Submition for Fandoms Fight the Floods Compillation.
DISCLAIMER: All Twilight characters, sceneries, settings and places belong to Stephenie Meyer. "The Blue Castle" belongs to L.. "I Have A Dream" belongs to Martin Luther King.
~Prelude~
"A prelude (Germ. Präludium or Vorspiel; Lat. praeludium; Fr. Prélude; It. Preludio) is a short piece of music, the form of which may vary from piece to piece. The prelude can be thought of as a preface. It may stand on its own or introduce another work."
~Isabella Swan~
If I could have the chance to choose and keep only what I found worthy in my childhood and teenage years, my life before college would be flashes of small memories that were over too rashly to plant a permanent smile on a girl's face. Because my life wasn't even that of a plain, boring bookworm who preferred to be left alone and gave no second thought to everyone's comments about her appearance and the family drama. My life was that of a girl who had to endure the light teasing of mindless kids at kindergarten, ignore the mean jokes of revolutionary teenagers at middle-high and tolerate the relentless gossip of the obnoxious wanna-be grown-ups and famous until the graduation of High School. All that while my family turned from merely a responsibility to barely holding onto what used to be there and eventually being smashed into a dead end with so much force that the shards from the demolition caused wounds that seemed to take forever to heal. My parents were too young when they started their family. And it seems that as the years went by, they lost all the passion and love that brought them together in the first place. The tragic of the situation is that my father Charlie had tried numerous times to give Renee what freedom and spontaneity her heart desired. Well, Renee not only didn't appreciate what he did, she didn't even try to salvage her marriage and her family.
On my ninth birthday my mother decided that it was her duty to organize a party for me. While she had no idea of what tortures the little demons at school forced me to go through, she knew that I was too much of a recluse to attempt and forge any form of friendship on my own. Apparently, I should try to interact with kids of my age so as to hone my communication skills and increase my popularity. Because, nine-year-olds knew that there were actually rules of etiquette for this kind of things.
That was my mother's wish. I, on the other hand, wanted to have nothing to do with those vile children. Their malice was all I knew and I dreaded the mere thought of them entering my home and invading the only place I ever felt safe in. Of course, I didn't tell my mother that a party was the last thing I wanted. I didn't tell her that probably no one would be willing to come and if they did then the party would be literally a blast. I had been having nightmares of them throwing cake at me or tearing all my books and destroying my things.
Surprisingly though, the party flowed nicely. It was the first time I ever felt welcome in the cycle of my classmates and actually enjoyed playing with them in our yard, joking with them and not feeling that every giggle and sarcastic snort was at my expense. It all felt as if I was in my usual daydreams but by the end of the night my arms had small bruises from all the times I pinched myself to check. It was the first time I hoped that maybe my classmates would give me an opportunity to open up. I thanked my mother profusely before I went to bed that night. It was the last time I saw a genuinely happy smile on her face.
A month later she was gone. Papers for dissolution of marriage on the kitchen table, hot coffee and French toast waiting on the counter. Along with a hurried note of apology.
After that, my life became worse. I was daily bullied and humiliated at school. My mother had left because of me or she had found a better daughter and a better husband in a big city with rich neighbors. That was what I had to hear every single day, while wiping the tears that showed my sorrow from my eyes. Charlie struggled with his own grief and his job and now the responsibility of taking care of me alone. At the age of twelve I was the school pariah, a joke to all kids in all classes, had a withered relationship with my father, a non-existent mother and was capable of tending to all of my needs. That's how I transited from a child to a moody teenager, keeping to myself and my only acquaintance being the old lady from the public library. I've seen children having imaginary friends even when surrounded of real ones. I never had the need of that because I really didn't know what meant to be a friend.
~Edward Cullen~
Life is unpredictable. That is what my mother taught me. And to this day I cherish those three words.
Do not let change stun you. This sentence followed the first like a complete spell.
Surprise them instead. And a mischievous smile would grace her beautiful face, the face of an angel that I loved.
See what the world can give you and make the best out of it. A reminder to never give up no matter what the odds predicted.
And my father would finish then with something so simple that was complicated in its simplicity.
You are the son of your mother. God help you, kid.
I was only ten years old the last time I heard those words but somehow they had stayed with me, the memory of their voices, Elizabeth and Edward Sr., giving their son his first lesson of how to tame life. To be the owner of myself. To take every opportunity thrown in my way. To create my own limits and learn the best way to cross the line.
My life was perfect. Until the accident.
My parents died when I was eleven. The two people I cherished like nothing else in the world were taken from me. They told me about the accident but I never wanted to remember the meaningless details. Only the fact that my parents were gone was enough.
Child psychologists were afraid about my reaction. I would retreat to myself or I would start misbehaving and lashing out to everyone. I didn't do either. I remained the same just because that was what my mother had taught me to do. Try to keep a hold of yourself when everything else disappears. And even with this tragic event marking my life at such a young age, I never complained about being unhappy. On the contrary, I find myself extremely lucky and I never forget to be grateful for that.
