Love Isnt Just For Saps, Chumps, And Middle Aged Women
A gift for Lenea89, thanks for being my lucky number 50! ^^
Beta-ed by the lovely Kanemoshi ^^
Summary: Iruka, a naive pre-genin, ditches class after pulling a prank. He thinks love is stupid and could care less about "mushy stuff." Then, he meets the genin Kakashi, who turns his world, and views on "mushy stuff", upside down and inside out.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, it would look more like this.
Warning: This is a delicious KakaIru treat. Dont like it, get out now, or forever hold your peace.
Iruka sighed heavily as he pulled out a pen from his ratty, brown bag. Another pop quiz. This was borderline ridiculous. Their substitute had no idea what he was doing. All it was with him was QUIZ, QUIZ, QUIZ.
Sending a glare down towards his mildly obese sub, Iruka stared at the questions written on the chalk board. He listened around him to the moans and groans and complaints issued by his fellow classmates. On either side of him, his friends Izumo and Kotetsu were shaking their heads in apprehension. Failing seemed to be imminent.
But, Iruka had an ace in the hole. He would extract his revenge oh so sweetly if that fat ass only took a few more steps to the right. With a smirk, Iruka pretended to start on his quiz, but was instead drawing an obscene picture of their substitute, complete with devil horns, unibrow, curly mustache, and shuriken sticking out of his body every which way.
They had had this incompetent man for the entire week already, and by Friday morning, Iruka could take no more. He was a master prankster, and although he had been saving this plan for a certain rival student, he thought this situation was more appropriate. Having snuck in earlier this morning with a supply of chakra wire, chicken feathers, purple hair dye, and multiple bottles of super sticky honey, all that was left to do was wait for the opportune moment.
He felt a nudge on his shoulder, and he turned to the side, taking in the puzzling look from Izumo. Iruka just smiled impishly, nodding his head in the direction of their sub. Oh, he was so close now! Only a few more inches, then it would be all over.
"And remember, oh studious pupils in the art of the ninja, that I will be informing your sensei on your unruly behavior. I shall heavily suggest you receive failing grades." The sub exclaimed loudly to the class in a voice that seemed too high and feminine to belong to a man. Iruka stared, wide eyed, as he took another step to the right.
"WHAT THE-" was all the sub uttered before there was a deafening crash, and a large cloud of purple smoke enveloped the front of the class. Half the students were coughing their guts out while the other half stared curiously at the ominous cloud. Iruka was smiling like the Cheshire Cat all the while.
When the smoke cleared, there was a moment of stunned silence. A few let out gasps of shock, some cried out in surprise, and still others fought to keep in their fits of giggles. Iruka silently patted himself on the back for his masterful handiwork.
Finally, the quiet became overbearing, and the pre-genin population cracked. It was the most ridiculous thing they had ever seen! Every single student, save for Mizuki, who was a huge teacher's pet and overall jerk to everyone, burst at their seams with laughter. It echoed through out the room, ranging from high pitched squeals to low chuckles. There was a torrent of finger pointing and side holding as their substitute struggled helplessly above them.
"I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO HAS DONE THIS!" he exclaimed in his feminine voice, which only caused the hysterics to grow. He was covered, head to toe, in purple chicken feathers and was currently suspended by his ankle in the air. "Step forward this instant!" he demanded, but was drowned out by the sea of continuous laughter. "You demonic little cretins! YOUR TEACHER WILL KNOW OF THIS!"
His threat went unnoticed, and while the majority of kids kept laughing, a select few waltzed over to Iruka to congratulate him on a job well done. He received multiple high fives and quite a few thumbs up. His plan had been an unbelievable success.
"You've really outdone yourself this time," Izumo praised, giving his friend a hearty pat on the back. Iruka winced slightly, but continued to beam. "Kids will be talking about this for weeks."
"Yea," added Kotetsu, "nice job. The purple was a little flashy though." Iruka just grinned sheepishly, scratching the scar on his nose. It was a gesture he regularly did when he felt nervous or embarrassed.
