Under normal circumstances, she would be in bed right now. Curled up beneath three layers of material, tugging one of the many pillows to her body to wrap around. The room unnaturally dimmed, with silken curtains drawn shut to dampen the incoming light. She wouldn't even acknowledge who she was until lunch rolled around.
But this wasn't normal, not by any means. The dress she adorned was extremely fitting, a near perfect match to the one she'd worn only weeks prior, to her sister's coronation. It paled in comparison to her sister's setup, however, but that only made her sit up straighter and screw up her face in concentrated observation.
She tried to match what she assumed would be Elsa's expectations, refraining from stuffing her face like the child she wanted to be. But she could never match the poise, the maturity that the platinum blonde emitted. And though that tugged at her stomach, she was not hateful.
On the contrary, she found it to be all the more reason to gaze, unflinching, at a stature of elegance. At a regal, fair skinned, lithe yet bold frame, the likes of which were as close to a godly enchantress as she could ever see mortal man obtaining. That was her sister, through and through.
Cerulean eyes glanced up at that moment, catching her own, teal and widening at the realization she was caught. But thin lips curving up told her it was alright, and she didn't have to look away. Because now the look was being returned, in all its awe and wonder.
She still couldn't believe this, as she watched from across a table so occupied it could feed a third of the kingdom alone. She couldn't believe that her sister was here. That there were no doors, no magic barriers, no overpowered snowmen. It was just them, and the awaiting servants standing at stiff attention. But she could almost forget them if she focused on Elsa.
And she certainly was focusing.
"Anna, are you alright? You haven't even really touched your plate." And by god, was that voice so magnificent and so endearing. How had it gone thirteen years without speaking to her? How had she herself not gone mad at having had lost it?
Her back stiffened as she was addressed, but her own mouth curved up, assuring, and her fork hovered over her food. "No, I'm fine. Really. It's just... Wow, you know? This is really happening and it's just... Yeah, heh.."
She would've smacked herself senseless if not for that laugh. Not really a laugh, but close enough; more like a quiet giggle tucked back behind a hand, mirth dancing in the ocean that was her sister's eyes. It made her giddy and want more, brain immediately wracking to find some way, anyway, to produce the sound again. She could most definitely live off that sound.
"Anna, it's okay. Eat, love. We only have a little bit before the dignitaries show up for court. I can't have you working on an empty stomach, now can I?" The humor in her voice was so new and so welcome and so perfect. Why, oh why, had it not been there before?
Anna shook her head, smile fleeting before she shoveled a mouthful in, not at all princessly, and chewed. She saw quirked eyebrows raise, and nearly laughed if she knew it wouldn't lead to a choking hazard. Elsa was watching still, certainly, and this definitely didn't make it onto her list of expectations.
And though the very thought made her chew twice as much before swallowing, she knew she couldn't really help her presentation. Trying to eat like this, so stiffly, just wasn't something she did. Maybe she should feel ashamed of that, but it was mainly just embarrassment at being watched, because that was a new experience.
If she was being honest, her parents had only ever been the ones she dined with. When they... Well, after all that happened, she'd started having meals sent up to her room, or eaten in the castle gardens. It was quiet and she was alone with her thoughts and her emotions, and whereas sometimes that was a very, very bad combination, most of the time it gave her a chance to just be herself.
She only realized that she'd lost herself to those thoughts once more when the clearing of a throat brought her back to reality, and curious eyes bore into her. There was something in them, some form of concern perhaps, but she dashed it with a toothy grin.
"Sorry, I tend to daydream a lot. It's become sort of a habit, since I never really had much to do. I mean you can only explore every inch of this place so many times before it just becomes tedious and trifling. And reading only gets you so far. Most of the time the words couldn't keep up with my imagination."
Her words were met with a wider smile, cheeks dimpling beneath high cheekbones and the smallest of wrinkles she's never even noticed before pulling at the corners of Elsa's eyes. The platinum blonde laid her napkin atop her almost bare plate, utensils atop that. She clasped her hands in her lap as she cocked her head and studied the younger sibling.
