"My Hard Life, a Drama", directed by Terrible Karma, special affects done by M. Agic,
Characters: Tammie (the little sis)
Zian (the younger bro)
Lana (the unfortunate main character)
Mum (the mum)
Dad (the dad)
Topiko Jamille (the cat)
Milo (the boy who's Zian's BFF)
Sirius Black (the irritating one in the backround)
Terrible Karma (the director AND plays the star part in this film)
Albus Too-Many-Names Dumbledore (the cuckoo playing matchmaker)
James Potter (the one who stalks)
Lily Evans (the one who's being stalked)
Marlene SomethingOrOther and Debbie Lovegood (the ones who are Lily Evans' BFFs)
Belle Davin (the pretty and bratty one)
Remus Lupin (the bookworm)
Peter Pettigrew (the idiot)
Jackie Kint (Lana's BFF)
Suzie the camera.
Ollie Tempar (Lana's other BFF)
Severus Snape (the agro loner)
The barbies (the annoying ones)
Some others (the ones that Lana doesn't really notice much)
The warning:
T.A: Troll Appropriate for the horrible people within the movie.
The rating:
CENSORED.
This is a movie by LanaHatesMuggleStudies, so please, since this film is based on a real story, copiers will be hexed on sight.
Thank you, and on with the show.
Let me get this straight. I. Hate. Muggle Studies.
I'm MUGGLEBORN! I know what a kettle is!
This whole film is thanks to Mrs Danders, who thinks we should film ourselves because it's her way of making a Diary Entry 'fun'. The camera is designed to echo my thoughts like some sort of dramatic effect, and it's also meant to only pick up the interesting things. So I don't even know if I'm thinking all these stupid thoughts for nothing or if I'm being eavesdropped on. Part of me wonders if this is just some sort of trick by the teachers to find out who jinxed Severus Snape into a gnome -although she did promise not to look at the fims- but I don't think Professor McGonagall minds very much. She never did like Snape much, anyhow. I really think being stone and even uglier then usual suits him and his personality. And his hair isn't gross and greasy anymore!
Anyway, sorry about my rambling. I do that when I'm nervous- I am NOT the kind of girl who goes all ga-ga, teary and excited all at the same time at the thought of being an actress...
WAIT! What in Merlin's name- does the camera stay on when I'm getting changed?
"AAHHH!"
-Screen goes fuzzy-
"OK," I say, taking off the blanket that I threw at the camera. The camera takes in my new appearance- PJs! "Sorry 'bout that."
I truly don't think Mrs Danders thought this through very well.
Mrs Danders is muggleborn, like me. She wears floral yellow dresses during every season, and flip-flops that sometimes swap to snowboots. Belle Davin always gossips about how 'horrid' she looks.
Ah, Belle Davin, our mutual hatred is unbreakable. Belle has pretty short, curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She looks innocent, kind and loving. She hasn't any of those traits, once you are: another girl/Not part of her clique. Or simply an honest person, like me.
I remember the first times I met her.
"Your hair is pretty." She had said with a false smile that I was just about smart enough to decipher.
"Your's looks like some stupid barbie!" I had replied cheerfully.
She hated me after that, and I hated her when she hexed me into a flowerpot. Hm, it's weird that most of the transfiguration that's been going on in this castle since I arrived has been to do with garden decor...
I can hear my best friend, Ollie, tossing and turning in her bed- which is three beds across from mine in our small dormitory.
"BANG!"
A bedraggled body tumbles out of that bed and onto the red carpet floor.
"Oh.." She groans, lifting her face off the floor, she grunts and attempts to get up, but fails. In a few seconds, her face slams to the floor again and slight snoring comes from her direction.
It looks like I'm the only one up. But I can see two other cameras, sinisterly sneaking about the room on their weird little feet. They have long legs, those cameras, and arms sticking out of them so they can turn the zoom-in knob whenever they want.
My camera has the green light lit up, so something interesting must be happening. Just maybe not in here.
That camera is just desperate to get me to leave the room.
Or maybe that's my more fun side, encouraging me to earn the title of 'someone with a life', as I must be the only one here that has never left the dormitory after the prefects call for lights out.
The big clock above the window shows, from what I can make out, that it is only 3am.
Merlin, I can not lie in bed awake for that long without losing whatever sanity I have left.
Okay, I give up-
I'm going in.
