Justice Tempered
Prologue - Childhood
"Daddy, Daddy, please Daddy you have to help! It hurts!"
A small child no more than six, comes barreling into the simple cob cottage she calls home, for now. Her blond braids are frayed and her face is red with her hysterical sobbing. In her hands is cradled a small bird. Her teary green eyes search the face of her father, convinced that he can save the helpless and wounded creature she holds. He is her hero and can fix anything.
"Shh, calm now Sunshine. What hurts luv?"
The girl's father looks concerned, glancing over his distraught daughter and seeing nothing amiss of her physical form. He notes she carries yet another misshapen creature, another baby bird has found it's way to his daughter. It was the third this month.
"The bird Daddy, I can feel it hurts! It hurts me too. Please Daddy..."
A soft blue light rose around his daughters hands as she sobbed brokenly, her only desire in that moment was to make the hurt go away from the bird. Her tiny hands shook as magic coursed through her body, causing her to shiver violently. A soft chirp rose from trembling fingers as the little girl collapsed to the floor smack on her bottom. Hot, salty tears streamed down her face as she glanced to the now whole bird, and then up to her father, fear in her eyes.
"Sweet Andraste!"
Her father whispered beneath his breath and hurried to see to his daughter. She had the gift as he did. The gift of magic. It was too soon, surely, but there it was, the telltale burning, sweet scent of magic in the air. Malcom Hawke drew his daughter Saelihnne into a tender embrace, soothing her trembling as he gently unfolded her fingers to glance at the bird. It held quite still in his daughter's tiny palm, completely healed, offering a soft trilling chirp. It should have been terrified.
"Daddy, what happened? I felt something inside my tummy like the sun was in there and then the hurting went away."
Malcom Hawke sighed gently, watching his beloved little girl pet the bird before it flew off through an open window in the cottage. He had never expected to have to explain magic to a six year old, nonetheless, his six year old daughter. When her sniffling and hiccuping ceased, and he could feel her diminutive body calm he explained.
"What happened poppet, is that you are blessed with a very special gift. Magic. Just like me. It is nothing to be afraid of sweetheart ,but it is something so special we must keep it safe and not tell anyone outside family. Do you understand?"
Saelihnne nodded, her pale brows furrowing as she looked at her father, questions worrying her dark green eyes.
"Not even Sister Mary Elowina? She says I can tell her anything and does not get mad when I find the hurt animals."
"Not even her, my dove. You know how I sometimes help the people who come here hurt? I will teach this to you as well, and much more in time. For now you have to trust me, okay? You did a wondrous thing, the Maker has blessed you. Now tell me where you hurt."
Saelihnne Hawke searched her naïve six year old mind for the right words but nothing could really describe what she felt. She had seen the wounded bird by the apple tree and pain filled her heart. She knew it was the bird's pain but could not understand how it got inside her.
"Oh I don't hurt anymore Daddy. When the sun went through my hands it went away. I wished really hard Daddy, that the bird would stop hurting and be okay. And it was. And then my heart stopped hurting too."
Malcom fought to conceal the look of shock that crossed his face. Not only was his beautiful little girl a mage, but a natural empath and healer. Empaths were rare in his experience. He would have to teach her control. She would take the pain of others upon herself, and if he did not teach her now she would be overwhelmed. Six years old, far too young to have this responsibility.
"Sunshine? Did you gather the herbs I asked for? Be a good girl and go hang them in the back like I showed you and then wash up for supper."
"Yes Daddy. I'm so glad that the bird did not die. I would cry and cry forever if it did."
Saelihnne wrapped her chubby arms about her father's neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek. In a moment she was off his lap and gathering her sack of elfroot and deathweed, skipping happily to his workshop. Malcom looked after his daughter, pride and fear welling within his soul. She was positively glowing with happiness where just minutes before she was sobbing in despair. Malcom would have to teach her and well.
"Malcom, what do you mean she healed a bird? Are you certain?"