"Oh, yes, nice job indeed." Mizuki scowled at him from across the room, tossing his silver hair behind his shoulders. He readjusted his headband, which had gotten a healthy coating of the purple powder on it from the explosion. "Now we'll all get into trouble for something you did. If only you put this much effort into your class work."
"Oh shut it," Kotetsu growled, turning his back on the snooty student. Mizuki was a good friend and all, but he was a huge butt kisser. He was always looking for attention and trying to outshine everyone else. He would do anything, even clean the classroom floors with his tongue, if it meant he got the recognition of being a model pupil from his sensei.
"Sorry, Mizuki," Iruka apologized half heartedly, giving his friend a semi sympathetic look. "If it makes you feel better, I'll make sure to let our teacher know you had nothing to do with this, and it was all my fault."
"Whatever," Mizuki answered dismissively, rolling his eyes at the group of students. "Don't try to humor me. I only have your best interest at heart." There was a collective sigh from Izumo, Kotetsu, and Iruka. No matter how much of a glory hogging suck up he was, Mizuki's words were the truth. He seemed to be the only level-headed one of the four, and he never let them forget it.
"Yea, Yea. So now that fat ass is out of the way, let's say we ditch this place." Iruka suggested, ignoring the daggers being at glared at him from Mizuki. Izumo and Kotetsu nodded their confirmations, much to Iruka's delight. "Cool. Meet you guys at the usual spot."
His two friends wandered away to gather up their bags and supplies, conversing together in hushed tones. Mizuki frowned and shot Iruka a deep look of disapproval, but said nothing. He knew that no matter how hard he would try, his persuasions would be lost to the tan boy. Iruka would just nod and pretend to listen, and then go about his merry way.
"Don't give me that look." Iruka whined out in a condescending tone. He threw his bag over his shoulder, shifted his weight to get comfortable, and took one final glance at his masterpiece. He showed off a broad smirk as some of the students had found their sensei's stash of yard sticks and proceeded with whacking their substitute with them. He was like a piñata; they were both big, colorful, hanging, and filled with candy. Only, if you beat open the substitute, none of the sweets would come out.
"I'm just watching out for you," Mizuki replied in all seriousness. His eyes were sympathetic and his expression soft. Iruka just shrugged, stalking past his friend towards the open window. Even with the class's attention on their new play toy, it would be a little suspicious if all three of them snuck away at once. Besides, Izumo and Kotetsu seemed to have more pressing matters to attend to, like holding hands under the table and whispering about feelings and mushy crap like that.
Not that Iruka cared or anything; love was for saps, chumps, and middle aged women. His friends were great, they always had his back, and he'd be damned if he let any fussy, prissy, pink, smelly girls join their ranks. Izumo and Kotetsu pretty much had no choice but to find companionship in each other. Iruka didn't swing for the home team, but nor did he care about those snooty little girly girls. In his opinion, the world would be far better off without them. So, it didn't bother him at all that Izumo and Kotetsu had grown close.
"Hrm." Iruka called nonchalantly over his shoulder, tossing Mizuki a little wave. He hopped up onto the table, and in one fluid motion, launched himself out the window. He landed in a crouch on the soft earth below, the sun shining down warmly and greeting him with its blinding embrace.
Tightening his ponytail, Iruka set off for the memorial stone. It had slowly become a regular hang-out for his friends and him, since he went there so often anyway. It was like it was his second home. He always felt better there, staring at the names engraved into the smooth slab.
He pushed through a clump of bushes, emerging into the clearing with a loud sigh. Empty, as usual. It seemed as if Iruka was the only person who ever came here. He never noticed other people, ninja or civilian, stopping to pay their respects. It was a terrible shame.
He moved past the stone, not bothering to cast it a second glance, and settled down under the cover of a large, burly tree. He snuggled in closer, not minding the rough surface of the bark, and lolled his head back. He closed his eyes, not because he was tired, but because he was bored of looking at nothing. He would rather see the inside of his eyelids than be forced to squander his vision on grass and sky.
The silence was welcoming, but short lived. After only a few moments of reprieve, the loud and thunderous sound of careless stomping assaulted his ears. He didn't open his eyes, but instead squinted harder to keep them shut. He had believed nobody ever came here, but strangely enough, there were several pairs of feet, none of them belonging to Izumo or Kotetsu. They never trudged around in such an obnoxious fashion.