"You don't have to explain yourself, Anna. It's fine." And she believed it, looking at Elsa now. There was no judgement or misunderstanding in that face.
She smiled shyly and lowered her own fork, wincing internally when it, unlike her sister's, scraped the plate rather harshly. Of course even so simple a task as that would prove impossible to do without fault for her alone.
"Um... We still have a few hours before we have to attend the meeting," she started quietly, a war waging in her brain. Sure, she wanted to be with Elsa, enjoy the relaxed company. But they both probably had something they had to do, treaties or schematics to go over. She didn't want to keep Elsa from her work.
But in her paused moment of thought, Elsa had stood. Anna was only brought back to herself when the coldest but most gentlest of touches washed over a freckle splattered cheek, dainty fingertips barely ghosting over sun kissed skin. Her head whipped up, eyes gluing to those of her sister, and the words died altogether on her lips.
To be so close was intoxicating. She felt like she herself was one of the commoners behind the palace walls when it came to their ruling monarch. Seeing but not touching. Allowed to marvel, but never allowed to address. It was a foolish thought, she knew, but it was a thought nonetheless.
"Would you join me on a walk to the gardens?" asked that same ruling, same loving voice.
She could no more deny her sister than she could herself. Her head nodded, and she pushed back her chair all too eagerly. She was grateful her sister had turned her head, motioning for the servants to come and start removing platters. If she hadn't, Anna was almost certain her own face would've burned.
She knew the path to the gardens without conscious thought, she'd walked it so many times. But she allowed Elsa to lead, falling in step somewhat beside, somewhat behind, clasping her hands before her and finding sweaty palms and twitching fingers were more prone to rub and pinch at gentle green fabric than stay still.
It didn't help that her eyes were trying and failing to stray from her sister. The way her dress pressed against a curvaceous physique, crystal blue flowing down to sway and shake with each quiet step. The way narrow shoulders were set on display, each movement sending almost nonexistent ripples through the muscles in her upper back. The way a modest braid was done somehow perfectly, with no hair out of place, an impossible feat.
Anna let out a shaky breath and looked away, to the walls, to the tapestries they passed in comfortable silence. She knew it was a foolish thought, but she felt inferior. Elsa was so astonishing that there was no way she could ever be like her. She could try for the rest of her life, and only wallow in despair time and time again when it was proven beyond doubt that she would never tie up to her sibling, let alone exceed.
"What's wrong, Anna?"
Teal eyes swiveled up and froze upon meeting those icy orbs of wonder, footfalls hesitating but not stopping. Elsa was looking at her now with an acute sense of concern, and there's no way she can just brush it aside. Elsa would know. Somehow.
Anna swallowed a lump that'd discreetly been forming in the back of her otherwise dry throat and tried for a genuine smile. "It's just... You look beautiful today. N-not that you don't always look beautiful, just that today I'm saying it," she began, only to furrow her brows and backtrack. "Wait, wait, no. That's not what I meant. I mean I should always say it, but I guess I don't sometimes and-"
"You're beautiful, too, Anna," Elsa interrupted her, and for a moment of pause Anna was grateful. It just saved her from her own mouth and her own mind. But then the words sank in, and she was back to square one, quiet and staring all too openly.
If it bothered Elsa, the blonde didn't say so. She just smiled wider and, tentatively, reached out to take hold of her sister's hand. The gesture was so innocent and so sweet it made Anna's heart jump, especially when she saw the brief hesitation flitter over her sibling's features.
Elsa was trying. She had been ever since she returned home, and Anna respects that beyond words. She knew it must be hard, to accept this. To understand that the blonde won't hurt Anna by simply touching her. That open doors and time together is all they need to mend the gap that has been thirteen odd years in the making.
Not that it will ever truly heal. Anna still had nights when she woke up, shaking and sweating and listening to the silence as if it were a voice around her. Trying to calm her racing pulse as she told her mind that it's okay. That Elsa is in the room right next door, having moved back to her old room. That in the morning they'll meet over breakfast and spend most of the rest of the day working quietly together in Elsa's study.
