Summary: Semi-AU of KH2 / Within Sora Roxas sits, contemplating his relationship with Axel and where everything went wrong. / "Goodbye Axel." / ONESHOT!

Contemplating AkuRoku

Roxas was pretty sure that his heart didn't know what their mind looked like, and if he did he was pretty sure the brunette would be confused.

"Our mind is Twilight Town," the blonde said somewhat amusedly. He had been entertaining himself for a while by looking through Sora's memories. In doing so he found out Sora was from Destiny Islands; one would think their mind would be that place. It wasn't.

It was also by looking through those memories that Roxas discovered Sora's like for Kairi, and Kairi's like for Sora (though it appeared the brunette couldn't tell) which made him wince in realization.

Maybe what he saw back then wasn't what he thought it was.

The blonde's mood plummeted suddenly and with a sigh he wrapped his arms around his waist and slouched. He gazed over Twilight Town from the Tower and began to reminisce; began to think back on his decisions and all that happened; he began to contemplate where everything went wrong. He had a while anyway; the merging wouldn't be complete for some time.

…

Roxas was running; those creatures were frightening and relentless in trying to get him. He didn't understand what was going on; he didn't remember anything, not even his name…well, not exactly.

He remembered the name Sora, and it felt as if it belonged to him; it also felt as if it didn't fit with whom he was now. The blonde had spent several hours after waking up rearranging the letters in his name. Finally he got something that brought a sense of right to him, but it wasn't complete.

Roas wasn't a name, so the blonde had begun fishing for another letter to throw in. The 'x' seemed to call to him and so after several discarded ideas he christened himself Roxas.

It was then that these creatures showed up. He ran almost immediately afterwards, ducking and weaving through the woods. The creatures followed, getting closer. One almost grabbed his leg but Roxas jumped last second and came to a gate before a mansion.

Acting in instinct alone the blonde tugged at something and a giant key fashioned as a blade appeared in his hand. Still moving on instinct he moved the key to face the lock and with a flash of light and a click the gate swung open.

The blonde raced inside and the creatures followed. Twisting and turning, going up staircases and through rooms Roxas finally found a basement and once he was inside he found the only exit locked.

He cursed and whirled around just as the creatures entered the basement.

"No choice," the blonde muttered, tugging at something again. This time instead of bringing the normal key-like blade from before he had two key-like blades in his hands; one was white, the other black. Roxas knew the name's of these blades instantly, but he had no time to dwell on it.

The creatures attacked.

With fluid grace Roxas attacked back, the blades an extension of his arms; it felt so natural to use them. The battle didn't last long; the creatures died rather quickly. The minute they were all gone Roxas stood and relaxed, releasing the blades back to where they came.

"Simply amazing Roxas," a red head called, walking into the blonde's field of vision.

Roxas stared at him with cold eyes and asked, "Who are you?"

"The name's Axel, got it memorized?" Axel questioned, a saucy grin on his face.

Roxas snorted but said, "What do you want?"

Axel grinned and walked forward, "It's quite simple," he said. "You and I are much alike, you know." Roxas stared at him with distrust. "We don't remember our pasts at all besides a name. We don't understand what is happening. We're attacked by the dusks."

"Is that what those were?" Roxas demanded.

"Yes," Axel's grin grew. "Those were dusks, the lowest form of Nobody you can find."

"Nobody?"

"Nobody," Axel nodded.

"What is a Nobody?"

Axel gazed at Roxas appraisingly before saying, "Nobodies are the half of a whole person. A Nobody is the part without a heart; our power is halved when we're separated from our heart."

"You're a Nobody, aren't you," Roxas stated.

Axel grinned and said, "Smart one. Yes, I am a Nobody; however unlike those dusks I am more powerful and thus am able to have a human appearance similar to my heart."

"By the way you were speaking earlier about how much we are alike," Roxas' eyes narrowed, "you meant that I was a Nobody."

Axel's grin was predatory as he said, "Very smart."

"What do you want," Roxas demanded again.

"There's a group of us," Axel told the blonde calmly, "who are stronger and able to have a human appearance; twelve in total. Together we are searching for our hearts so that we may be whole. A Nobody is considered as less than human; we're scorned and hated because we lack a heart. We're not accepted anywhere."

"You're recruiting me."

"Of course."

The silence hung in the air for a minute until Roxas spoke again.

"I'm in."

…

"What…why do you keep doing this?" Roxas asked after a minute, raising his gaze to look at Axel.