(Or out, since I have to leave first).
Oh my Merlin!
That was the WORST decision of my life, leaving the dormitory! Right there, on the couch in the common room, where Lily Evans and James Potter. They were obviously talking about very private things. You know, the average; homework assignments; home and relations; and the fact that they're IN LOVE! Pshaw, they can't even deny the fact that they're secretly engaged. Not even James' best mate, Sirius Black, knows. Me, being the little spy at the punch-bowl, was the only one to figure it out. Or hear it, either-or.
I'm standing at the end of the staircase, like a deer in the headlights, staring at the two who are facing my way. They haven't noticed me yet. I spring behind the sofa and pull the camera with me, because rushing up the stairs would be too noisy.
Lily's in my year... and in my dorm. I have NO clue how she got out undetected by moi, who has been up for about an hour!
Sneaky, clever Lily.
I wonder if her pals, Debbie and Marlene, know about her unknown romance.
Nah. I doubt it.
Aha! The camera's light is green again! It was off for ages. I suppose there's a reason I don't call this film-in-progress a romance movie.
There's one problem, though. If something interesting is happening, doesn't that mean Lily and James are-
GETTING UP?
I crawl under the couch, and put a short-lasting spell on the camera -a good witch always has her wand- to make it into a coffee table. A creepy coffee table that's glowing green at the edge.
Lily is gone. I can hear her saying 'goodnight' to her soul-mate.
Just when I think james might go and I might have the chance to escape, I hear more footsteps come from the boy-stairs side of the common room.
"No," I hiss. "Go away!"
But nobody hears me. I'm grateful, because if I was just after spending some happy, memorable moments with the person I love, I would be rather disturbed if a voice under the couch opposite me said to leave.
"Hey, mate."
Oh no.
It's Sirius Black.
And no. I do not have some theatrical crush on Mr Black that makes me nervous whenever I see him. No, I do not have some cruel hatred for the guy. It's simple: Sirius Black is a notorious talker.
I'll be stuck here all night.
And it's green again. The coffee table thing has worn off, so I tug it under the couch with me.
By this point the green light is like some horrible omen to say that something bad is going to happen to me.
Wait! I hear James leaving!
YES!
Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
Sirius Black is crouching down- and he's looking right at me!
Suddenly the camera jerked, and jumped out from under the couch beside me, to get a better shot of Sirius Black.
Black is startled by this, and he pauses. I figure in a few minutes that he'll remember the assignment for Muggle Studies, and then I'll be dead meat.
I see the camera's waving its hand- bloody hell, has that thing got a mind?- motioning for me to run for it.
Chase scene: begin.
I pull myself out from under the couch, and the camera snapped up to film me better. It is dark, so I have my hopes to survive this ordeal.
"Who's there?" Asks Black. "Lumos," he muttered, and a golden light shot out of his wand.
"Aiee!" I shriek. My eyes take a minute to adjust to the light, and by that point Black's guessed he should try and see who was spying on his mate.
I race towards the Fat Lady's portrait, and pull it open. I dive through it, and trip over my own feet.
Why am I so stupid?
Sirius is following me, probably wondering what an insane person is doing outside the Hospital Wing.
I flash down the next hallway, when someone calls me.
"Lana, pst!" I look over to see Hilary Dam.
"Hilary!" I cry out. I walk over to her portrait. Hilary Dam has long plaited brown hair, hazel eyes, and a fancy fairytale style dress. Her painting was hexed a while ago, so anyone she wants can go right into it! Straight into a meadow of gorgeous, bright multicolored flowers. Unfortunately for Hilary, she has hayfeaver.
"Get in here," she ordered, and I climbed over the elegant silver frame of her painting.
"Thanks." I say.
"Here," she mutters, transfiguring my dress into one equally as posh as her own.
As if on cue- well, it is a movie afterall- Sirius Black skids into sight. He ran past us, then pauses.
"Since when were there two of you?"
"Since Hilary realized that annoying Black heirs aren't good for one's social life." I fill in.
He scoffs, shaking his head like he can't believe anyone would find him irking, and sprints on down the hall.
"Ha," says Hilary. "Boys and their egos. Is he in your year?"
"My house, too."
"Merlin, how could he not recognize you, then?" Hilary asks, shocked.
"Well, he isn't very bright, for one."
