"Sexual acts start in the mind," I had once said.
That was before I met Elijah Goldsworthy. I'm not very proud to say that I have had sexy dreams about him ever since I met him. We have been going out for a year and it is so extremely hard for me to keep my abstinence pledge when he is around.
I love Eli with all my heart.
I want him to know that I am willing to give my promise up for him... And I really, really want to.
It is three in the morning on a Saturday night and I can't sleep. I decide to call Eli, realizing that maybe tonight could be the night.
"Hey, hot stuff," He says on the other end of the phone in a sleepy voice.
"Uh, hi," I say, hesitantly. "I'm sorry for calling you so late."
"In this case, would it be early?" I hear him say and I roll my eyes. "Why are you calling?" He asks.
"I can't sleep. Can you come over?" I ask him and he breathes out loudly. I feel bad that I woke him.
"Of course, Clare. I'll text you when I get to your house. Meet me in Morty," He says. I hang up my phone and I pace my room in anticipation. I can feel my stomach tightening, butterflies inside it. What if he says no again? I wait anxiously for my phone to vibrate, a sign that Eli was finally in front of my house. I look in the mirror at my pale face, scared. I am wearing Eli's shirt that he had given me. It is way too big for me, so I know that I don't need a bra. I have pajama shorts on that are practically invisible underneath this shirt; it almost went down to my knees. My hair is a mess from tossing and turning in bed. I run into the bathroom and quickly brush my teeth, realizing I probably have morning breath.
The vibration in my hand makes me jump. Eli is finally here. My heart beats a mile a minute as I slowly tiptoe down the stairs. If my parents catch me, I'm dead. I sit on the last step to calm myself down. If we actually did have sex, I was on the pill for a while, so I wouldn't get pregnant. What was I afraid of?
Rejection pops into my mind and I remember the night I threw myself at him. He just rejected me...
I get up and walk to the door, slowly unlocking and opening it. I step outside and the warm summer air hits me. I see Eli sitting inside Morty. He is fully dressed, wearing his skinny jeans. I just look stupid, still in my pajamas. I open up the door to his hearse and he leans in to kiss me as soon as I am sitting inside.
"Can we please go?" I ask and he gives me a concerned look. I feel my heart speeding up.
"What's wrong, Clare?" He asks and I shrug. He kisses me on the cheek and starts driving. "Where to, my lady?" He asks and I half laugh.
"Your house?" I ask and Eli glances over at me, concerned.
"Uh, sure," He says. "Why do you wanna go there?"
"I just can't sleep at my own house. I'll tell my parents that Alli picked me up in the morning for an all day study session," I say and Eli gives me another worried look. I was rambling on. I was obviously nervous and he has no idea why.
"Clare, what's going on?" He asks.
After a long deliberation in my head of whether I should tell him or not, I say, "I want to have sex with you, Eli."
"Clare," He says. "You have beliefs and everything. You can't throw it all away."
"This is exactly what I was scared of. Eli, I want you. All of you. I love you," I say and his eyes meet mine. They are flashing with concern. "I'm sure," I say.
Eli pulls up to his house and stares at me. "We have to be quiet. I don't want my parents to wake up," He says. We walk into the house, quietly. We tiptoe to his room. It still surprises me how clean it is. I sit down on his bed as he goes into the bathroom attached to his room. My heart is beating so fast. Are we actually going to have sex?
Eli comes back in his room, wearing only plaid boxers. I feel a blush creeping up my face and he smirks at me.
"Sorry," He says, pulling his pajama pants on. His abs. His arms. His hands. Ohhh, his everything. I love absolutely everything about him.
"No," I blurt out, before I can stop myself.
"What?" He says, stopping with his pants halfway up.
"Come on," I say, gesturing towards the bed. "Just... Just come on." I repeat.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
I smile at him and nod. He pulls the pants off and takes the spot on the bed next to me. I lean in and kiss him. I moan, letting his tongue enter my mouth. His mouth moves away from mine and finds my neck. He sucks my neck, knowing I love the sensation. He nibbles my earlobe, softly. "I love you," He whispers in my ear and the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
His hand traces up and down my stomach underneath the shirt. "Higher," I manage to gasp out. His hands, hesitantly, cup my breasts and I let another moan escape my lips. He pulls away from the kiss and we gasp for air. He pulls the shirt over my head, and then starts kissing my neck and then continues to go lower.
He slides his tongue on my breasts. My nipples immediately harden and I moan again. "You like that?" Eli asks and I moan in response. I can feel the wetness grow in my panties and I arch my back with pleasure.
