Dog Days
by aishuu
Iruka had gone into the relationship with Kakashi with his eyes wide opened - or so he had believed.
He had known that Kakashi wasn't the type of ninja that was easy to live with. Aside from his peccadilloes, it was obvious that the man had numerous traumas he'd never really dealt with. There was no telling what would set him off, and Iruka was quite aware that Kakashi could kill him using over 1,000 different methods, each of them more painful than the last.
Iruka had taken that into consideration when Kakashi had invited him over the first time to "share selections of their favorite literature." He'd realized exactly what Kakashi was hinting at, and merrily picked a selection of Make Out Paradise to read before packing an overnight bag. There was just something so intriguing about a man in a mask.
One night of "sharing" had turned into two, and before they'd realized it, Kakashi had somehow moved in with Iruka. It was a gradual progression, with Kakashi bringing over first a spare change of clothing, then a few weapons... when he finally asked to install a bookcase to house his collection, Iruka knew he was there to stay. He'd been thrilled, since he found the man fascinating and the things he could do with his tongue defied description.
He just hadn't accounted for Kakashi's summoning.
Although Iruka loved children, he'd always found animals slightly trying. When he'd been a little, he'd discovered a slight allergy to house pets - nothing extreme, but his eyes would get itchy and water a bit when exposed for too long. It wasn't pleasant, so he'd taken to avoiding them.
He'd understood, intellectually, that Kakashi summoned dogs as his familiars. The animals were playful and deadly at turns, which suited the Copy Nin perfectly. They just didn't suit Iruka.
He could take the dirty dishes Kakashi was prone to leaving in the sink. He understood the reasons Kakashi felt it necessary to change the traps around the house at frequent intervals (usually without informing Iruka beforehand, which made coming home late at night a challenge). He even accepted Kakashi's hobby of vanishing for days on end without an official mission in sight, only to return bloody, moody and occasionally drunk.
What he couldn't stand was the shedding. The strands of stray dog fur managed to collect everywhere.
Iruka could catalog the annoyances a pet around the house meant. The dogs drooled, and smelled always smelled like wet fur, no matter how dry they were. Iruka had gone nuts trying to find someway to mask the scent, before finally stumbling onto a fruity shampoo that was strong enough to work. Which meant giving periodic doggie baths, which was yet another thing to abhor.
But if Iruka wanted Kakashi, he had to put up with the mutts. Kakashi used his dogs for more than work; he summoned them for companionship. Iruka very quickly became acquainted with a pug-face fellow named Pakkun. He should have known, from the first time they met, that it was going to be trouble.
He'd arrived home after a long day of school, only to find Kakashi sprawled out on the couch, snoring softly. This wasn't unusual; ninja tended to work long hours, and knew to grab rest whenever they could. What was unusual was that Kakashi's snores were being harmonized by a small dog that was asleep on his chest. It was cute in a way that made Iruka want to coo and take pictures. He smiled to himself, before trying to tip-toe to the kitchen to get a camera.
He hadn't counted on the dog's superior hearing. It jerked its head up abruptly, apparently waking from a sound sleep, before leveling a steady gaze on Iruka. "So you're Kakashi's bitch?" it asked curiously.
It had not been an auspicious start to the relationship.
Many relationships had problems with dealing with children from former marriages, but no one had ever warned Iruka about animals. Pakkun was fully articulate and opinionated on every subject, and willing to argue in an unflappable manner that made Iruka's unusual long patience snap like a twig.
Kakashi never caught on - or at least pretended not to - to the hostility between his favorite familiar and his lover. He'd remained apparently oblivious to the hints Iruka dropped about his allergies, offering instead to pick up some medication from the drug store. Even pointed remarks about the muddy paw prints on the carpet had only resulted in a suggestion that Iruka consider installing a brown one so the dirt wouldn't show.
Most memorable, for Iruka, was The Chopstick Incident.
It'd been a few weeks after Kakashi sub-leased his apartment to Nara Shikamaru that it happened. He'd been missing for a couple days, and Iruka was starting to wonder if he should check with Jiraiya or Tsunade to see if they had any idea what Kakashi was up to. Then Pakkun showed up.
It was nearly midnight, and Iruka was startled out of his sleep by the sound of someone tapping at his window. After grabbing the kunai that was always kept on his night table, he crept over to see what was going on.
Pakkun was leaning on the window, tapping it with his forehead protector.
