My life sucks. My entire day was ruined, even before demonic sharks tried to drown me. The morning went about relatively normal, well, as normal as it can when you're hunting a golden horned deer, when everything went south. I shouldn't really be surprised, demigods don't exactly have the best of luck, and my luck is legendarily bad.
I'll start at the beginning.
I was having a pretty rough time as I rode the Calydonian boar into New York from Maryland. I wasn't really sure what this boar was doing in Maryland to begin with, as far as I knew it didn't travel anywhere north of Texas but there it was sipping water from Magothy River without a care in the world. I dropped my espresso and stared slack-jawed at the casual boar.
It was a tiny bit bigger than the last boar I encountered a few years back, but that's like saying one tank is bigger than another. Its hide was blackish purple and rough with ancient scars and wounds. Its right eye was horribly scarred and blind and the tusks were worn out and chipped, it was the meanest looking giant boar I've ever seen.
After mumbling an apology to both Pan and the god of espressos I approached the boar, trying to ignore the very pungent scent of garbage rolled around in wet fur with a hint of skunk. If there's one thing those Greek myths fail to mention it's how horrible these monsters smell.
"What are you doing here?" I muttered, trying to remember the story behind this boar.
The Calydonian boar was this huge issue back in the day, I mean I could see why a giant, rampaging boar would be an issue. See the King of Calydon gave these annual ritual tributes to the Olympians but one year he forgot to mention Artemis in the tribute and Artemis got a bit pissed. Artemis sent the Calydonian boar to ravage the land, killing a bunch of people, until a band of heroes were dispatched to slay it.
Atalanta was the first one to wound the boar and when it was killed she was rewarded the hide as spoils of war. This pissed off all the guys who partook but they couldn't do much to argue the point, a bunch of sore losers, if you ask me.
"Okay, so Artemis sent you the first time around because she was pissed," I told the boar who gave me a curious look but went back to drinking the lake. "So, why would she send you again?"
Back in the old days the gods didn't mingle with mortals that much, not even Artemis to her Hunters. These days they were pretty lax about talking to us mere humans, but Artemis has been a bit quiet recently. It wouldn't be like her to send a cryptic message like this, unless she was in trouble.
I shook the thought out of my head. There was no way Artemis could get in trouble so easily without anyone else knowing. But then again, she was kidnapped a while ago by a Titan. The idea still didn't make sense to me, perhaps this was a quest opportunity or something, but did she want me to hunt the boar?
Folding my arms, I frowned, unimpressed by the giant boar. His descriptions from the stories must've been exaggerated because he wasn't very scary. He was slow-moving, bloated, and a bit gassy. There must've been another reason, then, why he was in front of me now.
"What the…" The boar turned around and I could see something gold shining on his side. Moving closer to the boar I looked at his right side, there was golden bow and a quiver filled with silver-tipped arrows hanging off his matted fur.
Snatching the weapons off the boar, I scrutinized the bow. Inscribed into the ancient weapon, in magical bronze much less, was a name: Ἀταλάντη.
"Atalanta," I translated aloud, my weird brain automatically translating the ancient Greek name.
This was her bow! Man, girls back then even enjoyed their flashy accessories. But this made even less sense. Why would the Calydonian boar bring me the bow of the Hunter that killed him?
The boar grunted and tilted his head toward the small forest to the right. My mouth dropped as a golden-horned deer with bronze hooves stood there, grazing calmly, glanced at us then trotted away with the speed of a racecar.
"Crap…" I muttered. That was the Ceryneian Hind, another animal associated with Artemis. The Ceryneian Hind, or Cerynitis as her friends call her, was Artemis's sacred animal, apparently she was so fast she could outrun an arrow. All of Artemis's lieutenants hunted Cerynitis as a sort of initiation rite, if they failed… well, I don't want to find out.
Problem was, Hercules killed Cerynitis as part of his 12 labors, and apparently she still holds a grudge. She especially hates children of Zeus, lucky me, right?
