Hands clamped tightly around her arm; she swore she'd be bruised. His familiar voice unwillingly echoed in her ears; she thought she'd rid herself of him. Her fingers scanned downed nervous skin, searching for the assurance that none of this was real. She paused, meeting his calloused hands. "Reyad, please don't," she whispers; she thought she'd lost the will to speak. His malicious laugh echoes throughout the small maroon room; she shouldn't be here anymore. He shouldn't be here anymore.
She grasps cold wood, praying for a nightmare. This can't be happening again. It seems all too real.
It's a gentle brush of lips on her forehead that grounds her; she's alive at least for now. Her own quivering voice scares her, hot tears roll down her cheeks and she's scared. The unbreakable Yelena, lying cold and terrified, and decidedly broken. "Yelena," he coos almost silently, wiping the stray tears from her dark eyes. Her eyes flutter open and his ice blue stare screams concern.
She was not one who needed help. She should not want him here right now; but she wasn't herself when he was around. She sits up sharply, her long arms wrap instinctively around his small frame. She doesn't care anymore.
She's a wreck; she stills feels him, his form lingers in the new room, she has him on her skin and she can't stand it. His name is still bitter on her tongue and he makes her hate herself. She over thinks her decision, the knife to his skin. She thinks of the others; she'd take this hell for them.
"Yelena," he sighs running his long fingers through long strands of mouse brown hair. She promised herself she wouldn't let her guard down; she would be anything but vulnerable. "Why are you here?" Yelena asks, her words almost hidden by the fabric of his uniform. "It's late. Shouldn't you be in bed?"
He stalls, wipes the reminders of the day's work from the dark fabric before placing a gentle, friendly kiss to the top of her head. "I was checking in on you. I heard you crying," he speaks as she pulls away from his embrace.
"Rand," Yelena breathes, running a shaky hand through her disheveled hair. "I'm sorry," her voice shakes before she erupts into a fit of sobs once more. This isn't her and this most definitely isn't supposed to be him.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he lies; he doesn't know her, but god does he want to. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay," shifting eyes lie on a single sheet of word laden paper to the right of him. He wants to leave, make this right, forget about morals and principals. He stands, making his way off her bed but his hand gets caught by hers.
"Stay." She commands, trying to regain some semblance of control. He hears the pain; this isn't the Yelena he knows. Reluctantly, he obliges, wraps his arm around her shoulders before reclaiming his seat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this to you. This, this isn't me." She stammers, fearful she react with the same uncharacteristic sobs.
"Don't worry. I'm always here for you." He lies as his hands outlines the shape of her face. Her hand reaches up and envelops his. She nods.
"You are," She speaks in realization. "You've been my only real friend. You're the only person that I can trust." He feels himself break with each word. He doesn't know if he can look at her anymore.
Rand is silent; he listens to their slow breathing and hears a faint rustling in the adjacent room. Valek slips into his mind; he wants to leave as soon as he can. Her eyes bear into him and he loses all thought. To hell with rationality, he thinks before capturing her lips with his.
She sighs, hands run through his short hair; she's sure this is pure bliss. She smiles in the kiss and he's sure he's the worst person that's ever walked the Earth.
He didn't think he could hate himself anymore than he did now.
Rand reluctantly parts from her, his hand lingering in hers. He stands; eyes locked on her form, he knows this isn't right. "I have to go. I'm sorry." She nods, releasing him from her grasp.
He leans over and places a quick kiss on her forehead. She's smiling and all he can think of is the damn paper. He doesn't want to hurt her anymore. Rand backs up, his hands fall onto the paper, veritable money in his hands. He silently hobbles over to where he came in, still acutely aware of Valek's proximity.
"You'll be at the fire festival tomorrow right?" She asks as his hand meets the door. He runs his free hand through his hair and nods.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world, my dear." She laughs and falls back on her bed. Rand doesn't think he can do this anymore.
It's a silent promise that he makes; this is the last time he does anything for Star. He knows necessity will win in the end and these will only be empty words.
He knows in the end, he's paying off debts by making more. He's far below treachery and forbidden love lies looming just outside of his grasp; there's no way he's coming out of this unscathed.
Rand silently closes the wooden door with the ever heaving paper in his hands. He hates who he's become. He'd give up the world to be with this girl and each step he takes away from her, he drives the knife further in her back.
AN - Here you are Sarah. I apologize for its lateness.