Disclaimer: - RBM: No I am not going to do it. I am sick and tired of all this crap and I refuse to succumb to the system. What does Bioware care if I say I don't own Jade Empire or not? Oh look lets sue for the $AU 255.31 in RBM's bank account. That'll show them! No-one will make fanfictions about Jade Empire now that we've made an example of some one! As if!!!
A/N: - I hated that you couldn't be a girl and still get both Dawn Star and Silk Fox to fall in love with you… I preferred using my girl character because she has cool sleeves. But I wanted the best of both worlds so I decided fanfiction was the way to go. Evil laugh Fear my destiny changing powers little pixel people of the Jade empire!!!
"We should wait until morning to leave." Zu suggests standing in the middle of your tent.
"You are right. Tell the others we leave in the morning." You say to him, playing with your blue sleeve. Your mind is else where. It is on pink. On slim legs and red lips. On brown eyes and black hair.
"You could tell her." Zu ventures timidly. You look up at him. For a moment you consider the idea, but you shake your head.
"Her destiny lies else where. Not with me." You pause. "Not with a woman." You stand and start to pace.
"Dawn Star is very open minded. She would not let something as trivial as someone's gender get in the way of love." Zu says then shifts on his feet. You know he is uncomfortable talking about Dawn Star in such a way. He may not have been there for her upbringing but for three months he had protected her as a baby. He had protected her like she was his own child. And for nineteen years he watched her grow from afar ready to protect her. That kind of bond was near impossible to break.
Zu thinks for a moment before talking again. "You don't think you are good enough for her, do you?" You look at him questioningly.
"What do you mean?"
"It is obvious how close you and Dawn Star are. Any fool can see you love her. In fact I am shocked that Dawn Star has not seen it. But still you don't tell her how you feel. Doubt can cloud even the strongest of feelings."
Your heart aches at his words. He is right. You know that while you love her, she can never be yours.
"My life will be wrought with danger for the rest of my years Zu. I cannot put her in that danger, she deserves more."
"Shouldn't that be for her to decide?" Zu asks.
"Shouldn't I also have a choice?" You counter. Zu falls silent. The tent is quiet for a long time. Zu wants to say something but he is unsure of how to persuade you. Your mind drifts from him and back to Dawn Star. Two nights ago when Two Rivers still stood and you had returned from the spirit cave.
The deep hatred you had felt for Gao had shocked you, but you had let the power well deep from within you.
You had no doubt in your mind Master Li would stop you going after them. But he had let you go. Perhaps he had felt that power. The force of hatred, and chi sitting in your belly, waiting to be released. He had not wanted such a force aimed at him.
You caught up to them quickly. Ignoring the farmer and carving your way through bandit and mercenary alike. The only man you left alive told you Gao and Dawn Star had entered the cave. So you threw yourself in there, hoping to the Gods you were not too late.
When you saw Dawn Star the horrible, twisting power in you had simply disappeared.
Your heart skipped a beat with the sudden loss and you swayed. Zu caught you before you fell. He held you while the chi in your body balanced itself again.
You had not even realised you had become corrupted.
You looked after Dawn Star, and suddenly realise she would have pushed you away. She would have shunned you if she had seen such an evil in you. You hadn't thought when you accepted the power welling inside you. You had just grabbed it. Using it with the one goal to find her and kill Gao. You hadn't considered what Dawn Star would think of you. Just looking at her made you realise how close you came to loosing her.
You swore then that never again would that power corrupt you. Zu came to you later that night at Tien's Landing. He had sworn himself to you, and confronted you about your sudden change in power. Exhausted and still agonising over your brush with evil's grip you had confessed to him the evil that had taken you, and the reason it had taken you so easily.
He had listened quietly as you talked, and once you started you couldn't stop. Hours later the moon was low and you were very tired, Zu looked taken aback, but there was something else in his eyes.
"Why don't you just tell her?" he asked gently, but he sounded perplexed. You gave a laugh.
"She would never have me." You dismissed his question with a smile.
"And if she would?" he asked. Your smile faded. A tear fell down your cheek.
"I cannot live without her Zu. She might leave."
"You should tell her." Your thoughts snap back to the tent, and Zu. Before you have a chance to dismiss his words again there is a knock. You and Zu watch as Dawn Star pushed through the flap of your tent. She takes you both in and bows.
"I am sorry for interrupting. I will come back later." Zu holds up his hand.
"No I was just leaving." He turns to you. "Consider what I have said. Doubt can cloud even the strongest of feelings." He bows and you return it. Dawn Star watches with curiosity as he leaves.
"What was he talking about?" she asks. You sigh and shake your head.
"Nothing you should be concerned about. How are you Dawn Star? Is there anything you wish to talk about?"
