Disclaimer: I do not own anything of CSI. If I did, then things would be a whole lot different. Brothers & Sisters is owned by ABC. The Big Bang Theory is owned by CBS. Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers is owned by the Warner Brothers Company.
A/N: Thanks to my Beta Seshat3. This is another of my wondrous and humorous one-shots which you all love to read :). Don't worry, no one is dead. And I won't have you believing I did kill off Nick or Greg like I did in Help Me Say Goodbye. It follows the same theme I had in To Sleep Perchance To Nightmare, so that should give you a very good clue as to what to expect. The idea for this one-shot came after seeing the preview for this episode the Thursday it was to air. As a result, this will be what I and a great many of you believe the show should be. C.S.F: Crime Scene Forensics is a show of my own creation. The show is a spoof on what had been a really good show to watch many years ago and should be easy for you all to figure out which one.
Gone Down Hill.
"I just don't believe it," Nick heard his husband say from the living room. The tone in which Greg spoke was filled with disbelief.
"What's wrong, G?" Nick called back as he got a bowl from the cupboard for the finished popcorn he had made for them to share. Greg did not answer back.
It was their night off and they had planned on watching TV that evening. Usually, Greg was in a good mood because having the night off allowed them to watch some of their favorite shows. After they had finished dinner, cleared the table and seen to the dishes, their son Oliver had gone to his room to play leaving the two fathers the chance to spend some time alone with each other. Nick had gone to get a bowl of popcorn ready for them while Greg went into the living room and turned on the TV; curling up on the couch to wait for Nick to join him. Just as the Texan was taking the finished bag of popcorn out of the microwave, he heard his husband's loud comment.
After tossing the popcorn into the bowl, Nick walked out of the kitchen and made his way over to the couch. Greg's eyes were narrowed, almost to the point of being slits. He had his arms crossed against his chest and was shaking his head. Nick then saw that Greg was sucking on his lower lip. That was an action the Californian did when he was really upset. Nick lightly chuckled, remembering all the times Greg had done the same thing to him whenever he had done something to make his partner upset at him.
"Oh," Greg snapped bringing Nick out of his thought, "you find it funny do you?"
"I…uh…," Nick had no idea how to respond. He absolutely had no idea what had put the usually carefree and mellow man he loved in such a foul mood.
Greg just huffed and turned his attention back to the TV. "The whole idea is complete lunacy."
"What's wrong G?" Nick asked again as he sat down next to Greg. Yet he received no answer. Just heavy breathing. Placing the bowl on the coffee table, Nick took Greg's hands into his. With his is thumbs, the older CSI began to rub the back of the younger CSI's hands to help ease him. "Greg, I want you to listen to me. Take a big breath and exhale. That's it," he replied smoothly as Greg did as instructed. His breathing eased and he let go of his lip.
After a few seconds, Greg had calmed down and relaxed. He moved up against Nick's broad chest and felt the familiar strong arms wrap themselves around his slim body and pull him close. A hand then started to softly rub his back in a circle.
"Thanks," he said as he leaned into the warm embrace.
"Any time," Nick answered soothingly. "Now, do you think you can tell me what's got you all upset?" He felt the nod against his chest and he loosened his hold. Greg pulled away and looked straight into his dark hazel eyes.
"I just can't believe what they've done to Jeff," he said exasperatedly with a shake his head.
"Who's they and who's Jeff?" Nick asked completely confused.
The young CSI had a bewildered look on his face that seemed to say to Nick that he should have know exactly who Greg was talking about. "You know Jeff. Jeff Steinacker. The character on C.S.F: Crime Scene Forensics?" he replied when Nick had just answered him with a blank stare and a shrug of his shoulders.
C.S.F: Crime Scene Forensics was a show that was part of CBS's Thursday night line-up. The show had been on for a couple of years now. It had been created after a television crew had come and followed the team one night a few years. The show was set in Hollywood but a lot of facts and details about the forensics and job were greatly exaggerated.