Just as Iruka was going to open his eyes and give in to his curiosity, he heard some voices. They were soft and young, and one of them was very enchanting. It was flat and low, nothing too special, but to Iruka, it was enticing. The voice continued, and Iruka strained to pick up parts of the conversation. Then, much to his dismay, they stopped all of a sudden. Iruka frowned, trying hard to listen for any trace of that appealing voice.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The alluring voice suddenly came out of nowhere, whispering right into Iruka's ear. Startled, Iruka's chocolate eyes shot open wide, while his breath hitched in his chest, and he jumped up in a start. His head collided with the enticing voice's owner, sending them both sprawling to the ground with a thud.
"Ow! Damn, you're one antsy little pre-genin." The voice exclaimed from beneath Iruka. The bronze boy rubbed his forehead, where a welt was already beginning to form. He felt a little dizzy, but was instantly reminded of his position when he felt a light tapping on his leg. Iruka looked down, blushing in embarrassment, as he gazed upon the boy he was sitting on.
The boy had pale, flawless skin, interrupted only by a mask that covered the lower portion of his face. His hair was a shocking mess of spiky silver all piled above his hitai ate. A small lock of bangs landed right between his striking, cobalt eyes. Perfection, this boy was the living incarnate of the word perfection.
Iruka scratched his scar nervously, and quickly averted his gaze to a nearby tree when he felt a heated blush creep back over his cheeks. He had been caught staring, just like some prissy, fussy, pink, smelly girl. An impatient cough sounded below him, and Iruka flinched. He quickly threw himself off the older boy, murmuring apologies and keeping his head ducked low.
The silver haired boy stood up, graciously rubbing both his aching head and bottom. He didn't seem angry, which surprised Iruka, but also comforted him. He looked around the clearing and saw two other boys, holding their sides from laughter and pointing at the pair of them. One of them had a peculiar bowl cut and enormous black eyebrows, and sported a green spandex jump suit. The other had a mane of brown hair, the beginnings of facial hair and - wait, was that a cigarette in his mouth?!
Iruka took a step back. He didn't want to get involved with older ninja, especially if there were three of them. It would only lead to him getting his ass kicked. Stubborn as he was, Iruka was no idiot when it came to picking fights.
"M-Moushiwake arimasen," Iruka stammered his apology, backing up into the tree. The three older boys looked at each other skeptically, shaking their heads in unison. Oh no, they were going to gang up on him! They were going to pound him into oblivion, spit on his remains, and leave him for the crows.
"Don't shit your pants or anything. Sheesh, it's not like we bite." The one with the cigarette mumbled, kicking at a rock. The other two nodded in agreement, the silver haired one showing evidence of smiling when his gorgeous blue eyes crinkled. The other boy, the weird one with the bowl cut, was posing and giving a thumbs-up. "Sorry we bothered you. We just thought nobody was here."
"I'm Gai Maito!" The bowl cut boy proclaimed exuberantly, striking another pose. "These Are My Youthful Companions, Asuma And Kakashi. We Come Here To Train!" Gai pointed on either side of him, flailing his arms with passion and almost smacking his friends in the face. "What Is Your Name, Oh Young And Aspiring Ninja?"
"U-Umino Iruka," Iruka replied quickly, his voice cracking. His cheeks flushed with heat, and he scratched his scar again. He felt himself under the scrutinizing gaze of the three boys, and he tried to stand taller and appear confident.
"Heh, he's a little sea dolphin." Asuma cooed teasingly, smirking widely with the cigarette held in his teeth.
"Asuma, Do Not Taunt Our New And Youthful Friend. I Believe His Name To Be The Embodiment Empowerment And Coolness!" Gai butted in, failing in making Iruka feel any better.
"So, Iruka, why are you here?" Kakashi finally spoke, his voice smooth and silky. Iruka cleared his throat before answering, trying to calm the unusual pounding in his chest.
"I was, erm, waiting for some friends," he answered politely, praising Kami his voice hadn't faltered. What was wrong with him? He had never acted this foolish in front of anyone, it was like he couldn't think or speak or even do anything intelligent.
