Disclaimer
I don't own DMC
Note: Inspired by the greatness that is South African Radio
Dante was sitting at his desk leaning back on his leather black chair. He had a tape recorder in his right hand and a brown hat on his head a detective hat, one like Sherlock Homes. "Yesterdays date May 12 2000" he spoke into the recorder "I had decided to be a detective for a day…due to business being slow and to show Lady I have other skills…
…It was a slow day. There was no wind and sun. It was cloudy…with a sixty percent chance of rain. I watch the weather channel. I was sitting here in my chair like usual when a case came. That was good because I just finished the last one. Suddenly a tall brunette walked past my window. I knew she was tall because after renovating the Devil May Cry I was now chilling on the second floor. The phone rang. I knew something was wrong because the phone was broken. It was a girl. She was in trouble. I knew she was…cause she said so. I raced down the stairs and called a cab. The cab stopped with a jerk. Then the jerk got out and I got in. We took a corner at a hundred kilometers an hour but a cop stopped us and tuned us 'hey put the corner back'…
"What are you doing?"
Dante pressed the pause button on his recorder and looked up. Lady walked up to his desk
"I'm reliving yesterdays case"
"Okay" she gave him a look and then said "I came to tell you demons are attacking"
"Whatever" Dante said "You wouldn't look so calm if demons were attacking"
"Damn it"
"Haha" Nero laughed, "Now you owe me fifty bucks"
"Ladies" the two looked at Dante "I'm busy"
He went on
…We kept on the pavement because there was a sign that read 'Keep death of our roads' then we were out of the city. I knew it because we weren't hitting so many pedestrians. When we reached her house she greeted me with a burning kiss. Then she took the cigarette out and kissed me again. She pointed two 38's at me…she also had a gun. She had teeth like the Ten Commandments …all broken. She also had the most beautiful eyes. So beautiful that one blue eye could not stop looking at the other blue eye…
"What's with the stupid hat?"
Dante paused again
"I'm trying new things"
Nero shook his head "This is because Lady said you were only good for one thing right?"
"She said I was good at four things and …yes this has something to do with that"
"Man it must suck to be you"
"Get out before I force you out"
Dante went on…again
…There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were slashed. He was dead. I said 'Lady if this man was alive he'd sure be ill'. I took her for a drive to calm her nerves. Suddenly a brick came flying through the window, hitting her on the left breast and breaking three of my fingers. Note to self: I should really be thankful for being a half demon. Anyway…then we had a flat tire. So I pumped and she pumped and I pumped and she pumped. Then we got out to fix the tire…
"Dante!"
"What!"
Nero came running into the room "Virgil is back"
"So?"
Nero looked at Dante shocked "Dude really?"
"That's for calling my hat stupid"
Dante continued
…Then I took her home. While I was kissing her goodnight when her father opened the door and stepped on my back, almost breaking it. As I was giving her the last goodnight kiss she closed her legs and broke my nose…Now I am much more careful on my assignment…
Signed Dante
"Well now that that's done" Dante said
He opened a magazine that rested on the table "Time to find something else to do"
While outside the shop the fan fell in the shit
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