"Oh yah Jeff," Nick said once he understood who Greg was referring to. "He's the one from Minnesota?"
"No, he's from Wisconsin," Greg corrected. "Brad is the one from Minnesota."
"What's the difference?" Nick asked, still having no idea what Greg was so mad about.
Greg rolled his eyes. "Jeffery Steinacker is from Wisconsin and is an unofficial Green Bay Packers Cheese Head fan while Bradley Ellington is a pure-breed Minnesotan devoted Vikings fan. When you a Viking and Cheese Head together it's like adding vinegar to baking soda. But in this case, it's just one of the many opposites that make them a perfect couple."
"But they're not a couple on the show. Both actors play them straight."
"That's only because the idiot producers and writers are just too stupid and ignorant to make their characters gay. I'm not the only one who thinks' that. All of my loyal FanFiction fans believe it too. Do you know how many responses I got from my last story? They actually thought I had gone off and killed Jeff from the way I had their daughter Olivia talking. Now that tells you something about the power of my writing and how-"
"Hon," Nick interrupted. "You're getting off track here. What exactly happened to get you all riled-up?
"I just saw the preview for tonight's episode and apparently, the story line centers on Jeff being reunited with a girl from his past who's now a teacher. From what they showed, Jeff had major feelings for her but he never did anything about it. There's even a scene where he's talking to Brad about it while they're working a scene. Then at the end, he goes in to kiss her. I checked the TV guide for the episode, and it states 'Jeff asks a female teacher out on a date.' Can you believe it? Those narrow minded buffoons! I've said it before Nicky and I'm saying it now, this show has completely gone down hill."
Greg had not known exactly how much the preview had upset him till he had finished talking about it. He really did not know why he had allowed the commercial to get to him. Truthfully, he did not watch the show, now in its eighth season, anymore. He and a many of his FanFiction fans who shared his same thoughts about the two fictional characters thought the show was not what it once was when it first premiered. Starting somewhere in the sixth season but defiantly at the start of the seventh season, an important aspect had been lost and the show had taken on a much darker tone. That, along with seriously terrible and unbelievable story lines drove Greg to stop watching the show and eventually led the Californian to the world of Fan Fiction. After reading several stories, Greg decided to try his hand at it and found he had a talent for it, receiving much praise from other readers. A soft giggle brought him out of his thoughts. Looking at Nick, he saw that the Texan had a look of mild amusement but also of sympathy.
"It's just a TV show, Greg. It's not real."
"I know that. It's just so, so stupid! Those stupid producers…" Greg did not know how to continue. He did not how to exactly put his thoughts into words. Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he looked back to his husband. "In this day and age, having two leading male characters who are in love on a show shouldn't be such a big stretch. Even for a show that deals with crime and death. Having the occasional episode that has a gay story line just isn't the same. Most of the shows on TV nowadays have at least one gay character."
Nick understood what Greg was saying. He too had been a fan of the show and like Greg, his interest began to taper off as the stories became darker. The killing of Brad's best friend on the show, Gary, had been the final step for Nick and he never watched the show again. And it did seem odd that the show had no gay characters. ABC's Brothers & Sisters had two who were not only married but were now starting a family of their own.
"You're right, Greggo," Nick began, "the show has gone down the tube in the last few years and I agree with you but that show is not real. A bunch of it's completely fabricated. You should know that since you're a real CSI. You know how hard the job really is. It's nothing like what they show. For example, how long does it take us to process a scene and collect evidence?"
"God, it feels like it takes forever," Greg answered with honesty.
"Right but on that show, they're able do it in what, ten minutes? If that? I know you're good, G, but were you able to test and run all the samples we brought you in a single shift?"
"No, of course not. Even on a good night I only got through maybe half. And that's including having to play catch-up from the shift before, the back log of Swing or First shift too. Or Third's backlog."
"Exactly," Nick answered with a smile. "They're able to do our entire job and solve all their cases in one to two days. We don't. It takes us days even weeks to close our cases if we're lucky."