My uncle took me under his protection. Carlisle Cullen was my mother's younger brother. I learned later through his stories that they had been quite attached as children even if the distance they had put between them had kept them apart most of the time. My mother had moved from Chicago to New York to live with my father when they married but Carlisle had stayed there. We always met for holidays though. The Cullens would come to New York for Christmas to enjoy the exuberance of the Time's Square in New Year's Eve. And my parents would take me to Chicago in the summer to spend time with my cousins and Grandparents. So I was familiar with Carlisle and Esme. The fact that I had a great relationship with them and my cousins, Emmett and Alice, helped me adjust quickly too.
Emmet was fun. Older than me by two years and always putting me in trouble with my parents. I wasn't an angel as a kid but wasn't as boisterous as him either. But when we met I would do anything he told me to. He wasn't manipulative. I was following and assisting by my own free will. I liked the thrill and the adventure he introduced me to, every time. We never did anything dangerous. We just liked to irritate Alice and our mothers too much.
Alice was the youngster. Emmett's little sister, the only girl we ever allowed to play with us, the proud young men we were. We would tease and make fun of her but we would do anything for her even with the innocence of our age. We both had a soft spot for her. She had inherited her mother's sweetness and the strong head of the Cullens. She had too much energy stored inside her and even Emmett had a hard time keeping up with his sister every now and again. She was a full blown princess wanna-be. And we were her knights.
My life changed. Elizabeth Masen had taught me to not be afraid of change. She taught me to be a fighter. She taught me that the best way to make the life I deserve is to defy all the odds. So, I surprised everyone who thought I wouldn't make it out of this situation unscathed and became quite an easy-going teenager. I surprised everyone when I told them that I would follow my mother's career instead of my father's more secure profession and would one day go to Julliard. I made jaws fall to the ground when I declared that I wanted to change my name into Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, Edward Cullen, taking on my shoulders my mother's heritance along with her maiden name. I was my mother's son after all.
I went to Chicago and defied all odds, gracing my parents' memory by being happy.
~Cantata~
A cantata (literally 'sung', derived from the Italian word 'cantare') is a vocal composition with an instrumental accompaniment, typically in several movements, often involving a choir.
The meaning of the term changed over time, from the simple single voice madrigal of the early 17th century, to the multi-voice 'cantata da camera' and the 'cantata da chiesa' of the later part of that century, from the more substantial dramatic forms of the 18th century (including the 200-odd church and secular cantatas of Johann Sebastian Bach) to the usually sacred-texted 19th-century cantata, which was effectively a type of short oratorio.
~Isabella Swan~
During the first month of my senior year I found the resolution to crave a change. I wanted to change the scenery, to change my name, to change my hair, to change my ways. I was determined to earn a scholarship that would take me away from that dreary town and the memories of humiliation and abandonment. Even my father couldn't keep me from leaving anymore. I had always thought that I would stay close by, at least in Seattle so that I could visit him constantly. It wouldn't help him if I left too. But he never showed that he cared for what I did in my daily routine, nevertheless what I chose to do with my future.
I loved the change in me that resented the thought of being stuck under the heavy clouds of Forks and was strong enough to even consider fighting back for the first time in my life. I didn't let anyone get to me anymore. I just ignored the stares of sarcasm and offense. But what the summer hadn't changed was my inability to feel something more than my fictional characters' feelings. I'd yet to create my own reality. My own cravings besides a yearning for freedom. The only relationship I had with my father was passive. Nothing else could ignite some kind of passion in my life. I felt as though it had been stolen from me. As if I would never feel like joking with my friends over some silly moments. Giddy over some boy asking me out for the first time. Frustrated with my father for not letting me out too late. Anxious for finding the dress for prom night. I wanted to feel it all, yet nothing gave me any indication in how to manage that.
Until he came.
Edward Cullen was the only boy I ever dared to spend a second glance on. And a third. And a fourth glance. Until soon I felt as if I had turned into one of those crazy, stalkerish girls that spent too much time in their delusional world. But he made something inside me stir and though it frightened me to admit it, it felt like those unwanted butterflies that usually sang with the glory of falling. That last year in Forks I was in danger of falling hard for that boy who never even bothered to tease me along with everyone he shared a table at lunch with.
I don't know what the Cullens were looking for to come to God forsaken Forks. Papa Cullen was the new shiny toy in the community hospital. He soon had half the nurses funning all over him despite the fact that it was common knowledge that he was happily married to Esme Cullen and had three children. The other half of the hospital stuff was the elderly nurses and the male doctors, I was sure of that. Edward and his sister Alice were both seniors like me, though the only class I had with either of them was PE. Everyone had heard of the older brother of the family living in Seattle studying engineering. Everyone was excited to have them in our small forgotten town. I just ignored the novelty like everything else that transpired around me and didn't touch my reality.
My hard work at school allowed me to become Valedictorian. They say that High-School Graduation is a very significant transition in a person's life. I just wanted to get it over with. As the days went by, my hand was itching to finally throw that cap, which was an additional weight over my head, in the air and with it my eighteen years of worthless living. I wouldn't repeat or relive anything if I were to go back in time. Maybe I couldn't change people's thoughts of me but I could change myself. I would have talked back to any skank who made fun of me. I would have defended Alice Cullen when I heard the same skanks gossip and spread lies about her in the bathroom. I would have taken her up on the invitation to a shopping trip when we first talked in Gym-first and last time. But more importantly I would have listened to my feelings. Not the negative ones.
