Warning: This is written with Kakasaku in mind if you don't like the pairing then you can probably still read it but that was what I had in my head when writting it.

So, originally this was just a one-shot that popped into my head but then, of course, I wanted to write Sakura's version of things so then it was just going to be a two-shot and it still might be but I left the end of chapter 2 open so that if you like it I might write more.

Chapter 1: Distraction

The woman leaned down and gave Kakashi a kiss on the partially masked cheek before waving cheerfuly and walking away. Jiraiya supposed she was pretty, on a normal day he probably wouldn't mind doing a little 'research' on her. But today was not a normal day, he and Naruto had returned to Konoha after several months of traveling to find that the ultimate bachelor and world-renowned Copy-nin Kakashi was going steady. With a civilian no less. He couldn't understand it. For as long as Jiraiya had known him Kakashi had never deemed any woman important enough to have anything more than a one-night stand with and now, here was with this largely unremarkable woman who he had been dating for a good two months. "Kakashi?" Jiraiya asked, once the woman was out of earshot.

"Hm?" Was his only reply as Kakashi stared after the woman, but Jiraiya could tell my the blank look in his eye the he wasn't really seeing the back of the retreating woman.

"You don't love her, do you?" It was caught halfway between a statement and a question and the answer didn't surprise Jiraiya in the least. He had only seen them interact once and then for only a short while but he could still tell. You can always tell.

"No, I don't." He replied still staring at nothing.

"So, why do you stay with her?" Kakashi was silent for a long time. Finally, he turned until he was facing forward on the park bench but still his dark gaze was not seeing the beautiful autumn foliage before him.

"Because she's a welcome distraction." Jiraiya frowned at this unenlightening answer.

"A distraction from what?" The way Kakashi's hands clenched into fists on his legs did not go unnoticed. Neither man spoke for so long that Jiraiya was sure he wasn't going to reply at all when Kakashi suddenly shook his head.

"I can't. I can't tell you, because that would mean saying it out loud, and I can't do that because that would take it out of the realm of daydreams and ridiculous notions and... make it into a real hope. And I can't let that happen." It was very rare to seen him anything but nonchalant now he seemed almost... rattled.

"Why not?"

"Because just acknowledging that it has even a sliver of a chance of happening, ever, would make it hurt that much more that it never will. That I'll never let it."

"Never let what, Kakashi? What will never happen?" Jiraiya pushed, but he thought he might understand now what his friend was talking about.

"No. I can't. I'm not prepared to deal with it as a real possibility, no matter how remote." His voice had become harsh and intense leaving no room for farther exploration on the subject.

"You love her don't you?" Jiraiya hadn't realized how tense Kakashi had gotten until he relaxed and leaned back until he was looking up into the sky, his eye even crinkled in what Jiraiya imagined was a sardonic smile.

"I thought we already established that I definitely do not love her." Jiraiya scoffed and waved his had dismissively in the direction that she had left in.

"Not her." (What was her name again? He had already forgotten.) Again Kakashi stiffened slowly sitting up straight and staring directly into Jiraiya's eyes for the first time during their entire conversation. His gaze was earnest and Jiraiya could almost feel his sharingan boring into him through his headband.

"I don't know who your talking about." He said in a way that left no doubt in Jiraiya's mind that he most certainly did know who he was referring to.

"Do you really think you can last like this forever? Even you have your limits?" Kakashi's eye wrinkled in a bitter smile.

"Why do you think I need a distraction?"

Ok so tell me what you think. I'll upload the second half very soon and after that we'll see.

Oh, and I almost forgot. None of the characters are mine, they all belong to their respective copyright holders (except for the nameless girlfriend #1, she's mine).