Hello people of the FF universe! I got a new laptop, so I will be updating stories MUCH more often. I am so infinitely sorry for not being able to post anything in the last...couple months... *hides* Please don't kill me!
So, I have no idea where this idea came from, so don't even ask. Basically, I wanted to write a character that no one seems to know, so I picked Dogpoo. What? I enjoy writing minor characters.
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, YouTube, Dogpoo or any of these characters, sadly. If I did, I wouldn't be writing here, would I? OK. Moving on.
Have you ever felt so unnoticed and unappreciated that you felt that you basically disappeared from existing? Some people think they know how I feel, but they don't. Not unless their own parents seem to ignore them as well. My name is Douglas Evans, and, believe it or not, I am a fourth grader in Mr. Garrison's class, along with the infamous boys, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny. I've been here since the very beginning. Still don't remember me? Most people call me Dogpoo, because they simply don't give a shit.
Now, you might be thinking, How can the kids be so cruel to not pay attention to one kid in the class? The poor baby! However, I honestly couldn't care less. In fact, being invisible has its advantages. I can get away with much more now that no one's concerned for me. At first I started out making little pranks and things, like putting the principal's purse in Jell-o, but then I figured, why not mess with the very kids that made me this way? Usually, I do small things. For example, one time I opened a YouTube video for crack babies on Cartman's computer, and all I had to do was sit back and let the chaos unfold.
Despite these things I do, I'm not a bad person. I'm not like Butters, who "Shall wreak havoc on the pathetic little world who cast him aside!" I'm not lame enough to make up a super villain alter-ego. Why bother? I doubt that they would see me even then. No, I am not a super villain. I'm more of a god. I set things in place when I get bored, and have the ability to turn things around when it gets too out of hand. No one knows about my position, and I intend to keep it that way. However, one day I slipped up. One day, I was almost discovered by someone who is paranoid enough to suspect the worst. This is the story of that day.
I woke up at 10:08 am, two hours too late for regular school hours. That is, for normal children, anyways. But I am not normal. I am God. So, I go to school when I please. No one cares. So, I get out of bed, get dressed in my normal clothes, if only for the sake of staying camouflaged. When I feel ready, I walk to the school to see what drama has unfolded so far. When I walk into the classroom, no one turns their heads at the noise of the door closing. I take my usual seat in the far left back corner of the room, next to Terrance, Bill, and Fosse. These boys are boring to mess with. All Bill and Fosse do when something happens to them is chuckle about how incredibly gay it is, then return to their lives. Terrance just vows to give whoever caused it an unnatural number of asses. Personally, I'm fine with just having one.
So, I looked forward to the board, where Mr. Garrison is writing some sort of math equation on the board. I strolled up to the front of the room, picked up a piece of chalk, and wrote the most random thing I could think of.
Gander Gender Cross Needed-will pay up to $300
Of course, when everyone looked up from their work, Eric Cartman's face was the first to scrunch up in deep thought. Within about two minutes, he scribbled something on a piece of notebook paper and threw it at Kyle's head as hard as he could.
"Ow! What the hell, fatass?" Kyle screeched, rubbing his head. Cartman mouthed "read the note, Jewbag" with remarkable accuracy. Begrudgingly, Kyle slowly picked up the note from his desk and I could see him mouthing the words as he read. Soon enough, he rolled his eyes in disgust and scribbled back a response, attempting to toss it over to Cartman's desk, but instead hitting Stan's head. Kenny laughed in a muffled way. Kenny. I hated that boy most of all. Did you think Kenny was just "accident prone"? No one is that unlucky. No, every day, I found a different way to kill that evil son-of-a-bitch. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure why I hate the hooded child so much, but all I know is that he is evil, and he will pay-for…whatever he did.
Anyway, the note hitting him on the head got Stan's attention. Thinking Kyle was trying to get his attention, he turned and mouthed "What?" to his Super Best Friend. Kyle just shrugged helplessly and pointed to Cartman. Stan scrunched up his face in confusion. Before he copuld catch up on the recent turn of events, he was interrupted by Mr. Garrison.
"Boys, are you paying attention to my fucking lesson?" He asked in a sharp tone. Well. I thought. Someone got dumped last night. I chuckled. No one noticed, except for a twitchy blonde freak sitting in the corner. I hadn't seen before, but he had been watching my every movement carefully, and chose this moment to totally flip out. He quickly and expertly dove underneath his desk, shrieking in alarm. Of course, this caught me-and the rest of the class- off-guard. Within seconds, Craig, Token, and Clyde crawled under their desks.
"What is it, Tweek? What's wrong?" Token asked in concern. I watched from my perch on the teacher's desk curiously, cocking my head to get a better hearing of what was being said. The rest of the class looked upon the scene as Clyde started to whimper.
"THAT KID! LOOK! LOOK AT HIM! I DON'T -NGH- RECOGNIZE HIM! HE'S A GOVERNMENT AGENT! HE'S –ACK-COME TO STEAL MY UNDERPANTS!" Jesus Christ. What do his parents do to that poor kid? I wasn't worried about the kid who was trying to blow my cover. OK, he could see me, so what? Everyone knew he was fucking insane. Who would believe him? I wasn't fazed by his shrieking. That is, until I heard what he said next.
"RIGHT THERE! ON GARRISON'S DESK! HE WROTE SOMETHING ABOUT G-GANDERS ON THE BOARD , AND HAS BEEN SITTING THERE LAUGHING AT-ACK- CARTMAN!" My eyes widened. How long has this freak been able to see me? Everyone's eyes shifted over to me. I was frozen. I had no idea what to do. This was new to me. Never once have I had so much attention all at once. Tweek interrupted once again.
"SEE? SEE HIM? OH JESUS, THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Everything was silent for a couple moments, then Clyde started bawling. Mr Garrison walked over to the desk and pushed the intercom button.
"Nurse, Tweek's hallucinating again… I'll send him down." Tweek tightened.
"NO, MR. GARRISON! I'M-NGH-I'M NOT HALLUCINATING! HE'S REALLY THERE! DON'T YOU SEE HIM! JESUS, PLEASE SEE HIM!" I took pity on the poor kid as the nurse dragged him out. But only for a second.
How was that? Horrible? Awesome? Godly? Leave a review! Flames are welcome, though they might not get you far here. There are no pairings, so I have no idea why you would flame this... But if you figured out some way to complain, be my guest.