BLEACH CAPSLOCK RECAPS

by Ludo Wifeman

With the insanity that is the Bleach Manga right now, I decided it could never get as cracky. BUT WAIT, it can! With the help of caps, of course; that and someone with too much time on their hands recapping it. BLEACH RECAPS-CAPS, I CHOOSE YOU!

AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION, I DECIDED THAT MY BRAIN SIMPLY CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY WITH THE NEW CHAPTERS WITHOUT FIRST MAKING CRACK OUT OF THEM. TO, UM, MAKE SENSE OF ALL THIS BS GOIN' ON UP IN HURR.

ONWARDS, MEN!

CHAPTER 415

HAND: HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT ME. I'M SMALL AND HOLDING A STICK AND-

SHOTA!GIN: STFU, HAND. YER ATTACHED TA ME, AND IF YER ANYTHIN' LIKE MA EYES, YA'LL STAY ZIPPED, Y'HEAR?

HAND: D:

STICK: : D

CONVENIENT HOLE IN BUSHES: *IS CONVENIENT.*

OH, LOOKY! IT'S AIZEN BEFORE HE BECAME A GIANT DICK- OHNOWAIT I LIE. HE'S STILL BEING A DICK NOW. ON THE OTHER HAND, AT LEAST HE LOOKS LIKE CLARK KENT AGAIN.

CLARK!AIZEN: BOW TO ME, BITCHES. YOU ARE BEING USED AS FORESHADOWING FROM THE FUTURE. HARDY HARR HARR.

HAND: I'M BACK WITH VENGEANCE- WHAT IN THE HOLY GOD AM I HOLDING? IS THAT GODS ESSENCE OR SOMETHING?

ANOTHER HAND: *POKES AT GODS ESSENCE*

CLARK!AIZEN: I SHALL CALL HIM SQUISHY, AND HE SHALL BE MINE. *PUTS INTO JAR* OH HALLO THAR LITTLE BOY; I KNOW YOU'RE THERE, I DO I DO. MY SUPERMAN SENSES ARE TINGLING.

SHOTA!GIN: *IS NOT IMPRESSED*

FLASH: SURPRISED YOU, EH? *ENDS*

PRESENT!GIN: *IS... IMPRESSED?*

AND AIZEN BEGINS, TO FALL, REALLY GODDAMN SLOWLY. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? I CAN PRACTICALLY FEEL THE HOURS PASS BY AS I READ THIS. READ, KUBO, YOU DICK; WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GONNA BE LIKE ANIMATED? I BET THIS ONE CHAPTERS GONNA TAKE AN ENTIRE DAMN EPISODE.

ICHIGO: WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT HERE YET?

SHOTA!TENSA/MULLET!ICHI: STFU AND GTFO OF CANON. WE'RE STILL RAPING YOU ENDLESSLY.

ICHIGO: D:

HAS AIZEN FINISHED FALLING? YES! YES, HE HAS.

AIZEN: ROSE...BUD.

GIANT MOTHERFUCKING HOLE IN AIZEN'S CHEST: *IS VERY MOTHERFUCKING GIANT*

GIN: HELLO THAR, PURDY HOUGYOKU. I HOPE YA DUN MIND IF I JUST TAKE YA, YEH?

ME: I'M NOT SURE WHETHER OR NOT TO BE PLEASED BY THIS. CONFUSE.

COVER: I KNOW I SAY "A GLIMPSE OF TRUTH" BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THIS CHAPTER IS GOING TO TELL YOU SHIT ALL, LIKE ALWAYS. BECAUSE I'M SURE KUBO TROLLS HARDER THAN MOST OF JAPAN.

HOUGYOKU: : D

GIN: *REACHING FOR IT SO GODDAMN SLOWLY IT PAINS ME JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS EPISODE*

HAND!: WHY DO I LOOK LIKE I'M DRAWN BY AN ASSISTANT?

HAHA! IT APPEARS YOU BELONG TO HOLE-Y AIZEN, THAT'S WHY!

AIZEN: *ATTEMPTS TO PIMP!SLAP GIN, BECAUSE HE OBVIOUSLY IS NOT DOING HIS DUTIES IN THE CORRECT ORDER, OR TO THE RIGHT PERSON*

GIN: *SPINS LIKE A PRETTY LITTLE BALLERINA* BITCH PRZ, I 'AVE YER PURDY HOGYOUKU, NOW WATCH ME AS I SHUNPO OUTTA 'ERE FASTER THAN- *ISGONE*

AIZEN: *TAKES AN ENTIRE PAGE WITH FOUR PANELS, CLOSE UPS, AND DIFFERENT ANGLES TO FALL IN THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION TO EVER EXIST TO MANKIND* GINYOULITTLEBASTARD

AND HERE COMES A GIANT DOUBLE PAGE OF-

AIZEN: *WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW UNPRETTY HE IS FOR ONCE* GIN YOU LITTLE BASTARD *BUTTON MASH OF INTENSE DEATH I BEST YOU JUST PISSED YOUR PANTS. I DID*

ME: ;_; *HIDES UNDER DESK*

SUDDENLY, STUFF S'PLODES FROM AIZEN'S... CHEST? BODY? HOLE?

