Vix,

How are you, sis? It's Caitlin! I just thought I'd write because

Why am I writing her? What could I possibly say that would make up for the damage I've caused? I've done some pretty flighty, erratic things in my life but this, this leaving everyone without an explanation and then faking my death- God knows how they've interpreted it- and then trying to fix everything with a postcard to Vix, is completely unforgivable. I truly didn't mean to do it. Well, I guess that isn't really true, but, the situation is hard to explain.

Vix is the love of my life, as 'hollywood cliche' as that may sound. She always stood by me, always protected me and worried about my safety. I could open myself up to her in a way that I could never do with anyone else, not even Lamb. I knew I was in love with her when we were both in our twenties, when I performed my Flamenco dancing to her, gave it everything I had so that I could impress her, make her envy me, make her desire me as much as I did her. When I was finished, I locked eyes with her, and seeing the adoration and arousal on her face made me realize how much I truly cared for her.

So, when Bru and her became serious, when their relationship seized to be a sweet summer romance between two lovestruck kids and morphed into a passionate, legitimate affair, I was completely crushed. I resented them both for loving each other so much. I was horribly ecstatic when they broke it off again and thought that maybe now I'd gained my chance. But, I could never work up the nerve. How could I risk losing the most important person in my life? How could I even face the possibility? I truthfully never really could tell where our friendship stood. I was always afraid that she would call me up one day and simply say that she was done with me. I've always been like that, a frail, frightened little girl, constantly wary that all my loves are slipping away.

I fell back, I became a coward, and I did one of the things I was best at; hurting Vix. I married Bru to hurt her deliberately. And then the guilt rushed and I fled, leaving Bru and Vix and my baby daughter behind. I spent so much time in Italy, pacing and thinking and mulling over my options, until I finally worked up the courage to tell Vix how I felt and invited her to visit me.

But, once I saw how happy she was now that she was with Gus, I lost my nerve yet again and watched her leave with a broken heart.

Now, as I sit here in my house in Italy with my newest boyfriend, I realize that a postcard will not cut it this time around. I walk over and rip a piece of notebook paper from my journal and begin to write a letter.

Dear Vix,

I can explain...