Title: Life Long Maybe
Pairings: FuutaxHibari
Warning: Shounen-ai and not a mention of love.
Disclaimer: I do not own Reborn!.
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"Bianchi would laugh at him when he would tell her he fell for Hibari within minutes and had kept it a secret for years."
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The two top buttons of Fuuta's shirt were gone. It was Bianchi's fault.
Everything was Bianchi's fault.
Tsuna-nii's sudden cold was her fault. The faulty wiring in the basement's bathroom. Lambo's extremely uneven head.
It was her fault. Every single thing in the world was Bianchi's fault, and he was nearly in hysterics because of it. Nervous anxiety bugs were making a nest in his stomach and slowly eating away any resolve he may have created and accumulated in the past few years because of the unrelenting woman.
He was trying to calm down, trying his very hardest. Maybe he was breathing too loudly and had been heard, or perhaps he had knocked at some point, but Kusakabe-san was suddenly in his face his defiant hair jabbing him in his forehead.
"Ah, Fuuta-kun. Kyo-san was complaining about someone breathing too loudly-" Fuuta could hear Bianchi's smirk, "-I didn't know it was you, do you need something?"
Maybe he had frozen, or maybe Kusakabe-san had an unnaturally fast sense of time but the man had begun to shake Fuuta with a firm touch.
"Hey, you all right? Need to lie down?" He sounded so worried that even in his delightful break from reality, Fuuta began to feel guilty.
"Should I get Kyo-san?" Fuuta hoped to God that he wasn't shaking because he felt like someone was strangling him with the hands of horror. He didn't want Hibari to see him weak, he couldn't live with himself if the man thought badly of him.
"U-Umm..." He started, he wasn't a stutterer. He felt confident in his ability to be an outgoing person but right here at this moment he could feel it all sliding through his fingers.
"I want-... I wanted to see Hibari-san..." He took a breath, "...if that would be okay with him?" He added quietly looking at Kusakabe-san's strong chin.
When the chin had gone up and down, and the rest of the body had moved aside to let him through, Fuuta began to anticipate the outcome of what he was about to do.
It wore at him more than any battle he had ever witnessed or participated in. He was lead through many hallways decorated in very formal Japanese style, and Fuuta wondered if it was Hibari or Tsuna-nii who had designed this.
He listened to Kusukabe-san tell him things he already knew, but he was quiet.
'Kyo-san was quite stubborn about noise level and even though the walls are soundproof he can still hear everything.' 'Kyo-san only tolerates Hibird.' 'Kyo-san even made me take breathing lessons so I wouldn't make a sound and disturb him.'
Fuuta had heard all this and on one occasion witnessed it. He treasured the information he was able to learn about Hibari. It was sometimes his only connection to the man.
His lips still memorizing what was it he wanted to say. His throat already felt sore from years of practice. He straightened his shirt smoothing his pants as he tried to walk, his face burning as he touched the exposed skin Bianchi had insisted on.
Who would ever think he was 'sexy'? He had asked Bianchi who had just laughed and ripped the buttons off. She had told him that sex was the fastest way to get a man and that Hibari was no different. Yet to Fuuta, Hibari wasn't just some guy. He was Hibari, and he was a very different species of man, on a level that transcends normalcy.
Kusakabe-san stopped and knocked lightly on the sliding paper door.
Fuuta felt all of himself leave, not feeling the small breeze as the door opened.
It was time and he couldn't seem to breath.
--
"Why did you make me do it, Bianchi?" Fuuta sat on the hard wooden chair in the kitchen, resting his head on his arms, facing towards Bianchi.
"I didn't make you do anything. You males need to learn that no one is going to wait forever for you to realize your belated feelings. You need to just spit'em out so everything can keep moving." Fuuta followed her twirling fingers.
"But..." Fuuta buried his head in his arms. It felt too hot. Everything just felt so off. A thin hand grasped his head, thumbing through his hair.
"...I just wish that Dino-san wasn't there." When was the last time he had cried? It had been years, many years ago when he was much younger much less in control. It might have been when Lambo had cracked his head open, he had balled all night long even while the doctor was putting the stitches in.
"Don't cry, Fuuta. You have no reason to, you didn't even tell him." Bianchi still spoke with the air that she was right but she wasn't. It had been the same thing as telling Hibari what he felt.
He had seen them together.
Fuuta had seen the way Dino was with Hibari, the way his arm had wrapped around the very untouchable man, how his gaze was so passionate. The way Hibari hadn't seemed to mind the attention of the Cavollone. The moment the door had slid open, his mind had clicked.
His brain began to connect wires that hadn't worked, all the memories suddenly sliding into place making the picture Fuuta would never be prepared for. He wanted to deny it but he couldn't. Logic and reality had become his enemy at that moment.
Fuuta told Bianchi that, and about what had happened. Why he had frozen and why hadn't he known what those two were to each other? When had he become so oblivious?
"You knew didn't you? Everyone knew, didn't they?" Fuuta lifted his head staring at Bianchi, frustration building inside him.
She nodded, "I did." She said slowly.
He stood up, his anger pumping untamed through his veins. "Why did you let me go then? Did you want me to just embarrass myself? Why didn't you stop me?" He shouted, not noticing his voice breaking, become more quiet with each word, becoming more regretful and wavering.
"Fuuta, " she said calmly, "I would never degrade you. But you can't keep pining after someone for the rest of your life and never say anything. I can't watch you waste your time for someone who is already taken."
Fuuta sat down, staring at his lap.
"You're my friend. I don''t want you to be in pain, but I'd rather you hurt now than decades later when it would be so much worse." He could see small tears build up in Bianchi's eyes.
He felt so stupid and ashamed.
"I don't know if I can stop though..." Fuuta knew it, he was weak, he really was.
She said something, but he wasn't listening.
When he had first told Bianchi that he had fallen for Hibari within only a few minutes and had been keeping it a secret for years, she had laughed.
It was such an old memory that it was fading into blurs.
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(Line break don't work, goddamn it.)
Note: This was inspired by my other fic "A Most Shapely Love Affair" and was created from the sentence "Years". I like the one sided pairing FuutaxHibari because I like Fuuta being miserable and love sick, not happy. And also Fuuta from the future chapters of KHR is totally gay and he has to be gay for Hibari. No one else. Except maybe Tsuna. I hope someone out there enjoyed this little story about a confession with a really sappy ending.