Axel snorted slightly and told the red head from his place against the wall, "We're best friends; is it wrong for someone to want their best friend back?"

'No…no Axel it's not, but…'

"We're…best friends…"

Axel frowned slightly at Roxas' words, and Roxas knew they didn't sound as confused as he wished.

'You're screwing everything up, Axel! Your presence…it's messing up everything! I can't…I can't….'

Roxas didn't dare look at Axel as he turned and ran away.

'I can't lie to you!'

…

Roxas was leaving the Organization. He couldn't stay anymore; finding his heart wasn't a top priority. It hadn't been for some time.

"Your mind's made up?" Axel's voice called and Roxas stopped, stiffening.

'Yeah…I'm leaving.'

…

"Hello, Kairi," Axel said with a saucy grin. Roxas' eyes narrowed in anger slightly as Axel held out his hand, "Ready to go?"

'It was all a joke to you, huh? Everything was a joke; the teases, the actions? You…'

…

'You can't know why…I won't let you know why.'

"Why did the keyblade choose me?" Roxas told the red head, "I have to know."

"You can't turn on the Organization!" Axel roared, leaping away from the wall.

'I can't turn on the Organization? No, Axel…I can turn on them; I can't turn from you.'

…

'How did it go wrong?' Roxas thought sadly. 'Where did it go wrong? Was it from when I joined? Was it when I fell? Was it when I was jealous and bitter? Was it when I left? Or was it when I pretended to not know him? Where did it go so wrong?'

It was then that he noticed a second presence and with a start he looked up.

"Roxas," Axel greeted, not even looking at the blonde.

Roxas remembered.

…

"Roxas, alright, fight, fight, fight," a cloaked figure said while clapping his hands.

'Axel…why is Axel here?'

Roxas just stared at the man blankly; questioningly.

'I can't let him know…he can't know…'

"You really don't remember," the figure said. "It's me," the man bent at the knees slightly and Roxas was sure he'd be grinning. "You know, Axel," Axel finished, pulling back his hood and giving an odd sort of bow with his hand.

'I know…'

…

"Axel," Roxas said sadly. "I…didn't think you could show up here. It's a great surprise to see you."

"Ah," Axel replied, turning his head away slightly; he had brought a peace offering of Sea Salt Ice Cream and his lay melting on his hand. "Well, you know," the red head said nonchalantly and took a bite of the ice cream bar.

Roxas had a feeling the red head was stalling.

…

"You're, fading away," Sora said, shocked and unaware of Roxas' existence inside himself still.

"Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack," the prone from of Axel replied bitterly, "you know what I mean? Not that Nobodies actually have beings, right?" he added in an attempt at humor.

Axel knew it failed as he remembered the night that plagued him; the night Roxas left uncaringly and the time when he finally found the blonde, amnesiac.

…

"You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" Axel yelled.

'You can't leave, Roxas…you can't! They'll kill you and then where would I be?'

"No one would miss me," the blonde replied calmly. It was so indifferent that Axel actually believed him.

'No one would…but…'

The blonde walked away as Axel said, "That's not true!" He was gone and the fiery Nobody deflated. "I would…" he whispered bitterly.

…

"Axel?" Roxas asked. It wasn't a tone of recognition and Axel sighed.

'Not even an acknowledgement from my name…just emptiness…'

"Talk about blank with a capital B," Axel sighed and summoned his chakrams. "Man oh man, even the dusks aren't gonna crack this one."

"Wait a second!" Roxas yelled and for a brief moment Axel felt hope rekindle.

'Does he…'

"Tell me what's going on!"

'He doesn't…'

Axel just shrugged and said lazily, "This town is his creation right? Which means we don't have time for a Q and A."

…

Roxas felt it; the pull of the merging finishing. It was accentuated by his body glowing; the white light would take him away.

"Goodbye Axel," Roxas said sadly as he remembered.

…

"I have these icky orders to destroy you, if you refuse to come back with me."

…

"Goodbye…partner," Axel replied and smiled softly at Roxas.

The memories tugged at him.

…

He stood before Sora; it was a waste to be half a person. Besides, he'd be on the run forever unless he was whole. Even he knew that with his power cut in half he wasn't much of a match for the older, more experienced members of the Organization.

…

"What's going ON!?" Roxas yelled and tossed the keyblade onto the ground angrily.

'I'm sorry Axel…you can't know.'

…

Roxas stared at the glowing form of Axel, regret filling him, and one tear fell.