I would have allowed my heart to continue that peculiar rhythm she started every time I looked into the deepest of greens in his eyes. I would have smiled back when he caught me before falling flat on my face and asked me if I was ok. I would have stayed in the auditorium when I found him once playing the piano and fled from the room. So entranced he was in his music that he didn't even hear my gasp when I recognized the song as one of my favorites. I would have let myself fall for Edward Cullen despite the fear that I would only get hurt. I would have let myself fall for him just to feel what it means to care for someone. And though my heart always jumped at his mere presence I never as much as dreamt of him. Because I was afraid. Mr. Darcy, though fictional-and taken-was much safer.
The finals were over, prom had already been saved in scrapbooks and I was walking to the auditorium in my ridiculous yellow cloak. I had no worn pages with me. I didn't even bother preparing a speech. I knew what I wanted to say, I was ready to wave goodbye.
But I was hit with cold water when I turned to a corner. I closed my eyes in surprise and inhaled deeply, the chill trapping my breath in my lungs. I heard malicious giggles and full blown laughter following hurried steps away from me. People around me laughed and joked and I kept my eyes closed. Some of them shoved me out of their way and I kept the anger inside me. I heard yelling, the velvet of his voice cutting like sharp knives and I let the cold water keep my face from flashing red. There was silence and I didn't hear a word he said. Small, delicate hands on my arm.
"Bella?" concern and worry. When was the last time someone had spoken my name with so much emotion? Warm brown eyes looked at me. No pity, no anger. Just worry. I would have handled anger better. Alice ran away muttering something about her dad having a towel in the car and plainly ordering me to stay put.
I was standing there, staring after her with amusement. Alice had tried to approach me in the past but I didn't want her to be sucked into more trouble than she had already nor would I want to tolerate her pity. And when at my lowest, losing all my vigor by being called "the wet Valedictorian", she was just worried for me being cold. I was pulled out of my stupor when someone gently placed a coat on my shoulders.
"Bella." This voice, the one that had sacred away my enemies, was teeming with sadness. And those beautiful green eyes were trained on my face. No pity. No anger left.
Only sorrow, ancient and deep and terrifying.
Alice was back like a tornado, Mrs. Cullen hot on her trail.
"Here," she offered a blanket and a soft towel. "Dry up your hair. You don't want to catch a cold."
I had seen mother Cullen before, mostly at the shops in the town. She was kind with everyone and had once offered to help me carry my bags to my truck with a sweet smile. No pity in her eyes. Pride, unexpected pride was adorning her eyes.
"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered, taking the towel from her hands.
"No worries, dear. Tell me if you need anything. I'll be inside."
She left with a gentle pat on my shoulder, not asking what had happened. I didn't know if Alice had filled her in but either way, she knew somehow not to say anything more. I averted my eyes from the Cullens and run the towel over my hair and face. Now that the anger had subsided I felt embarrassed. I sat down, dropping the towel and hiding my face in the blanket that was now wrapped around me instead of Edward's jacket. I heard him and Alice murmuring and then light footsteps walking away.
There were no more sounds around me. But when I raised my head Edward sat down beside me in his pristine cloak.
"You will miss the ceremony."
He looked at me, now with blank eyes. No pity, no anger. Not even sadness. He seemed to be there just for the sake of being, like the cold concrete was the most comfortable place in the whole world. Like he had been doing this all along and suddenly I wondered if he had really been looking out for me even from afar.
"And you will be late for your speech."
"It doesn't matter."
"You worked too hard to miss this."
"I know for a fact that you worked just as hard. You shouldn't take away from your mother the chance to be smug about her son," I countered him, not daring to look at the determination I knew I would find on his face.
"My aunt, actually, is proud that I do the right thing. Graduation is just for keeping up appearances."
It took me a minute to understand what he had said.
"Aunt?" I turned to him with a confused frown.
"Yes. Aunt." He smiled that lopsided smile I had seen before. Apparently he was amused by my confusion.
"Carlisle is my mother's brother."
"Oh."
I didn't ask. It would be hypocritical of me to pry when I knew I would tell him nothing was he to ask.
"But your surname?" Well, I couldn't help it sometimes.
"My father always said I was my mother's son. It made sense that I would take her maiden name. It doesn't mean disrespect. It means acceptance."
I knew what he was saying. His parents had died, God knows how, and he had to choose. Cling to their memory and disregarding their wish for him to live or just go on keeping their memory always in his heart and mind. He was strong enough to follow the right way.
I heard the principal's voice echo through the speakers in the auditorium, lecturing about the future and how it's affected by our past. Fitting, I thought dryly. I just wanted my past to disappear.
I was sitting there, like a drenched cat, cornered against the wall. The shivers had eased down. I was snuggled under the blanket. And I had had enough.
"Would you do me a favor?"
Edward didn't answer. He just stared at me, reading my expression easily.
"Take my place. You are a better choice for this. I don't know what they were thinking when they made me Valedictorian."
"Bella…"
"Please?"
His eyebrows were knit, his eyes questioning.