She laughs. "So I can see." She smirks. "Is this your first time going out after curfew?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"For one, you've never come down this hallway at night- which is pretty hard to do, since it's attached to half of the other halls in the castle."
"Hm," I say dejectedly. "I better go."
"Yes," Hilary agrees. "Goodbye."
"See you!" I say, pleased.
I could escape Azkaban, I bet, at this point.
I had a dream last night. Hilary and I were in her portrait, and then Sirius Black appeared with Dumbledore and started dancing. Wee all frolicked through the meadow for the rest of the dream.
In muggle school my teacher, Ms. Waat, said that dreams are based on personal things. Which is freaky, because that either means my subconscience likes the idea of four of the most insane people in Hogwarts playing in flowers and thinking of happiness and sunshine, or I really liked those violets.
Nothing's wrong with violets, but our Divination Professor, Dimwitt, told us that they were a sign of death in the near future. He also said so are roses, so I have no idea why couples gift each other with an inevitable demise.
I was woken by the ever-annoying Jackie, who, as well as being my arch nemesis, is my best friend. Or one of them, at least.
"Lana! Get up!" She shouts into my deafened ear. Her pale brown eyes blinking into mine. She's already dressed, and her dark red hair is up in a pony tail.
"Wha'?" I grumble, looking up at her.
"Zian's looking for you." She explains.
"I don't wanna go." I say. "Tell him I won't do his homework."
"It's about your sis."
My eyes flicker open. "Tammie? What's up with Tammie?"
Zian is my brother. He's fourteen, with shaggy black hair, big green eyes and pale skin. He has the usual Flint looks and permanent insanity. My sister is Tammie. She's the only known Flint child to ever be born with light brown hair. She's thirteen and a rulebreaker.
"I dunno," said Jackie, shrugging. "Ask Zian."
Ask Zian.
Oh no.
The Flint family is always mad. Totally crazy. But we all have our unique bits. I, for one, have a habit of jinxing household objects to helo me out with simple things. Tammie loves dressing up. Zian is really argumental and stubborn. Even more then I am, and my record of stubbornness and disagreeing is pretty hard to best.
Zian is a wizard, too. And Tammie's a witch. It's very rare for three witches/wizards to be born to the same muggle family, but that's us, I suppose. Defying magical science and stuff.
"I'll go," I decide eventually.
The camera is on again, I see.
"Good," says Jackie, folding her arms. "Your brother looks like he might throw a hissy fit down there."
She leaves.
"Oh yeah, before I forget..." I say.
-Screen goes fuzzy-
Ah, now I'm dressed in standard witchy get up. You know, the pointed cap, cloak, cat earrings- oh wait! That reminds me!
"Topiko Jamille!" I yell. "Get here this instant!"
Out from the bathroom emerges Topiko Jamille, my brown and white cat.
"Topiko Jamille," I say. "Meet..." Wait, to intorduce someone to another person, doesn't the person have to have a name? Even if it's a camera? "Suzie. Suzie the camera."
Topiko Jamille stares at me, in a way that screams: Are you serious!?
"Yeah I'm serious." I tell him firmly. I turn back to 'Suzie'. "Suzie, meet Topiko Jamille."
Suzie beeps.
I scoop up Topiko Jamille and he wraps himself across my shoulders.
"Let's go see what Tammie's done this time."
"She's gone loony," says Zian. "Seriously, though. She told Filch to 'bugger off' when he caught her raiding the Potion room. She has a three month detention now to serve, cleaning cauldrons and helping the House Elves."
"Raiding the Potion classroom?" I repeat. "What did she have in mind? The potion she must've wanted to make."
"No clue. It was in none of the white potion books." Zian says, harsh purpose in his voice.
Ever heard of white and black magic? White/black potions are the same idea.
"Tammie wouldn't make an illegal potion. Where would she get the recipe from, anyway? The library only has that sort of thing in the restricted section."
"Exactly."
"No, I refuse to believe that Tammie would do something so stupid."
Zian looks frustrated. "But- hey," he says, confused. "Why is there a walking camera over there."
Beside the lamp in the corner is my stalking camera.
"Oh yeah, say hello to Suzie."
"Suzie? Whatever, the point is that she has to be stopped. She could be expelled, Lana, and you know it."
"Fine," I give in. "I'll ask her about it later."
At breakfast I'm all over the news. Anonymously, of course.
