1-Marry the Night, season 2, pre-klaine

Kurt was tired.

He had been so tired for so long.

All of the bullying, despite his best efforts to hold his head up high and forget about it, got to him sometimes.

It haunted him mostly when he was alone with his thoughts in the middle of the night. When the Hudmel house had settled down, and Burt and Carole were deep asleep in their room, and Finn was awake in his room playing video games or something like that. Kurt would lie awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering why. Why him.

He hated to ask that, because it felt wrong to ask. It was just his place in high school. After the four years of torture were over, he would move to New York where his classmates in college would accept him and love him the way he was. There would be no slushies, no being shoved into lockers, no dumpster tosses.

But that was almost two years away. And for the moment he was stuck here in Lima. With the homophobes who were bent on making his life a living hell.

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to die.

Maybe not die. That sounded…horrible.

Maybe to just disappear. To sink underneath the garbage pile he was thrown in. To melt with the ice thrown at him. To just leave.

Being invisible was easier when he was younger. He was shy, so not many kids gave him a second glance. He was happy in his own little word, even if it did get lonely sometimes.

At times like this, he let the cold, indifferent mask that he wore all day fade away. He felt so raw and vulnerable here in his bed in the dark, where there was no one but him with his thoughts. He tried to avoid any of these thoughts, but he couldn't help it. They just came and hung over him. They stared him in the face and taunted him, asking what he was going to do tomorrow, when Karofsky or the puck heads teased him or tossed him around. And they would laugh and they would say nothing. He would take it all with a calm but icy expression, and he would pick himself up and pretend it never happened.

But what if it never happened again? What if the torture stopped? What if he wasn't there to take the abuse anymore? What if he simply just disappeared, or never existed at all?

He would miss his friends.

He would miss glee club. He would miss shopping with Mercedes, or making snide comments about Rachel with Quinn and Santana. He would miss Brittany's innocence. He would miss Mike's amazing dance moves, because no one could dance like him. He would miss Tina's optimism. He would miss Artie's kindness. He would miss Sam's gentleness. He would miss Lauren's attitude. He would even miss Puck's smart ass remarks.

Then there was his family.

He would miss Carole's worrying over him. Even though they weren't blood related, she acted so much like a mother to him. She could never replace Kurt's real mom, but it was close. She made the house feel like a home again.

He would miss Finn's dorkiness and odd comments about why he wouldn't eat cucumbers anymore, or watching him inhale an entire pizza. Though he seemed insensitive at times, he had little sparks of wisdom that came out at the times Kurt needed him most. Finn amazed Kurt at how much he had changed. He wasn't perfect, but he was working on himself, and Kurt couldn't ask for a better brother.

And of course he would miss his father. For years they were all each other had. Kurt loved his dad more than anyone else in the entire world. Burt was his entire world. He was amazing. He had accepted Kurt without a second thought, and loved him no matter what. Sure, they had some ups and downs, but it only made them stronger. Kurt wouldn't trade Burt for the world.

…maybe life wasn't so bad after all.

Sure, there were bullies, but it was only for a little while. And though it seemed hopeless, Kurt had so many people he loved and who loved him just as much. He had never smiled so much than he had with them. With his friends, with his family. They made his life worth living.

All of those bullies would see, one day, when Kurt was a famous designer/Broadway star in New York, they would all see their mistakes and rue the day they ever decided to mess with Kurt Hummel. He was going to take the world by storm one day, with his voice and his clothes. It would all be worth it. He just had to endure a little longer, and he wasn't alone. Behind him, he had his family, his friends, who made everything worth it.

Kurt never thought about disappearing again.

I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
Live passionately
Tonight