"You earned this, Bella. You deserve to go up there and…"
"It will make no difference."
He looked at me with the same defeated expression I had been wearing for the last ten years. I resented myself because of that. He shouldn't feel like that when all I wanted to see in his face was determination. That determination that made him stand up for me moments ago. That determination would give me courage. And courage was what I needed.
He nodded in understanding.
"You are leaving."
"There's nothing holding me to this place."
The principal was still talking. Words that everyone would forget. Words that no one really heard. Words that would be repeated next year for another audience and in regards of another group of students. But all with similar stories. The popular children and the school pariahs. The unnoticed and the overly noticeable. The strong and the weak. The good and the bad of the world.
"As you said, the ceremony is just for the sake of keeping up appearances."
I stood up taking the blanket off my shoulders. Edward was on his feet too beside me, his eyes on the ground keeping emotions that I couldn't see anymore.
I allowed myself to feel the butterflies in my stomach, the tightness of my muscles and the rapid beating of my heart. All the emotions he induced from me. One last time before saying goodbye to the only person I regretted avoiding in all my years in Forks.
He took the blanket from my hands and gave me a sad smile.
"Go, Bella. Surprise them. Be happy."
No principal could have said better words to me at my graduation ceremony. I smiled back, a full grin on my face for the first time in my life. A life that was only now really starting.
"I will."
I gathered all the courage that his smile and words elicited in me and stood on my toes to plant a kiss on his cheek.
What a strange sensation. The butterflies burst into fireworks and my heart flew out of my chest with the electricity that ran through my body at the contact and the intimacy of the gesture.
"Thank you, Edward. Good luck." His eyes held no pity. No sorrow. No anger. Only surprise and amusement and hope for me and a full blown smile that lit up the road I was about to follow.
I walked backwards, still both of us smiling as if we were in on a private joke, and I reached for the ruined cap on my head. I threw it high in the sky with a low giggle and ran to my truck.
Be happy, he had said. Surprise them.
I promise you, Edward. Once I do that, everyone will be surprised and you will be proud of me.
I had never before wanted anyone to be proud of me. I was in my truck when I took a last glimpse of him entering the auditorium, my drenched cap in his hand.
I smiled wistfully and left.
~Edward Cullen~
I stared after Bella's retrieving form. Her steps had never seemed lighter. A heavy weight had just been lifted from her shoulders right in front of me. She was free from old demons. And it was a marvelous sight to witness.
Her cap fell to my feet and I leaned down to grab it. It was a symbol of her life. I didn't know the dreary details but this was the first time I had ever watched a smile grace her lips. A glorious smile that lit up her whole face. I could have lived for that smile.
When we moved to Forks it was an interesting experience. Growing up in New York and living for six years in Chicago, I was used to the big crowds, the busy highways and the enormous buildings. The town of Forks was just another change and while Alice threw a fit at the news of us moving, I smiled and thought of it as an adventure. Emmett would stay back to finish his studies. I had made friends in Chicago but nothing attached me to the place anymore. So, I helped Aunt Esme pack up our house and our memories. Another great change in my life that I took gracefully and with ease.
Days passed like the running water of a river after the day Carlisle and Esme broke the news of our impending move and the last week of August we drove up the driveway of our new home, surrounded by gigantic trees under a grey sky. The house was already furnished and decorated by Esme herself. I liked the place immediately when I first drove through the town. Peaceful, carefully organized, silent. After the chaos of the city, Forks was a pleasant surprise.
When school started in September I didn't think much of it. I had excelled in Chicago and I had my dream as motivation to not let that change now. Julliard didn't seek only music prodigies. Alice and I didn't try to blend in. The mass took us immediately and soon we were sitting with a big group at lunch and were greeted by everyone as if we were some kind of celebrity. Alice found it annoying, still not liking the idea of Forks and I ignored it all together. I was polite to the guys and girls that demanded my attention but it didn't take much for everyone to realize that neither I nor Alice wanted any attachment or responsibility to them. I joined the baseball team and soon regretted my mistake. Unorganized, untrained, without any hope of hitting a homerun to save their lives. I was disappointed to say the least. On my second practice day I hit the ball hard enough for it to fly out of the field, threw my bat to the ground and waved a sheepish goodbye to Coach Clapp before leaving.
So both Alice and I acquainted ourselves with everyone but didn't try to get to know them. The guys changed their haircut to match mine as much as possible and fawned over Alice as if she was the only female alive on Earth. The girls were jealous of Alice and gossiped ruthlessly, spreading imaginative rumors about her and they giggled when they tried to keep up a decent conversation with me.
But as much as they were attracted by the novelty we brought to the small community of their school, we didn't hold their interest of teasing and bullying as much as Isabella Swan did.
I noticed her the first morning I pulled into the school parking. It wasn't difficult to. Her rusty red truck made a thunderous sound as it stopped five spots away from my car. She got out, her hoodie hiding her face that was focused on the ground. She walked past me and Alice as if she was uncomfortable in her own steps. As we neared the building of our first class some girls strolled along, making fun of her. She ignored them as if she didn't even notice them standing there.
"Bitches," Alice murmured beside me.
A guy shoved past her and turned with a smirk.