Axel's smile may have told him everything he wished for, that the red head had forgiven him, but Roxas couldn't forgive himself.

…

Axel watched sadly as the keyblade reappeared in the blonde's hand.

'No choice…'

The red head fell into a stance as he said in an almost reminiscent tone, "Number XIII, Roxas, the Keyblade's Chosen One!"

…

'Right,' Axel thought bitterly, 'I attacked him. I wanted him to come back so much…I hurt him.'

"Axel," Sora's voice pulled Axel from his thoughts. The teen asked his question, "What were you trying to do?"

Axel barely hesitated before he said, "I wanted to see Roxas."

Sora jerked a bit, surprised.

'Maybe…'

"He…was the only one I liked," Axel continued on with a sad smile.

'Maybe he…'

"He made me feel…like I had a heart," the red head gave a small chuckle as he added, "It's kinda…funny."

'Can you hear me…'

"You make me feel…the same," Axel continued, voice straining.

'…Roxas?'

Axel raised his hand and pulled the last of his strength together.

'I…love you…whole or not.'

"Kairi's in the castle dungeon," Axel bit out. "Now go!"

'I…love you…enough to let you…go….'

With the portal summoned by his last amount of strength Axel slipped away as Sora said sadly, "Axel…"

It was almost as if Roxas was speaking to him; as if Roxas had heard him and Roxas knew.

'Goodbye…and I'm sorry. Guess we won't…'

And maybe Roxas did; maybe Sora had finally merged with his blonde. Maybe Sora knew.

…

"I…forgive you," Axel told the now whole Roxas as he gazed at Twilight Town. "Though, I guess there's nothing left to forgive; your actions were justified in a way."

Roxas' face and body looked at him, but it was Sora there and not Roxas…or rather Roxas was now Sora.

"I guess…" the whole Roxas said as the memories came, "we both have our regrets." He smiled a little.

…

Axel looked so happy; he looked so happy to believe that Roxas had remembered.

Roxas knew he couldn't let the red head know he remembered; if he did then he'd be dragged back. He didn't want to go back; he couldn't. Not when Axel…

"What's our boss' name?" Axel asked with a grin.

Roxas jerked, muscles stiffening.

No, he couldn't go back.

Axel's face dropped as he seemed to come to the conclusion that the blonde was faking remembering.

"I knew it was too good to be true," the red head sighed.

No, he definitely couldn't go back, no matter how much he wished to.

Roxas summoned his keyblade and fell into a stance for battle.

He couldn't go back to seeing Axel every day and knowing the red head would never love him.

…

It was the place they first met; the place Axel recruited him.

How fitting for their last battle.

"So you really do remember me this time," Axel said angrily.

Roxas felt as if he were drowning. He hurt Axel…he hurt him when he loved him; how could he hurt Axel?

The pain, regret, and longing was suffocating him; some part of Roxas hoped it would kill him so that he wouldn't have to battle Axel, so that he wouldn't have to hurt Axel.

Some part of Roxas wanted to drown in the sea of sorrow and never come back from it.

…

"Axel…" Roxas said sadly. The other Nobody was beaten and weak. He wouldn't survive another attack, as they both knew.

"Let's meet again, in the next life," Axel said jokingly.

To Roxas it wasn't a joke as he clearly said, "Yeah. I'll be waiting."

Axel laughed bitterly this time as he said, "Silly, just because you have a next life," while disappearing.

Roxas moved on, hoping against hope Axel would get a next life as well and that he wouldn't be afraid to see him again.

That the fiery Nobody could forgive him when everything came into light.

…

Sora let a tear fall; Roxas had wished for Axel to find his Somebody. Roxas had wished for Axel to forgive…which Sora knew Axel had never blamed the blonde in the first place.

Sora also knew that the hope Roxas had; the dream that Axel would be whole like himself would never come to pass.

Sora let a tear fall to the fact that Roxas would never get to see Axel again.

…

Bittersweet, no? This storyline actually is for a viddie of mine called Contemplating AkuRoku (yup, same title) and is posted on YouTube under twinkats. I've also posted a link up under one of the sections in my bio. Please feel free to watch it; it's one of my favorite WMM created videos and sadly it appears to not be getting much love. Only 130 views, no ratings, and no comments…sigh.

It actually grew a concrete storyline too…which is what spawned this monster. I had intended to post this the minute I had finished it but I halted. I don't know why I halted anymore.

Ah well, better late than never, eh?

TK
Twin Kats

(Not a believer of OTP)