"We thought you were asleep," Asuma explained, cutting off Kakashi before the boy had a chance to speak.
"Oh, no, just resting," Iruka admitted sheepishly.
"Maa, who you waiting for? A girlfriend?" Kakashi interjected this time, eyes staring straight at Iruka. The bronze boy knew he was blushing by the way his face heated up, and he coughed nervously.
"Just friends. I don't have a girlfriend." Iruka responded proudly, not catching the sigh of relief that swept over the silver haired boy.
"I bet he hasn't even kissed a girl," Asmua stated boldly, letting out a drag of smoke. This caused Iruka to choke on his spit, and he heaved and coughed and sputtered until he could breathe freely again. "Yea, I bet he hasn't even kissed anyone at all."
All three of the older boys burst out into laughter when Iruka's face turned the shade of a tomato. Kakashi looked especially pleased, which made Iruka's blood boil. So what? Girls were icky, why would he ever want to kiss one? As for kissing anyone else, well, his family had never been one for physical affection.
"I HAVE TOO!" Iruka shouted back bitterly, narrowing his chocolate eyes. The other three slowly ceased their hysterics only to grow serious again. They all threw him looks of disbelief, which only made Iruka fume more. "I have kissed somebody before." Iruka had to protect his dignity, at all costs, and hopefully his strong voice would persuade the others to trust him. It didn't.
"Pff, yea, and a monkey lives in Gai's spandex." Asuma snorted, while Gai looked incredulously at his green suit. He searched avidly for the non existent monkey while Iruka huffed.
"But, I have!" Iruka whined unconvincingly.
"Oh yea? Well, prove it," Kakashi countered coolly, crossing his arms over his chest. Iruka's stomach tightened up, and the words he planned to speak became garbled in his throat. He felt his palms grow sweaty, and he suddenly felt hotter than ever. This was definitely not normal. Why was he freaking out over some guy? A perfect, handsome, older guy…
"Uh, um, uh, how?" Iruka spluttered, rosy blush painting his cheeks. He noticed Kakashi arced a brow at his abnormal behavior.
"Shows us," Asuma replied simply as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Gai had stopped his quest for the monkey in his suit to flash a thumbs-up. Iruka felt a bead of sweat slide down his forehead. He needed to get out of here! This was far worse than getting beat into a pulp.
"B-But, there are no girls here," Iruka defended himself feebly. He felt three pairs of eyes boring into him when he ducked his head in embarrassment. He was acting so damn passive! There was just something about these three, about Kakashi, that quelled that mischievous spirit inside him and replaced it with some fluffy little girly persona.
"So? That doesn't matter. Kiss Kakashi. He's almost a girl," Asuma retorted, ducking the punch aimed for his head by said silver haired boy. "We need proof. Come on, unless you're a wimpy little academy brat."
Iruka had heard enough. This was the final straw. He was getting away from this place, even if he had to crawl out on his hands and knees. He turned to leave, an expression of morbid outrage plastered across his bronze face, when a swirl of leaves appeared in front of him. Stunned, Iruka stopped abruptly, almost colliding head-on with Kakashi again.
"Don't tell me you're scared," Kakashi drawled, standing directly in Iruka's line of escape. He was smirking under his mask, Iruka just knew it!
"Of course not, this is just stupid," Iruka snapped back, growling in frustration when Kakashi blocked his attempted dodge past.
"Maa, stupid it may be, but the point remains. You're a kissing virgin," Kakashi answered smugly. Iruka felt his ears burn with heat as he tightened his hands into fists.
"AM NOT!" he yelled out, making the birds resting in the trees recoil in fright.
"Then prove it," Kakashi deadpanned again, clearly not amused by the immature display. Asuma sniggered behind him, while Gai was looking worried.
"FINE!" Iruka shouted, actually making Kakashi flinch. Then Iruka closed the short distance between them in a fluid stride, grasped Kakashi's shoulders, and pulled him down, tugged down the mask, and kissed him.