"You know, Isabella, Chief Swan won't give you a ticket for walking too fast."
"She must be afraid he will leave her like Mommy did," a girl with dyed blonde hair came to the guy's side.
"Hey," Alice was fuming as she rushed to the fake blonde.
Isabella had already left.
"Do you think you are some important princess here going around and harassing people?"
"Alice," I warned her, barely able to hold her back in her fury.
"And who do you think you are, little girl? You better behave and learn who to not mess with or you won't survive here."
I went to shoo the blonde annoyance away, not tolerating her rudeness towards my sister but Alice was always strong and independent.
"Oh, please. I survived just fine in the greatest of schools in Chicago. Clicks there are worse than mafia. I won't allow a low-grade skank disturb my day."
The bell rang. Fortunately.
"We'll see," the girl sneered and flicked her mane as she turned and left. I searched for the girl that hid behind the hoodie, Isabella, but she was nowhere to be seen.
"I'm sorry about that," the guy smiled at Alice. "She is too harsh sometimes. I'm Tyler. Would you like help finding you class?"
As much as I didn't tolerate self-centered girls, Alice had no patience for overly flirtatious and self-confident boys.
"No need to get out of your way, Tyler. I know how to read a map."
And that's how Alice made her first enemies. She really had nothing to be afraid of. Whenever she went, Alice made enemies just by standing there doing nothing. But she was one of those people who nothing ever touched them. Nothing fazed her and no one could be allowed to just do something morally or logically wrong around Alice without her being there to give them a piece of her mind.
The incident was a main topic of the discussions about the new blood until lunchtime. Mike Newton dragged me to his table, where unfortunately the fake blonde Lauren and Casanova Tyler sat in all the glory. Alice had no choice but to come with me and share my irritation to the questions and excessively enthusiastic chatter. She avoided some girls that were already quite aggravated and jealous of her. Alice, even without her strong character and fiery personality, emanated the air of a city girl, something that no matter how much they tried, they couldn't pull off.
I saw Isabella walking from class to class every day. But I never got a view of her face. She passed like a ghost, never talking, never acknowledging people's comments about her. I tried to defend her a few times, as did Alice, but she never as much as looked at me. And I felt curiosity rise inside me every other day. She hid well.
The first time I saw her face was in November. I was in the public library with Alice, trying to finish a project for school. I found Isabella sitting on the desk furthest from the entrance. She was buried under stacks of books, with her nose deep into the worn pages of "The Blue Castle". A story about choosing to live and taking chances.
She was beautiful; her expression had a gentleness that few girls her age possessed. Thick eyelashes framed dark eyes that danced across the pages. Her teeth were biting into lips of light pink. She had no worry, no sadness in her features. She was hidden into her own blue castle. I wanted to join her, ask her what was so interesting and important in that imaginary castle of hers that she didn't allow anyone to see.
I left her there, keeping my curiosity at bay, so as to not burst the tranquil bubble around her world that she so much needed. Any other time I saw her after that day in the library, the tranquility was gone. Instead, she had a cold expression on her face, a wall that hid any trace of feeling. Had she given up on her blue castle already? Did she really think that they were real only in the world of fiction and the minds of young girls? Even in the peaceful moment I had found her in, in the library, she seemed like a fighter to me. I just couldn't yet understand what she was fighting against.
I pulled myself back to the present where Bella had just left me standing there, stunned and surprised. She was already succeeding in her new life.
I walked in the auditorium with the image of her first true smile in my mind. I asked Esme for a bottle of water before I reached the small stage and climbed up from the front ignoring the steps on the right side. People chuckled, snorted and gasped, the principal gave me a stern look, Alice winked at me as I stood by her side, Carlisle shook his head at me from across the room, amusement mixed with pride, and Emmett nodded his head with a smirk, smug of seeing that I was following his lead. Making a spectacle of myself at Graduation. He had done his number two years ago. I still remember that day with fondness.
"…and be sure, my children, that only hard work will help you pursue your dreams and become great individuals."
Principal Berny finished his speech as if he had just recited King's "I have a dream". The audience might have found it arousing though, for their cheers and encore echoed in the room. Alice and I looked at each other at the same time, the same Cullen scoff on both our faces.
Dream. Remember to always dream. That's what both my mother and Carlisle always said. No hard work will be of benefit if it doesn't consist of an impossible dream and a great expectation from yourself.
It was time for Bella's speech. But she wasn't there. Alice somehow already knew of my plan and gave me a nudge towards the front of the stage. With a smirk on my face that matched Emmett's and a knowing look that was so similar to Alice's, I cleared my throat and started speaking.
"Hi there…"
Isabella Swan had asked me to help her say goodbye to this harsh, pity world so that she could find another. She, in return, would turn her blue castle into an empire.
~Fantasia~
The fantasia (from Italian: fantasia; also English: fantasy, fancy, phantasy, German: Fantasie, Phantasie, French: fantaisie) is a musical composition with its roots in the art of improvisation.
~Isabella Swan~
"Reservation for Dwyer."
Fancy restaurant. Dress appropriately, Isabella. Looking around me at the people that were lazily dining in the place there was only one thing in my mind.
Sixteen years and she's still the same. If not worse.
