [There is a scene cut and House and Cuddy are back in her office]
Cuddy: Looks like your cock saved the day once again House. We are lucky neither of us was effected by the...[She stumbles forward and lands sloppily on the couch]
House: Cuddy! Are you alright?
Cuddy: Oh no! I think...I think I was affected! [She looks at House worried and also lustily] House, you're going to have to cure me!
House: But Cuddy, I thought I had to be a good boy to get into your pussy...[He teases, coming towards her]
Cuddy: House please! I need you! [She whines and then starts to finger herself lewdly while looking at him] My fingers aren't going to fix this!
House: Well I guess I can help...only if this means no clinic duty for a month.
Cuddy: A week!
House: Two weeks!
Cuddy: Fine! Just fuck me! [House smiles wickedly]
House: You're the boss.
[He comes towards her and takes his cock out of his pants, seemingly he is the only one who was not affected by the Spanish Fly] [He climbs on top of her and slams into her quickly]
House: Mmmm fuck! Maybe the rumors about you being loose were just that! [He starts to thrust into her roughly]
Cuddy: Oh shit House! Fuck my pussy! [She pushes her dress down to expose her tits and starts to play with them roughly as he goes at it]
House: Oh yeah! Take my cock! Take all of it! [After a few moments of this he pulls away from her, stands her up, and bends her over her desk where he starts to fuck her again]
Cuddy: Oh God! It's going in so deep! I don't know if I can take it all!
House: Oh you will Cuddy! You will! [His hands are on her hips, every so often he pulls a hand back and slaps her ass with it] Mmm your hole is so tight!
Cuddy: And your cock is so big! Oh House...I...I'm gonna...oh God I am cumming so hard!
House: FUCK! ME TOO!
[He starts to jackhammer into her and she starts screaming out with pleasure as they both climax] [He collapses forward and on top of her, pressing her bare chest into the desk]
Cuddy: Oh wow, House...I think you cured me. [She pants heavily]
House: You can never be too sure, Cuddy. See me in an hour for another treatment. [With that he grabs his cane, makes himself decent and walks out of the office]
~END