He traces his hand down my stomach and stops at my shorts. "Go," I demand him and he raises one eyebrow at me. He slides my shorts off and throws them across the room.
"Hmm, lacy underwear, Edwards?" He asks and I start to turn red. I feel Eli's fingers gently rubbing me through my panties.
"Stop teasing me, Eli," I say, blushing to myself.
He pulls my wet underwear off and I feel his finger inside me. I shift, uncomfortably. "Sorry," He says.
"Go," I repeat. He starts to move his finger and the unpleasantness subsides; it turns into pleasure. I moan uncontrollably at the sudden, intense feeling going through my body. "Eli," I moan, over and over again, feeling my orgasm coming. "Faster," I gasp out. He inserts another finger and starts to go faster. His other hand was slowly rubbing my nipples. "Oh my God," I say. My orgasm is so close and Eli starts to push his fingers in harder and deeper.
"Eli," I scream his name as I cum. He smiles at me, proud of himself. I notice him moving around awkwardly. "What's wrong?" I pant.
"Nothing," He says, fidgeting with the sheets. I pull the sheets off of him and see what was going on. The bulge in his boxers had grown. I kiss Eli and nibble his earlobe. My tongue slips into his mouth and our tongues fight for dominance. I take his hands and put them back on my breasts and I softly suck on his Adam's apple. "This, uh, isn't helping, Clare," He says. I nibble his neck, definitely leaving hickeys. I kiss him again, biting his bottom lip hard. "Uh, Clare," He says.
"Just sit back," I say, pulling off Eli's boxers. The size of his penis pleasantly surprises me and I grab a hold of it.
"Clare," He says and I start to stroke it, moving my hand up and down the length of it. "You don't have to," He says, moaning slightly. I kiss him gently.
I move my head down and put Eli's penis in my mouth. He lets out a moan of his own and I start to slide my tongue up and down it.
"God, Clare," He says. I let my teeth graze the length of it and he moans louder. I lick it all over. I suck harder and harder and I feel Eli's body shaking. "Clare," He moans. "I'm-I'm-I'm gonna-" He says and, the next thing I know, my mouth is full of his cum. Eli looks at me apologetically and I swallow it all. "Fuck! Who knew Saint Clare would act this way?" He says, panting.
Eli collapses on his bed and I get on top of him. "We aren't done," I say, straddling his naked body with my naked body. He smiles at me.
"Let me get a drink first," Eli said, leaving the room, still naked. I smile to myself. In the dim light coming from the lamp on his desk, I see myself in the mirror. I was afraid that I wouldn't want to look at myself. Right now, I have no regrets. I smile at my reflection and I realize that I am genuinely happy. I hear Eli's footsteps coming back into his room and I laugh at him. "What?" He says, walking back in.
"Do you always walk around naked?" I ask and he smirks at me.
"Shut up," He says, putting his cup blindly down on his nightstand and getting on top of me. He pins my arms down above my head and kisses me. I let his tongue slip inside my mouth again. After a long time of making out, Eli pulls away. He is gasping for air and he stares down at my naked body. He smiles to himself. "This is going to hurt," He says. I feel his penis rubbing my clit and I moan at the sudden pleasure.
"Mmmm, Eli. Put it in me," I say. He obeys and I regret it immediately. The pain of his penis inside me overtook my body. I try to force the tears in my eyes back, but a few fall.
"Sorry," Eli says, kissing the moisture on my face away. He starts to move his erection in and out of me slowly, trying not to hurt me. My groans of pain turn into moans of pleasure. "God, you're so tight," He says.
"Faster," I say. He obeys and I grip the bed sheets in ecstasy. I moan loudly, encouraging Eli. He speeds up his thrusts and goes in deeper. "Oh my God, Eli," I say, arching my back. He still has my arms pinned back and he lowers his head to suck on my breasts. The sensation takes over my body and I feel like I'm about to cum again. I thrust my hips up to meet his and I shake underneath him. "R-Right there," I manage to gasp out. He smirks, knowing he found my spot and hit it, over and over again. I can tell that Eli won't last much longer and I can feel my orgasm so close. He keeps his pace steady and fast and I know we are going to cum soon. His thrusts speed up and he goes deeper inside me. "Oh my God," I scream, knowing that I'm about to cum. He smiles and pounds his penis in harder. "Oh God, Eli," I scream as I orgasm.
"Oh Clare," He screams in response, spilling his cum inside me. He falls on the spot of the bed next to me. We are both panting, gasping for air. Our bodies are one sweaty mess, tangled in each other.
"I love you, Eli," I said, kissing him.
"I love you, too, Clare," He said, wrapping my cinnamon curls around his fingers.
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