A quick oneshot about something a little darker that could happen when Leonard returns from the North Sea. It's mainly Drama and Angst, and I left it the way I did so you can form your own opinion on what would've happened. I know I could carry it on, but I don't know if there's really a point :P
If you like it and you want to drop me a review that'd be awesome, and really appreciated! :)
I know it's OOC, but the time away on Leonard's part seems like the perfect opportunity to write something filled with drama, It's what I'm enjoying writing at the moment, so I used the S6 finale as an idea! :P Like I said I hope you like it! Sorry it's only short!
What Hurts The Most.
'Look Leonard, you just want more than I can give, I'm sorry, I tried, I really did! But I just can't give you the amount of intimacy and love you want.'
The words cut into Leonard like an icy knife, and now she was twisting it, over and over, burying it as far as she could go. He could not believe the utter crap coming out of Penny's mouth right now, it offended him beyond belief that she'd think that, but his strongest ally were his words, if she was going to do this to him again, then he'd make sure to go out on more of a high than just sitting moping in a bowling alley.
'So I go away for four months, and when I come back, you've suddenly decided that you can no longer love me, and you've already got a new boyfriend and a new set of friends?! Who does that Penny?!'
What hurt the most was that she lied to him, the bullshit 'I love you' as he left, the whole load of 'I'll miss you so much' crap, he knew the real reason that she was leaving him was because she was ashamed of him, his work, his habits, his way of life and his appearance. Obviously Leonard being away was enough to make her realise that she could do so much better. He was sick of the double standards, the pity and the deceit; he was going to call her out.
'And what the fuck do you mean by I want more than you can give! Have you not seen how much I've changed!? It's funny because you criticised Priya for changing me, but honestly you did more than any other girlfriend I've had, you hypocrite.'
His words were venomous. And they had so clearly pierced Penny's armor, the crestfallen look upon her face said it all and more. She wasn't going to get away with an easy breakup this round, she'd have plenty of time to screw her new guy when he was done, but she'd torn the cap clean off, and he wasn't near done.
'When you entered a relationship with me, you knew exactly what you were getting! I on the other hand had no freaking idea. I thought you had no trouble with intimacy, you lived with Kurt for years, and you never EVER bring anything up until I say I love you, and then suddenly everything's terrifying, that's cruel Penny, and no one deserves to be told out of the blue that you're alone in your feelings. Not to mention how out of my shell you've dragged me. I was so perfectly happy with my life, and then as soon as we start dating its 'Come shopping with me!', 'Come clubbing with me!', 'Come sing karaoke at 3 in the morning because that's what fun people do!' I mean do you not have an idea of what social anxiety is all about, and yet I went out with you on your every whim anywhere you wanted and at any time. You wouldn't let me get a personalised action figure, you wouldn't let me talk about my work, claiming it to be boring, and yet when something happens at the Cheescake Factory it's the most fucking exciting thing ever! I've been so sick of doing whatever you wanted, you tried to turn me into a boyfriend you wanted, and yet all the while you claimed to be interested in me for me.'
Exasperated, he slammed his hand on Penny's door frame, making her jump, upon looking up he saw that tears were flowing freely from her eyes, as his were doing. His heart sunk, but it wasn't his fault, he'd told her that he'd become no more emotionally invested in their relationship until she was ready, and on no other day than on Valentines! He sighed as he stood back, he ran his hand through his ruffled hair. Sitting desolate and forgotten on the floor was the rose gold watch that Leonard had gotten in Switzerland for Penny. A perfect reunion had turned into a hellish breakup within seconds of his gift. He wondered whether things would've panned out differently if he'd just not bothered, but he didn't really care. His heart was too busy getting broken again, and he knew what would follow over the next few weeks, the sad music, the pining for Penny, and a cat at that matter. Not to even mention the binge eating, the excessive gaming, the locked door and the long, cold showers. The thought of once again being alone terrified Leonard, but there was nothing he could do, the relationship was already butchered, and the gazelle that was their love was being thrown helplessly around in the cheetah's mouth, slowly and gruesomely being torn apart. It stung, but for as long as possible he'd stand his ground out here, he wasn't a Nebraskan, but he could certainly emotionally desensitize when he had to. He silently thanked his mother for the lack of love and affection she'd given him in his youth, it was certainly helping now.