Glancing at the Calydonian boar, the gears in my head were beginning to turn. The boar wasn't running away from me and he brought me Atalanta's bow and arrows, he's here to help, maybe he was fast enough to catch up to Cerynitis?
With a bit of trepidation I climbed on the boar's back, afraid he was gonna get upset and try to buck me off but the guy didn't really care.
"Alright, Cal, you mind if I call you Cal?" Cal grunted and passed a bit of gas that was probably a yes. "Cal, if you're here for the reason I think you are, then this will probably be a piece of cake. Are you fast enough to catch up to Cerynitis?"
Cal shifted slightly and farted again. Grinning, I patted his side. "Alright, let's go then!"
The last boar I rode wasn't nearly as comfortable, but Cal wasn't exactly a first-class either. It felt like riding a patch of gravel on a treadmill during an earthquake. But Cal covered some distance, the big gassy boar had me in New York in about ten minutes.
By the time we stopped, we were in Central Park. He stopped by the Bethesda fountain and shook me off, as if to say, "Alright, ride's over chump."
Getting back to my feet, I turned to thank Cal but the dude was already gone. Looking around the park, it was surprisingly empty for this time of day, there would at least be the stray hobo but it was completely empty.
That being said, finding a glowing, golden-horned hind was a lot harder than you'd think. I spent the next twenty minutes running all around Central Park looking for her. Nothing. Don't think I'm some mediocre hunter either, it takes more than a pretty face to become Artemis's lieutenant.
I sat there on Bethesda Fountain, plucking at Atalanta's bowstring sullenly. I wasn't one to feel sorry for myself but it's kinda frustrating being outwitted by a deer.
Just then, the stupid deer in question hopped right out of nowhere and landed ten feet in front of me with something of an indignant expression, as if she was impatient that I couldn't catch her.
"Fine, hold still then!" Drawing an arrow, I took a moment to aim and fired. By Cerynitis was even faster than I expected. In a golden blur she was gone and reappeared to my left. I drew another bow and fired but she just dodged that as well. I was about to notch another one but Cerynitis must've gotten impatient because she charged me and headbutted me right in the gut.
I flew back about five feet, feeling pretty awesome about myself. Rolling to my feet, I notched another arrow but the hind was gone. Turning a full circle, I searched for the elusive damnable hind.
"Come on! Don't be scared!" I yelled to her. "Why don't you fight me like a real, uh, deer!"
Cerynitis apparently didn't enjoy that challenge. In a blur of bronze and gold, my bow was snatched from me, thrown away from me, and before I could reach for it, I was knocked back violently. Shaking the stars from my vision, I rolled backwards in time to see Cerynitis try to stomp on my legs.
I lurched forward, tackling her legs and taking her down. But she was a squirrely immortal glowing hind and tried to shake me off.
I didn't think so.
I reached into my backpack, which was magically enchanted, mind you, and brought out a length of rope. Pinning her down, I tied Cerynitis's forelegs together. Suddenly, I was bucked right off, she got a clean shot at my gut. Thankfully, however, she knocked me closer to my bow.
Grabbing the golden bow, I quickly notched an arrow and shot it before Cerynitis could escape. It impacted her side but it wasn't enough to keep her down. She shook off the wound, escaped her bonds, and raced off into the woods.
Growling, I got to my feet and prepared to sprint after her but that's when the fountain exploded and I was introduced to my second problem of that day.
A huge man-shark thing appeared from the fountain. Its upper body was that of a man's but from the neck up he had a shark head, ink-black with blood-stained teeth. His lower body was that of a shark's fin as well but as he reached land it became a human's. His formerly black scales morphed into regular human legs with a black kilt-like thing.
Then the problem actually showed up.
Right behind the shark-dude, he showed up. His tousled black hair was just as messy as I remembered it, his sea-green eyes were fixed with a fierce sort of determination, as if the shark-dude stole his lunch or something. And in his hand he held a familiar sword, a bronze leaf-shaped blade: Riptide.
Percy Jackson jumped right out of the fountain and charged the shark-dude.