This is my first try at a criminal minds fanfiction! Enjoy!
"We are an impossibility in an impossible universe."
― Ray Bradbury
The sun has just begun to rise across the sky. The little specks knowns as human beings are beginning another normal day of existence. Children are gulping down breakfast, teenagers are lazing on their bed texting, adults are lining up for a shot of caffeine to boost their energy and faith in life.
It is strange how much you notice about the world when you are locked away from it. Through these cold metal walls I can see blades of grass soaked in morning dew, I can feel a breeze slipping under the collar of a scarf, I can hear the mumbles of conversation on the subway. But most interesting of all: I can see a young man walking down the hallway approaching my cell. His eyes have a certain depth to them; I can see things that no one his age should see, experience things that no one his age should experience. The way he walks shows insecurity; not the kind that you would see in someone going up to speak at some conference but more a state of fear, fear of losing his sanity. The sanity he tries so hard to hold onto. His adam's apple jerks back as he approaches my cell.
"My name is Dr. Spencer Reid." He removes a file from his extremely none masculine purse-like bag and pulls out a file. "I would like t-"
"You would like to interview me." He glances up at me holding eye contact until his eyes begin to water. "You would like to know why I did what I did to those children."
"Yes I would. You murdered 10 teenagers of no particular connection, all who were diagnosed with clinical depression." His mouth twitches at the word clinical. "I would like to know why."
"Well, Dr. Reid. I will give you a 3 word answer: They wanted it. Yes Dr. Reid they wanted it. Those kids would slash their wrists, stick their finger down their throat, drink heavy amounts of alcohol and dull their pain with narcotics. They were asking for death. But they were cowards. They thought of killing themselves but they never did. I saved them the trouble." My eyes become slits that seem to violate the doctor in a way that he adverts his eyes from me.
"Those kids could have had psychological help." The doctor raises his voice bringing authority to it. "You knew you didn't have to kill them but you did. You did because you couldn't control your urges. Your urges to slip your hands into their wounds and feel the life leave them. You didn't help them! You deprived them of any chance of getting back up off the ground and starting a new life! It was the only way for you to feel true sexual pleasure."
"That is where you are wrong my sweet little doctor. I have no desire to feel any sort of pleasurable release. That is the problem with you profilers. You think that I killed my victims for pleasure but no. No. I killed them to give THEM pleasure. The pleasure of leaving the world and existence they neglected. Their existence was a precious gift. They were stupid to want to give it up. They did not deserve to live." I pause. "So Doctor, have you ever wanted to die?" He cringes at the question.
"Those kids-" His desperate attempt to change the topic.
"Oh doctor Reid." I chuckle. "You have thought of dying. Those eyes of yours. They belong to someone who fights a vigorous battle with himself everyday. Those voices in your head; taunting, teasing, tempting you. Slowly pushing you to thing brink of your limits. You've tried everything. But how soon until-"
"SHUT UP!" He stands up and raises his fist.
"You end it all." His shoulders go limp and he loses his power.
"I am here to talk about the case." He slowly regains his composure. "I am here because the crimes you have committed have changed the lives of 10 families. I am here on this planet because I want to lock up every single one of you. You; the people who think it is right to decide the fate of humanity."
"I do not decide the fate of humanity. I simply Help complete its natural cycle. The cycle of life. Birth, Life, Death. But these children's cycles were broken. They were not living. So I helped them by skipping that step for them" He jots down notes in a spiral bound binder. "Oh yes. Go on. Keep profiling me Spencer. Try to understand the thoughts that are going through my head. Try to remind yourself that you are nothing like me. That you are in control. That you will never be like me." He pulls at his collar with his hand.
"I have dealt with people like you before. You manipulate because you crave the power. You need me to be weak. I know exactly how that little brain of yours works." Spencer backs away from the glass and snaps back to his interview. "Now. When you murdered these children you drew the symbol of PI on the floor next to them. Would you like to tell me why?"
"Since you are so smart Spencer. Why don't you figure it out."
"Alright: Pi is an infinite number. It will never end. You put it there to remind them; to remind yourself that those kids are not infinite. They are the opposite of pi. They are repetitive. They are predictable."
"Very good doctor! You are quite intelligent! But their is one more reason I put it there: Pi is chaos. Each number is a new direction it springs in. It is unexpected and amazing. I put it there to remind those kids that they will never be something as powerful and special as that. They have fallen into a boring loop that I needed to sever." Those big eyes of him grow in size and stare at me for a few seconds. I can see his mind trying to process all that. "People keep telling me that killing is a terrible thing. But no. Killing is a natural process. Humans fight for power and only the strongest will last the longest." He glances at the clock.
"Thank you very much. That is all I need from you." He packs up his notes and begins to walk down the long hallway.
"Oh but Spencer." He turns to look at me. "Soon you will fall into that loop like they all did. Soon every human will fall into that loop. Soon every human will lose PI. You can try to postpone it if you want. But no amounts of drugs will keep those voices away. There is only one thing you can do: run. Run. Run and take as many risks as you can. Earn each of your decimals one by one." He turns away and walks back down the hall. "Spencer Reid. The young FBI agent. The man who runs and runs. The man who gets up each day telling himself that he will lock up another one of us. The man who constantly reminds himself that everything he does in life is worth something. But soon he will become just another piece of stardust. Soon infinity will catch up to him."
It is strange how much you notice about the world when you are locked away from it. Through these cold metal walls I see a man who tried to understand me. Tried to understand why I did what I did. I see him get in his car and go back to his office. I see him greeted by people who care and treasure him. I see him get into his bed and try to ward away the nightmares. I see every little atom of him. Every doubt, every decision, every emotion, every pain. I see all those fairy tails he read as a toddler. Those fairy tails that lied to him and told him that life would end with three magical words: Happily ever after.