Leandra spoke in worried hushed tones to her husband. It was not an easy life to raise three small children with an apostate mage. They might have to move again if too much attention was cast upon her family. Malcom took his wife's hands into his own.
"Yes Leandra, she has the gift and more. I had not thought to see it manifest so soon. She is an empath and from what I can tell a natural at healing. She knows not to tell anyone, or heal anymore strays outside the house. You have to trust me love. I will teach her."
"What of the templars? The Revered Mother? That girl practically lives at the Chantry. I thought her to take vows someday. We shall have to move again, won't we?"
Leandra squeezed her husband's fingers, her face etched with deep worry. She understood very little about magic save that her husband had the gift as he called it, and only used his talents to help others. What Leandra understood well was the fact that magic was considered evil by most folks, yet here on the outskirts of the village it was not unusual for her husband to ease the pain of a difficult birth and tend to the sick and wounded. Malcom was discreet and those he had helped over the years were grateful. They kept his secret. Leandra held her husband's gaze, truly hoping he was right. Her oldest daughter was as innocent and free spirited as a gentle spring breeze. She had been raised to be kind, but she knew too her child was far too trusting.
"Ah, love I would not worry too much about the Chantry. Our little dove has got every templar and holy sister around her pinky finger. I think she tends to favor the rose garden over the sermons though.
Lothering is our home Leandra and I will do all in my power to protect us. See this as a blessing, love. Someday our daughter may accomplish great things with her gifts. I really should have seen the signs sooner."
Malcom caressed his wife's cheek with a brush of his knuckles and smiled wistfully.
"What do you mean, Malcom? How could you possibly see signs in such a little girl? She is only six and never displayed any signs of magic until today."
"When you were giving birth to the twins and your labor went on and on, she howled like she was set on fire. She felt your pain and took it within herself with the need to stop it. I remember how she bawled until both babies were out and you finally found your rest. I should have known then."
Leandra drew a shaky breath and tightly shut her eyes as her husband spoke. She had been in so much pain during that birth, out of her mind with it even with Malcom healing her. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she thought that her then two year old would wish to take her pain away, take it upon herself.
"So she will always be like this then? My baby will for all her life feel the pain of others? She will suffer? Oh Malcom, it seems so unfair for a child. She should not have this burden."
Malcom gently wiped away Leandra's tears, nodding silently. It was a terribly heavy burden for anyone, this gift of empathy. He resolved that he would teach his blessed child to be strong enough to handle the pain and to embrace the joy that came with healing. He would ensure that this gift of magic would not ruin her childhood. He would fight for his family to have a normal life.
"Yes my love, she will. I will make her strong and teach her well. She may have inherited my magic but it is from you she get's her good heart. I trust in both of that, we both must trust. She can be of great help to me Leandra. Maker knows this village could use another healer and she dearly loves to help with the herbs. Think of all the good she can do."
Leandra sighed softly. He was right and she trusted him implicitly. Malcom would make her strong and it was true, her daughter never had an unkind word for anyone and derived true happiness from helping others. Perhaps they would be alright after all.
"Bethany, c'mon! If we don't hurry we're gonna miss the puppies!"
Saelihnne tugged on her younger sisters hand, impatiently. A litter of mabari puppies had been born and the girl was anxious to see them as Sister Mary Elowina had promised. The young mabari bitch had been abandoned to the Chantry, heavily pregnant and hurt. While Saelihnne had promised her father not to practice magic outside the house, she had assisted the kind sister by bringing poultices and soothing the laboring hound as best as she could, as the hound huffed and whined. It had been a long ordeal but the young girl had been promised that she could see the puppies once weaned.
"The puppies aren't going anywhere Sae. Mother will skin me if I leave without my cloak again."
Bethany sniffled, still recovering from the last stages of a spring cold. Her big sister helped drape the simple worn cloak about her shoulders, bussing her cheek with a kiss.