Greg looked more at ease by Nick's description between their jobs and what occurred on TV. "Don't worry about it, Greg. You said yourself that you only do FanFiction now."
"True but I still think it's a dumb idea." Greg said in agreement. Suddenly, he looked at Nick with worry etched into his face. "What if they decided to bring her back and make her Jeff's girlfriend?" his chocolate eyes suddenly grew large and became filled with sheer horror. "What if they…have them get married?"
Not wanting Greg to worry himself into a frenzy, Nick shifted closer to him and wrapped his arms around the slim waist. "You have to stop worrying about this, Greg. I don't want to have ta visit you in a padded room." Nick's little joke was lost on Greg who answered by pushing himself away from the Texan. He seated himself on the other end of the couch and glared at his husband. Nick suddenly had an idea that should help Greg put this matter to rest.
"Besides, if they do make'em get married, Jeff still has Brad to go home to at the end of the day."
"What are you talking about?" Greg asked, his tone filled with annoyance.
"Wait here," Nick ordered as he got up and walked over to where his laptop was charging. After turning it back on, he brought the website he had seen earlier and went back to his sulking husband. "Here, read," he said as he handed the computer to Greg. Greg read what was on the screen and after he had finished he looked to Nick with a flabbergasted look.
"Is this true?"
"Yep. They made the statement together today. Apparently they got together sometime 'round the second season."
Putting the computer on the coffee table next to the bowl of popcorn and took a handful of the snack. Nick sat down and looked at his husband, saying nothing. When Greg had finished with his popcorn he looked at Nick with a small smile.
"It is kinda stupid for me to be obsessing over a fictional TV show. I'm as bad as a middle age house wife who spends all her time drinking iced tea and watching Soap Operas in a floral purple muumuu.
Nick gave him a wicked grim as he leaned in towards the slim young man. "Baby, on you, even a floral purple muumuu looks good."
"Hmm," Greg purred as he slipped his arms around Nick's neck and pulled the older man closer to him. "I like the way your dirty little mind works Mr. Stokes."
"Let me show you, Mr. Sanders," Nick replied.
Just as they had closed their eyes and their lips were inches apart, a loud squeal broke them apart. "Daddy, Pappa,!"
"Later," Greg said as he placed a quick kiss on Nick's lips.
"I'm holding you to that," Nick answered quietly as Oliver they saw their newly adopted son Oliver toddle in from the hall.
Oliver made his way over to the couch holding a piece of paper in his hands. He smiled at his fathers and asked, "Whatcha doing?"
"Just watching a little TV," Greg answered.
"What've you been doing?" Nick asked the child.
"Coloring," came his answer as he held up the piece of paper up for the two men to see. "Lookie what I did."
"Wow Ollie," Nick said as he looked over the picture, "this is really good."
"Yah it is," Greg said in agreement as he took the picture and Nick picked the boy up and sat him between them.
Oliver had done a crayon picture of them and the rest of the team. The four year old had had done a really good job depicting everyone. He was short and in-between his dads. Nick was broad shouldered with his short brown hair while Greg was skinny with characteristic spiked hair pointing out in several directions. But as they looked closer at the scene, a few things stood out.
"Oliver what are these things?" Nick asked at the series of multicolored streaks that were placed all over the silvery gray haired depiction of Grissom.
"Bugs. Uncle Grissome likes bugs," the boy answered as thought it was completely obvious.
"That makes sense," Greg said. "At least he didn't draw his Miss Piggy," he joked about the preserved fetal pig that the Supervisor had in his office.
Nick nodded. Greg then gestured to the drawing of Sara and he returned his gaze to the picture. She standing with her hands on her hips with had a large nose, glazed eyes and sour expression on her face. Nick furrowed his brow as he looked to his son.
"Oliver, why did you make Aunt Sara look like this?"
"'Cause she's like Squidward on SpongeBob."