People will forget about it soon, it's normal for Sirius Black to have a few admirers intruding on his space.
"I wonder who it was?" Says Ollie. "I betcha it was Belle Davin."
Ollie is a real tomboy. She has boy-length short sandy hair, blue eyes, and a sharp tongue.
"It was me," I blurt out.
Jackie and Ollie turn to stare at me. "What?" They chorus.
"I was going to go for a walk but they were in the common room. Lily and James, that is. So I hid 'cause I didn't want to embarrass them or me, but they left and Sirius Black came in so I ran."
Jackie burst out laughing. "I heard he was out there for a hour!"
"I heard he was there for two!" Cries out Ollie, joining in with the giggle fit, real tears of amusement dripping from her eyes. "Looking for who had been watching him!"
"I'm sorry," I say defensively. "I hid with Hilary until he passed then went back to our dorm. Can you blame me?"
They don't really listen, they're much too busy exchanging rumours- "I heard that he thought it was Gigi Winters!"
Oh, I have a bad feeling karma will be coming for me for taking away Sirius Black's sleep and privacy.
Jackie and Ollie and I are sitting in potions together. Double class with the Slytherins, woo!
Lily and her two cronies, Marlene and Debbie, all sit together. Lily is Slughorn's -the Potion Master, who has finally gotten over the creepiness of being watched by Suzie and several other cameras- favorite. His star pupil.
"Now, can anyone tell me what the mix of unicorn hair, jobbernoll feathers, and flobberworm saliva creates?"
All that comes to my mind is Jackie's aunt who works at a magical hairdressers, giving many a 'do to unicorns, blue flamingos and a bunch of worms brushing their teeth in front of the tap.
But of course, Lily Evans' hand flashes into action. Light may travel faster then sound, but Lily Evans' reflexes seem to beat both.
"Yes, Ms Evans?" Slughorn questions, pride in his tone.
"Unicorn hair with jobbernoll feathers and flobberworm saliva stirred together over a boiling heat form a liquid called the Truth Serum."
"Well done!" Slughorn congratulates her. "And what is a Truth Serum?"
Lily's hand flies up again, but Severus Snape is quicker this time. "It is a weaker version of Veritaserum, sir, and forces the drinker to tell the truth."
"Good work, Mr Snape," says Slughron enthusiastically. "Today we will attempt-" see how he says 'attempt', like he doesn't believe we can do it? "-To make a batch of Truth Serum. Your ingredients are set out beside you." He waved his wand, and a pice of chalk wrote out a bunch of names in twos on the chalk board.
-Camera zooms in on board-
Sirius Black and Lana Flint.
Karma has slapped me in the face once again.
Black is rather good at potions. He's chopped up the unicorn hair into tiny particles and heated the cauldron to precisely the right temperature. I purified the worm-spit in a separate, smaller cauldron until it stopped frothing up and burning up the metal innards of the black cauldron. Now I'm washing the jobberknoll feathers, and I have no clue why Suzie is finding scrubbing blue feathers in a bucket interesting.
"I'm ready," I say. "Are you?"
"Yeah." He dumps his half of the ingredients into the main cauldron and I throw in my own.
I check the instructions. It says to wait ten minutes. Oh, just great. Some quality time with the guy I'm trying to avoid.
I stare at the clock on the left grey wall in the dungeons. 2:25. It's almost ready.
"Black," I say. "I think it's time to remove the serum."
"Yeah." Is that all he can say? "Here." He has TWO! words in his vocabulary! Woo! Give the boy a gold star!
He took the cauldron away from the flames, and I blow them out.
We wait 'til it's cooled.
"It's okay, now." I say, taking out the thermometer I was using in it. "We're finished."
- Camera picks up whisper: "Not yet we aren't,"-
Sirius Black takes the stirring spoon we were using early, collects some of the serum, and sticks the spoon into my mouth. It's so sudden I don't have time to react.
"Were you the one under the couch last night?" He hisses.
I try hard to keep my big mouth shut, I really do, but that simple word spills out so easily. Guess I'm not as bad as I thought at potion work.
My face starts going purple by the time I give in.
"Yes."
I'm back! Hey guys. This story DOES have links to Lost, and it's kinda like a sequel. To the readers of Lost: I'm sorry the ending was so cringe-worthily sweet, I am!
Now, as always, I will request you all to REVIEW!