Penny was still staring at her shoes, trying to work up the courage to speak, Leonard could see that she was struggling, and decided that he'd put the gunshot through their relationship quickly, so that he could get out of her way.
'Alright, well, since you can't even speak to me, nor have even a little decency and a real, truthful reason for why you're leaving me, I'll be going now.'
He turned to leave, once again disappointed in himself for how angry and violently he'd spoken towards her. No matter what she did, Penny was always going to be the love of his life, no matter how much he wished she wasn't, and seeing her hurt just made the pang of pain in his heart grow even more intense.
'Because I'm running again, I'm scared, I know you're not doing anything wrong, but those four months without you were the hardest of my life, and knowing that someday if we carried on dating that we might breakup that the pain would be worse made me realise I still can't deal with it, I'm so terrified Leonard, and I can't believe that I'm doing this, but I honestly think it's easier to do it now than in the future at some point. I'm so sorry.' She'd tried so hard to get it all out, but sobs wracked her body, it was a pitiful excuse, but it was true, and now Leonard felt nothing but disappointment in her lack of trust and faith in him. What hurt the most was that she was In a worse state than him, maybe she wasn't lying, but it still stung more than anything he'd ever heard before. It hurt more than the notes he'd get at school telling him to kill himself, telling him he was worthless and that he was just a lonely nerd, that being smart was pointless, because he hadn't slept with a girl before 18. It all paled into comparison to what was coming out of her mouth now.
'It hurts, beyond belief to think that I'd ever hurt you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to have smart and beautiful babies, I wanted to grow old and retire with you, I wanted to hold your hand on your first red carpet. I wanted to give you everything you ever wanted, spend Christmas opening presents in a nice warm house on our kid's first Christmas, I wanted to make you laugh and smile daily, to hold you when your heart was hurting and make your forget the bad. But if you really and truly think I'm going to break your heat someday, then so be it, I won't hold it against you, I'll see you around Penny.' He was in tears too now, but his voice remained steady, and he had had a steely gaze that bore into Penny, his eyes never left hers, it was chilling.
It was now Penny's turn to feel her heart break even more, his description of his dream life made her realise just what she was doing, to think that he'd ever break her heart, when all he wanted to do was mend it from the suffering she'd endured in the past. It was all so wrong, what she was doing, and she so wanted to take it all back. She knew that if she just asked Leonard to forget it and go back to her he'd scoff in her face, he was a different man to the one he was just a few years back when he crawled into bed with her at just a second's notice at a science conference. He had backbone, self-belief and confidence. She wanted to show him that she regretted it without words, she wanted to try and win him back through her pleading eyes and their hopefully not 'Last Kiss.' It was a long shot, but it was all she had.
'Leonard, do I at least get a kiss goodbye before you go?' She was still crying, and she could make out a small smile on his face, it was one of sorrow and it was broken, but it still warmed her whole body.
With a single stride the kiss that followed was the most electric, intense and unbelievable thing Penny had ever experienced. She knew that he was trying to leave her something to remember him by, save for the watch and the snowflake, and it was working. Their tongues swirled in a battle for dominance, but he was winning, and Penny let herself float away on cloud 9. It was only when she felt the cool air hit her lips instead of his own that she opened her eyes to a red eyed, frowning Leonard.
The awkwardness came over them immediately, and Penny's arms were still around his neck, making the situation no better. He removed her arms, despite her trying to cling on, and took a step backwards.
'I, I guess I better be going. I hope you can find someone that can give you what you deserve, obviously I couldn't, and I'm sorry. I love you Penny.'
He turned to leave, and didn't turn back until she heard Penny scream out his name.
'Leonard, wait!'
I love leaving things on cliffhangers! ;P