Decisions

The way home to Sunagakure after the failed invasion of Konohagakure was the weirdest thing I ever experienced.
During the whole journey Gaara did not say anything. Though that is not unusual. He barely talks to us at all. Still, the atmosphere was simply suffocating.

**
It started when we picked him up after his fight with that brat.
I helped him up, supporting him with my right arm around his waist and his left arm over my shoulder.
When we've been out of earshot he did the unimaginable:
He apologised to us.
It was the first time I ever heard him utter an apology.
Temari and I just stared at each other, not knowing what to make of it.
Muttering an "It's alright" I kept moving, trying not to show him my uncertainty.
Then he turned silent. Rather unconscious, but nevertheless silent.
**

And he hadn't spoken a word since that day.
That was simply terrifying.
It's like he was going to loose control any moment, standing there with that evil Shukaku-grin and say: "Just kidding. I'll kill you."

Haunted by these thoughts I barely dared closing my eyes at night, fearing he would come to me any second. Maybe this was similar to his nights of insomnia, caused by the sand demon probably giving him all kind of weird dreams.
Nevertheless, around midnight I would finally find the sleep I was yearning for, but still wake up at every unusual noise.
So I did that night as well, thinking I've heard him say my name.
Getting up I looked around in my room, searching for him.
Each time he wouldn't be there.
Except this time he was.

"Kankurou", he simply said again looking at me with an unreadable expression.
"Gaara?", I asked him suspiciously, not able to keep the shiver out of my voice.
Again he stood there silently, which surprised me even more.
"What do you want?"
"I...", he started, but stopped right away looking down as if he was uncertain.
It had been a while since I've seen my little brother that vulnerable. Looking that much as if he actually had human feelings within him. I saw my chance to approach him once again, as the brother he deserved to have.

"What's wrong bro?", I asked, rising up a bit more and motioning for him to sit beside me.
As much as I was afraid, as much I wanted to help him right now.
Silently he sat down at the edge of my bed looking down at his hands in his lap. He sat there for a long time and I even felt myself drifting off to sleep again.
Then he finally spoke:
"Did mother really hate me?"

"What?", was the only thing I could come up with at his sudden question.
He never asked something like that before and I was taken quite aback. Also I knew that making him wait much longer, would not be good either. I had to say something that wouldn't upset him, as he seemed to be losing his patience slowly but surely.
"What makes you think so?", I countered, which made him frown.
Gulping, I waited for him to continue.
For another long moment I thought he did not understand me, as he was silent again.

"Yashamaru said she hated me and therefore named me Gaara. To carry on her hatred for the Sand.", he explained reluctantly.
Now I was even more confused.
I knew he had been close to our uncle when we were children. He even saw him as more of a family then us, who hadn't been allowed to be with him.
With Yashamarus failed attempt to kill him by order of our very own father the Shukaku gained even more power over Gaara and made him become an actual monster.
But then again our uncle hated Gaara for stupid reasons. He blamed him for mums death, even though it wasn't his fault. Right there and then I decided that it was time for him to hear another version, the true* version of how our mother died.

"That's bullshit", I told him as I made up my mind, earning a confused stare this time.
"What do you mean?", he asked nearly whispering, though there was the harsh tone that told me not to mess with him.
Suppressing another shiver I scooted a bit closer to where he sat.
"Look...", I started my explanation getting even more close to him.
"When mum got pregnant with you she was really happy. She made us come to her nearly every day to feel your presence in her belly. She couldn't wait having you with us.
But then dad had this idea of making you the Jinchuuriki of the Shukaku and everything went to hell.
Mum didn't want you to become the vessel for that monster so she argued with dad and the council, but she did not stand a chance against them. She started hating them with all her heart, cursing them and shunning herself and us from everything.
Temari and I have been with her all the while during the pregnancy. We never even saw a glimpse of dad in that time. Yashamaru came there to care for her well-being and took over her hate whenever they talked about what was going to happen.", making a pause I looked at Gaara who was intensely taking in everything I said.

Deciding that he would probably never be ready for the next part I went on with my monologue.
"When the day of your birth came mum ordered us to her. She placed a hand from either of us on her belly and we sat like that for a while.
I remember leaning in some more listening to mums and your heartbeat. I even felt you kicking once.
It was peaceful and everything, but then mum made us give a promise we could not hold for a long time.", again I stopped trying to find my voice and most of all the courage to tell him more of what we failed to do.
I collected myself, being unable to look at him right now I just stared at my blanket, kneading it.
Still I could feel his eyes on me urging me to continue.

"She told us, that you would be born on that day, which made us happy as we couldn't wait for you either. Then she continued in a more serious tone:
"Regardless of what happens tonight I want you to take care of your brother, to look out for him and to protect him."
She ignored Temaris remark, that we would do that together and said:
"I will name him Gaara. That means the one only loving himself, because that will most likely be the way he will live. So I want you two to love him, to be there for him when he needs you and show him that love is good and precious."
As we asked her what she meant by that, she just kissed our foreheads and told us that she loves the three of us and will always do so.
Well, you probably know, what happened that night...", I concluded still looking down.
Again I waited for him to say something, but he surprised me again with his choice of words.