I followed the host and sitting in a table I saw my mother for the first time since I was nine. She had cut her hair, short strands framing her round face. Her dress looked expensive and extravagant. Pretentious. Obviously courtesy of her new husband.
Renee Dwyer, married to famous baseball player-and younger by ten something years-Phil Dwyer. She was the same woman who had married my father. Only now she knew how to gain all the materialistic things she wanted. She was also the same woman who had so lovingly prepared my first and last disastrous birthday party. Maybe she had just wanted to make me a miniature of herself, so that we would escape Forks together. I had escaped. But in my own way. I realized that I didn't need someone to do it for me.
She saw me approaching and stood to greet me.
"My dear Isabella," she wrapped her arms around me in a tight lock. I rolled my eyes behind her back at the name she used for me. She had never called me by my given name before. Pretentious.
"Hello, mother." I fidgeted out of her grasp and sat down across from her.
When she first contacted me I didn't recognize her voice through the phone's speaker. Years apart will do that to you. That and I didn't want to hold onto memories that only brought back the old, hidden pain. I hadn't yet healed fully after six years. But I was headed there. Every day, each step I took found me closer to contentment. I still had problems expressing myself and interacting with people. And my only close friend was Angela. My relationship with my father got better as the years went by and I would visit him for the holidays every now and then. The best part was that he now had a girlfriend, helping him let go of the past.
I was surprised that Renee had searched for me. And I had no idea how she had found me in New York of all places. I had only recently moved here when Angela and I both found jobs, me as a journalist and her as a photographer for some fancy magazine. It was our dream coming true and we were finally living it.
The waiter came and I ordered reluctantly, fearing the final bill. It didn't escape me that Renee seemed to be in her natural environment. Of course, I scoffed.
She started talking about her life. And it was as if her previous one didn't matter anymore. As if the first nine years of my life had been wiped out of her memory. I just listened to her passively and ate my meal-I would pay too much for it to be wasted. She didn't ask a thing about my life, what I had done with my studies, how Charlie was coping, how my childhood had been. Egotistical.
She showed with pride her jewels and wedding ring, talked about the spas and the casinos in L.A., shopping in Milan and strolling in Paris. I spoke at all the right places. I tried to show my interest to her journeys and adventures. But even if I had just sat there silent and pensive, she wouldn't have stopped talking, wouldn't have cared. Vain.
When I had finally finished eating and my glass was empty of wine after the third refill, I called for the waiter without interrupting her.
"Anything I can get you miss?"
Strictly polite. Fake. Like my mother's interest for me.
"Just the bill, please."
"You are leaving already, Isabella?" Her tone was filled with irritation and disbelief.
"Yes, mother."
Mother. Did she know what being a mother entailed?
"But we still have so much to talk about. Surely you can give me two hours more from your evening, sweetie."
Obnoxiously ignorant.
"Not likely. You didn't bother to give me a minute of yours in the past sixteen years. And obviously you won't let me tell you what hell you left behind in Forks to live your dream. I do not owe you a single moment."
The waiter returned and I cringed. The pasta I had ordered didn't even have a special sauce to cost so much. I left a few bills, not bothering to wait for my change and rose to my feet.
"If you ever decide to act like a mother, care for your daughter and grow up you know where to find me. Till then."
I turned to leave, instantly erasing Renee's dumbfounded expression from my mind. It wasn't worth it. I picked out my phone and pressed speed dial number one.
"Bella?"
"Hey, Angela. Where did you say that party was?"
This wasn't my scene. Although, I had attended a few parties during my college years, I was never comfortable around so many people, loud music shrilling from the speakers, alcohol and voices. But tonight I wanted something to take my mind away from Renee and what she represented in my life. Abandonment. Selfish choices. Notoriety. I treaded through the sea of people, avoiding the dance floor and searching for my best friend. I found her with a bunch of her workmates, some of them I had met already. All of them seemed to be at ease in this place. At least I was fortunate to have dressed 'appropriately'.
"How was it?"
Angela and I hid in the toilets after she had introduced me to her company. She knew that I was meeting my mother earlier that evening and having heard the full story of my life she was curious and concerned.
"Like it didn't even happen. Like I went to dine alone. She never stopped talking about her life, not even to ask what I've been up to. Like all these years she lived in her own world. A world where apparently I don't exist."
Tears of anger started falling down my face. One of my bad traits. Who cried when they were angry? Seriously. But the important thing was that I had finally combusted by all the suppressed fury and sorrow and it was time I got it out of me.
"Do you think she will call again?"
"I don't care."
She came forward and wrapped me in her arms.
"It's not worth it, Bella. You don't need her in your life. You came where you are with your own strength. Don't let what happened today upset you."
"I won't. You're right. Thank you, Angela."
She let me go and nudged me towards the door.
"Come on. Let's go have fun."
Renee hadn't been happy in Forks as Charlie's wife and my mother. She had chosen another way of life. I couldn't understand the reason that drove her to go to such lengths as abandoning me and my father. But I wouldn't let it get to me anymore. Thoughts of her leaving because of me and my presence making Charlie unhappy had bothered me for sixteen years, holding me back by causing irrational insecurities inside me. I had needed this meeting with my mother after all. It made me finally realize that it wasn't me that drove her away. It was her own need to escape. Much like mine, when I left after High-School. Her mistake was that she never looked back and forgot to consider the consequences of her acts.