"Yes actually." She replies quietly. Her head is bowed and she is twisting her fingers around themselves. She is nervous.
"Dawn Star?" You move to her. She has not acted like this since she broke your training staff four years ago.
"I wanted to thank you." She says finally.
"Thank me?" you stand confused. In the past two days you have dragged her half way across the empire, through haunted forests and drowned ruins. But she was thanking you.
"For saving my life." You start and suddenly understanding that she is talking about the cave.
"You have no need to thank me Dawn Star."
"You rescued me." She insists quickly, her voice wavering. "Gao had me cornered when you arrived. If you hadn't been there… I don't know what he…" she let the words fall short as she begins to cry. You take her in your arms and she holds onto you as if you are the only thing keeping her here.She cries into your neck as you hold her.
You had not thought on the timing of your interference at the cave, or what might have happened had you not arrived when you did.
Would you of arrived as quickly if that single minded drive had not possessed you? Had your evil saved Dawn Star from a terrible fate?
"I would never let anyone hurt you Dawn Star." Even if it means becoming that beast. I would rather that you were safe and hating me; instead of being in danger. She gives a soft laugh against your neck.
"Because I'm important to you?"
'You took something very important to me.' The words you spoke to Gao in the cave echoed in your mind. You had not thought before speaking, you had just spoken in the heat of the moment. Thankfully Dawn Star seems ignorant of your feelings, passing them off as a best friend's admission.
'But you love her' the voice in your head says. It sounds remarkably like Zu. You feel Dawn Star warm in your arms and you throw all of your inhibitions to the wind.
"Yes Dawn Star, because you are important to me." You take a breath. "Because I love you." You shut your eyes and clench your teeth against the cold failure creeping over you. You had tried. But the words had only formed on your lips. You had not spoken them.
"Thank you for caring." She whispers. You blink back a traitorous tear.
"You are welcome." You answer. She pulls away from you, wiping tears from her cheeks.
"I should go and let you rest." She says smiling again. The smile on her face stops your feelings. You crush them deeper inside yourself and nod.
"Goodnight Dawn Star." you wish pleasantly. You bow to one another and Dawn Star leaves.
You stand in silence, considering what had just happened. That had been your one and probably only chance to tell her you love her.
And you blew it.
You turn away from the opening of your tent and look at the amulet laying on your bedding. You make a decision. You would never have Dawn Star's affections, you know that. But you will still protect her. With your life if necessary.
But what about your soul?
The amulet glints gold at you, challenging you to make a decision.
It is not hard to make.
You search for it.
And find it.
It sits in your belly dormant. You pluck at it gently, stirring it only slightly. Strands of it unfold and wrap themselves through your body. You frown. This isn't like the cave. This is something different – but the same.
You ease into it, slowly allowing the power around you. It does not grip you like last time. This time you have control. You raise a barrier around your mind before letting the red energy enter. You centre yourself, allowing your blue chi to entwine with the red. They bind tightly.
Your breath becomes rapid with the exhilaration you feel. Your pulse is racing and your tongue is tingling. You feel like you could defeat a god.
'No' You shake your head, denying the traitorous thoughts. You won't let it control you. This time the emotions will not master you, you will master the emotions.
"Not again." Zu whispers behind you. You did not hear him enter.
You untwine your chi and they recede willingly. You feel drained, as you did the first time you manipulated your blue chi. You take a deep breath and shake your head.
"No Zu, not again. This is different."
"What happened? Did your Water Dragon appear?" he asks.
"No. I made a decision." You reply, your heart tweaking with pain. The pain of lost hope. "I will never have her Zu." Your eyes sting with tears.
"What are you talking about?" he asks.
"I tried. Against my better judgement I heeded your word and I tried. I just couldn't." A familiar lump rises in your throat. "I will just stand by her side and protect her." You conjure your new chi around your hand. It swirls blue, red and purple in your palm. Zu shuffles on his feet nervously.
You make the chi dissipate. "This will be my duty from now on. She will never return my feelings."
"I still have no idea what you are talking about." He says carefully. You sigh frustrated.
"I held her in my arms Zu. It felt so natural, so right. I think holding her like that gave me the courage to try. But when I did tell her, no voice came. My lips moved but I was silent.
It was my one chance to tell her but I wasn't able to. Why couldn't I Zu? Why is it so hard to say three little words?"
"I don't understand." Zu answered, sounding worried. Your frustration cracks. You were baring your soul to him and he was being deliberately dense.
"Why can't I just tell Dawn Star I love her?!" you snap around angrily to face him. Zu puts his hand over his face, shaking his head. Your anger floods back into you immediately and you know he is cursing your stupidity in every dialect he knows. Beside him stands Dawn Star; a shocked expression on her face.
A/N 2: - It was intended as a one shot but if you want me to keep on it I require many reviews evil grin