This is a scene I SO wanted to see in 'Conversion'... I hope you'll like it...

'Back to your own self'

She was pinned to the wall. Her back hurt as the patterns of the wall were painfully thrusting their way into her sensitive flesh, barely restrained by the fabric of her shirt burning her skin. John's mutant hand on her throat prevented oxygen from making it to her lungs. She was no surgeon, but she knew she would soon suffocate, faint, and even possibly die if she couldn't find a way to make John release his hold, be it for a few seconds. There was nothing left of her friend now. His eyes had turned into two snake-like slits, and his gaze on her made her shudder. She placed a hand on his, still strongly squeezing her throat, in a vain attempt to make him loosen his grip on her. She felt his reptilian skin under her fingers and nearly passed out.

She felt dizzy, and soon enough, the only thing she could see were flashing dots dancing in front of her eyes. The lack of oxygen was killing her. John, was killing her.

The wave of fury raging within him sought death, death, pain and blood. However, seing Elizabeth choke in his claws didn't bring him any kind of relief or insane delight. And as he saw her agape, still, in front of him, sensing her life slowly leaving her, he didn't feel like killing her. He felt her pulse slow down under his thumb – or what was left of it – and he suddenly let go of her.
Weir abruptly felt her legs give way beneath her and air froze her lungs back to normal. She fought to breath normally, panting and coughing as John supported her, pinning her roughly back to the wall, grinding his hips to hers. This felt better than killing her. Yes, there was something the human being resting somewhere deep inside of him wanted the iratus bug to do.

Once Elizabeth felt better, she allowed her gaze to meet her mutant friend's. Of course she was frightened, but she wasn't the only one. The beast holding her was terrified. John, she suddenly realised, was terrified. He was fighting against the monster growing inside of him.

Seconds went ticking, and each one of them brought confidence to Elizabeth as she saw John surface. He took her head in his hand violently, pulling her face to his and ruffling her hair with his grey hands and took her lips, fiercly, as if driven by despair. She felt his hard and cold lips against hers, and somehow, she didn't reject him. First because she couldn't, as she certainly couldn't get herself out of his brutal embrace without getting seriously injured or killed, but also because it didn't repel her as much as kissing a wraith should have. She was weak, vulnerable, and yet, she felt strangely aroused by the whole situation. John would not have behaved that way if he had been himself. He would never have done the first move towards her. The dark side of Elizabeth Weir was turned on in anticipation, and so she relaxed in his grip, and responded to his kiss, opening her lips to let his tongue meet hers in a violent yet passionate kiss.

One of his hand made its way under her shirt, and carressed her belly, sending a shiver through her spine. His hand was callous, and it felt like being attacked by a snake, which she wasn't fond of actually.

Feeling her suddenly freeze, John broke the kiss and stepped back, leaving enough space to enable her to run away. He wouldn't go after her, or things would get out of control.

She moaned, her eyes still closed, already missing his touch, and he groaned. Seing her so exposed to him was driving him crazy, but he shouldn't cave in, he had to be strong and fight whatever monster had taken control of him.

« Elizabeth... »

She opened her eyes and understood his desperate need for her to go away, fast. She nodded, tears threatening to show up, and left his room precipitately.

She woke up panting. The moon was still high in the sky over Atlantis, and she already knew she wouldn't get back to sleep. It wasn't the first time she had been dreaming of it. Every night since it had happened, it had kept on haunting her. A short week had passed since John had morphed back to his human form, thanks to Carson's new treatment, and John and her hadn't talked about what had happened in his room. Truth be told, John had insisted on getting back off-world the day after he had been released from the infirmary, and she hadn't seen any point why she would have argued against it. And so for an entire week, they had avoided each other.

The screen of her alarm-clock indicated 2am. She jumped out of bed, wrapped herself in a blanket and left her room. The corridors were silent, except for the few hushed tones of the soldiers playing their monthly pay at poker here and there, or simply dozzing off in a corner.

Two of them greeted her with a respectful nod, now used to her night wandering, and got back to their discussion.

When she finally reached her balcony, she saw she wasn't the only night bird needing some place to think. A dark shape was already leaning on the handrail, staring at the waves.

When the doors opened, he turned to face her, startled.

'Hey. Nightmares ?'
She nodded.

'Something like that yes. How are you doing ?'

He shrugged and leaned back on the handrail next to her, avoiding her gaze.

'I guess I can't complain. I'm fine for someone who nearly turned into some kind of giant bug. But what about you ? You look shaken.'

She lowered her head and remained silent for a moment. He wondered if he should tell her something, or just put a hand on her shoulder to bring her some support, but she soon talked again.
'What's your life like on Earth ?' She asked.