"There now. Mother will not be angry and I think the fresh air will do you some good."
Saelihnne nodded, quite satisfied with her work. She grasped Bethany's hand with a giggle and trounced off with her in tow.
"But what about Carver? Does he not want to see the puppies too?"
Bethany tumbled after her sister, earning a chuckle from their mother as they passed the hearth.
"Oh Carver is off playing "Knights and Dragons" with Tristan again. Like he is gonna win."
Saelihnne snorted and shook her blond head. Her little brother Carver could talk of nothing else but knights and templars. He fancied himself a brave knight, ready to protect the world.
"Be good girls. And if you see your brother around, do tell him I need him home by noon to help your father with the goats."
Leandra beamed to both her gifted daughters.
"We will Mother."
Giggling as little girls do, the two dashed off for the Chantry, leaving their mother to wonder how many puppies her eldest was sure to bring home.
"Oh look Bethany, aren't they just the best and sweetest things ever!"
Saelihnne grinned to her sister, flat on her back as a pair of mabari pups scrambled and nuzzled and licked their way over the eight year old. Bethany held a puppy in her lap, rubbing it's belly as she returned the smile.
"Do you think Mother and Daddy will let us keep one Sae? I so hope so!"
Both young girls set into another bout of gleeful giggles, catching the gentle attention of Sister Mary Elowina.
"These puppies are special, girls. You cannot just pick one out. They choose their own masters and mistresses. It's called imprinting. And your mother will scold me for a week should the whole bloomin' pack of them imprint on you! Don't you already have a herd of cats at the farm?"
This knowledge sent the two Hawke daughters into peals of delighted laughter along with the cries of "Pick me, pick me!". It was true, they did have quite the herd of stray cats that hung about the barn, both girls equally guilty of finding them and feeding them much to their mother's dismay. Saelihnne smiled to the Chantry sister amidst the bodies of squirming baby mabari.
"But Sister Mary, doesn't the Maker teach us to be kind to those in need? The cats were just hungry is all. I can't help it that they like us so much they decided to stay. Right Bethany?"
"Uh huh. And just last week the Revered Mother said in the sermon that to offer kindness and shelter to the needy is to know the true light and mercy of the Maker himself, and all shall..."
Bethany was cut off before she could finish.
"Yes, yes girls. I wonder if the Maker himself might not have a horde of kittens and puppies in the Golden City, brought by Andraste Herself. Hmmm?"
Sister Mary Elowina had to smile. They were such sweet girls, so innocent and good hearted. She suspected it was the eldest sister's influence on the younger. Saelihnne Hawke delighted in helping tend the rose garden and laid the finest of the fragile blooms at the foot of the statue that honored Andraste. Bethany assisted in the kitchen, preparing soup and bread for the poorest of the community and could recite many stanzas from the Chant of Light. It was Sister Mary's hope that the girls would find fine husbands one day or join the Chantry. For now however, they were two tired little girls in a pile of puppies, puppies that needed to eat and nap.
"Now girls, let the pups get their rest and return to their mother. Bethany, the Revered Mother asked especially for your help this afternoon. You can come again tomorrow and play with the pups."
Two pairs of very sad green eyes stared up, but both girls nodded obediently.
"Yes Sister Mary."
Bethany brushed off her pale blue pinafore and gave her big sister a hand up. Saelihnne glanced over to the mabari mother and her puppies with a smile. Tucking her long blond hair behind her ears she wrapped her arms around the Chantry sister in a hug, her small face craning upwards.
"Thank you Sister Mary Elowina. Father says he should have more healing potions and poultices tomorrow."
As the woman was about to reply, she heard a sharp yip and glanced in surprise at one of the puppies. The little mabari who had been playing with Saelihnne toddled over and flopped upon the young girl's feet.
"Now now you silly pup, back to your mum."
Sister Mary went to scoop up the defiant puppy, but the puppy was having nothing of it. He yipped again and again as gentle hands went to carry him back to his mother, the yipping turning to whimpering and crying as he was separated from Saelihnne.
