This is my first fan fiction ever. I've always wanted to write some but never did. Most of the time, stories are forming in my head but I never wrote them down. Until now. I decided to give it a shot. I'd like to add that I'm not english, it's not my first language. I'm french. So I'm a little worried about the mistakes, the grammar and syntax so please, help me becoming better by pointing out mistakes. Like I said, first fanfic so please but indulgent, but I'd really like to know your comments, remarks, critics. And your advices too. I own nothing and this is just for fun (At least I hope :D) Enough babbling, here's chapter 1, kinda relieved that I was able to finish it because, it's a first ! Anyhoo, Enjoy ! ;)

Ok, so Kurt felt like shit.

He was sad, hurt, angry, and on the top of that, sad again.

The last couples of days had been awful. He couldn't stop thinking about what happen. He kept replaying it in his head over and over again. He was over thinking it, as always, and that was really… not good, like… at all. The more he thought about it, the more depressed he felt.

His life sucked.

He couldn't wrap his head about how many things sucked in his life. Sometimes he surprised himself wondering what did he do to deserved all this crap. Like really, was it some sort of punishment or something, because he didn't know why all of this was happening to him. Religion, karma and all this stuff was not really his favorite topic and he knew really little about it, but it was a question that kept popping in his head lately.

Kurt was home and he was happy about it. He didn't had class this day because of some sort of meeting of the professors or whatever. Ok, so he didn't really know why there were no classes today and honestly he didn't care, he was too relieved to care. He was home, lazing around, watching some stupid TV shows. He hoped it would stop him from thinking, but of course it didn't work. His brain was having none of it and the wheels in his head kept turning and turning.

He was glad to be alone though. No Carole, no Finn, and especially, no dad.

He was relieved. The talk he had with him was one of the reason why he felt bad. And he couldn't say exactly why. He loved spending time with his dad. It was fun and pleasant. They had agreed by mutual consent to teach Burt how to cook. Kurt didn't plan on making him a cordon bleu, far from it, but he wanted to teach him how to make pancakes, scramble eggs, soufflé , etc. And they were having lots of fun during "bonding time" as Kurt called it. Burt was not the best pupil ever, but he was trying very hard, and that what made Kurt happy, the intention.

Last night they had try their very first soufflé…not really a success. It didn't rise…at all. He couldn't blame his father, because he wasn't really helping. He was thinking about all the horrible things that happened. And then they had the talk.

"I'm worried about you being inappropriate in my house" Burt had said rather calmly.

Didn't his dad see he was nothing but being responsible here? The whole don't drive when you're drunk stuff, not happening anywhere soon for him.

But inappropriate ?

Was it because they were… two guys ? Because, suddenly, Kurt being gay wasn't just an information, just a fact anymore, but because it was becoming something tangible ?

"So it's not being gay that upsets you, it's just me acting on it." Kurt had asked his father that night.

And then, his father had made this comment about Brokeback Mountain, and it was Kurt's turn to be uncomfortable.

"I don't know what two guys do when they're together. You know, I sat through that whole Brokeback Mountain. From what I gather, something went down in the tent."

He couldn't believe it. The conversation was far from pleasant now. He didn't know what else he could have done. It was past 3 a.m when they made it home and he didn't wanted to disturb his dad, because he had to work early in the morning. But the stuff about the tent, wow, his father was oblivious. He couldn't blame him for that. But still, it hurts and he didn't really know why. Anyway, he didn't wanted to fight with his father so he surrendered making excuses that sounded kinda weird, but he could understand some part of Burt point of view. The part about impromptus sleepovers at least. Nevertheless he couldn't resist adding his assertion.

"Maybe you could step outside your comfort zone and educate yourself, so if I have any questions, I could go to my dad, like any straight son could." He stated softly, hoping his father was open minded enough to try understand what being gay meant, in concrete terms.