GIN: *IS HIDING. DON'T WORRY, BRO, I WOULD BE TOO* OHHH, BOY, THAT WAS DANGEROUS~ *HOLYSHIT, PART OF HIS HAND IS MISSING D:* YEEEEY IT'S ALL OVURRRRR AND I CAN GO 'OMEEEE-

KUBO: LOLNO.

ALAS, AIZEN APPEARS! AS... A FUCKING BUTTERFLY, AND HAS SUDDENLY LOST SO MUCH OF HIS MANLINESS NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF HIS NEW SPECIES, BUT BECAUSE IT APPEARS HIS BANANA/BAD ROMANCE SUIT CAN BECOME EVEN STRANGER AND IS NOW A... DRESS. AND THAT FACT HE HAS NO EYEBROWS. OR PUPILS. WHUT.

ME: WHAT THE FUCK! I'M PRETTY SURE I'M EITHER ON ACID, OR KUBO IS TAKING SOMETHING THAT HE SHOULD SHARE AROUND, THE STINGY BASTARD. OR HE HAS NO EDITORS TO TELL HIM NOT TO DO STUPID SHIT.

KUBO: I TOTALLY FIRED THEM. MOAR MONNIE PRZ.

EVERYONE: WHATTTTT-

AIZEN: OH NO, GIN. FOR YOU SEE, DESPITE MY OBVIOUS LACK OF USEFUL MINIONS, TASTE IN FASHION OR GENERAL OBVIOUS GENDER AND SPECIES, I STILL WIN. BECAUSE I'M SUPERMAN. AND THE HOUGYOKU IS ALREADY MINE HURDY HURR HURR.

HOUGYOKU: *SPLODES*

GIN: WAIT WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN-

AIZEN: *CHEST SPLODES WITH LIGHT*

GIN: OH, BUGGER ME SIDEWAYS, GOOD SIR.

FLASHBACK: HERE WE GO~!

AIZEN: *HANDS OVER SQUISHY TO TOKEN SHINIGAMI ONE*

TOKEN ONE: *CAME*

SHOTA!GIN: OOOH! I WONDER WASS GOIN' ON OVUR THE'E- *FINDS MATSUMOTO. ON THE GROUND. APPEARING AS IF SHE'S BEEN GANG BANGED OR SOMETHING WICKED* WHATTHEFUCK. WHO TOUCHED MY BITCH?

ME: WHAT THE- DOES THIS MEAN GIN'S BEEN TROLLING THE TROLL? AND THAT HE SPENT ALL THAT TIME BEING A DICK TO MATSUMOTO BECAUSE HE WAS DOING SOMETHING FOR HER? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MEN, EVEN IF THEY'RE ON PAPER OR IRL. I'M MORE CONFUSED THAN I THINK IS HEALTHY FOR SOMEONE TO BE. WHAT DOES THIS EXPLAIN?

COVER: TOLD YOU SO.

KUBO: TROLOLOLOLOL.

SHOTA!GIN: IT WAS THAT AIZEN FUCK, WANNIT IT? *OPENS HIS FUCKING EYES* I'M GONNA KICK HIS SHIT INTO THE NEXT MILLENNIA-

FLASHBACK: END~ [OF CONFUSION. o_o]

BUTTERFLY!AIZEN: *STABBY STAB STAB WITH, WHAT I DON'T KNOW*

GIN: OWWIE *GETS STABBY STAB STABBED*

ME: WELL, THAT CERTAINLY EXPLAINED... NOTHING, ACTUALLY. WHAT THE HELL?

KUBO: TROLOLOLOLOL

ICHIGO: WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT HERE YET? IT'S BEEN, LIKE. SEVEN CHAPTERS! THAT'S SEVEN-

ME: ACTUALLY, EIGHT NOW, BRO. KUBO WAS TOO BUSY TROLLING FANS AT SOMETHING IMPORTANT THIS WEEK TO CARE ABOUT DRAWING YOU COMING BLOOD FROM THE MOUTH AGAIN, SORRY.

ICHIGO: JWLAKJDALKJTDJT? I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER! WHY THE HELL IS THE FOX FACED BASTARD TAKING ALL THE SCREENTIME?

ISSHIN: BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T FINISHED OUR MANLY BONDING OF LOVEEEE ICHIIIIIIII~

SHOTA!TENSA/MULLET!HICHI: WE'RE STILL RAPING YOU, TOO, JUST SO YOU KNOW.

ICHIGO: FML KILL ME NOW.

ME: I JUST WANTED TO SEE MIZUIRO BEING AWESOME AGAIN, MAN. AND MAYBE KEIGO AND TATSUKI AND CHIZURU. WHAT THE HELL DOES KUBO HAVE UP HIS GLASSES?