"I do not understand", was all he said sounding utterly confused now.
At first I didn't know how to reply, but then I thought that I might as well go into some details.
"Well, you know after your birth you've been put under Yashamarus care and we weren't allowed to be with you at all. Asking dad what had happened he only told us that mum willingly gave her life for the sake of the village to make you the ultimate weapon. Yashamaru told us she had been forcefully sacrificed to turn you into an uncontrollable monster and we should stay away from you to not get harmed.", I paused again my head still lowered and fidgeting with my blanket.
"Nevertheless, I tried to see you time and time again. You probably don't remember most of it, as you've simply been far to young. I wanted to treat you like my little brother and not as the monster everyone saw in you. The older you got the harder it was for me to get to you. With Yashamarus death you changed completely and everyone became even more afraid of you. Even I, as much as I ha-dislike that.", before I continued I took a deep breath to calm myself down.
Simply talking about this made my blood boil. I could only imagine what it would do to Gaara.

"Yashamaru took over mums hatred for what dad and everyone did to her. Though he seemingly forgot, that she also hated them for what they did to you and he instead shoved his feelings onto you. Blamed you for everything, even though it isn't your fault at all. I never thought that way. I just knew you weren't the one to blame for it. Temari sometimes blames you as well, but I try to remind her of the promise we gave, but she is to afraid of you to make a move like I have tried several times."
Not knowing what to say anymore I stopped, looking up the first time in a while.
He seemed to understand what I said. I was relieved that he seemed to believe me. At least he just looked as if he was deep in thought instead of the killing mood he might have been in. Thinking that I only wanted to mess with him.
And just like that time in the forest he left without saying another word.

I wasn't sure whether I should tell Temari about our encounter, but I decided against it. It would be best if I didn't and just let him think about what I just revealed to him. She would only put him under pressure and that would not end well. Especially with his already short temper. I considered warning her, that he might be angry with her, as I did in fact tell him, that she's afraid of him, but that would only lead to me explaining everything again. I just hoped he wouldn't to anything stupid, like killing us.

When he approached me the next time he asked me to meet him a little outside of the village, saying that he wanted to tell me something.
When I arrived at the meeting place he was already there staring off into the distance.
As soon as he noticed me, he started telling what has been on his mind for several days now.
I could do nothing but stand there and stare in disbelieve.

**
"I don't want to say this…But the people think of you only as frightening weapon. ", I declared after hearing his idea, but his silence caused me to keep talking.
"The superiors don't think very much of you anyway… when it comes to you, the majority of the village is embraced with fear. To separate from us and to just go into their gang outta the blue like this…it'll be hard, man.", I told him even using my hands for emphasis, though he could not see it.

"I know..but.. just by waiting, I get attacked by an ever greater anguish. All one can do is create his own path through hard work. Without being a loner and taking the easy route… So someday, I'll maybe … be like…", he paused but I knew whom he was talking about.
"So that's why I, as one of the sand's Shinobi, aim to be Kazekage. To bond with and live for this village."
"… Gaara…", I could only look at him with a discouraged expression on my face.
He had chosen this path and nothing I would say or do would change that.

"Through hard work, I want to be respected by everyone. I realized that after seeing Uzumaki Naruto. But up until now…bonds with others…have been nothing but an annoyance to the point I would want to kill. But for him to go so far as to say…What's the deal with bonds? And now, even I understand something.", he stopped again, catching my attention even more.

"Suffering, sadness and even happiness…they can all be shared with someone else…Uzumaki Naruto…from fighting and interacting with him…that is what I feel he taught me.
He knew pain like I did. And then, he taught me that you can change that path. I wish one day, that I will be needed by someone. Not as a frightening weapon. But as the sand's Kazekage.", he finished with a hopeful smile on his face.
**

"It wont be easy", I told him again.
"I know, but I am willing to ensure everything to accomplish this goal. To change myself", he declared again, turning around this time, so I could see the determination on his face.
"Then...", I started fidgeting a bit with the back of my hood.
"Count me in! I got your back! This time for real!", I promised grinning and even giving him a thumps up, like I saw that eyebrows kid doing.
"Thank you Kan-...brother", he answered with the same smile from before on his lips.
This caused me to grin even wider and also to blush a bit. Luckily I wore my make-up as well so he would not see that much of the latter. I just hoped that things would be different, heck better, from now on. That I could finally become the brother I failed to be for so long.

Author's note:

* It should be "true", as only Kishimoto knows how much Kankurou knows about the whole thing.

** Slightly modified dialogue and description from chapter 138, 249 and 254

This little thing was written during one of my classes back in April or May on some sheets of paper...ironically, I failed the exam...
but hey, you got a story full of "Bromance" (as a pal of mine called it) out of it!

Anyway, I got the motivation to finally type the story reading the latest chapter/s (546-8), concerning the story about Gaara and his mum.
When I read the old Kazekage's revelation I just found myself yelling: "I knew it!"
As you saw I took some liberty in describing Kankurous thoughts on Yashamaru, but as I said under * we don't know what kitty-boy knows about it and as he has been a kid himself during that time the things above might have developed into "his" version of the "truth" - if you get what I mean.

Still, I hope you enjoyed the One Shot and might even be interested in having a look into my other stories. =)

So far, I'm off to a mission in the Full Metal Village.
Have a nice week, I'll be enjoying mine. B)

See you with the next update.

Edit: Back from a successful mission I slightly changed one thing or the other in this story.
As HimeFlye suggested I looked again at some tenses and Kankurous dialogue, the latter is now a bit more devided.
I hope I did'nt change it into a worse version...
Thanks again for your review and opinion. =)

Hope you liked the "new" version.

Oh, and if you hadn't thought as much: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, I was only inspired from him, Sarah1281's "Please Don't Eat Me!" and "Gaara The Messiah" and other stuff I can't point out exactly.
By the way, those stories are awesome parodies that you should totally read for having a good laugh after this pretty sad thing! =)