The hand in her own fits perfectly, like a puzzle piece finding its match, and Anna accepts the cold that comes with it. When it comes to Elsa, a cold shoulder quite literally is the very minimal of what she would endure to be by her side. She would walk through spitting hellfire, or brave the most treacherous of mountain passes in the middle of blizzards. She would willingly give her life.
They lost themselves in the compatible quiet and walked, hand in hand, towards their destination. One hallway, another. Past guards set up and tables decorated with hand crafted vases and hand picked flowers of all colors. To Anna, these things were a hazy backdrop. Because the real picture of beauty was right by her side.
The gardens are her favorite spot, inside and out of the castle. Flowers native to here, flowers transported from other regions. They blossom and grow with the help of tender sun and refreshing water. They offer a sense of amazement that only nature can achieve, bring brightness into the most dismal of days. And she loves that.
Their hands didn't separate, fingers didn't disentangle. Instead, Anna just pulled Elsa with her, over to her most prized selection of flowers. These are the ones she herself grew. These are the ones she'll pick ever so often to give to Elsa.
They bent down together and Anna ran a delicate fingertip over fragile petals of light blue, ignorant of the dirt beneath her knees that could potentially ruin her dress. That was the downside of not having the ability to create one's own clothes. Unlike Elsa, Anna was certain to have a stern talking to by Gerda should she come in with ripped or tattered clothing.
Anna let her brows furrow, free hand reaching out as she inspected a wilting leaf. It upset her a little, to see that in a few short weeks these would die off, only blooming at the start of a new year. She wasn't yet ready to see them leave, because they held a significance to her that was unmatched by anything else in this garden.
The hand in her own tightened, and she looked over to find Elsa also watching her fingers' movements. It sent a jolt of something unexpected but not at all unpleasant down her arm and through her spine. She simpered sadly at the sight before her and squeezed Elsa's hand in turn, reassuringly.
"These are the flowers I find every morning in the vase in the study," Elsa concluded quietly, and Anna could almost see the gears turning in her head. "You put those there, don't you?"
Anna didn't deny it, she nodded and leaned into her sister, resting her head on a small shoulder that tensed before relaxing, a strong jaw resting atop the crown of her head and their hands falling to Elsa's lap.
"Yes. I grow them myself, every year since momma taught me. I thought you'd like them since they're blue." That was just the tip of the iceberg on her reasoning though. She'd hoped Elsa would like them because they were tended by her. She'd hoped Elsa appreciated something she herself did, something she put her time and effort into.
A small chuckle shook the girl next to her and their hands were separated, strong arms coming to wrap around her waist and pull her into the cold, welcoming touch of her sister. She accepted, nuzzling her face against the pale expanse of exposed throat, loving the low hum she received in turn.
"What type of flowers are these?"
"Blåveis."
Another hum was all she got, but that was all she needed, because this was Elsa. Her company was enough. Her acknowledgement was enough. Her acceptance was enough.
Anna closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh, mind numbing smell that was Elsa. A mixture of refreshing cold and winter and the lye soaps they used during baths. Anna was very much aware that she was sitting here, smelling her sister like a weirdo, but she couldn't bring herself to pull back, and since Elsa made no move to end their embrace, either, she obviously didn't see a problem with enjoying it.
Because this was new and yet familiar. Endearing, supportive. Everything she'd wanted in the long run. Everything she'd been denied until now.
She buried her face more immensely against that frigid skin, loving the way it seemed to nip at her own cheeks and nose. "I love you," she murmured, making the older girl giggle at the feeling of an odd sort of vibration against her neck.
"I love you, too," Elsa murmured, resting her own cheek against the top of gorgeous red hair. Her own eyes fluttered shut as she allowed the moment to envelope them, allowed herself to feel the heat in her arms and the love permeating her being.
Because this was how it was supposed to be. She'd missed the younger girl more than words could describe, more than her actions could ever divulge. No more locked doors. No more secrets. She wasn't ever letting Anna go again.