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For Em, for the Drabble Game

SiriusRemus - "I just can't believe he's gone." / "Isn't that why we're going to the funeral, to make sure?"

Word Count - 1157

Lucky (And He Knows It)

"I just can't believe he's gone," Sirius muttered, moving his hands so that Remus could do his tie for him.

"Isn't that why we're going to the funeral, to make sure?" Remus replied, the hatred in his voice enough to make Sirius flinch.

"I… uh…"

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered, pressing his lips to Sirius' cheek. "After everything that man has done to you over the years, I can't help but hate him, but I know he's still your father. I'll hush."

Sirius leant into the kiss, and allowed Remus to wrap his arms around him.

"It's not… I'm not sorry he's dead," Sirius whispered. "But… they're all going to be there. My mum… my brother. My cousins. I don't… I don't know if I can deal with them."

"You can deal with them because I'll be there right beside you," Remus told him, moving his head back from Sirius' shoulder just enough to look him in the eyes. "And if you want to leave, you just say the word and we'll get out of there immediately, okay?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment before he nodded. "Okay. I. Thank you. For coming with me, I mean. I… don't think I would have been able to go if I was by myself."

"I'm with you every step of the way, you know that. Forever."

…

The funeral was exactly what Sirius had known it would be. Overwhelming in numbers, the entire Black family had shown for Orion's funeral, not to mention the connecting families via marriage, and all of Orion's business associates.

Sirius could feel eyes on him from the moment he climbed out of the car. He tried to tell himself he was imagining the disapproval, but he knew he wasn't.

Everything about Sirius went against what it meant to be a Black.

He was gay, he had no interest in business, he had no particular interest in being rich, or well known, or feared.

He just wanted to...

All Sirius wanted was happiness.

And with Remus, he'd found that.

Of course, his family didn't approve. Not only was Remus male, but he was also unknown and poor, two of the things Sirius family looked down on as though they made Remus less.

Sirius couldn't abide such attitudes.

And yet, when Regulus had called him with the news of their father's death, Sirius had felt duty bound to be at the funeral. His mother would condemn him either way, he had no illusions that showing up would gain her approval.

At least this way, he was taking away her ability to be able to complain about her oldest son not even showing up to his father's funeral. He knew that she'd take vindictive pleasure from being able to say that, and he was happy to have taken that small thing away from her.

She had been party to him having his childhood taken away, so it felt like a small win if nothing else.

Remus stood by his side, defiant and proud.

Sirius only had to look at him to feel warm inside. That Remus would be here, so far out of his comfort zone, made Sirius feel so lucky to have found such an incredible person to love him.

"We can leave whenever you want," Remus reminded him quietly, when he felt Sirius stiffen beside him.

Sirius shook his head silently, his eyes on his approaching mother and brother.

…

"I'm surprised you even turned up," Walburga hissed, his face morphing into an ugly sneer. "You never had time for your father when he was alive, why would you bother now he's dead?"

Sirius was grateful for her almost whispered tone, although he'd known she wouldn't dare make a scene in public.

"And how dare you fetch him," she added, nodding her head at Remus in disgust. "Parading your abnormalities for all to see. Did you come just to embarrass and shame me? Your father will be spinning in his casket!"

"Better hope not," Sirius replied quietly. "That'd make it hell on whoever is carrying him."

"You ungrateful little heathen," she snarled. "Get out!"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm here to pay my respects to my father. As soon as the funeral is done, I'll leave, and you'll never have to see me again."

"You wouldn't know the meaning of the word respect, Sirius. You were born wrong, and you'll die wrong."

She walked away, dabbing at her eyes with a black handkerchief, Regulus trailing behind her, casting glances over his shoulder at Sirius.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, sliding a sly hand up behind Sirius to rub his back without anyone seeing.

Sirius took a deep breath. "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

Remus snorted. "I hope you don't think I care what any of the people here think of me. I know I'm a good person, and I know that you're better than good. That's all that really matters."

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He knew it wouldn't be a good idea to attempt words, lest he burst into sobs like a child.

Remus was perfect, and Sirius didn't even have the words to tell him.

…

They curled up on their bed, suits scattered and forgotten on the floor of their bedroom. Sirius was cuddled into Remus' strong arms, crying quietly against his chest.

Remus murmured nonsense words of comfort, pressing gentle kisses against Sirius' head.

When Sirius' tears stopped, and his sobs trailed into even breathing, Remus drew back slightly.

"You okay?"

Sirius nodded, wiping at his face. "I. Thank you. For today. I love you, you know."

"To the moon and back," Remus replied, catching Sirius lips in a kiss that was meant for comfort and love.

Sirius settled back into Remus' arms as the two of them fell into silence, the long day catching up with them both.

It had been hard, but Sirius thought that perhaps it had been worth it. Going to the funeral had shown him that it wasn't him that was broken.

It was his mother, with her black heart and evil words.

It was his brother, with his lack of courage to break away from the family, and the lack of will to do something for himself.

It was the people who had so many nice words to say about Orion Black, when they'd all despised the man when he'd been alive.

They were the broken ones.

Sirius had Remus. He had his home that was filled with love and he had friends that he would die for and they for him. Sirius had the knowledge that he was living his life the way he wanted to live it, and he had the knowledge that he wouldn't ever regret a life wasted.

As he drifted off to sleep, Sirius realised that he'd been right at the funeral.

He was lucky.

He could only hope that that luck would remain.