This is the second addition to my playlist project, so I hope you enjoy it! This song is by Blink 182, in case you are interested to know. Let me know how you think this project is going, any suggestions you have, etc.
I'm staring down the barrel of another night alone, into the threshold of madness. I'm constantly dreaming of her, even in her absence. Especially in her absence…At this point, everything I once loved sounds less than appealing to me. All that I was once passionate about fades into the shadow of her beauty. No words or music could ever do her justice. Nothing can even compare.
I'm always selfishly awaiting her arrival, though I should consider myself extremely fortunate that she chooses to grace me with her presence at all. It is also selfish for me to desire her presence, because I know the only circumstances in which she comes to me. I know that she only wants me when things fall apart and she needs someone to help her pick up the pieces. She only considers me in the times when she feels most lost and lonely. And strangely enough, in the deepest recesses of my heart, I've come to accept that. Despite all I know of her and her motives, it all just goes to show that nothing that I know could ever change me in the least. I will always be the weak man who accepts my own heartbreak simply to spare hers. Though, without hesitation, I still wait and hope for our circumstances to change instead…
It had been months since her last visit, and I began to wonder if I am ever to see her again. Perhaps she had been overwhelmed by the guilt of our less-than-innocent behaviors. Perhaps the secret of her infidelity had finally become too much to bear, and she knew that she must put an end to it. Or perhaps she had just found a more desirable shoulder to cry on. I know I'm not the most pleasant being to look at, so perhaps I was only temporary until she could find a replacement.
Just before my thoughts were able to completely consume me, she appeared at the doorway of my underground lair, her eyes red, and her face streaked with tears. She looked at me hopelessly, her eyes showing all of her affliction within.
"My angel," I spoke, extending my arms, inviting her to come to me. These moments were always so bittersweet. It physically hurt me to see her so broken, but at the same time, I could not deny that her presence, under any circumstances, filled me with a feeling of utter elation and desire that completely consumed me in the best of ways.
She came to me silently, her body displaying utter defeat. I watched her with longing eyes, anticipating what I knew was inevitably to come. I prepared myself, hardening my heart, not wanting to accept the pain and heartbreak that was sure to come without fail or inhibition. She stood silently beside me where I sat. She placed her hand lightly on the unmasked side of my face, and I stood to meet her eyes, an invisible force in her touch drawing me to her. Without hesitation, she pressed her soft lips to mine, tasting me while her hands refamiliarized herself with the rest of my body. She pulled back a little bit, her lips hovering lightly just above mine, so close that I could feel the heat from them on my own. I was left breathless…it had been so long since I felt the joy of her lips on mine. She brought our lips back together softly, just barely grazing the surface. She pulled my body closer to her, and broke the kiss to nuzzle her head in the crook of my neck, her soft breath tickling the sensitive skin there. I could feel the wetness of fresh tears falling onto my neck. I squeezed her closer to me, wanting so badly to heal her broken heart, or in the very least, put it from her mind for the moment.
She pulled back to look at me, caressing my cheek again. "Oh, Erik…I've missed you." Her brown eyes filled with longing, and they beckoned to me, almost screaming my name.
"Have you?" I spoke almost bitterly, and she responded with a sympathetic gaze. She knew exactly what she was doing to me, yet neither of us could stop ourselves. We gave into our passion every time.
"Every night spent with him, I'm still always wanting you." All logic told me to not believe her, yet her eyes held overwhelming sincerity that wouldn't allow me to deny her truth.
I flinched when I felt her fingertips meet the edge of my mask. She peeled it off my face and set it carefully on the desk behind me. She placed gentle kisses across the hideous side of my face, eventually returning her lips to mine. She lightly pushed me back into my chair and straddled me, never breaking the kiss for even a moment. She pressed her hips into mine while one hand reached to caress the back of my neck, and the other laced itself through my hair. I placed my hands on either side of her hips, pulling them closer to me. For that moment, I had forgotten everything. There was nothing in this world except for me and her. There was nothing but two broken hearts and two bodies becoming one and becoming whole.
