A/N Hey, people! This is my first crossover, so be nice! This is a Harry Potter/ Twilight cross over, cuz I thought the two best selling books will probably have the best chance at being hilarious. We shall see what happens! Lol. Alright, this first chapter is gonna involve the Twilight peeps mostly. WARNING: SOME OF THE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS INVOLVE A CRAZY BELLA AND A GIRLY EDWARD.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you might recognize. And I'm not doing this for money (cuz that would be stupid; this thing probably wouldn't sell more than three copies).

Chapter One- Not in Kansas Anymore

Bella and Edward were walking through the woods. Bella (who was oddly hyper today) was humming a tune that Edward didn't recognize, since he really only listened to classical music.

"Bella, love, what are you humming?" Edward asked.

"Dinosaur by Ke$ha," replied Bella before going back to her humming.

"I've never heard that before. Will you sing some of it?" Edward said, trying to 'dazzle' Bella, and failing miserably.

Apparently, it worked anyways, because she said, "Sure." She cleared her throat before belting out, "D-I-N-O-S-A you are a dinosaur. D-I-N-O-S-A you are a dinosaur. An O-L-D M-A-N, you're just an old man. Hitting on me, what? You need a cat scan! Old man, why are you staring at me? M-"

"That's enough!" Edward said, cutting her off. He knew that she was singing it because it reminded her of him, which made him feel terrible (yet again) about being a vampire.

"Why? Am I a bad singer?" Bella asked, her eyes wide.

"No, it's not that. It's because…because…ugh! Because I'm a dinosaur!" Edward shouted, roaring at the end.

Bella shrank back and wrinkled her nose. "You know, Jacob can do that better."

"Who cares if Jacob can do that better?"

"I do! It's just another thing that he's better at than you, Edward."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Jacob fixes cars. The person who fixes cars in your family is Rosalie. A girl. She should be the one playing piano, and you should be able to fix cars."

"She does play piano," Edward mumbled quietly.

"Exactly. She does. Not he. She."

"It's just one letter's difference," Edward said, too quiet for Bella to hear. Then he said, louder, "What's your point, Bella?"

"Jacob's cooler than you!" Bella concluded, sticking her tongue out at Edward.

"Yes!" a voice shouted, and a few seconds later, Jacob appeared, doing a victory dance around Bella and Edward.

"Why are you here?" Edward asked, slightly annoyed.

"I wasn't spying on you, if that's what you think," Jacob muttered, looking at his feet and kicking at the grass.

"You were spying on us?" Edward shrieked.

"See?" Bella said, throwing her hands in the air. "Shrieked! No boy shrieks. And Jacob said he wasn't spying on us. Duh, Edward."

Edward stared at Bella as if she had lost her mind, which might have been true. He looked over at Jacob, who was staring at Bella with the same expression.

Bella twirled a strand of her hair around her finger and swayed back and forth, smiling to herself. When she noticed the guys staring at her, she stopped and asked, "What?"

Jacob snorted and said, "Wow. She's even dumber than Rosalie."

"I heard that!" Rosalie shouted angrily, appearing at the edge of the trees with Emmett.

"Why are you here?" Edward asked, slightly surprised.

"You asked the same thing when I showed up, but you were annoyed instead of surprised," Jacob noted.

"Yes," Edward said, poking Jacob in the chest. "Exactly!"

"Okay, dude? That looked a little…gay…" Emmett said, dragging Rosalie to where the other three people stood.

Edward ignored him and said, "You never answered my question."

"Emmett wanted to hunt squirrels," Rosalie said flatly.

"Squirrels?" Edward asked.

"YEAH! THEY'RE SO SMALL AND FURRY!" Emmett screamed.

Rosalie smacked him on the back of the head and said, "Emmett, we're right here. You don't have to yell."

Bella giggled and said, "Jacob's furry."

This time everybody stared at her. She walked over to Jacob and patted his head. "Nice doggie!"

"What is wrong with her?" Jacob asked.

Suddenly, Alice appeared and gave Bella a sympathetic look. "Bella temporarily lost her mind. I saw it in a vision, but I forgot to warn you."

"How did you forget?" asked Emmett.

"I was distracted by Edward's sparkliness."

"How did she lose her mind?" Edward asked, a little indignantly since they were talking about his sparkles. Those were his sparkles, so therefore they were better than everyone else's. He even gave his sparkles a pep talk to make them especially bright.

"She drank coffee," Alice stated sadly.

"Ooooh!" Everyone said and cringed. Bella and coffee did not work well together. They all turned to her and saw that she was now skipping in circles and following a butterfly that was floating in the air.

"How do we fix her?" Jacob asked.

"I think we should leave her like that," suggested Rosalie.

Emmett rolled his eyes and replied, "Let me try something." He walked over to Bella, placing a hand on her shoulder to keep her from walking. He balled his other hand into a fist and knocked on Bella's head, which made a hollow sound.

Her eyes spun around and she giggled until they stopped. Then she turned to Edward and said, "Eddiekins, why is there a potato on the ground?"

"Eddiekins?" Jacob asked with a smirk.