Everyone was silent. Asuma and Gai stood, wide-eyed and slack-jawed in the wake of surprise. Kakashi was as rigid was a plank, still confused over what had happened and who his lips were connected with. Iruka looked mortified, but did not pull away. He didn't know what had come over him. Kakashi, with his alabaster skin, and deep, steely eyes, was so damn tempting, and Iruka had wanted nothing more than to kiss him. So, he did. Forget what he had thought originally, this was nothing like that mushy girly fluff he saw at school.
An electrical current shot through his body, making him feel all warm and tingly. His hands relaxed their vice grip on Kakashi's shoulders, and the kiss softened. Now, his lips were no longer forcefully crushing themselves against Kakashi's in only the way a young, inexperienced kid would do, but gently holding contact. His lips were so damn soft! Iruka was dying to know what the silver haired boy used in terms of lip balm because it tasted delicious.
After a few more seconds, Iruka pulled away, blushing furiously. Kakashi was still stunned stiff, eyes staring straight into nothing. A cricket chirped somewhere in the grass, shattering the overbearing silence. Kakashi blinked a few times, and then looked down at Iruka. The tan boy thought he was moments away from death when Kakashi smirked.
"That was all? I've gotten better kisses from my nin dog," he explained in a bored voice. Iruka's jaw dropped, shoulders hunching over. Kakashi saw his opportunity, and seized it. Slinging an arm around Iruka's waist, he drew the boy flush into him without protest. "This is how you really do it," he whispered with a sinful smile.
Kakashi leaned down and pressed his lips against Iruka's, calmly and coolly. It was apparent he had kissed before. He waited for a response for Iruka, but none came. Kakashi opened his eye to see the bronze student fidgeting with anxiety. His gorgeous chocolate eyes were darting around restlessly, and Kakashi could feel the younger boy's chest rise and fall rapidly.
"Relax," Kakashi whispered onto Iruka's lips and noticed an immediate change in the brunette. Iruka seemed to have found the will to move and was hesitantly raising his arms to lock them around Kakashi's neck. The older boy waited for Iruka to get comfortable and unwind before doing anything more.
Once he felt the younger boy had loosened up, Kakashi put more force into the kiss. His tongue slowly traced the boy's lower soft lower lip, and he felt Iruka recoil slightly. Kakashi waited patiently for him to familiarize himself with the sensation, and then tried again. This time, Iruka parted his lips slightly, and Kakashi slipped his tongue inside.
Iruka was too dizzy by now to even comprehend he was locked in a passionate kiss with Konoha's most desirable teenage boy. His head felt lighter than air, his veins burned like fire, and his mouth was steaming hot. He parted his lips wider, suppressing his shock when Kakashi's tongue slid in. Instead, he tried to focus on kissing back and making Kakashi feel just as amazing as he did.
Kakashi moaned into Iruka's mouth, making the younger boy shudder. He gently and uncertainly began to suck on Kakashi's lower lip. His hands rubbed tenderly from their position on the pale boy's neck. The kiss deepened, Iruka sliding his own tongue into Kakashi's mouth, scoping out every inch.
The boy was a fast learner that was for sure! Kakashi moaned again when he felt the tan student's tongue brush against his own. This was the best kiss he ever had, even if it was with some lower-ranking kid. Suddenly, Kakashi's chest rang out with pain. He'd forgotten to breathe! Regretfully, he pulled himself away from Iruka, panting hard for breath.
Iruka was doing the same, eyes fluttering open as he desperately sucked in a lungful of air. He shrugged himself out of Kakashi's arms, breathless. Kakashi also backed up, raising his arms above his head to expand his lungs and breathe deeper.
"Now…that's what…I call…a…kiss," Kakashi panted out heavily between gulps of air, pink tingeing the corners of his cheeks. Iruka nodded, his mind unable to form coherent sentences; it had turned to mush long ago.
"Hot damn," Asuma called from behind them, making both boys blush furiously. "That proves it, little sea dolphin. We believe you."
"Indeed! You Seem Very Proficient In The Youthful Ways Of Physical Affection!" cried Gai zealously, striking a pose.
Kakashi gave his friends a disapproving nod, before turning to look at Iruka. His face was coated in a sheen of sweat, his scar stood out clearly against his flushed skin, and his deep brown orbs were alive with excitement. Kakashi smiled bashfully before sliding his mask back up his face.