He stared at her. He didn't know why she was asking, but she clearly needed to talk, and sharing his personal life with her didn't bother him.

'My life is a mess back there. Nobody is missing me. And you Liz ?'
Her face lit up as she heard him whisper her nickname. Then, thinking about the question, her smile faded out.

'My fiancé left me. The only one who's waiting for me back there is my dog, Sedje. My mother is taking care of him.'
She felt John's soft hand take hers. It felt so different from the last time he had touched her. This felt so right !
'I'm sorry.' He said.
'Don't be. What I mean is...' She hesitated, not knowing how to put it into words. 'Well, I guess my family is our team now. You're all I fear to lose. That's why I was so scared when you began to turn into this... Thing. I felt strange feelings. Part of me was sure you would never be the same and I would lose you, and on the other hand, I just couldn't let this thought sink in. And then...'
Her voice choked in her throat as she understood she had nearly talked about the 'incident'. She gritted her teeth and lowered her head to avoid his gaze.

'This wasn't me...' He whispered as if reading her mind.

'I know' she nodded.
'There was this... anger inside of me, shouting for blood, pain, death... It needed to kill, and I tried so hard not to let it hurt anyone.' His tone was stressed, remorseful and she could hear he was foaming.

She brushed her cheek against his hand, trying to soothe his pain.

'You didn't kill anybody, and nobody was injured by you. You were strong John.'

He stepped back, afraid his hand would try to choke her again. She sensed his fear and smiled at him, moved by his protectiveness.

'You didn't hurt me.' She stated.

'I tried to kill you !'
She could see pain and remorse in his eyes, and it was good to see his human eyes.

'No John, you tried to protect me. You were fighting against the virus, I saw it, you didn't want to kill me, you stopped the wraith inside of you before he could kill me. You struggled hard...'

A tear rolled down on his cheek. She was right. It had felt as if there were two sides of him fighting for control. One wanted Elizabeth to die in his arms, the other wanted to let her go away from him as fast as she could. And then, the monster decided to spare her, rapping her instead, enjoying the sense of vulnerability she had shown him. John had wanted that too...
'How will you ever be able to trust me again ?' He asked, sure she would never trust him after what he had intended to do.

To his surprise, she closed the distance between them and collapsed against his chest, her arms resting around his neck, her head buried in his shirt. She trusted him, she had never ceased to.

Slowly, he closed his arms on her, stroking her back, then her hair, discovering her once again, for the first time as John Sheppard, and not as an Iratus bug.

He let his hand wander in her neck, at ther exact spot where it had been when he had thought he would see her die, and he felt her fingers, light as butterflies, slowly grazing the scar the bug had left on his neck when it had sucked life out of him.

'I was so scared to kill you...'

He rested his chin on the top of her head.

This embrace felt right. He felt right. Beckett was affirmative when he said he was one hundred percent John Sheppard after all.

They stayed that way a long time, Elizabeth breathing slowly, warm in her blanket and comfortably nested in his arms, and John, smelling her hair, looking at the reflection of the moon on the ocean. The pale light was soothing their pain.

The morning sun found their body entwined on the floor, fully clothed, wrapped in the fleece blanket. Awoken by a crying seabird, John felt a light weight resting on his chest and found his friend still sleeping. Her face was quiet, more than he had seen her in a good while, and he felt a surge of fear at the sight of her, once again so vulnerable. It didn't turn him on, and he calmed down. He wouldn't take advantage of the situation. He wasn't that monster enjoying the power he had over Elizabeth. Instead, he kissed her temple, his lips light as a feather and soft as cotton, and woke her up whispering to her ear.

'Hey, sleeping beauty. Time for breakfast.'

She groaned and clenched to his body, now fully awake but wanting to stay where she was forever, with this man she trusted with all the fibers of her being, so she ignored him. He chuckled and flipped them over, having her underneath him on her back, her face inches away from his.

She shivered in anticipation, but she didn't open her eyes, wondering what he would do next. Was he about to kiss her ?

Grinning like a Cheshire cat at seing her so trusting, he tickled her side and her eyes fluttered open, dumbfounded, and she burst out laughing, trying to escape. When finnaly he stopped teasing her, they raised to their feet, facing each other.

John grinned, satisfied with his trick, enjoying the sight of Elizabeth Weir, so childish. Her hair was a mess, she was panting hard and still chuckling, her arms around her to protect her body from being tickled and when she found him staring at her, she flushed.

'I'm glad to see you're back to your own self.' She uttered precipitately with a loving smile and with that, she turned on her heels and quickly went inside.

He burst out laughing again, staring at her back as she headed to her office.

'It's good to be back' He sang to himself.