He wasn't really mad at his father, just a bit sad, sad about so many things…

Suddenly, a commercial about a mattress shop popped on the television. And he find himself smiling. He thought about that one time when they had sung for a similar commercial. They had so much fun jumping and rolling around, him and his glee fellas…Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Brittany, Finn and…Rachel… Gaaah… Just to think about her name made the hair of his arms bristle. He couldn't believe what she had done. What kind of friend was she exactly ? He knew the answer : the needy kind. Just like she was a needy drunk, she was a needy friend, a needy person. Everything had to revolve around her. Everybody had to listen to her, to admire her, to love her… Well at this moment, Kurt hated her. He was disgusted of what she did, of what she said.

And just like before, his mind wandered back to that damn basement where they had discuss.

"Blaine is obviously conflicted, and if he turns out not to be gay, well, then I guess I will have done you a favor". Said Rachel like if she was some sort of bon samaritain.

A favor ? Really ? Wasn't she just trying to bring attention to herself, as usual ? Damn the girl was shameless. Ok, she needed to be taught a lesson.

"There's something you and Blaine'll never have...and that's chemistry." Kurt told her on a smart ass tone that he couldn't hide, too happy about breaking her sweet utopia.

But she was having none of it, sticking to her guns.

"I'm gonna kiss him sober. And if the spark is still there, then I'm taking you to your bakery of choice for a piping hot slice of humble pie" She added, sort of offended at what Kurt just said, but with a tone of challenge piercing in her voice.

She was unbelievable ! Why couldn't she just, butt out ? What did he have to do to make her understand ? A PowertPoint presentation ? With diagrams and all ? Or a mime maybe ? What she was doing was wrong, on so many level. Wasn't she supposed to be in love with Finn ? After chasing him around, she had to chase after gay guys ? Not pathetic…at all. But that wasn't all, of course. This talk was just a little warm up. The fight happened at the coffee shop were Kurt had decided to take her nevertheless. He figured out it was easier for everybody. Public place, so no drama, in theory.

Anyway, he wanted to be there, to see it with his own eyes. He knew if it didn't turn out right, he was gonna end up, crushed, devastated, broken. But there was no way in hell he was gonna sit home and wait for Rachel to fill him in, no. fucking. way.

They were sitting around the table when she had said it. What he himself thought, what he feared.

"Who cares about you, buddy?" Rachel said applying some ridiculous chap stick on her gigantic mouth.

What. The. Fuck ?

Did she realized what she just said ? Right. in. his. face ! And then she made the biggest mistake continuing with her disgusting little speech.

"I might get a new boyfriend out of this, who can keep up with me vocally, and in the future,give me vaguely Eurasian-looking children."

Rachel Fucking Berry.

Okay they were through. He had enough. The girl was so self absorbed it was madness. She needed to learn a lesson the hard way. He prayed Gaga that she was gonna have what she deserved. He wasn't a mean person, at all, but she deserved to be put back in her place. What she said was awful, and she didn't even realized it. He was seeing red, but was delighted with what happened next. "How hard is it to fall down from your pedestal Rachel ? Good. Now suck it. You brought that on your own." He thought, but was shocked at his meanness. No, he was just realistic right ?Observing the facts, the ending of this charade.

And whoa, what an ending !

"I'm gay. 100% gay. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me, Rachel." Had said Blaine with a big grin on his face looking ridiculously happy.

Blaine.

Blaine.

It hurt just to think about him. How gorgeous he was, how charming, how…inaccessible.

Over the past few months they had grown closer. Blaine was the person he looked up to, the person he asked advices to. The one person that really get him. They were so alike. They could talk about anything. And even though sometimes they disagreed upon certain topics, they discussed it, each other giving they respective point of view. Maybe Blaine was only one year older than him but for Kurt he became his mentor. Always so wise, so composed, like if everything was so easy for him. Kurt hoped he could look so at ease like Blaine in the near future. Blaine was the only other gay guy he knew, he was out, and proud, and he didn't care about what other people thought about him. It gave Kurt courage. And hope. Blaine had become so important in Kurt's life that he didn't know how he would hold it if he wasn't there. Even though Kurt loved Mercedes more than anything, with Blaine it was different. He was his best friend and yet even more than that. Kurt knew he didn't just have a crush on the boy, no it was so much more, more than what he felt for Finn, it was not even close. He was attracted to him, drawn to him. There was not a single day when he wasn't thinking about the dark haired, wondering what he was doing, if he was thinking about him…Gaah Kurt was so fleur bleue, but he couldn't help it…until he remembered… He never fought with Blaine before, and now, he knew it was one of the most painful things. His heart ached when he remembered the words Blaine had said to him.

