Chapter 1

I look back from the broken wall to see Alex walking towards Grace and me. Then I turn to look toward my left to see Julian. How am I going to bring myself to tell him that I love Alex, and partially only had feelings for him because he reminded me of Alex. The way Julian loved me was the thing I missed when I thought Alex was… I can't even bring myself to say it. I can tell Alex is being cautious on coming over because he stops midway to me. I can tell that he is thinking that I still need to talk to Julian, and that he left the group and it would be a surprise to everyone.

I walk over with Grace towards my mother, who is getting names of all the uncureds that want to join us in the Wilds. I reach down to poke her on the shoulder when she suddenly turns to me before I even reach her shoulder.

"Who's this little girl?" My mother asks while looking at Grace affectionately.

"This is Grace, my cousin. She saved me when they tied me up to try to cure me," I reply while looking down at Grace and holding her hand.

"Hi Grace," My mother says like she has been saying to all the uncureds that are coming through and lining up with Pippa by age.

"She's staying with me, mom, I want her to live with me in the Wilds," I say to my mother without meaning it to come out realizing that she may question me for this decision. Grace is only ten and is very young to be introduced into the Wilds, and usually the younger ones die more easily and quickly, making it necessary for them to be with more experienced people who have survived in the Wilds longer. To my surprise my mother just nods and I take that as a sign to walk away and we will talk later.

My next task is to talk with Julian, although I have no clue what to say or do. I am nervous as anything what can I say. I know I am going to break his heart and I feel for him. I am the reason he is living, the reason he is in the Wilds, the reason is part of the resistance, and without me in his life now I don't know what he will do and if he will survive.

I hear from behind me, "Lena!" I recognize Julian's voice almost immediately and I don't want Grace to be exposed to what might happen. This is the moment I have been dreading since I finally exposed myself to Alex. I don't want this conversation to happen now there is so much work we have to do to organize everything since we breached Portland a few hours ago. I keep walking acting like I didn't hear him, but I can tell his eyes are searing into my head wondering why I didn't acknowledge him. I look towards members of the resistance who are going through the bodies of the Invalids getting them out of the way.

Alex walks up and looks into my eyes giving me hint clues of our affection only we would know and asks, "Do you want me to take Grace for awhile so you can look for Raven?"

It seems like that just roles off his tongue, but I know he is right and I do need to find Raven. I hand over Grace and go to look for Raven near the part of the wall where I saw her fall.

The flashback flies back into my head of a few hours ago when she had just reached the top and then she fell. Just like that she didn't even have a chance to fight. My legs feel heavy and I am barely able to walk over to the place where she had died. All the bodies in this area are still in place and the stench is about to make me faint. To imagine that Raven is among these bodies is terrible.

Raven was more of a mother to me than my own, and I don't think I realized how much she actually meant to me until now. I wish I had told her how much she meant to me, how much she helped me, how much she taught me about life and the Wilds, and how much I loved her. At last I come across her black hair, but when I look down it's not just Raven's body I see.

I see Tack's too.