A/N: Because everything can get worse. EVERYTHING.
Fan4tastic 2: We Can Do Better, We Promise!
by MiscellaneousSoup
Doom cackled, holding up his new computer. "FINALLY, I WILL BECOME THE GREATEST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD! DOOM WILL RULE THE INTERWEBS! NO LONGER WILL RICHARDS AND HIS FRIENDS CURSE MY PLANS TO BLOG! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THEM AFTER THAT WHOLE FIASCO!"
The store clerk coughed and pointed at the cashier. "Sir, you have to pay for that."
Doom growled. "VERY WELL, MORTAL. HERE'S MY CREDIT CARD. AS SOON AS I TAKE OVER SOME LAND, MAYBE LATVERIA, I WILL PAY OFF MY DEBTS. DOOM IS A LOYAL CUSTOMER. DR. DOOM OUT, PEACE!" With a puff of smoke, he vanished, leaving the clerk just as bored as before.
…
"Huzzah!" Reed yelled. "Using my sciencey science skills of science-ness, I have discovered a way to cure us! SCIENCE RULES!"
Sue slapped him. "You fool, the government still wants to kill us! Johnny, Ben, come over here and slap Reed."
Johnny and Ben slapped Reed, making him cry. Sue glanced into the camera, giving a thumbs up. "Marvel's first family, everyone! Aren't we happy?!"
As Ben and Susan continued to abuse Reed, Johnny flamed on and started writing a message in the air. The flames shimmered, spelling out 'HELP ME.'
Johnny inched farther away from the group. "Guys, you have to help me. I don't want to be in this movie. I'm in Creed, darn it. Please, don't let me ruin my career. I'm stuck with Fox."
Reed's arm shot out and dragged Johnny back into the dust cloud of squabbling heroes. "Please, no, no! I can't be back in the inferior version of Marvel! I'm NOT Johnny, I'm Michael! Who am I kidding, no one's watching this."
…
Doom threw his screwdriver to the ground, finally having finished his project. "DOOM IS PLEASED, FOR DOOM HAS ASSEMBLED THE FINEST COMPUTER IN ALL OF THE LAND. ALSO, DOOM IS SPEAKING IN THE THIRD PERSON. THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT? I'M LIKE THE COMIC, RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME I'M ACCURATE!"
Five hours of hysterical sobbing later….
Dr. Doom wiped his runny nose on a towel, then put his tin-foil mask back on. "ANYWAY, UM, BEHOLD! I HAVE CREATED A LIVING COMPUTER!"
The computer beeped. "Mutant detected. Mutant detected."
Fuming, Dr. Doom slapped the computer. "DARN, I THOUGHT I FIXED THAT. WE'RE NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO CROSS OVER WITH THE X-MEN FRANCHISE! DO YOU WANT TO GET US SUED?!"
Smoking, the computer shuddered, then reformed like some kind of shape-changing droid, very similar to another hated movie franchise. "Roll out, Trans- Uh, I mean, greetings, master! How can H.E.R.B.I.E. serve you?"
Dr. Doom grinned. "EXCELLENT! I HAVE CREATED A LIVING ROBOT! SEE, IT'S DIFFERENT THAN THE COMICS IN A UNIQUE WAY, MAKING IT GOOD! RIGHT?! RIGHT?!"
Five more hours of hysterical sobbing and cursing…
H.E.R.B.I.E. blinked. "Dear God, I'm in a non-MCU film. Somebody kill me! I need alcohol to numb the pain. GIVE ME ALCOHOL!" The tiny robot transformed into a huge monster and began ransacking the town.
…
Deadpool walked into the debris, kicking aside a brick. "Wow, this movie stinks. Wait...DEAR GOD, I'm in a potential script for a Fantastic Four film! You ain't getting me back!" With an angelic glow, Deadpool transformed into Dreadpool, from Wolverine's first solo movie.
THE END
WRITTEN BY JEREMY SLATER AND SIMON KINDBERG
DIRECTED BY JOSH TRANK
PRODUCED BY OH WHO GIVES A FLYING FART, NO ONE'S READING THIS. WE CAN SAY WHATEVER WE WANT. PLEASE, MARVEL, MAKE US A GOOD OFFER. WE WANT TO GIVE BACK THE FANTASTIC FOUR. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL BACK. JUST DON'T GLOAT. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR
…
It was a dark and stormy night. The head of Fox's superhero film division was hiding under his desk, whimpering. "I-I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me."
The real Dr. Doom stood before him, arms crossed. "Doom shall spare your life, but not out of a sense of mercy. Rather, a proposal shall be made. In return for your head not being removed from your spinal cord and tossed out the window, you will make this script a reality."
He shoved a piece of paper into the poor man's face and slowly flickered away. The studio head look at the paper and grinned. "Hey, this isn't so bad!"
….
A FOX PRODUCTION: Leave It To Victor!
by Alan Smithee and Les-Creat IvePseudonym
Doom pranced through a field of daisies, singing opera. "Ooohhhh, the hills are alive with the sound of Doom's rule!"
THE END...OR IS IT?
This has been a PSA for the Fox Marvel Movies. Remember, we have a sense of humor about ourselves. Also, we could always be worse. Keep complaining about Fan4tastic and we'll make this half-baked premise real. You'll never get a Deadpool sequel.