A/N
So, E3 2013's come and gone. Microsoft's still shooting itself in the foot, Sony's Playstation 4 now has the face of an adorable puppy dog that I want to take home with me, and Nintendo is...well, Nintendo. I admit, the Gamecube was Nintendo's last console that I invested much time into, and I'm still using my DS rather than 3DS right now, but since the X-bone is intent on being HAL-9000, suddenly the WiiU is looking more appealing. Oh, and Super Smash Brothers. Without a subtitle for whatever reason, but hey, SSB. And Mega Man, a character that I know little about, but of said character, certainly makes sense for inclusion.
So, in the spirit of the hour, what do I do? Why, write this. All in good fun of course, and any insults are meant to be sattire. Except the X-bone, because I mean it when I say that.
Enjoy! :)
Feeling Blue
"Hey hedgehog. Why are you still here?"
"I dunno. I could say the same about you."
The voice didn't have an answer to that. Or if it did, it remained silent. And in turn, Sonic was free to remain silent himself. Just sitting on the platform of the Game Station. Not running. Not boarding a train that would take him back to his own universe. Not even caring that at this rate, the closest he could get was a train to the Sonic Underground setting. No. The fastest thing alive (as he often reminded Fox), was just sitting there.
"You missed your train."
And it seemed that Solid "Obvious" Snake wasn't going to be boarding a train or leaving anytime soon either. But it didn't get Sonic to move. Not even when the world's greatest infiltrator (some guy called Sam Fisher had an issue with that apparently) stood in front of him and blew a wisp of smoke in his face.
"I thought they were smokeless cigarettes."
"I can still blow smoke though."
"Oh."
And still, Sonic remained seated there. Bereft of purpose. Bereft of objects bar a suitcase that contained an old Sega Genesis, something he'd brought to spite all the Nintendo characters, but had kept it hidden after seeing how nice they were. Heck, he'd even traded his Game Gear for a Gameboy, willing to trade colour for batteries that actually lasted more than a few hours.
"Come on Sonic, you know we all have to leave sometime," Snake said, taking another whiff of cigarette smoke. "We're guest characters. One game, that's all we get."
"You're still around."
"Yeah, well, I'm venerable," Snake murmured, dropping his cigarette and extinguishing it. "My creator decided to make me an old guy and kill me off in Guns of the Patriots. Now he's dedicating every single game in the series to my dad."
"He's Snake too isn't he?"
"No, he's Big Boss. Even if my creator seems to want people to forget that."
Sonic smirked. It couldn't be easy for Snake, he reflected. Sega had never made him age in his own series, whereas Snake got older in every instalment. The thirty-something year-old before him was a relic of an earlier point in the series.
"Anyway," Snake continued. "It's not all bad. With any luck, I might get into Playstation All-Stars."
"Don't they have a character from your series?"
"No."
"But-"
"They don't," Snake growled.
Sonic kept sitting there. He could have sworn there was some guy from the Metal Gear series in Playstation All-Stars, but he supposed he'd have to take Snake's word for it.
"Anyway," Snake continued. "It's not as if you're in my position. After all, Sonic Team's actually making good Sonic games again."
Sonic winced. He didn't want to have any reminder of that 2006 game.
"And like I said, one game per guest character."
"Yeah, I know…" the hedgehog sighed. "But I mean…well, you saw the announcement trailer at E3 right. Did you see the new characters they're bringing in?"
"Um, no," Snake said. "I was playing an Xbox One drinking game."
"Well, I did watch it," Sonic said, deciding to not tell Snake that he'd tried playing the same game but had passed out. "And, well, look at the newcomers! We've got some village kid-"
"You mean like Ness?"
"And Mega Man!" Sonic threw his hands up in the air. "Mega Man! Can you believe it?"
"Um…" Snake trailed off. "Is that…much of a surprise?"
"Capcom's forgotten about him, so why is he here?!" Sonic exclaimed. "Heck, the only reason he's here is that I'm leaving!"
"But-"
"He's blue! I'm blue! He's replacing me!"
By this point, Sonic had stopped sitting on the station chair, and was now standing on it instead. Even with the increased height, Snake was still over a head taller than the hedgehog. He was like Nintendo himself, Sonic reflected. Monolithic. Unchanging. Unstoppable.
"Fine, I see you don't care," the hedgehog said. "You just hang around, maybe the third newcomer has the hots for you."
"Huh?"
"Oh yeah, she just arrived this morning," Sonic said. "Wii Fit Trainer." He sniggered. "Heh, what's she gonna do? Do stretches before the other fighters? I bet-"
"Aieee! No! Mumma mia no!"
Sonic froze. Snake drew out his pistol. Both their eyes turned towards the guest house on the far end of the platform.
"You call that getting into a ball?! Now do it again!"
The two smashers glanced at each other and nodded. Silently, they moved down the platform. It was Sonic's instinct to go in at full throttle, but with Snake, he was willing to take a sneaky approach.
"Now try again! And you, plumber! Lay off the mushrooms!"
The pair reached the window. The pair looked in. And Sonic didn't see how Snake reacted, because he was too caught up in his own reactions.
The Wii Fit Trainer was there. A Wii was there, but there was nothing on the TV screen. Instead, all the 'action' was with those who had come to greet her. Greet a woman who was currently wielding a whip and using it with a vengeance.
The hell?
"Ball, now!" she yelled, cracking the whip at Samus, currently on the floor rubbing her back. "Now!"
Samus tried, but she just couldn't do it. She fell down, her helmet fell off, and tears flowed down her face as if she was still in Other M. And Sonic could see that she wasn't the only one. Pit was nursing a broken wing. Kirby was gasping for breath, as if he wanted to swallow up someone's abilities, but couldn't do it. Donkey Kong was weakly hitting the ground, trying to do his slam ability but failing. And Mario was lying in the corner unconscious.
"Now, you then!" the trainer yelled at Bowser. "Let's see your fire breath! Now!"
Bowser tried. And failed. And whelped as the whip came down.
"You want a fire flower or something?! Give me some fire!"
Sonic looked at Snake. Snake looked at Sonic.
"Don't you 'excuse me princess' pretty boy! Now show me your spin attack or I'll shove one of your bombs up your arse!"
Sonic kept looking at Snake. Snake kept looking at Sonic.
"Faster! Faster!"
And finally, Sonic spoke.
"I'll be on the next train."