The comparison between their friend and the often gloomy and grumpy SpongeBob character was something the two of them had never thought of but it did seem to make sense. Greg was sniggering at Oliver's explanation then something caught his eye.
"And how come you drew Aunt Catherine this way?" Greg asked about the second senior CSI. Catherine stood out only because of her blond hair but because of the round way he was drawn.
"That's baby," Oliver said as he pointed to her large circular stomach.
"Oh," they both said in unison finally understanding. Catherine had looked like she had gained weight lately and she had been acing differently lately.
"Mood swings," Greg said as he recalled how heir friend seemed to switch between her emotions.
"How did you find that out Ollie?" Nick asked with a puzzled look.
"Heard her talking to Uncle Warrick."
The mention of Catherine's new husband brought another question to Nick's mind. In his picture Warrick, while being tall and having large green almost bug-like eyes, had a most unusual hair style
"Oliver, why is Uncle Warrick's hair pink?"
"'Cause it looks like Cotton Candy," he giggled.
Both men tried their best to suppress their laughter. When they had first introduced Oliver to their friends, Oliver had told Warrick that his hair looked like the sugar confection.
"You like?" Oliver asked curiously after being asked so many questions.
"We love it," Nick said as he placed a kiss to the top of Oliver's head.
"A lot?"
"A lot lot," Greg answered as placed a wet raspberry to the boy's neck causing him to break out in a fit of laughter.
Nick jumped in and began to tickle their son as Greg made placed another raspberry on the boy's neck. The sound of laughter filled the room and continued for several minutes before the two fathers became over taken by their own laughter.
After the three had calmed down, they settled down to watched some TV. Deciding to forgo any shows, they let Oliver pick out a movie for them to watch together. From their collection of movies, the boy choosed Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers. Oliver sat between his parents while they munched on the popcorn and watched the movie.
"You feeling better?" Nick put to Greg later on.
"Yep," Greg answered. "I'm over it. Still not completely happy with it but like you said, it's just a show. It's not fault they're letting go down hill."
"Right, G."
"And like you said, I've got my fics that everyone one else seems to love."
Greg leaned forward and kissed his husband on his cheek. Using the arm that was draped around the slender shoulders, Nick brought his hand up and ran his fingers through the messy and spiky strands of hair. He knew that he would never get tired of doing this simple action.
"I love you, my brave and caring Texan in shiny armor."
"Love you too my overly energetic coffee bean."
Unfortunately, their exchange of love was not appreciated by everyone.
"Pappa, Daddy, Shh! Can't hear Scooby and Shaggy!"
"Sorry," they said in unison to the annoyed little boy looking up at them with narrowed eyes and pursed lips.
"No talking during Scooby," Oliver instructed with a glare before turning his attention back to the screen. A moment later, he was laughing at the antics of Scooby Doo.
Nick and Greg just smiled at each other and turned back to watch the screen. Greg snuggled-up closer to his husband savoring the warmth of the embrace. As he went to lay his head on Nick's shoulder, Nick was going to lay his head on Greg's shoulder. The simultaneous action of both resulted in them knocking
"Ouch!" Nick exclaimed.
"That hurt!" Greg stated.
Their pain was not shared by all either.
"Shh! No Talking during Scooby!"
-Author's Note-
Now I hope I get a lot of reviews for this.
I hope you really enjoyed it. The idea for this came from seeing the preview and like Greg, I couldn't believe it. But like him, I know it's a show and I don't have any control over it except in my fics.
I also hope you like how I made Greg a fanfic writer too and how I based his experience on my own. It happened exactly how it says. As always, writing Oliver was fun and I especially had fun with the crayon picture details. The ending was fun to write as well. And I plan on doing the introduction of Oliver to the team soon.
I would like to thank all of you who have added me and my stories to their favorites and alerts list. At the moment, school assignments are occupying most of my free time but I'm working hard on my stories in what little free time I have and I hope to have their next chapters up soon.
I hope to hear from you and until then, I thank you all.