Another Tony/Loki ficlet... nothing smutty at all but yeah... This was brought up when I was trying to think about the crackiest ideas I could. Blame my brains for the idiocy, though I'm a proud idiot.

Title: The Reindeer Game's Revenge (or: Will Tony ever learn that his survival is one window away?)

Summary: Tony offers Loki a present for Christmas. Like most things where Loki is concerned, it backfires and comes back to bite him in the bum.

Pairing: Established Loki/Tony relationship (the order I put this in is in now way representative of the reality of said OTP because to me, they are pretty much interchangeable).

Warning: Crack, potential OOCness... nothing major though.

Enjoy the story!

Loki looked at Tony with eyes like saucers. What in the name of the Allfather was the man thinking? Clearly not about his self-preservation. It was an established fact that Tony Stark was a lot of things, including absolutely careless when it came to his safety. One would have thought that a trip out of the window would have taught him otherwise. Loki pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, letting out a deep breath. Killing Tony would be a rather uncouth thing to do on what mortals called Christmas. Surely Pepper would not like having to explain to Fury – and the police, and the journalists – how Tony Stark found his way to the concrete from the last floor of his tower.

"You are aware that you are alive solely thanks to my respect for Miss Potts."

"Not the window again." Tony barely repressed his wince. No matter how long ago it was, he still vividly recalled the shards of glass digging into his body, and the heart-attack worthy feeling of falling without a safety net. But just out of habit, he asked Jarvis about the Mark VII.

"Sir, I am sincerely sorry, but you actively brought this one on yourself, therefore I am afraid I can't help you on that."

"So, Tony. Care to explain this?" Loki lifted the huge, soft and warm quilt at arm's length, so that its design was fully displayed.

"I thought you'd like it. You don't like to be cold, and really, I was beginning to tire, looking for my own quilt everytime I watch TV only to notice that you dragged it back to the bedroom. Now you have your own." And it was the real reason behind this.

"And I guess I should thank you for your thoughts. But what about the design." The god's tone was too saccharine to mean anything but brewing wrath and Tony was not insane enough not to think of a way out. And for once, he did not find anything.

"Reindeers?"

"Precisely, Tony. Reindeers. So... I trust this is not how you saw me the first time, in Stuttgart, is it?"

"They are not so bad. And I called Thor 'Point Break', could be worse."

"What you called my... brother... is none of my concern. I hope you are aware there will be consequences."

Tony swallowed. He knew that dark look about the trickster, and it bode ill. Last time, he spent weeks checking everything he would drink or eat, just because he thought Loki would poison him. Turned out the god merely enjoyed the sight of him growing into a paranoid mess.

"Tony Stark, you are hereby condemned to the couch until you find a way to make it up to me, or until I decide you have had enough. Jarvis?"

"Yes, Mr. Laufeyson."

"This is effective this instant. I count on you to watch over him."

"I shall, sir."

"What what wait! Jarvis, you turncoat! Since when do you obey him?"

"Sir, your sense of humour is sometimes off, and you are paying now for all the off-handed jokes you spewed out for years."

"You are lying Jarvis."

"Perhaps."

"Goodnight, tin-can boy. And thank you for the quilt."

And with that, Loki strutted. Yes, strutted, out of the room, leaving him to his own devices. Payback was a bitch. And what now, tin-can boy? What on Earth... And he could almost hear Jarvis laughing.

Loki went to their room and got in bed, looking at the quilt. It was well-made, and soft to the touch. If it were not for the horrendous design, he guessed he would like it more. Maybe not horrendous. But now that he knew what Tony meant by 'reindeer game'... there is no way in Helheim that he would not make him pay. A smile crept on his face at this. This was going to be fun.

Because we all know that even though Loki never forgets a slight to his pride, he's way too smart to let it hinder him. And he'll just use it against the offender, whoever he is. (Thor and Tony are easy targets... and they never learn...)