"Oh by Andraste's blessed bootstraps, I should have known this would happen. The bloody dog has imprinted. My dear, it seems you have a puppy. May the Maker show you mercy where your mother's switch will not. I will never hear the end of this."
Saelihnne just grinned, taking the squirming bundle into her small arms. Her radiant face was assaulted with the sweetness of puppy breath and laves of his pink, wet tongue. Happy yipping ensued and both girls were overjoyed to have a new pet to love on.
"Don't worry Sister Mary. Mother will love him and I promise to take very good care of him. He will sleep with us and protect us from Flemeth the witch! Won't you boy?"
The mabari pup yipped once as if to understand, writhing his little rump in pleasure.
"You shouldn't say that name out loud Sae. You know what Elder Miriam said. She said that if you look in a mirror and say her name..."
Saelihnne cut her sister off with a giggle.
"Oh Bethany, you don't really believe that do you? Daddy says it's all rubbish and besides, if it is true, we have a brave mabari to protect us."
"Be a luv and bring this to your Father, dear. May Andraste watch and guide you child."
Sister Mary Elowina tucked a few silver coins into Saelihnne's hip pouch in payment for the potions and poultices. Gently she shepherded the dark haired Bethany into the Chantry to help with the noonday meal. The older woman had to smile to hear girlish laughter and playful barking as Saelihnne and her new puppy raced back to their farm.
"Girls can't play "Knights and Dragons", 'cause only boys can be knights!"
Carver frowned deeply, his dark eyebrows knitting together as he placed his hands on his hips. He had found both his sisters playing in their shared room, the mabari puppy donning a makeshift cape made from a worn blue blanket. It was another rainy day in Lothering Village and the Hawke children had to get creative when they could not enjoy the outside. Bethany turned to glare at her twin, wriggling her fingers menacingly.
"Can too. There was a girl knight in Orlais. Aveline. So there. Go away Carver before I set your hair on fire. Again."
Carver blanched at his sister's words. His head still bore the fading burn marks of when Bethany had discovered her magical talent. Bloody witches they were! He was outnumbered in his household, constantly surrounded with magic, between Saelihnne learning her healing arts and Bethany delighting in setting everything she could get away with on fire. Especially him.
"Well, stupid dogs can't be knights. Or dragons. Gimme my sword back you stupid witch!"
The mabari puppy turned his expressive brown eyes towards Carver and snarled menacingly, baring needle sharp teeth in an effort to warm him away from the two girls. It worked. Carver stormed off, stomping his booted feet, muttering about spoiled witch girls and the unfairness of it all.
Saelihnne had remained oblivious to her siblings bickering, she was in the middle of a knighting, something of far more importance then her brother getting a haircut via fireball. Standing regally before the blanket clad puppy, she cleared her throat dramatically, wielding Carver's wooden toy sword.
"I the Queen of Thedas anoint thee, Ser Snarl. Grand protector of the lands and conqueror of annoying baby brothers. Bow Ser Snarl and know honor!"
Damned if the mabari did not lower his head and yip with the honor bestowed him.
Once the knighting ceremony had been concluded, the still draped Ser Snarl hightailed it towards the kitchen to beg for mutton scraps as only a mabari can. Big, pitiful, brown eyes of soulful mourning accompanied a piteous whimper towards the mistress of the house. It worked every time, much to Leandra's exasperation. The girls left alone, abandoned their game to snuggle beneath a thick quilt upon their shared feather bed.
"Sae? Does it ever scare you? The magic I mean." Bethany whispered as she snuggled close to the warmth of her elder sister.
"Hmm? Scare me? Sometimes. Last week when Daddy dragged in poor Farmer Lowen's wife and she lost the babe, it hurt really bad. All my insides felt like they were being torn and burned. No matter how hard I wished, they both died." Saelihnne felt fresh tears sting her eyes from the memory of the stillbirth, mother and son both perishing from a too narrow birth canal.
