As Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Salazar Slytherin, and Rowena Ravenclaw planned the layout of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a certain young man with blond hair and bright golden eyes watched over it with a dubious frown. The blond's name was Edward Elric, once known as the Fullmetal Alchemist. But now, he was a lesser-known wizard, though he was no less formidable than Godric.
"I suppose we shall make dungeons in the basement," Salazar said, waving his wand. The blueprints of the building suddenly gained a lower floor.
"And an owlery in case a few students can't afford some," Rowena, ever the thoughtful one, added. A small building was formed.
"What about-" Helga started.
"This is all stupid," Edward said bluntly. The four teachers looked up at him in surprise. He glared at the piece of parchment with the plans. "It's just like all those boring Muggle schools. Why don't we make it into something better, like a castle or something?" The adults glanced at each other. Rowena cleared her throat.
"A castle is hardly a proper place to teach young children-"
"It would make it more interesting," the young man pressed. "Kids don't like going to school usually because the buildings themselves are boring."
"Well-"
Helga had to cut off as Edward waved his own stubby wand, completely erasing all of their hard work. In its place was an elaborate-looking castle, with many towers for dorms and the owlery. Dungeons were in the basement, just like Salazar had suggested. In the middle was a single giant room on the ground floor marked 'Great Hall', which was where everybody was supposedly going to eat since there was a few tables marked in.
There was also many corridors and closets, enough to confuse even Rowena. Many gothic designs were scattered everywhere, including a gargoyle in front of the Headmaster's office. Suits of armor lined the walls on the seventh floor. A portrait blocked the way into the Gryffindor rooms, from what they could see.
The staircases, oddly enough, had arrows pointing in different directions around them.
The map was surprisingly detailed for such a small piece of parchment.
"What did you do?!" Rowena shrieked. "All of our work-!"
"This just might work," Godric interrupted, putting a hand on his broad jaw. "But how does it work?"
"Well," Edward said with what seemed like smugness, "I was thinking how a castle will make it a lot more fun for the kids. I like castles, personally, and I was a kid not that long ago. I added all the corridors and such so they have to remember directions, which will help their memory. Hopefully. I-"
"Yes, but what about the gargoyle?" Rowena interrupted, pointing out said statue.
"It's so random people can't barge into the Headmaster's office. It requires a password for anybody to get past, and the Headmaster can set it to whatever he or she wishes," Edward explained.
"And the stairs? Why are there arrows?" Salazar demanded in his usual hissing, cold tone.
"Oh, I put the arrows to show which way the stairs will move," Edward stated casually.
"What?" Helga looked baffled.
"Oh, come on! You can't expect me to design a whole castle and not come up with a way to fuck with the newbies!"
"Laguage!" Rowena shrieked. Godric laughed silently.
"I suppose... we could use this design," he relented.
"Godric!"
"I'm for it," Salazar said lazily.
"Salazar!" Rowena batted her hand at him.
"I think it might be for the best," Helga sighed.
"Helga! Not you, too!"
"Majority rules!" the young blond said happily. "Let's get to work!"
"Ow!"
A young, brunette first year tripped over a trick step on one of the staircases. Her friend stopped and held out a hand to help her up.
"You okay?" the redhead asked gently.
"Yeah, fine," the brunette grumbled, dusting off her robes. "Whose idea was it to make moving staircases in the first place?!"
"Boredom yields the most interesting of circumstances."
-The Mirror Above the Sink