"When we kissed, it... it felt good." The Warbler had said opening his coffee paper cup and pouring some sugar in it.

At this moment Kurt was thinking he might had some sort of earring malfunction because they were now way the Blaine he knew could have said that. The "I'm gay, I'm out, I'm proud and screw you if you don't like it" was what suddenly… turning straight ? And then the entire sky fell on his head when Blaine added on the tone of the conversation.

"Maybe I'm bi. I don't know."

Ok this was sooo not happening ! What in the fucking hell was going on ? Did Blaine just really said that ? Kurt begged for it to be a nightmare because it crushed him so bad that he couldn't bear it. A drunken kiss really was all it take for Blaine to question his sexuality ? He looked so sure of himself all. the. time, why was it different know ? Why was he telling him this right in his face ? Oh yeah the best friend thing. Well, at this instant it sucked. Kurt knew it wasn't about him but he couldn't help the feelings coursing through him. He was angry and he felt betrayed. He couldn't explain why but this what he was feeling. But then Blaine had questioned him about Karofsky, about why he had attacked Kurt and it was when he had felt his heart dropped.

"Because he didn't like who I was." He stated honestly with a light shrug thinking about the horrible things Karofsky had done to him. The response came sharp, like a knife in his heart.

"Sort of exactly what you're saying to me right now . Isn't it?"

And then the final blow arrived and he was crushed on the ground with no chance to get back on his feet…ever

"I am...I'm searching, okay? I am honestly just trying to figure out who I am, and for you, of all people, to get down on me for that, I didn't think that's who you were."

Kurt's all world turned upside down and he didn't now where he was anymore. He suddenly had troubles breathing and his eyes was tearing up a bit. Blaine had hurt him before without even knowing it but he had never hurt him on purpose. This one time it was clearly the point. All the hurt and the sadness that he felt turned into anger. How dare he ? How dare he compare Kurt to Karofsky ? They were nothing but total opposite. Kurt would have never hurt someone because they were different, had different religion, color or sexual orientation. It was one of the reason he didn't outed Karofsky. Because it was not his to tell. Because he knew he was scared and that it was Karofsky choice to tell or not. Anyway, Blaine knew how much he suffered after what happen, how scared he was every morning to go to school, hopping he could be somewhere else, or that his bully was nowhere to be seen. So how could he insinuate things like these ? The rage was boiling trough his veins and he had trouble calming down. And the stuff about Kurt not supporting him ? What…bullshits ! Couldn't he see he was just looking up for him ? Giving him his point of view like they always used to ? He just didn't want the guy to deny himself anymore.

Two days had passed since the Coffee-Gate, and he was still so hurt, so angry. Being away from The Dalton Academy felt good. He hadn't seen Blaine since they argument and it was totally fine with him. He couldn't help but thought Blaine would rather date any guy and any girl before even starting to consider the idea of dating Kurt. It was like he was transparent to him. The nice guy whom he liked to hang with, nothing else. And it depressed him even more. He would never forget the things he said to him. Maybe his inner diva was coming back, but Kurt decided at this instant that he was done with being treated like shit. This. had. to. end. now. He suffered enough in his life to be jerked around like this. Enough is enough. And if Blaine thought he was this way, well he didn't know him at all. If he thought so little about him, well he didn't see the point of being friends with him anymore. He knew maybe he was overreacting, but right now he couldn't help it. He was gonna take his life back and in the right path.

Tomorrow he had to go back to Dalton. It was going to be one hell of a day.

So what did you think ?

I'm not really happy with the ending but I wanted to write about the delicious Blaine, who fortunately, will be there in the next chapter. Yay !

So is it worth continuing or not ? I'd really like to know. Please review !

Thanks for those who'll read my story. XO