"I still feel kinda bad about what I did to Carver. I didn't mean to burn all his hair off, he just made me so mad! I dunno what happened. He can be so mean sometimes. Threatening to turn us all in to the Templars, no matter what Mother and Daddy say." Bethany sighed, clasping fingers with Saelihnne, wishing she was more like her.
"Daddy says we must always think first and then cast. Magic is a gift from the Maker, Bethany else people wouldn't be born with it. But you didn't know. Carver can be really mean. Sometimes I have thoughts about paralyzing him on the privy when he says bad things. It is one thing to think, another to do, like the Revered Mother says. He's still our brother and is good deep down inside. Somewhere beneath the yucky worms."
Saelihnne yawned sleepily, giving her sister's hand a squeeze as she giggled. Bethany reached her childlike chubby fingers to wipe away Saelihnne's tears. She felt sorry for her big sister as much as she admired her talent. At eight she could already assist their father with healing and knew as much herb lore as Elder Miriam. Yet her golden haired sister suffered terribly for it.
"Beth?" Saelihnne whispered quietly in the embrace of darkness. "Do you ever go places in your dreams?"
"Sometimes. I dream of a farm with golden fields and a handsome farmer and our children." Bethany touched her forehead against her sibling's, whispering back.
Saelihnne sighed softly and shook her head. How could she explain where she sometimes went at night when other children dreamed of castles and candy treats, handsome farmers and lush wheat fields. She frowned a bit, even as sleepy as she was.
"No silly. I mean actually go somewhere awake. The misty lands. It's like there is no daytime or night time. I sometimes go to a great field of wildflowers and I can run and run forever. And the tickles. The little lights, they like to tickle and play. Sometimes they whisper but I can never understand what they say. The feel nice though, the lights. They make the hurt go away."
Bethany giggled as she listened, not believing a word of it.
"I mean it Beth. Don't laugh. Maybe if we hold hands we can go together, you'll see. There the grass is purple and the flowers are taller than Mother's spinning wheel. All around are the pretty lights that like to play. But it's all fuzzy, kinda like when you rub your eyes too hard."
Bethany just nodded, hearing the sincerity of Saelihnne's voice. Something was very wrong, she could feel it. She gave her sister's hand another squeeze before finding an excuse to fetch some water. She had to talk to her father. Now.
Author's notes.
For those of you who read, review and offer me such encouragement on my other story, On Dalish, fear not for I have not given up. I won't get into gory details, let's just say pain meds and surgery do not appease my muse at all. Sahira may even make an appearance here. I would like to thank you all, for being so kind and patient.
Saelihnne is the catalyst of my six year old WoW healer who is now officially retired from raiding due to the horror of the expansion. Maybe they fixed holy priests, I have already gone. I usually play a healer in any game I play and some of you may recognize the name from the Bioware boards. Yeah that's me. The quiet lurker who fell in love with Ander's little kissy groans. Saelihnne became Hawke with a few surprises.
Empaths are not canon and those of you who know me , know too, I like to take liberties, I am at the mercy of my muse and you will see where it all leads, the title is a dead giveaway.
I am always so deeply moved by the stories Bioware outlines for us, and I wished to give my tender hearted healer a childhood before the heartbreaking events of the end game. There will be romance and some seriously disturbing moments, therefore I rate this M. If you are easily offended, you have been warned. I mean dark and violent as was DA2.
I would like to thank all those of this community who inspire me so much to be a better writer, the recent storm moon and Equinox for lighting the fire beneath my fanny, and Fan Fiction for giving us a place to pour our hearts out. I take liberties with dialogue as I have only completed DA2 three times, and this old hippy is too old to do recall. This is Sae's story afterall.
I always appreciate good constructive critique, your joy is mine. I write another chapter as I post this.
I know, I know, Bioware owns it, I just thank them for a beautiful canvas to dribble on.