Author's Note: Okay, I know that I seriously should not take on another chapter fic. Really, I shouldn't. I already have 5 in progress and I just know one of them's going to fall by the wayside and not get updated for like 2 years, which is totally a deadly FanFic sin, if you ask me…

But, as I've learned the hard way on here, what my muse wants, my muse gets and it wants GSR. Angsty, sad, and takes forever to happen GSR but still GSR. This is my first CSI fic and I'm excited to branch out again.

Now, I got this idea from Season 4 and 5 Sara. You guys know the one: angry, bitter, miserable, borderline suicidal… well, I've always wondered what would've happened if she had handled yet another rejection from Grissom (Butterflied) differently. I don't exactly know where I'm going with this story but I hope it sparks enough interest so that I can continue it.

Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"

"It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ...we could care about. She offers us a new life with her ...but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it... but you did. You risked it all… and she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else...and you were lost. So you took her life. You killed them both, and now you have nothing."

//~*~//

She didn't know what to do, now. Each word had been like a kick to the gut. It hurt that he thought of himself like that, old and unwanted, even for a minute. What hurt worse was that he thought so lowly of her to automatically think she would do such a thing to him. She wasn't Debbie Marlin. She didn't take emotional matters lightly and she certainly wasn't cruel enough to drop someone out of boredom. It wasn't in her makeup. Sara Sidle didn't open up easily and she certainly didn't give her heart to just anyone…and he did have she liked it or not, Gil Grissom had her heart and always would.

"I couldn't do it…"

Couldn't, not wouldn't. So, he did feel something for her. It wasn't one sided. Wonderful. If she could, she'd turn a cartwheel.

It sucked to know that an impossible dream was possible but hindered by fear.

When he put his head in his hands, she had to leave the area. If she didn't, she'd go to him and that was the last thing either one of them needed right now. Sara opened the door and nearly collided with Jim Brass, who looked shocked and then sad that she had been there for Grissom's little monologue.

"Sara…"

"Don't, Brass. Just...don't. I don't want to hear it. Well, it wasn't a complete bust. I now know that the man that I fell for, uprooted my entire life for, and sacrificed what little dignity I have left for feels something other than pseudo-friendship for me.", she replied with a sardonic smile.

"He's just scared. Lurie…", Brass started, trying to defend his friend yet comfort her at the same time.

She was in no mood for it.

"I would never hurt him like this! Ever! I couldn't! You'd think he would've figured that out by now but…", she snapped in a cracking voice before looking away from him, embarrassed by her weakness.

Damn it, she was not going to cry! She had already cried enough tears over him! Besides, it wasn't going to change anything.

"I…I could talk to him for you."

Sara felt a trickle of annoyance reach the raging river of sadness she felt and she glared at Brass.

"And say what? Gil, you're being an idiot? Gil, that girl obviously loves you? Take your head out of your ass before you lose her for good? Like he'd listen. People from Catherine to the janitors have been beating on that bass drum since I showed up. Maybe it's just time to switch instruments."

"You're giving up?" he asked with horror.

"What other choice do I have?", she asked flatly, feeling more and more heat fill her.

The hurt was fading rapidly and it was being replaced by something deeper, harder...

"Fight for him! He needs you!" he insisted.

Now, she was just pissed. He needed her? Really? He had a fucking hilarious way of showing it! Blowing hot and cold, treating her like she was dirt, ignoring her until it was convenient for him…the list went on and on. Love or not, it wasn't worth it. It just wasn't. If she wanted to keep what little mental health she had, something had to give and it obviously wasn't going to be him. She'd probably regret her decision later but regret was a core part of her life now.

Sara was putting up the white flag.

"I am not going to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for! If he wants to be a damned coward and keep his precious career, then fine! I'm done!" she spat before walking away, ignoring his calls after her.

She didn't know where she was going but she certainly wasn't staying in this lab for another second. Hurrying past reception, she went out into the Las Vegas dawn. Grabbing her keys out of her pocket, she got into her car and burned rubber out of the parking lot, driving towards the freeway.

She didn't know where she was going, she didn't even care.

All she cared about was getting as far away from Gil Grissom as possible.