"I want you, Erik," she whispered sensually in my ear. That was all the encouragement that I needed. I began pulling her dress off of her, and she raised her hips to aid me in doing so. After throwing her dress to the floor, I reached a hand behind her back to untie her corset. It was then that I noticed that she was not wearing anything under her dress on the lower half of her body. She obviously doesn't want to waste any time seducing me…
She began working on unbuttoning my shirt, making sure to "accidentally" graze my chest while doing so. She leaned down to press light kisses to the newly exposed skin of my chest, sometimes running her tongue lightly across it. A soft moan escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, wanting to focus on the sensation of her lips exploring my skin. Her teasing becoming almost unbearable, I grabbed her hips and dug my fingers into them. She got the message, and with a seductive grin, began working on my pants, slowly freeing my throbbing manhood. Once I was free I brought our lips together once again, biting her bottom lip and moaning into it as I slipped inside of her. Both of us moaned in unison as our bodies became a single entity connected by our shared passion.
"Use me…" I whispered almost sadly, bitterly accepting that that's all this would ever be…her using me, and me constantly coming back for more. She was so caught up in her own passion that she didn't even notice the tear that slid silently from my eye. She grabbed my shoulders to steady herself then thrusted her hips, sliding me in and out of her slowly, making sure to savor each sensation that she was feeling. She threw her head back in ecstasy, softly moaning my name.
My animalistic tendencies took over, and I lifted her from her straddling position on top of me. I carried her bridal-style to my bed, where I laid her down gently. I stood over her for a moment, letting my eyes fully take in her beauty…The curve of her breasts, her porcelain skin, her long, brown tresses. Everything about her was beautiful. I leaned down to her, bringing our lips together again, forcing my tongue inside to explore the inside of her mouth. She accepted me willingly, moaning into my mouth as my fingers reached between her legs and found her center of pleasure. I felt her move her hips against my fingers, nonverbally begging me for more. Wanting to show her an ounce of the pain she's caused me, I pulled my body away from her, cutting off all sensation in every way. My body wanted so much to take her right there, but my mind reminded me of all the pain that I have suffered for her.
She grabbed me impatiently, pulling me back down onto her warm body. I stayed there, emotionally distant and cold. Her eyes pleaded with me as she took my length in her hand and began stroking. Unable to control myself, a moan escaped my lips. My body finally gave in completely and surrendered to her. I knew my cold front would not last long…
In an attempt to take back control from her, I took both wrists and pinned them above her head with one hand. With the other, I made my way back between her legs and pleasured her with my fingers. "Tell me you want me," I said huskily. "Lie to me, if you must." Despite my animalistic passion, my chosen words cut me to the core. A lie…it's all just a lie…
"Oh, Erik," she moaned, her breathing labored. "I want you….so….bad." She was panting vigorously now, arching her hips to meet my fingers.
"Your wish is my command, my dear," I said truthfully, yet in a scathing tone. Keeping her wrists restrained, I pushed my entire length into her quickly and without warning. I saw a look of shock across her features, but that quickly changed into a look of pure ecstasy.
Wrapping her legs around me, she brought her head to my ear and whispered in a breathy voice: "Don't stop…" Her words were all the encouragement I needed. I thrust my hips into her, slowly at first, then with increasing vigor. She panted my name as I slid myself in and out, her breaths becoming shallower with each passing moment. She wrapped her arms around me, bringing me closer to her, our bodies exchanging warmth. Without warning, she grabbed my neck with her teeth, biting down and moaning into it. The nerve she hit made pain shoot down my neck into my back, and despite my normal instinct to pull away, I arched my neck into her mouth. I deserved the pain…I asked for it time and time again. Make it hurt…
I could feel my pleasure building, threatening to release itself at any moment. Christine unlatched from my neck and brought her lips again to my ear. "Touch me," she moaned, and I complied. Still thrusting into her, my fingers found their target. She moaned and arched hard into me, clearly losing control. Our movements became vigorous and more awkward. With one final thrust, we both screamed the other's name as we were pushed over the edge together in perfect unison. Our motions slowed, but I stayed inside of her, riding out the pleasure.
After a while I pulled out, bringing her body closer to mine and holding her against me. We laid there in silence, and I idly played with her hair as she laid her head on me, her gentle breath ticking my bare chest. My heart filled with an overwhelming sense of longing. I wish more than anything that I could be granted this privilege every night. I wish she was completely mine, and I was the one she wanted all the time…not just when her heart was broken.
I know her heart belongs to another, and it destroys me to know that I'm not him. I know our feelings do not coincide. I'm not her only one, yet she's all I need…she's all I dream…she's all I'm always wanting. I know what we're doing is wrong, but nothing that I feel pulls at me at all. I feel no guilt about any of it. And as much as it pains me, I would have her and accept her anytime her heart reaches out to me. I wish she could see that my love for her outweighs the pain that she causes. I wish she could see a lot of things. But for now, I will be the one here always waiting in the darkness, waiting for her to use me again…