Iruka motioned for the dog to move back a bit, and cracked the window open six inches. Pakkun wiggled across the sill, grunting a bit as he sucked air into his lungs. "Well?" Iruka folded his hands over his chest, waiting for an explanation. If the dog was here, Kakashi wasn't in trouble too serious.
"Kakashi told me to let you know he'd be late for dinner."
"I had dinner six hours ago," Iruka pointed out curtly, deciding that pointing out that Kakashi hadn't been expected in the first place, since he'd vanished about a week ago from Iruka's life. "Where is he?" He managed to keep his voice respectfully calm.
"The Hokage is debriefing him," Pakkun said as he hopped off the sill and onto the carpet. Shedding on his way, of course. "Got anything with meat in it?"
Iruka took a deep breath before counting to ten backwards. There was no point in antagonizing the pooch, not when Pakkun had just done him a favor. "I have some some meat left over from sukiyaki."
"Sounds good. Could you heat it up for me?"
It was a reasonable enough request, so Iruka capitulated. "Fine, fine."
Pakkun offered what was probably meant to be a grin, showing a lot of teeth, before bouncing off the floor onto Iruka's head.
"What do you think you're doing?" Iruka asked testily.
"My paws hurt," the dog offered in explanation. "Do you know how tender my soft pads are?" The dog managed to dangle a paw in Iruka's face, blinding him on the right side.
"Um, no..." He really wanted to go back to bed.
"They are really sensitive. There's no fur to protect them," he said in the same tone he used to address Naruto when the blond was being particularly thick.
Iruka gritted his teeth, reminding himself that Pakkun was Kakashi's dog, so of course he was going to be annoying. Fighting with him would just make it worse, so he went to the kitchen to fix up leftovers for the mutt.
Setting Pakkun on the table - which earned him a pointed comment about being gentle - he dug the meat out of the refrigerator. He'd cooked it earlier, thinking of packing it for lunch the next day - which was actually today, so all he had to do was nuke it. One minute later, the food was ready, and set neatly on a plate that Iruka shoved in front of the dog. He was half-tempted to order the dog to clean up when he was done.
Pakkun had other ideas. "Ahhh!!!" The dog held his mouth open, obviously waiting for something.
"Is something wrong?" Iruka asked.
Pakkun pointed a paw to his mouth, before speaking a touch more loudly. "Ahhhhhhhh!"
It took Iruka a second to figure it out. "You want me to handfeed you?" Iruka asked in disbelief.
"Kakashi would," Pakkun said blandly.
"I'm not Kakashi."
"Obviously," and the word was weighted heavily with disapproval and consolation.
Iruka felt absolutely ridiculous as he selected a piece of meat with chopsticks. Weren't dogs supposed to eat by shoving their faces into a dish?
Pakkun held his mouth open long enough for Iruka to deposit the food. Iruka set the meat on his the soft pink tongue, watching as the dog chew slowly, tilting his head as he thought. Finally Pakkun swallowed, and let out a little belch. "Excuse me!" he murmured. "It could use more cayenne, and it's a touch overcooked. You might want to talk to Sakura-chan for some hints - she makes the best bentos."
Iruka prided himself on the fact he hadn't gone for a kunai. Instead, he'd picked the dog up by the collar and thrown him out the window.
Pakkun hadn't let him forget it. He tattled immediately to Kakashi, in a highly offended voice, and Kakashi had sided with the dog, in his own laconic way. There had been a week of chiding remarks, delivered in the most kindly voice, along with expressed concern for Iruka's stress levels.
Pakkun was good at getting under his skin in a way no human could do. He hated to admit it, but he was jealous of a ball of fur. Kakashi would lavish attention (well, for Kakashi it was lavishing) on the dog daily, allowing the dog to get away with everything from eating Iruka's share of dinner, to curling up in the middle of the bed on rainy nights. It put a sure damper on Iruka's ardor, but to his horror, Kakashi didn't see anything wrong with being "affectionate" while his dog watched.
Iruka, who was not an exhibitionist, was not happy.
Pakkun, though, had something to say about it the next morning, when Iruka was yelling at Kakashi the next morning about "boundaries" and what "private life" really meant. Pakkun, who'd been listening to the argument with a bored expression, interrupted. "It could always be worse," Pakkun said in a reassuring tone.
"Oh?" Iruka asked tightly, trying to keep his twitching under control.
"I could've been a cat."