I've always wanted to do something important with my life, something meaningful. Good or bad. The details didn't matter that much to me, what was important was that I figured it out. Figure out what I was going to do.
I knew just the thing when he confronted me with his idea; a small smirk playing across his face and devious eye staring down at me. To go with him and Tousen to Hueco Mundo and rule there while his plans played out so that in the end, we in turn would rule over the Soul Society with him.
The idea was marvelous, amazing, and even brilliant.
So I went. Betrayed all my friends, coworkers, and just about everything else. I thought it would make a difference. I thought . . . it would change everything in a good way . . . but I was wrong. More wrong than I have ever been.
At first the white walls where special to look at' 'At first'. Now I look at them with a maddening glance, hoping that I could escape this color. No, I won't even count it as a color anymore; it is overwhelming with . . . with madness! I can barely stand it anymore!
I can't go anywhere, for the white walls are everywhere. Maybe Aizen wanted this, maybe he planned this for me to suffer for my stupidity. No. . . . The choice was mine and mine alone. The stupidity was mine, all mine.
My room is an endless color of white. The desk in there is glass so I can see the white color. My furniture is white. Every bloody thing in there is white!
'Bloody' that seems like something I can do . . . yes a nice shade of red . . . my clothes will get stained with the color. The idea is spectacular! Real color would be touching me from all corners, but will I have enough blood for this job? If not I can just "borrow" some. No one will mind . . .
No! Stop it with these thoughts! I know I'm spiraling down a hole of madness and there is no escaping it. Silently I lay down on my bed. My white bed. That thought cause a twitch to go through my body.
I notice my smile is long gone, gone away from being alone. There was no one to show it too. My eyes were open as well, there was no one to see them, but I saw it. The nasty, horrid, white walls; I just wanted them to go away, leave me alone forever.
The last thing for me to notice almost surprised me about how I didn't catch on to it sooner. I was slowly pulling out my hair. Blood dripped down my face and onto my bed. It was all over my hands along with the stray hair taken from its place on my head.
I looked down to where the blood was. It looked great. There was color. Red, the color red! Even while I was thinking about my room being covered in it, the look of it was faint. I barely remembered what exactly it looked like. Actual color was a beautiful site to see in this retched place.
I jumped up in glee. The plan was back. My room would be this wonderful color, the vibrant red in sharp contrast to this stark white.
I couldn't wait. I needed to start now. Right now.
I pulled Shinso out in a fast swish of the blade and brought it to my arm where my wrist lay in wait for the amazing pain I normally felt in battle.
Slowly I slid him against my white wrist; my skin had lost most of its color here so it would blend in to the wall, so I would blend into the wall. I watched as the blood dotted my skin where the small cut lay.
It wasn't enough.
I pressed harder and more of the delicious color came out, right out of that white skin of mine. It was time I shed this one for another. This one ran out of color.
The fascination in my eyes grew as the color dripped to the floor, covering a small portion of it.
It wasn't enough.
This time, instead of pressing harder against the small wrist of mine I went for stabbing my hand and dragging it up my arm, Making a long, thick, dark line up and up my arm, that bland colorless arm.
But it didn't please me enough.
I did that exact thing to the other arm. I dropped Shinso to the floor in a loud clatter of metal. I strode to the wall. That horrible, white wall. My arms lashed out as if a hollow possessed them to attack. The color splattered in a wide range across that horrid wall, leaving splatters here and there.
Joy overcame me. That such a horrible thing could be taken over and loose in this battle; I've won this battle but not the war.
Which reminds me, such an amazing color should cover every wall, everything in its path, and it must touch everything.
I have work to do! Lots and lots of work! I must make this place pretty! Only red can make this place pretty! Nothing else!
In a rush out of the door I left my bloodied room to decorate the walls, the rooms, and the people in the color.