I actually enjoyed myself. Angela's friends, Kate and Carmen were nice and I could see myself sticking with them, going shopping, to the movies, girls' night out. It wasn't like my other usually awkward interactions. It seemed like my meeting Renee had helped me, changed me once for the better.
Sometime later, I didn't really care about the time or the fact that I would have a headache tomorrow at work, Kate wanted another drink and I went with her to the bar. She leaned over the counter to talk with the barman and I waited behind her. And I saw someone I thought I would never see again.
It had been six years since the last time I saw him. He had grown from a handsome boy to a gorgeous man. The lines of his face were sharper, his strong jaw and high cheekbones more defined. The butterflies in my stomach started dancing and I welcomed the familiar feeling. Edward Cullen was the only one who ever made me feel this way.
He was talking to a woman. I saw only her back and I noticed the blonde hair and the red dress over her flawless form. Of course, Edward wouldn't be single looking like that and he would always choose the best for himself. They were discussing animatedly. Edward's face was set in a scowl. He was obviously displeased with her and from her posture I didn't think she would give up. He said something and threw some bills on the counter before he turned to leave. She grabbed Edward by the arm but he recoiled at her touch. He looked down at her with a warning in his eyes. Were they the same hypnotizing green, kind and gentle as ever? Were they as intense, emphasizing his feelings, showing the inner workings of his mind? As I stood there remembering him in the school's parking lot, Edward turned again to leave. The blonde doesn't try to keep him there this time.
"Bella?"
"I'll be right back," I told Kate and without even thinking I started walking towards his retreating form. The blonde doesn't follow him. I do. I kept my eyes on Edward and hurried after him. He almost ran out the door and I tried not to trip over my own feet.
Once I was outside I saw his tall body leaning against a pillar. This was my chance to surprise everyone. On that day, that I let my insecurities go and threw away all my fears, I would act on my desires. I would acknowledge my feelings and surprise myself, Edward and the whole world. That was the greatest accomplishment for me, the most important of changes. Not leaving Forks, not graduating college or finding the job of my dreams. It was me showing myself and my life and my feelings and my ways to someone who became essential to me with a single smile. I took a deep breath and stepped closer, his name dropping out of my lips like a wish.
~Edward Cullen~
I guess things could be worse. Right?
This wasn't in my plans. It was what Tanya wanted. When had I become a slave to her desires? In a sane world I wouldn't even think of refusing such a proposition. And now I was considering of listening to my girlfriend of five months because she wanted me to go with her to live in Canada. To chase her dream and forget my own.
I met Tanya almost half a year ago. She was a professional dancer and trying to get into the theatre business. The first week was a blur of parties and alcohol, things I wasn't even fond of. And two weeks after our first encounter we were a couple. It felt as if she had manipulated me into a relationship. I didn't mind, really. She was stunning and we had fun together. But then she started controlling my life.
After High School I moved to my old house in New York and got into Julliard. It was difficult in the beginning but I got used to the hard work and daily piano exercise that was expected of me. I went on to my post graduate studies with the best of predictions. I was already working in a composition team for the university when I was twenty-one and had a job at a music school in the city when I graduated. It was the life I had planned for myself. I was as close to my family as possible. Alice and Emmett had moved to New York too and Carlisle and Esme moved to Boston when my uncle retired. My life was amazing when Tanya walked into it to create trouble.
Her controlling nature showed slowly. She would come to my house at any time and stay the night without caring to ask for permission. She checked my phone and mail quite often and she didn't want me spend too much time with Alice, saying that it felt like I was neglecting her. I didn't think anything of it at first. But it was too much. She had taken the reigns of my life and guided it where was convenient for her. In my effort to not neglect her though, I had missed my family and my friends. She all but locked me in my apartment to have her way with me.
But when three days ago I came home from school practically giddy and elated, she was too.
"Edward, we are moving to Canada."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Tanya what's going on?"
She launched at me then and laughed.
"I finally found the best place for me to start my career!"
She went on by explaining to me how an agent had located her and arranged for her to join a modern dance team that travelled round the world for performances.
"Tanya, wait a moment, please. I can't move now. I…"
"What? Why not? What could be more important than that, Edward?"
She was literally fuming now.
"Look, they offered me a position as a piano solist in the Julliard orchestra. I can't let this opportunity go, Tanya."
That led to her trying to brainwash me. I'm embarrassed to admit that she achieved just that. We were going to Canada. I hadn't told anyone yet, not about the move and definitely not about Julliard. They would be angry and disappointed but I didn't know how to say no to Tanya. Where had my spirit gone anyway? I used to be strong-willed and determined to have my way. Tanya had broken me.
Three days later she dragged me to one of the bars again, one we had visited before. I just sat at a booth, drinking a beer while Tanya showed off her red dress, a gift from me, on the dance floor. What have I become? Was that really the son my mother raised? I was supposed to take the world in my own hands not have it locked away by some blonde girl that thought the sun rose and set out of her. She came back and wrapped her arms around my neck. I pushed her away disgusted with her and myself.
