A/N:

Grace: this is essentially just a random idea that popped into my head while I was shopping online for a Death Note tee-shirt, but I had to give it a try. Believe it or not, I do have something of a plot worked out, but the main reasoning behind this is. . . um. . . now that I think about it, there's not really much of a premise at all. It was fun to write, and I'll undoubtedly be adding a few more chapters to help this mess make a bit more sense. Hugs for my awesome Beta, PhantomPrussia.

Phantom: VERY awesome Beta who puts up with your batshit craziness, you mean.

Grace: yeah. . . Anyway, reviews are greatly encouraged and appreciated! :D

[DISCLAIMER: I do not own the epicness that is Death Note. CAN'T SUE ME NOW, BITCH!]

Chapter One: The Mysterious Panda-Man

"Fifty two caaa-ans of soup on the heeeeeaaaaat, fifty two caaa-ans of soup! If one of those cans I should happen to eat, fifty two caaa-ans of soup on the heeeeeaaaaat! Ooooooooh, Fifty one caaa-ans of-"

"Would you shut it?!"

Besalicot Bakersfield paused a moment in her singing – shouting – to stare at the angry man beside her as she twirled a strand of brown and purple hair between her fingers. A wide grin split the girl's face as she laughed at the man's exasperated expression.

"Really, you're far too uptight for your own good." Besalicot laughed, patting the scowling man's head and ruffling his perfect hair "A smile can make a world of difference, it could help you look a bit less like your puppy was just run over by a circus clown who slapped you with a cactus and danced on your petunias."

The brunette man blinked slowly and furrowed his brow.

"Petunias?" he questioned.

"Yup! You look like the sorta guy to grow petunias."

". . . You are absolutely infuriating."

Light Yagami was moments away from strangling the irritating girl perched beside him. For three hours he had been stuck in a dark storage room that reeked of flower and sugar at she – her name wasn't worth remembering – caterwauled at the top of her lungs about soup!

The whole closet incident really would have been quite funny had it been someone else – specifically L – trapped in such a small space with such an annoying person, but Light found nothing amusing about his current circumstances. It had been purely by accident that he'd bumped into the loud and infuriating girl he now shared a closet with, knocking them both into the very confined space in his haste to escape from Misa. Little had he known that this . . . this creature would be far worse than the blonde model could ever manage.

She had started with a long string of questions, not pausing once for a breath as words tumbled from her lips at an incomprehensible speed. Light was fairly certain that she'd introduced herself at some point, but his head was pounding too painfully for him to care. Absently Light had wondered when L would finally realize his disappearance and come searching. It had already been three hours, how much time did L need?!

"You're sulking again. If you keep it up, I'll start calling you Frowny-kun." Besalicot threatened in a singsong voice as she poked absently at a large bag of flower beside her.

It did puzzle the girl how a complete stranger had managed to lock both himself and her into a closet – even she wasn't that clumsy – but the situation didn't particularly bother her. Sure, it was a tad inconvenient, but it wasn't like she had plans or anything. The guy was pretty cute too, she noted with a grin, but probably not her type. Besalicot got the sneaking suspicion that he used more hair products than she did.

"Do you wear makeup?"

Light's eyes widened as he turned slowly to stare at the girl's shadowed outline, mouth agape in shock as he stumbled for words. Makeup? Makeup?!

"No!" he finally snapped, eyes narrowing.

"Oh. . ." Light's eye twitched at the girl's disappointed sigh "I was so sure you wore makeup to go with all that hairspray. . ."

Light could almost feel the blood vessels bursting in his brain.

~D~N~

It had taken L exactly eight minutes to notice Light's disappearance from his hotel room. Twelve minutes to locate and interrogate Misa. Seventeen minutes to reach the bakery where the blonde girl said her 'boyfriend' had disappeared. Three minutes to locate the closet from which Light's enraged voice could be heard. Forty minutes in all.

For another one hundred and fifty two minutes exactly, L crouched next to the door and listened with an amused smile.

As a general rule, L was not prone to wasting time. In fact, he liked to get as much done in every moment as humanly possible, but the ramblings of the currently-unidentified girl residing within the closet along with Light's increasingly exasperated and angry replies were entirely too amusing to pass up. In fact, it was only when L noticed the stench of burning pastries that he finally stood and tapped on the door.

"Ryuuzaki?!" Light's hopeful voice called from the other side of the door.

"Light? I was wondering where you'd gotten to." L mumbled absently as he forced his humored smirk away.

"Light? So that's your name? What kinda name is Light?" the high and fast voice of the unnamed girl chirped "Do you have a brother named Dark? What about Fred? I've always liked the name Fred, it was the name of my first goldfish. Fred got eaten by a cat. The cat got run over by my mom's minivan. I tried to drive that minivan once, put it right through the display case of a cute little convenience store-"

Deciding that it was time to release Light from his highly amusing torture, L slowly turned the doorknob and pulled the door open, sending a stream of florescent light into the small space. Chief Yagami's son was crouched as close to the door as he could manage, and all but bolted from the closet the moment he saw the door crack open. The nameless girl seemed to be in much less of a hurry, taking her time as she stood and yawned loudly, running a hand absently through her violet-streaked hair before she turned to face L.

Immediately her face lit up, doe-brown eyes widening as she grinned and ran forward to wrap her arms around L's waist. The detective was stunned for several long moments as he stared down at the extraordinarily short girl who seemed to be attempting to squeeze him to death. Her words came out in a jumbled and high-pitched flurry, only bits and pieces were actually audible, but what L could hear left him mildly perturbed.

Before a proper question could from in L's mind, the girl seemed to notice the stench of burning confections as pulled away. She shouted something that may have been an apology as she dashed down the hall toward what L assumed to be the kitchen of the small bakery shop, but it was impossible to tell.

Apparently having deemed it safe to emerge from wherever he'd hidden from the hyperactive girl, Light walked cautiously over to stand beside L and stare down the corridor. They both blinked once, twice, then turned slowly to stare at each other.

"Light-kun?"

"Yes?"

". . . I think she called me Panda-san."