"It's along story. And what do you mean, love? There's no potato on the ground."

"Yes there is. Look!" Bella pointed to a patch of flowers where an old leather boot was laying on the ground.

"Love, that's a boot, not a potato," Edward chided.

"Whoa! How did we miss that?" Emmett asked.

"We were too distracted by Bella's idiocy," said Alice.

"I though that was normal for Bella," Rosalie muttered.

"Well…" said Jacob, leaning back on his heals. "Can I have it?"

"Why?" Alice asked.

"Because it would be perfect to hit Eddiekins with."

"No way, mutt! I need it because it'll make me look cooler," Edward exclaimed.

"How will an old shoe make you look cooler?"

"Leather's cool, right?" Edward asked, looking around for help. He would never admit it, but the tall werewolf guy scared him.

"Yeah but not that kind of leather, Eddiekins," Alice said, poking Edward in the chest (which no one said anything about, because it didn't look weird like when Edward did it). "You'll just look weirder than you are."

"Shut up, you pixie!" Bella screamed. She grabbed the boot and started whacking Alice with it. "Don't be mean to Eddiekins!"

"Ow! Get this thing off me!" Alice screeched.

Rosalie laughed and said, "You called Bella a thing."

Bella turned and glared at Rosalie. "Don't be mean to the pixie, you pixie hater!"

"I don't hate pixies; I hate you," said Rosalie with a roll of her eyes. She thought that had been obvious.

Bella shrieked and made a loud battle cry before jumping on Rosalie's back and hitting her with the boot. "Die, Blondie, die!" Bella shouted.

"She's already dead," Emmett stated.

Jacob elbowed him and said, "Dude! Don't kill the cat fight!"

Emmett shrugged and continued to watch Bella beat up Rosalie.

"Emmett!" Rosalie cried. "Help me!"

Emmett, who didn't want the fighting to stop, thought quickly and said, "Hey Jacob. Didn't you want to do that to Eddiekins?"

"Yeah, so?" asked Jacob, his eyes glued to the fight.

"Soo…didn't Bella steal your idea?" Emmett prodded.

"Yeah! She did! But I can't hit a girl."

"Then hit the next best thing. Eddiekins."

Edward gasped and asked, "Why me?"

To which Emmett replied, "Because you're a girl trapped in a guy's body."

"Man, that is so true!" Jacob shouted. He then walked over to Bella, yanked the boot out of her hand, and started attacking Edward.

Edward shrieked and shouted, "Pixie! Help me!"

"PIXIE?" Alice yelled shrilly. "Why would you call me a pixie?"

"Because Bella did!"

"Bella's brain is broken right now. And I'm about to break yours!" Alice cried before tackling Edward. She and Jacob then proceeded to take turns hitting Edward with the boot.

Bella, who hadn't realized the boot was missing until now, tore a chunk of hair off Rosalie's head and jumped off of her back. "Hey!" Bella yelled. "That's my potato!"

She leaped onto Jacob's back, who had current possession of the boot, and began hitting him with Rosalie's hair.

"My hair!" Rosalie shrieked. She started looking around for something to hit Bella with and her eyes rested on Emmett. She grinned wickedly and began marching towards him.

"Whoa, babe, what're you doing?" Emmett asked, putting his hands in front of himself and backing away.

"This!" Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand and threw him towards the pile of people. He landed on Alice, who angrily bit Emmett's arm.

Rosalie gasped and hurled herself at Alice. "How dare you bite my husband!" she yelled.

Edward (who was underneath everyone) began sobbing, vampire venom leaking from his eyes since he couldn't cry real tears. Jacob started laughing and Bella smacked him on the head. Rosalie was kicking Alice, and Emmett, who had been trying to pull everyone apart, shrugged and pile-drived Edward in the nose. Suddenly, the boot started shaking, so Jacob quickly dropped in on Edward's stomach.

"Ow!" Edward yelled. He then glanced at the vibrating boot and said, "It's…magical."

Bella stared at it in awe and stated, "I wanna touch it."

"Me too," everyone said in unison. They all reached out their index fingers and touched it at the same time. Suddenly, the world shimmered and the ground opened up. They all fell through the hole, all of their fingers stuck to the boot.

"Alice, I hate you!" Bella screeched while gripping Jacob's head with her free hand.

"Why?" asked a sad Alice.

"Because of you, we're all falling into Wonderland!"

Everyone looked at each other for a second, thinking about what would happen if they landed in Wonderland. Bunnies that are late, mad hatters, and the Cheshire cat…

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

They all suddenly landed in a heap on the ground. Bella looked up and gasped. "Holy cow! The plants here look nothing like the movie!"

Everyone looked up and saw that they were in a small village. And to their right was a giant castle-like building that towered of everything else with and ominous look.

"Toto," Bella whimpered, gripping Jacob's head harder. "We're not in Kansas anymore."

Ah, Bella. She's a total space case today. She and coffee are a really bad combination. So bad that the whole thing turned violent! And violence is never the answer. Lol, what's going to happen next? More chaos, duh! And the Potter Gang will show up! Yay!

Soo….review?