"Edward, are you ok?"
I looked at her straight in the eyes and said the words I should have told her three days ago.
"I'm not going to Canada."
"What?" she narrowed her eyes. "We already discussed this Edward. We are going. You know how important this is to…"
"No, Tanya. This is only important to you. You discussed the matter by yourself and made the decision for me. I'm not going anywhere." I had never raised a hand on a woman-my mother did raise a gentleman. But I wanted so badly to grab her and shake some logic inside that thick head of hers.
She started yelling again. I didn't listen to a single word. I had heard it all before.
"I'm staying in New York, Tanya. This is where I built my life, where I wanted and the way I wanted it. And you are no more a part of it." I paid for my drink, and turned to leave. Tanya tried to hold me back but soon I was out of her reach and outside in the cool air.
Mom would be disappointed in me. I leaned against a pillar, trying to clear my mind before driving back home. I heard rushed footsteps behind me and I groaned, thinking it was Tanya. But it wasn't her voice that spoke my name.
"Edward?"
This voice was sweet and innocent, familiar like an old song you stopped singing but never stopped loving. I turned around to see Bella Swan, the only girl-now a woman- who could make me dizzy and euphoric at the same time.
"Bella?"
She hadn't changed. Well, of course she had, but she was exactly the same. Small, delicate figure with the face of an angel and eyes big and wondering. My heart leaped to my throat.
"Hi." She smiled. Genuinely. She was happy. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Hi."
"I saw you inside and thought I could come and talk to you." She walked closer. Sure, confident steps. No more weight on her shoulders. No worry to mare her beauty. Only light coming from her eyes.
We didn't talk for a while, preferring to just look at each other. Being in the silence with her was easy as breathing. Tanya was never silent. I stared into her warm eyes and wondered what they had seen the past six years. Too much time apart, I realized.
"What did you do all these years, Bella?"
"Nothing much, really. Probably the same things you did."
College, job hunting, more studying. Yeah, I knew what she was talking about.
"What are you doing now?"
"I'm learning"
"What?"
She smirks. She knows what I'm asking; she knows what the answer I seek is. But she is playful tonight.
"How to live."
She takes my hand in both of hers before she continues.
"Tonight I let go of my mother, I had an amazing time with my new friends and I'm finally learning how to do that."
And she steps forward to place her lips on my mouth with fervor. And my body melts against hers. And my arms are finally around her, keeping her with me and conveying that I am learning with her.
And I see my future in the magic that holds us captives of the night. A night of surprises.
And I want to say yes to Julliard's offer. And I want to take Bella out on dates. And I want to show her my real self and learn everything about her. And I want to introduce her to my family as my girlfriend. And I want her to never leave my side now that the girl of my dreams has finally found her way through life and back to me.
Sometimes you might find it difficult to surprise the world. But then every day becomes a surprise. Each one a surreal meeting of luck, fate and choice. And if you like surprises you might manage to go through the barrage of wanted or unwanted changes in your world. Each one of them is a gift.
~Motif~
In music, a motif or motive(...)is a short musical idea, a salient recurring figure, musical fragment or succession of notes that has some special importance in or is characteristic of a composition.
~Edward Cullen~
High School Graduation
I cleared my throat and started speaking.
"Hi there. I know many of you are confused but due to unfortunate circumstances Isabella Swan, our Valedictorian, was unable to attend this ceremony. So she asked that I take her place." I looked pointedly to the kids behind me on the stage. They didn't even look sheepish about what they had done.
"I won't keep you much. I know most of the graduates today want to just get this over with to go to some party. I will just say a few things that an incredible woman taught me."
I saw Carlisle and Esme and they smiled at me. I smiled back and saluted them like a soldier. Emmet and I still did that even if we had grown up.
"My mother taught me to be considerate of others' feelings. To try and help them as much as reasonably possible. To be polite towards girls and decorous to those who are worthy of my respect. Because this will make you a better judge of character when you will need it. I know now what she meant.
"She also taught me to always pursue my greatest dreams and most unthinkable wishes. To fight with everything that I am to keep myself true as I grow up and people try to change me. To never lose myself into impractical whims and awful substitutes of life. Because only then you can truly enjoy the taste of the world around you.
"And finally, she told me to surprise everyone by succeeding. To make everyone see my worth and let my light shine. To not allow a single person make me their stepping stone. To only bow to those who love me. And dream every night of a better tomorrow. No hard work will be of benefit if it doesn't consist of an impossible dream and a great expectation from yourselves.
"My father always said that I was my mother's child. So, if I'm anything like her I have faith in myself to succeed to everything I try once I'm out of this place.
"So, because I promised my brother something to help him remember this day for years to come…"
I took the bottle of water and poured the whole thing over my head. I heard the squeals, the gasps and Emmett's booming laughter. I was soaked from head to toe. It was liberating. I turned to the graduates behind me and bowed theatrically with a smug smirk on my face. Alice came by my side and squeezed my hand with a smile. We both took off our caps and threw them along with Bella's in the air.
THE END
Music inspiration:
1. Fake by Raining Pleasure(Greek rock band)
2. Wonderful Life by HURTS
3. Invincible by MUSE