Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!
Title: Grieve Where They Can't Hear You.
Summary: Garnet takes a long walk.
...
Garnet takes a long walk. Pearl tries to intervene, but Amethyst cuts her off with a simple admonishment. In her mind, there's no point in trying to stop her. She's probably right.
She makes it to the long rock wall that gradually builds into the stone monument, which is pretty par for the course. It's hard to travel when you're splitting down the seams- literally. It's not like they'll be disturbed, out of sight and mind from the Gems and Beach City alike.
Sapphire falls to her knees, pressing gloved fists to her face. Her shoulders quake with barely restrained emotion. Ruby lands on her feet, turns, and punches the rock wall. Then she keeps punching.
"Stop that." Sapphire's voice wobbles. "You're hurting yourself."
Ruby, in turn, doesn't hear. It's easier to keep punching. More satisfying too. Steven's face keeps flashing through her mind- the boy was hardly even a pebble.
"Ruby," her partner insisted, sucking in a shaking breath. "Ruby, please. Look at your hands."
Gems don't bleed. They don't bruise, either. They can, however, feel very tender, which is a bit like bruising, only without the marks. Ruby examines her red fingers, twitching them, feeling them protest. "I left a dent."
"You did," Sapphire agrees.
"I wanna leave a hole." She wants the rock to feel how she does; ripped and torn and missing important pieces. It's illogical. Ruby knows it's illogical. She also knows she doesn't care. "Can I?"
"Please don't."
Ruby stares at the dent, then the ocean, cut off slightly from view. If only Amethyst could've shapeshifted. If only Pearl could've hit the engine with her spear somehow. If only a lot of things happened.
Sapphire's shoulders are still shaking, but she's not holding back anymore. It's an ugly cry. They're both ugly criers. She snorts and hiccups and makes unintelligible little sounds. Ruby awkwardly flops down next to her; she's always felt like she's a terrible source of comfort, even if her partner disagrees.
"Hold hands?" She asks. Sapphire mumbles something she translates as "I don't want to hurt you" and gently slips her own hand into the woman's lap, offering. "You won't."
Sapphire intertwines their fingers together, pressing Ruby's hand to her cheek. Ruby grabs her shoulders and pulls her close, onto her lap, resting her chin on her swoop of pretty long hair.
It's hard for her to cry publicly. A couple thousand years on Earth hadn't quite negated thousands of years of conditioning. Rubies aren't supposed to cry. Crying was weakness, and weakness meant they had no room to exist. Sapphire was one thing- Sapphire had future vision, and was expected to cry over the things she saw, when she was alone- but Ruby? No.
(There had been a time, back during the war, that whenever she cried Ruby would turn away while simultaneously trying to comfort her. It's shameful to look back on, but she honestly couldn't help it. Had she stumbled upon a grieving Sapphire on Homeworld it would've been expected of her- that, and for her to guard the room she was in from further interruption. Depending on how vindictive the clarity was, she could've been shattered just for being there.)
"I can't see him," Sapphire wheezes, frantically clinging to her shirt. "There's too many unknowns, too many- I can't see his face, Ruby."
Ruby doesn't answer. Deep down, an optimistic part of her wants to believe that's a good thing. Steven's future is moldable. Maybe he'll get away somehow; come crashing home in a blaze of glory. The soldier in her says otherwise. And, deep down, it hurts less to let that hope die than it would be to spend every day waiting for what has become impossible.
Stars help her, he was only fourteen.
She's crying now. She's not ashamed of it. Ruby lets the salt sting her eyes and drip down her cheeks, idly rocking them both. Best to get it over with rather than break down later. S'more efficient. "He's tough, Sapphy. He's tough. Did you see him up there? Head held high. He's a brave kid."
Sapphire pulled her closer, as if afraid she'd disappear. "He shouldn't have been brave."
That is an emotional punch to the gut. Ruby snorts, long and loud. It hurts not to say more. It hurts that the one thing a soldier can have- a positive remembrance- has been ripped from Steven. In Sapphire's mind, at least. The brave ones are remembered the most. It's the one thing she can give him now.
Ruby crushes a fist to her soggy eyelids, rubbing away some of the gunk. Her eyes and hands both ache.
"We can't stay for much longer," Ruby says finally, quietly. Her voice is much grittier after she cries- borderline unpleasant. "They- they need us." She gives a shrill squeak on 'need'. "Oh, stars, I can't do this."
"Ruby?"
"I'm- I'm sorry, Sapphy." She wiped her face as best she could. "You need me to be strong. We gotta be strong."
"I need you to be here." Sapphire squeezed her sides for emphasis. "And you are."
But he's not. And they have no immediate way of getting him back.
Author's Note: Haven't written any Rupphire in a while, so here's some mild angst. I imagine Ruby and Sapphire grieve by themselves a lot; especially after Rose died.
-Mandaree1