"You pass. See ya around, Iruka," Kakashi announced cheerily, giving a two fingered salute to the younger boy. He strolled casually across the clearing with not so much as a backward glance at the bronze student. He ushered his friends out of the clearing, leaving Iruka to himself.
Iruka sat down where he stood, still staring at the spot where Kakashi had vanished. He had just lost his lip virginity, and to a boy! Not just any boy either, but to the most wonderful, heart pounding, sweat inducing, drop dead gorgeous boy ever. So, maybe Iruka did swing for the home team after all…
He didn't have much time to gather his thoughts and compose himself, when two boys swiftly pulled themselves out of the bushes. Izumo and Kotetsu were talking in hushed tones, probably whispering sweet nothings or some fruity crap like that in each other's ears. Iruka cleared his throat, effectively garnering their attention.
"Hey Iruka. Whoa, why's your face so red?" Izumo asked curiously, bending down to inspect his friend's still flushed cheeks and flustered disposition.
"Oh, ah, nothing," Iruka answered quickly, standing up and dusting off his pants. He had the brightest grin on his face, and Izumo and Kotetsu shared a baffled look.
"Are you okay?" Kotetsu questioned worriedly, taking note of the 'love sick puppy' expression on Iruka's face. He had seen it too many times before on Izumo, but never ever on his other brunette friend. Was this some kind of alternate universe where Iruka had been replaced by a person with actual emotion? Maybe this Iruka was a fake? They had just been learning how to make clones at the academy, so maybe somebody had found the real Iruka, jumped him, tied him up, and left him for dead in the middle of some godforsaken desert, and now they were pretending to be him!
"Yea, I'm fine. Better than fine actually, I'm great," Iruka replied with that same dreamy voice. Oh, yea, this was unquestionably not Iruka.
"Whatever. Let's just get out of here before Mizuki finds us. He's probably tracking your scent right now, Iruka," Izumo teased, giving Iruka a friendly punch in the arm. But, Iruka's mind was elsewhere. Maybe love wasn't just for saps, chumps, and middle aged women. Perhaps he could find it too. It was too early to tell, but Kakashi had said "See ya soon" and Iruka couldn't wait until then.
Meanwhile, Asuma, Gai, and Kakashi were standing on top of roof, gazing down at the little clearing. Two of them snickered, while the other gazed at a bronze pre-genin with cobalt eyes full of endearment. They watched as his friends dragged Iruka like a rag doll towards the town, struggling under his dead weight.
"You sure do have a way with kids," Asuma observed, letting out a puff of smoke from his cigarette. Kakashi only smiled wider under his mask.
"What can I say? It must be my boyish charm and good looks," he retorted, successfully landing a punch on the smoker's arm. "That one's a real enigma."
"Hmm, just like you. I guess love ain't just for saps, chumps, and middle aged women, eh Kakashi?" Asuma teased, side stepping another blow. Kakashi said nothing, only beaming brighter under the fabric concealing his face.
"Whatever. Let's get going, I hear a new book is hitting the shelves," Kakashi finally grumbled, changing the subject. "Something called Icha Icha Paradise. I hear it's gonna be the start of some big series by the Sanin, Master Jiraiya."
The three turned and jumped from the roof, landing gracefully on the earth below. As they walked, Gai began a monologue on 'The Springtime of Blossoming Love' which both other boys pointedly ignored. They ambled casually through the street, towards the bookstore, which already had a huge line outside it. Don't forget, Iruka, I'll be seeing you soon…
Authoress: KUKUKU! This was originally intended to be a OneShot. But, after persuasion from my wonderful Beta, Kanemoshi, I am considering making this into a series. What do you all think? Vote on my page in the poll, or message me, or leave it in the reviews. Thanks for reading, and a special thanks to Lenea89, who was my lucky 50th reviewer for my other story, The Sake Reveals All. Check that out too if you are looking for some HOT KakaIru action. One more shout out to my Beta, Kanemoshi. You rock!
So, love or hate? Trash or treasure? Please review and let me know! Thanks for reading!